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"I Love You" Means You're Never Ever Ever Gettin' Rid of Me!

Summary:

Ocean and Constance, everyone's favorite power lesbians, have unfortunately set up Noel on a date with his crush Mischa, who finds it a good idea to pop in during one of Noel's shifts at Taco Bell. How entirely non-awkward for them! (Not!)

(Note: Yes, this does include a musical number, meaning, yes, Mischa sings in this fic. You are forewarned!)

(idea by eighties-toons on tumblr)

Notes:

There's no creep factor here, Noel's just too flustered XD
Also I'm not Canadian by any means so certain things may be incorrect lol
Enjoy!

Work Text:

Noel shakily put the handful of cheese onto the taco, spilling a little over onto the floor.

The nice woman who had ordered it smiled in sympathy. "Are you alright, young man?"

"Yes, ma'am, I'm so sorry," Noel stammered, cleaning up the messy taco. "Will that be all?"

"Yes, please."

Noel finished the woman's order and gave it to his coworker to ring up, then went into the back.

He groaned, stretching his arms. Why did those two have to set me up? I'm totally stressed out, he thought, staring at his shaking hands. 

Ocean, the she-demon herself, just had to set Mischa and Noel up on a date. Ocean could obviously tell how Noel felt about Mischa, and acted accordingly. Ever since, Noel had been all the same flustered and panicking out of his mind.

What would he say? What would he do? Noel knew nothing about dates. Just his luck.

Noel's coworker Daisy followed him into the back, poking her head in. She had pink hair in a ponytail and a nose ring. She was nice, and Noel and her talked sometimes when they were free. 

"Hey," she said, "there's two chicks here asking for you."

Noel frowned. Oh, no. "What do they look like?"

"Well, there's a dark academia style dressed ginger and a short girl with a glittery unicorn barrette and an iridescent dress."

Yep, it was them. The power lesbians.

Noel groaned and came out to meet them. Constance held a brown paper bag, smiling sweetly, whilst Ocean stood with her hands on her hips, wearing that smug smile of hers. Noel was not amused. 

"What do you guys want now?" Noel asked.

"Constance wanted to bring you something," Ocean said, still smirking.

Constance opened the bag, revealing a ton of flowers.

"It's a mixed bouquet," Constance explained. "For your date."

"It was all her idea," Ocean explained.

"Oh." Noel took the bag from Constance's outstretched arms. "Wow, thanks."

"No problem," Constance said. "Mischa's gonna be here any minute. We came to cheer you on."

"Oh, was that your idea, too?" asked Noel.

"Actually, it was Ocean's."

Noel's eyebrows raised in surprise. Ocean nodded.

"We figured it's the best we can do, since we kind of sprang this on you and stressed you out so much," Ocean explained.

"Wow, this is actually really nice of the both of you." Noel blushed and smiled.

"Anytime." Constance linked arms with Ocean. "C'mon, babe, let's find a table!"

The two sat down and started to chat as Noel took his flowers into the back and started to wash the dishes, awaiting the arrival of his date. He felt a smidge calmer now that he had support from the ones who put him in this mess.

Noel peeked outside to see that Daisy was hanging out with them a bit too, which was nice.

It all went to pieces when Mischa actually arrived, though.

Noel was drying the dishes when Daisy came into the back again.

"There's a guy here asking for you," she said.

Noel's blood ran cold. "What does he look like?"

"He's in a dressy white shirt and he has an accent and a dreamy look in his eyes."

Oh, no.

It was Mischa.

"He really wants to see you, I can tell," Daisy continued.

Noel fiddled with his fingers. "Um--"

Noel's boss, Walter Jones, came in, looking grouchy and old like always. "What's going on in here? Noel, did you do the dishes?"

"Yeah, sir." Noel got even more nervous.

"Mr. Jones, Noel has something to attend to in front. Do you think you could give him a handful of minutes?" Daisy asked.

Mr. Jones frowned and studied the two for a second. "Oh, fine. But you're finishing up back here, Daisy."

"Got it." Daisy gave Noel a wink and a grin.

Noel awkwardly smiled back, but inside his stomach was doing flips. 

"Go meet your man!" Daisy nudged Noel outside of the back. "I'll be fine back here!"

"Okay," Noel tried to say, but it was mostly just a mouse-like squeak.

Noel took a deep breath, wiped his sweaty palms off on his shirt, and stepped out to meet his date.

And then everything went to hell.

Noel stepped outside quickly before he could stop himself, and caught his first glimpse of Mischa that day.

The sexy Ukrainian in question was dressed in a white, dressy shirt, his hair was neat, and he had a sensuous, alluring look on his face.

Great. Every possible thing Noel could be attracted to. He felt his face and body growing warm.

"Noel!" Mischa greeted his date. "It's me, Mischa. A pleasure to see you."

Noel slowly walked closer. "Oh, hi," he said sheepishly, blushing.

Mischa leaned forward, took Noel's hand, and kissed it softly.

Noel screamed internally.

He couldn't help but look past Mischa, at the table Constance and Ocean sat at. They smiled excitedly and gave thumbs ups, but Noel was far too flustered to react.

"Don't forget the flowers!" Constance mouthed.

Oh! Noel sprang into action once Mischa rose up from his hand. "Hold on, I have something for you-- It's in the back!"

Noel rushed away into the back to grab the flowers, and came back without hesitation, shoving the bouquet in Mischa's face.

"They're lovely," said Mischa.

"Y-you think so?" Noel stammered.

"Definitely. Reminds me of you."

Oh, fuck.

That was it for poor Noel. He just couldn't take it anymore. He felt too flustered, too warm, too stressed, too happy.

"You have to go," he said.

"What?" Mischa hadn't heard.

"You have to go! Now!" Noel pointed to the door, looking away from Constance and Ocean's worried faces.

"But I just got here! We haven't even started our date!"

"I'm too awkward, I'm too flustered, I can't take it." Noel shook his head, walking up to the counter and shoving the flowers in Mischa's face again. "Please take the mixed bouquet and leave! Just leave!"

Mischa, frustrated, grabbed the flowers and threw them onto the floor. Constance hurried over to pick them up and put them on a stool instead.

"Noel--" Mischa started, then took a deep breath. "I...will...

"...Never let you let me leave
I promise I'm not lying
Go ahead ask anybody who has seen me trying
I'm not going, if it seems like I did
I'm probably waiting outside."

Noel stepped away as a family of customers walked into the store and sat at a table, shaking his head.

But Mischa followed.

"Such a stubborn man, you'll likely never meet another!
If we'd had a family dinner you could've ask my mother
She's the best, you'll learn more about her on our family history test"

Noel rolled his eyes in anger as he wrote down the family's orders, trying to get away from Mischa.

Mischa grabbed Noel's shoulder and spun him around, continuing to sing.

"I'm gonna do this right!
Show you I'm not moving,
Wherever you go, I won't be far to follow."

Mischa then held Noel's hand, looking into his eyes.

"Oh, I'm gonna love you so
You'll learn what I already know
'I love you' means you're never, ever, ever getting rid of me"

Mischa then booped Noel's nose, but Noel broke away, blushing and screaming internally once more. Mischa frowned.

"You can try, oh, but I
'I love you' means you're never, ever, ever getting rid of me"

Noel rolled his eyes, trying to change the subject and kick Mischa out already. Now he was just annoyed. Edge lined his voice as he asked, "Ready for your check?"

"Not quite." Mischa grinned, then announced to the restaurant, "Tacos for everybody!"

The assorted customers cheered, and Noel's face became immediately dejected. "What?!"

Mischa went on.

"I grew up an only child in the suburb of the city
Spent my days alone my only friend was a stray kitty
Called Sardine
I thought it was hilarious to call a cat a kind of fish
She played hard to get hissing while she scratched me
What she was trying to say was 'Mischa, come and catch me!'
I learned quickly, that perseverance stood between a cat and her new best friend, me"

Cats? Sardines? Noel rubbed his eyes, but the situation in front of him still stood. WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON?!

And Mischa was still not finished!

"Oh, I'm gonna do this right
Show you I'm not moving
Wherever you go, I won't be far to follow
Oh, I'm gonna love you so
You'll learn what I already know
I love you means you're never, ever, ever getting rid of me"

Mischa got closer to Noel as he sang, even taking his chin in his fingers.

Noel actually quite liked it, but... In front of the restaurant? He would embarrass himself!

"When you say..." Noel stammered as Mischa's other hand stroked his shoulder. "...Never..."

It was then that Mischa sweeped out Noel's legs from the floor, lifted! him! up! onto his shoulder! and sang:

"You can try, oh, but I"

Mischa then dropped Noel so he was sitting on the counter, redder than ever.

Mr. Jones then walked in, grouchy, rolling his eyes. "I love you means blah blah blah, yip yap yap yap, now get back to work!"

Mischa ignored him, and continued to sing.

"I can try, but I"

Noel had to admit he was impressed.

Mischa then wrapped his arm around Noel's shoulder, leaned back, and finished with:

"I love you means you're never, ever, ever getting rid of me"

Noel blinked. 

Then his phone rang, and he sighed. It was his mom. It was already 6:30.

"Sorry, Misch... You're a great guy!" Noel gave Mischa finger guns. "But I gotta get home for dinner, seeyouaroundschoolandchoirsometime, bye!"

Noel sprinted out of the taco bell, leaving Mischa alone with a mixed bouquet, a bunch of taco-hungry customers, and two chaotic good lesbians.