Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It had been a long time since Melinda May acted so she was very surprised when she received a call from her friend, a former colleague.

“Maria, I’m not coming back.”

“You don’t have an option.” She reminded her.

Melinda had signed a contract to the “Secret Agents” series a decade ago. She had then worked on three movies in the series, which ended five years ago. She didn’t think there would be another movie because the last one had felt like a proper happy ending, but when the director of the series called her back to set, guess she was wrong.

She was nervous.

It wasn’t due to the fact that she hadn’t acted since the third movie ended but because she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to be back in the spotlight. With cameras monitoring her every move. Paparazzi following her to her home. Getting threats in the mail. Working infinite hours. She didn’t want to go back to the life of an actor.

If she went back, it would cause the world to wonder where she had gone.

What happened to the spectacular Melinda May?

And she couldn’t answer that, could she?

She sighed, “Is there any way you could get me out of this mess?”

“It’s not a mess and no. I can’t get you out of this. You signed a contract knowing there might be a sequel.”

“I thought that the final battle would be the final movie.” She deadpanned.

Maria took a deep breath and dropped the business wall, “Look, Melinda, I wish I could get you out of this. I know you don’t want to do this. But we’re already short on cast and crew. Fury is funding the entire movie but his only condition is that the original cast is present.”

Melinda sighed, “What’re you calling this movie?”

“The Cavalry.”

She paused, her fingers freezing over her keyboard, “Send me the details.”

“Okay. O-K. Thank you. Can you come in to sign some stuff?”

“Yes, send me the details.”

“Welcome back, Agent May.” She could hear the grin in Maria’s voice.

“I sent you the address of the site. We will have your trailer ready. Meet me in my office. At 2 pm - Is tomorrow okay?” Melinda scribbled the date on her notepad.

“Okay. Tomorrow’s okay.” She exhaled, “I’ll see you there.”

Melinda hung up the phone and took a deep breath.

She was going back.

She ran a hand through her dark, wavy hair and leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes. Her stomach rumbled, letting her know that it’s almost eight and she hasn’t eaten dinner or lunch yet. She sighed before shutting her laptop and leaving her office, heading towards the kitchen. She pulled out the leftovers from last night and put them in the microwave before pulling out a bottle of wine and pouring herself a glass. She sipped the red liquid and sighed as the beeping sound signalled that her dinner was warm.

To most people, her current lifestyle would seem lonely and depressing, but to her - it’s peaceful and it’s comforting.

She grabbed the glass dish from the microwave and instantly dropped it, wincing as pieces of glass press into her foot. Blood seeped through tiny cuts and she instinctively stepped back.

“Fuck.” She limped towards the cupboard where she kept extra bandages and stuff. She pulled out a towel, bandages and antiseptic. She rested her foot on the chair and carefully pulled out the tiny pieces of glass out of her foot and kept them on the kitchen counter.

By the time she wrapped her foot, she was starving. She pulled out her phone and ordered herself a salad because she knew there wasn’t anything else in her fridge.

She resisted the urge to call Maria and tell her that she won’t meet her at the movie set tomorrow because she made a promise.

She answered a call from her agent, “Hello, Daisy.”

“Hey, what’s with the email you just sent me.”

“Daisy, I am going back.”

“To acting?”

“Yes.” It’s more than acting to her, though. It’s her entire life. Or at least- it used to be.

“Oh my god! That is great news!”

She bit her lip, “Sure. Listen, I need you to cancel all my lessons for the next year.”

“Okay. O-K. I will do that tomorrow morning.”

“And add ‘Meet Maria Hill’ to my schedule, please. At 2 pm. Tomorrow.”

“Okay - wait - The Maria Hill?? As in Secret Agents?!”

“That’s the one.”

“Oh my god! I finally get to find out what happened with Charles and Heidi !”

Melinda froze.

She had forgotten about him - which seemed amusing since she had thought about him every day.

She would meet Phil Coulson.

“I’m not sure anything happened.”

“Something definitely happened between you two.”

Something did happen. Just not on screen.

Melinda sighed, “That’s it for now, Daisy. I’ll let you know if there’s anything else.”

“Ok. G’night.”

“Night.”

She finished her call just in time for the bell to ring. She waited a few minutes before going out to take her food.

She finished her dinner and settled on the couch with her laptop in her lap, reviewing the documents Maria had emailed her.

The plot of the movie, characters, confirmed cast members, location of trailers, a map of the movie set, a schedule and a link to a form to list anything you want or need.

She smiled to herself, knowing that she hadn’t confirmed that she’d return but Maria had already given her access to any information related to the movie.

She looked around the empty space around her. This house was too big for just herself but she couldn’t sell it.

She could still hear her voice in the halls.

She could move to her apartment that’s on the edge of the city to avoid nosy fans.

She could work long hours to avoid questions.

What happened to Melinda May?

Chapter Text

Her foot ached as she forced herself out of bed and towards the bathroom. She gripped her phone in one hand, scrolling through Daisy’s texts combined with Maria’s throughout the night.

‘Ok, so, all your lessons are cancelled.’ 10:00 PM
‘I sent an email to Maria.’ 10:30 PM
‘I got an email from your agent. Daisy?’ 11:00 PM
‘I’m re-watching the Secret Agents series omg’ 11:15 PM
‘It’s you!!! Omg you look so hot and badass.’ 11:30 PM
‘Damnn, May.’ 11:40 PM
‘THERE’S CHARLES!’ 11:50 PM
‘Starting the second movie now.’ 12:15 AM
‘Huh. You both are IN LOVEE.’ 12:45 AM
‘Going to bed NOW.’ 1:45 AM

She laughed to herself, ‘Don’t stay up that late.’ She sent Daisy a text, going to the chat with Maria because she knew Daisy wouldn’t be up for a few hours.

‘Yeah. She said she’d do that.’

She set her phone aside and slipped out of her clothes, stepping into the shower under the steaming water. She let the water soothe her, the water so hot that it was almost burning her skin. The heat took her mind off of most of the anxious thoughts that kept her up for hours last night.

What is going to happen?

What will happen when she shows up at the set?

When she sees everyone…

Fitz, Jemma, Maria …

Phil…

She took a deep breath and shook her head.

She ran a hand through her hair, rinsing out any traces of shampoo left.

She stepped out of the shower after thirty minutes, immediately hit by the cold morning air. She quickly wrapped her towel around herself before slightly limping to her closet. She pulled off her towel, pulling on a black shirt and leggings after her undergarments. She walked out of her room and into her kitchen, preparing herself some green tea before putting some bread in the toaster. She let her mind wander to the parts of her life that would change after she went back.

She’d be at home a lot less, probably staying at her trailer more.

She’d drink more.

Melinda shook her head, diffusing other thoughts that were coming her way, and took a sip of the steaming tea. She had five hours before she had to work.

She’d pass the time.

xxx

She stepped out of the car and looked around, hearing her driver driving away. People were standing around the set in groups near trailers, looking up as she walked past them - their eyes widening as they recognised her. She looked down and kept walking, thankful that she hadn’t run into someone from the cast yet.

She was a few minutes early when she reached Maria’s trailer. She wasn’t sure if she should go right in or knock, she chose the former - turning the knobs and pushing it in.

She looked at the impromptu desk and chairs where two people rested.

Phil and Maria.

“Melinda, hey. You’re early.” Maria shuffled through a bunch of papers.

“Sorry, I’ll - I’ll wait outside.” She headed for the door.

“No, it’s okay. I need to talk to both of you. Together.” Maria apologetically looked at Melinda.

She hesitantly looked at Maria before slipping into the chair beside Phil’s.

“Hey.” Phil softly smiled at her.

“Hey.” She softly said.

Maria handed both of them a piece of paper.

“These are all the currently planned scenes with your characters. Together.” Melinda read over the scenes, her heart beating faster, “The fans want something…more.”

“I’m showing you this because there are some scenes that are more advance. If either one of you is not okay with this, let me know.”

Melinda nodded along with Phil.

“Phil, that’s all for you.”

He nodded and stood up, “Thanks.”

He looked at Melinda, “See you outside?”

“Yeah.” She softly smiled.

She took a deep breath as Phil left the trailer.

“Hey.” Maria grinned at Melinda, “God, I’ve missed you.”

“You just saw me a few months ago.” She shook her head.

“A few months ago is a very long time.” Maria sighed.

“How are you?”

Melinda glared at her, “Fine.”

Maria sighed, “Ok, so - she pulled out another file - sign this form.” She slid a piece of paper towards her.

She signed the piece of paper, skimming over the text.

“Your trailer is ready. It’s with everyone else's trailers, on the other side of the set. Here are the keys.” She handed her a key.

Melinda nodded.

“That's all?”

Maria nodded.

“You’re okay, right?”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

Melinda glared at her friend.

“I’m just worried.”

“Look, - she sighed - I’m seeing a therapist. It’s helping.” She lied, “I’m okay. And even if I wasn’t, it’s not like I have an option here.”

Maria apologetically looked at her, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

“Ok, then. Y’know Phil’s outside waiting for you, right?”

Melinda softly smiled.

“You haven’t seen him since?”

She slightly shook her head, “We talked over the phone sometimes but we lost touch sometime before the wedding.”

Maria nodded in understanding, “Well, we start shooting Monday and I know it’s short notice but that’s it.”

She nodded and stood up, “Wanna come over for dinner tonight?” Melinda suggested.

“I’ll be there at 7.” She smiled.

xxxxx

“It is really good to see you, May.”

She softly smiled.

They were sitting in her trailer, away from prying eyes.

“You too.”

“How’s everything?”

“It’s okay.”

He nodded and his phone pinged, “Shit. Sorry, I have to go.”

Only then did she notice the wedding band on his ring finger.

“Congratulations.”

He seemed confused for a minute before he followed her gaze.

“Oh. OH. Uh-” He softly laughed, “I’m not married.” There was a sadness in his eyes that she was too familiar too.

“Oh.” She sighed, “I’m sorry.”

He nodded, “Don’t be. I’ll see you Monday?”

“Yeah.”

She sighed and slumped back into her chair after Phil left.

Somehow, a smile found its way to her face. She had been nervous about seeing Phil because he always had a way to make her feel better and maybe - just maybe - she wanted to feel the hurt she had felt waking up two years ago.

Somehow, seeing Phil Coulson after five years diverted her attention to him instead of the fact that she caused the death of her family.

She let herself hope.

Chapter Text

It was Monday - the day the entire cast gathered for the first table read - and Melinda Qiaolian May didn’t know what she felt at the moment. She wasn’t dreading returning to the spotlight…but she wasn’t excited for it either. She felt similar to what she had acted in movies years ago, which wasn’t something she could explain since it’s rarely seen in reality. It felt surreal, she decided, since her life had seemed to be on auto-pilot since the day she returned from the hospital and this was something that’d change everything.

If you asked her where she’d be right now 3 years ago, she would have said something entirely different from her current situation; with a daughter, a husband and a teaching job at a local university.

She would probably be getting dressed for work while Andrew prepared breakfast for her, Skye running to her to say goodbye before leaving for school right now. Instead, she was alone in a bed that was too big for her, contemplating her life choices in the past week.

Melinda sighed and rolled onto her back, intensely staring at the ceiling before her phone rang.

“Hello?” She furrowed her eyebrows.

“Hey.”

“Oh, hi. How’d you get my phone number?” She ran her free hand through her hair.

“It was in the file Maria gave us.”

“Oh. Sorry, I haven’t looked through it properly yet.”

“Don’t worry about it. So I was wondering if you wanted a ride. You don’t have to, but I just thought it’d be nice to have some time to talk. Only if you’re up for it?”

“Uh, no, yeah, that’d be nice.” She wasn’t looking forward to driving herself anyways. She looked at the time. Shit. How is it already so late?

“I’m running a little late right now though. Do you mind waiting?”

“I’ll wait.”

“I’ll send you my address.”

“Ok. See you.”

She smiled to herself before hanging up, falling back on the bed.

xxxx

She rushed to the door when the doorbell rang, “Hey.”

“Hey. I - uh - I got breakfast.” He held up a paper bag and cup, “I hope you haven’t eaten already.” She hadn’t and she wasn’t planning to.

She smiled, “I haven’t. Thanks.” She took the food from him, “Come on in. Give me two minutes.” She led him to the kitchen, leaving the food on the island and rushing off to her bedroom.

She decided on a simple look, just mascara and lipgloss, to match her beige blouse and black trousers and let her hair down.

She quickly looked over herself in the mirror before taking a deep breath and heading out to meet Phil.

xxxx

“Hey.” She walked into the kitchen area where Phil was sitting on a barstool with his eyes on his phone.

“Oh, hi. Morning.”

She nodded and smiled, “Thanks for breakfast.” She pulled her breakfast wrap closer to her.

“Don’t worry about it.”

She sipped her tea, “So, how’s life?”

He softly laughed, “It’s okay.” His eyes twinkled, “You?”

She softly laughed, looking down, “Fine.”

“What’ve you been doing lately?”

She glanced at him, “Teaching.” She groaned.

“Teaching?” He softly laughed.

“Yeah.” She shook her head, laughter leaving her.

She bit into the breakfast wrap, “Needed a break from all the cameras and paparazzi, you know?”

He nodded, “I do know…but teaching? I never imagined you teaching.”

“Me neither.” She laughed, nudging his shoulder, “What about you, huh?”

“I … wrote… books.”

“Cookbooks.” She smirked.

“Yes. Yes, Melinda, I wrote cookbooks.” He laughed.

She shook her head, “An award-winning actor writing cookbooks.”

“A world-renowned actress teaching.”

She shook her head and groaned, “I made you late.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

She glanced at him before silently biting into her wrap.

Silence.

Something that wasn’t new between them but not something the pair was used to around each other. As young adults, the silence would be accompanied by pencils and pens scribbling on paper, bed sheets rustling against their naked bodies, but now, the silence is discomforting, awkward, something to avoid.

“How are you?” He looked at her.

“Fine.” She shrugged along with a halfhearted smile, “What about you?”

“Fine.”

She cleared her throat, “We should head out now.”

He nodded and she pushed the empty cup and wrapper into the garbage can.

Melinda looked out the window, watching LA pass, as the radio filled the silence in the car.

“I don’t think I can do this.” She whispered to herself, hoping he didn’t hear it.

“Yes, you can.” He glanced at her, assuring her with a smile.

She sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m here to listen if you need to talk to someone.”

“No, I just-” She sighed, “I don’t know if I can act after…what happened. It’s like I don’t feel like that person anymore. You know?”

“I know.” He nodded, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

She immediately shook her head, “No…sorry. It’s not something that I talk about.”

“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

She nodded, “May, you’ll be great. Everyone loves you and you’re amazing at this.” He assured her.

She softly smiled, “Thank you for listening.”

“Anytime.”

“Do you have any doubts or concerns you want to share?”

“I’m just nervous. I’m not as good as I was before.”

“Pfft. You’ll be great.”

He smiled, “Thank you for that.”

They entered the parking lot, 15 minutes late, and rushed to the large building in the center of the set.

“Do you know where the table read room is?”

Phil looked as confused as Melinda did, “No.” He awkwardly chuckled.

“Shit.” She laughed, pulling her phone out and calling Maria.

“Hey, where are you? And is Phil with you?”

“We’re in the building. Where is the room?”

“Ok, when you enter the building, turn right. And then take the first left. It’s the third door on your right.”

“Ok. Thank you.” She hung up.

“Follow me?” She smiled.

“Of course.” He laughed.

They followed Maria’s directions which led them to a dark wooden door, voices and laughs audible through it.

She glanced at Phil, “Are you ready for this?” He smiled.

“No.” She laughed before shrugging, “But who cares?” She didn’t let him answer and pushed the door open.

“May!” Jemma Simmons, a 28 year old woman with a British accent, sat in the chair closest to the door.

There were two tables on each side of the room with nameplates assigning spots to the cast, and a large table sitting in the middle of the room with sheets of paper and people that weren’t part of the on-screen cast. She flashed a quick smile at Jemma before heading to the chair that was assigned to her. The spot to her left was Phil’s and the chair on her right was occupied by a new cast member by the name of Elena Rodriguez.

Melinda threw an apologetic look at Maria before settling in her chair.

“Never expected you to be late on the first day, May.” Leopold Fitz, a 28 year old man with a heavy Scottish accent, leaned over from across Elena.

“I slept in.” She shook her head.

“Unlikely. Good to see you, Coulson. How are you doing?”

“Good. You?”

“Good. Good.”

Someone cleared her throat, presumably Maria Hill, “Now that we’re all here, let’s start.”

It was past noon when they finished with the table read and some of the shooting, letting the cast go to their trailers for lunch for an hour before they continued filming. Melinda was in her trailer, away from everyone having lunch in craft services. She’d go down to get something to eat later, when there were less people around.

Her trailer on movie sets had always been her favourite part.

She reached for her bag, pulling out the box of Advil she carries to soothe her ever growing headaches, and swallowed two pills with water. She looked around at the empty space and sighed, settling on the closest chair. Make-up and hair supplies surrounded her, decorating the area around her, from earlier in the day.

A knock on the door stopped her from spiralling down the past, “Melinda? You in there?”

“Yeah. Give me a second.” She called out, heading for the door.

“Hey, I got you some food.” He grinned, holding a plate with two slices of pizza and a takeout cup, “I know how you feel about eating with so many people so..”

She took the plate and cup from him, “Thank you. Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah.” He followed her.

“People are looking for you.” He said once they had settled down, “I’m just warning you.”

“Thanks.” She bit into the cheese pizza slice, “Shouldn’t you be there? Socializing with them instead of here with me?”

“No.” He shook his head, “This is much better.”

She softly smiled, “Did you eat already?”

“I did.”

“How’ve you been?”

“Mostly okay.” She shrugged, “You?”

“Okay.”

“May… I heard about Andrew. I’m so sorry.”

She looked at him for a second before looking down, “Me too.” She nodded.

“I meant to call and make sure you were doing okay but…”

“It’s fine. Seriously. I was in a bad place. I wouldn’t have answered anyways.” That wasn’t true. If Phil Coulson had called her then, she would’ve cried to him over the phone and he would’ve driven to her house to hold her. She would’ve let him see her grieve the death of her family. Phil Coulson would’ve been the only person she would let herself cry in front of. She would’ve told him about the guilt she felt that forced her to cut into her own skin. She’d talk to him about how she wishes that it’d been her that died that day.

“Did you get married?”

“Once. It didn’t end well.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He shook his head.

“You have any kids?”

He looked at her, sadly smiling,“Nope.”

May’s phone rang, causing her to flinch and she hurried to answer the phone.

“Sorry.” She glanced at Phil.

“Daisy, I’m at work.” She didn’t answer her. Instead, Melinda heard sobs. “Dais, are you okay?”

“May, I-” She sniffed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know who to call.” She started sobbing again.

“Ok, Daisy, take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”

She heard Daisy sharply inhale and exhale, “I’m going to lose my apartment. I - I fell behind on payments with Lincoln’s treatment and I fucked everything up.”

“Ok, tell me what’s going to happen?”

“I have to pay them by the weekend or they’re going to kick me out.”

Melinda paused, “How much do you need?”

“I- 80,000.”

“I’ll pay it.”

“May, I’m not letting you do that.”

“Daisy, it’s okay. I have more than enough money. I can do it.”

“You’re not paying my rent, May. I’ll - I’ll figure it out.”

Melinda took a deep breath, “You can stay with me.” She suggested.

“May.”

“Seriously. I have a bunch of space and I’m barely at home with the shooting and everything.You can stay till you find a place.”

“May, I don’t know.”

“Think about it. Let me know by dinner.”

“Ok. I will. Thank you…May.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

She hung up the phone and slumped back, “That was my assistant. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Hey, I have to change.” She awkwardly sat there wearing a collared button-up with trousers.

“Do you want me to leave or just turn around?”

“You can turn around.” She trusted him.

He nodded and faced the wall right before she began taking her clothes off, shirt first and then pants followed. She quickly slipped into a sweat set with the movie logo she had found in her trailer.

“You can turn back now.” He did so.

The speakers outside roared, “Five minute warning!”

They sighed and shrugged at each other, “Back to work.”

Chapter Text

A month after they started filming, the entire cast was supposed to be at a dinner party hosted by an old cast member - Alphonso Mackenzie aka Mack. However, Melinda was unsure if she was going to go.

Today was the second anniversary since they passed away.

The morning had been slow and the lights around her house seemed dimmer than usual, or maybe that was her body erratically squeezing her heart.

She pulled herself out of her bed, slowly walking over to her en-suite bathroom and stopping in front of the mirror. She looked at herself, examining the dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep with dreary eyes.

Would Andrew love this person?

Would Skye be haunted by the dark circles under her mothers’ eyes?

Would they recognize her?

She shut her eyes and leaned against the marble countertop. She opened them again, staring at the scars on her arms and then the large scar right under her collarbone. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do today.

Was she supposed to cry? If she was, why weren’t the tears flowing?

It felt as if her insides were closing in on eachother, slowly pushing the life out of her.

This wasn’t how you were supposed to feel on the death anniversary of your loved ones, was it?

Surely it wasn’t. She was numb except for the pain that filled her when she thought about them.

She just missed them. She missed having a person who held her when she wasn’t feeling well. She missed having a daughter that looked up to her as if she was the greatest person alive.

Would Skye still look at her like that if she were here? Or would she hate her mother like Melinda hated herself?

Would they also blame Melinda for their deaths?

She pulled a black hoodie over the black tank she wore and replaced her cotton sleep shorts with black leggings.

And then, she walked out of her house and forced herself into the car.

She reached her destination in around 45 minutes, two bouquets of flowers resting on the passenger seat beside her. She parked the car near a tree, pulling the hood of her hoodie over her head to disguise herself.

She slowly treaded to the other side of the gravesite where two graves rested beside each other.

Andrew Garner and Skye May-Garner.

She placed the bouquets of flowers in front of each grave and fell to her knees, wrapping her arms around herself.

“I’m going back to acting again.” She whispered, “Maria thinks I’ll break. I’m not sure that I won’t. It’s been - she took a deep breath - 2 years. I miss you. God, I miss you so much.” Her voice broke and she looked down as tears fell down and soaked her leggings. Sobs left her mouth and pressed her palm against her mouth.

She could only think about Skye’s scream when their car crashed against the truck. The crack of bones audible from the passenger seat. She could hear the police and ambulance sirens, feel the fear of losing her family at that time. She remembered the emptiness she felt when she laid there in that hospital bed as the doctors told her about the deaths of her family.

The deaths she caused.

Minutes later, she wiped at her damp cheeks with her sleeve before standing up and walking back to her car. She sat there in silence for a few more minutes before pulling out her phone,

Hey, I won’t be at the party tonight. Sorry about bailing on you.

His reply came back a few seconds later,

That’s okay.

Everything okay?

She stared at the screen for a minute,

I don’t know.

She put her phone aside and pulled out of the parking spot.

Melinda pulled into the driveway, surprised to see a figure sitting at her doorstep. She took a deep breath and left the car, causing him to stand up.

“May..”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was worried. You didn’t text me back.” He looked ashamed, like he shouldn’t be there.

“I was driving.” She half-heartedly shrugged.

“You okay?”

She stared into his eyes for a second before looking away, “Fine.”

“Your eyes are red.” His voice was fragile, like he was afraid she’d break.

“Are you okay?” His voice was firmer yet gentle.

She glanced at him, shaking her head as tears gathered in her eyes again.

“Today’s their death anniversary.” Her voice shook as she whispered.

“Oh my god, Melinda. I’m so sorry.” He moved towards her, slowly wrapping her arms around her body.

Her own arms circled his waist, burying her head in the crook of his neck as tears streamed down her face and soaking his shirt.

He let her sob into his arms, cradling her head and holding her close to him.

Minutes later, she pulled away, wiping her tears, “I’m sorry.”

He dismissed her apology, “Let’s get you inside, okay?”

She nodded even though a voice inside her told her Stop, you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve him caring for you.

She let him lead her to her room, slumping down on her bed.

“Phil…you don’t have to do this.” She managed to say, “I’ll be okay.”

“I don’t mind.” He sat down beside her, “If you want to say anything, I’ll just listen. If you want to cry, I’ll hold you. If you allow me.”

She looked at him for a second before nodding and scooting backwards until her back hit the headboard.

“I had a daughter.” She whispered a few minutes later, “Did you know that?”

His heart broke, “I didn’t know that. Do you want to tell me about her?”

She tilted her head so it fell on his shoulder, “She was like a little ball of energy. Every morning, she’d come running to me before leaving the house - she bitterly laughed - and she’d tell me “Mommy, today’s going to be amazing. I love you so much.”. She died in the accident.” She shut her eyes after a tear escaped.

“I’m so sorry.” He pulled her closer.

She shrugged, “You would’ve loved her. She was exactly what I thought our -” She stopped herself from saying too much.

“What was her name?”

“Skye.”

“That’s a pretty name.”

“It should’ve been me who died that day.” She whispered a few minutes later, biting her lip, “Not them.” She turned towards him so she could bury her head in the space by his neck, letting him hold her, “I wish it were me who died.” Unwanted sobs left her mouth once again as she clinged to the man beside her because he was it.

He was the person in her life that stopped her from picking up the blade. He was the only person in her life who gave her hope. Who told her it was okay to cry. That it was okay to be here when they aren’t.

He was her reason to not pick up the blade again even if he doesn’t know it.

She let herself be held by him, letting him tell her that it’ll get better and that it wasn’t her fault.

She fell asleep to the sound of his voice.

Chapter Text

He picked her up from her house like always, with a green tea from the cafe she likes and a muffin. However, today was different. The silence between them as he drove wasn’t awkward or unsettling, it was comforting. Somehow, yesterday had brought them closer to each other. Melinda had trusted him once again to show vulnerability. While she had napped, he had prepared a light late lunch for her that included her comfort food and her favourite tea. She had let him hold her and run his fingers through her hair while she told him more about her daughter. He had told her that he could stay the night but she had insisted that she’d be okay by herself.

“Phil?” She called after a few minutes.

He hummed in response.

“Thank you.” She glanced at him, “For yesterday. I didn’t realize how much I needed that.”

He softly smiled, quickly looking at her, “You don’t have to thank me, Melinda. I’ll always be here for you.”

He wondered if she had gone through the death of her family by herself or if she had someone who held her. Someone who’d been stubborn when she had pushed everyone close to her away. Oh, he hoped she did. He couldn’t imagine how she must have felt crying to herself, not having anyone around to hold her like he did.

She gently smiled, something that always made his heart beat faster.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” She couldn’t help but say.

“I will never. You don’t have to worry.”

“Good. Sorry.” She sighed, “I’ve never told anyone about Skye. You know how the media reacts.”

“I understand.” He nodded, “I promise I will not repeat anything you say to me.”

“Thank you.” She reached over and squeezed his hand that rested on his thigh.

He smiled and she let her hand rest there for a while before pulling away.

They reached the set earlier before most of the main cast, secluding themselves in Coulson’s trailer.

“So how’d you sleep last night?” He gently asked.

She looked at him straight in the eyes for a minute before looking down, “I slept okay.” It wasn’t completely a lie. She had slept okay for most of the night till she woke up shaking.

He nodded, “We should head to the set.”

“Yeah.” She softly smiled.

After shooting the first scene of the day, the team went out for lunch but Melinda opted to stay back, saying that she wasn’t hungry, and Phil stayed back with her.

“Wanna spar?” Phil suggested.

Melinda raised an eyebrow, “Here? Now?”

“Well, yeah. There’s mats already out that we can use. And it might help you.”

She looked at him for a second before sighing, “Fine.” She mumbled and followed him to the mats, slipping their shoes off. She didn’t take off her sweatshirt even though her skin burned due to the heat. She let him strike first, circling around him until he swung his arm to hit her shoulder which she blocked with ease. She evaded his punch and grabbed his arm, pulling him over her shoulder. He landed on his back with a weak groan. “Sorry.” She held out her arm for him.

With a grin, he pulled her down to the mat with him.

She glared at him, holding back a laugh.

“I gotcha.” He grinned more.

She rolled her eyes and let herself lay beside Phil.

“I wish we hadn’t lost touch.” He confessed.

“Me too.”

They had always been able to communicate unlike they could with anyone else. A secret language, Maria had said. That wasn’t true. They just spent a lot of time together and learned to communicate with looks only.

Melinda wasn’t sure why they had lost touch since they’d stayed together as friends after a failed relationship, and more than one heated argument. Maybe it was Andrew, getting married reminded each of them that she had chosen him instead of Phil.

She sat up, “C’mon. Let’s get changed and get something to eat.”

He nodded, following her.

He walked her to her trailer since it was on the way to his and continued to his own trailer.

After both of them had changed out of sweaty clothes, they got salads from craft services and finished them in a few minutes.

Minutes later, when they were walking around, Simmons ran towards May and wrapped her arms around the older woman.

“I am so sorry, May. I didn’t know.” She whispered while Melinda awkwardly stood there.

“What are you sorry about?” Melinda scrunched her eyebrows.

“Oh.” She glanced at Coulson but he looked just as confused as her, “You don’t know.”

“Know what?”

“Nothing.” She stammered, “Sorry I said anything.” Simmons rushed away.

“What was that about?” She looked at Phil.

“I don’t know.” He paused, patting his pockets to look for his phone, “Do you have your phone on you?”

She nodded, pulling her phone out for her pocket. Her gaze froze at the screen as she read the notification from the News app.

Secret Agents Actress, Melinda May, seen in a graveyard. Source revealed a picture of the two graves that belonged to Andrew Garner and Skye May-Garner. The former was May’s late husband and the latter was presumably their daughter. Pictures below show May visibly crying in front of their graves.

Later on in the day, May is seen outside her house in the arms of colleague, Phil Coulson, the long-time colleague and friend of May. They duo later went into her house and Phil Coulson left late in the night. Image below shows May and Coulson outside her house and the latter later leaving the house.

She couldn’t breathe. She hurriedly pushed her phone into Coulson’s hands, urging him to read the article. She panted, trying to catch her breath and to not think about the world knowing about her private life.

When he finished reading the article, it disgusted him that the title of the article was so irrelevant to the actual story. How the title suggested that the article had something to do about their romantic relationship but it was just about the invasion of privacy. How could someone follow her to the graves of her family? Could a human be that insensitive?

He rushed to Melinda, reaching to hold her hand but she stepped away.

“I need- Give me a minute.” She managed to say.

A few minutes later, she pulled herself together, “I need to make a call.”

He handed her phone back, closely monitoring her.

She called Daisy, “Hey, Daisy. I need you to do something for me.”

“May, I heard about…I’m so sorry. People can be so insensitive.”

“I don’t need your pity, Daisy. I need you to get the article off the internet.”

“Ok. Okay. I will do that.”

She hung up and took a deep breath, “Hey, can you tell Maria I’m leaving when you see her?” She asked Phil.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah.” She rubbed her temple, “I can’t be here right now.” She mumbled, stretching her fingers.

“Ok. I’ll tell Maria.” He nodded, “Do you need me to do anything else?” He offered with a smile.

“I…no.”

“How are you feeling about this?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” She shook her head.

He gently squeezed her shoulder, “I’ll be here when you want to talk.”

She nodded, “I’ll see you tomorrow or sometime.”

She walked away.

“May, how are you doing?” Daisy asked.

“Get to the point, Daisy. Please.” She shut her eyes.

“I got the article down.” She slowly started, “But it’s all over the internet, May.”

“How many?”

“There are more than 10 articles. Each with more than 100 million views. And there are multiple posts on social media platforms.”

“Fuck.” She dropped her head.

“I’m so sorry, May. This shouldn’t be happening.”

“Is there anything else you can do?”

“The best way to go would be letting it pipe down or go public and shut down any rumours.”

“Go public.” She repeated, “You want me to go public?”

“It’s not ideal but it can shut down any false rumours. It gives you control over the story.”

“Telling the entire world about a part of my life that I fought to keep private gives me control over the story. Perfect.”

“Like I said, it’s not ideal.” She sighed, “Look, I’ll talk to PR about this. I’ll let you know if there’s any other options.”

“Ok. You’re coming tonight, right?”

“Yeah. If you’re okay with it.”

“I am.” And she hung up the phone.

She grabbed the nearest thing to her, a wine glass, and threw it on the ground. She watched as the glass shattered and small pieces spread on the floor. She sighed, resting her elbows on the table and letting her head fall into her palm. Tears fell but those of anger instead of sadness. She was furious at whoever followed her to a graveyard. She was furious that they didn’t have the decency to turn back when they learned where she was headed. But mostly, she was mad at herself for not being more careful. For letting herself think that the world wouldn’t find her at her lowest.

She sighed, pulling out the broom and sweeping the glass pieces against the wall.

Her doorbell rang and she stared at her shut door for a minute, thinking about how it could be a random reporter with a camera crew. She pulled out her phone and pulled up her security app, something she’d gotten when she said yes to Maria’s offer.

On the screen, Phil Coulson stood a meter or so away from her front door with a baseball hat on his head and a plastic bag in his hands.

She sighed, of course it’d be him at her door.

“You shouldn’t be here.” She hurriedly pulled him inside.

“I know. I know.” He sighed, “I just thought you’d be hungry so I brought you food.”

“And…if it makes you feel better, I was disguised.” He proudly grinned, pointing to his baseball hat.

“Effective.” She glared, holding back a smirk.

He nodded, his grin reducing to a smile, “Look, I’m here. How about you tell me how I can help while we eat?”

“Okay.” She nodded, softly smiling. She led him to the living room, a large open space with a long beige couch and wooden coffee table with minimalist decor around the room. “Sit down.” She waved at the couch.

He followed, setting the few takeout containers on the coffee table.

“Do you have a plan?” He asked when they finished eating.

She shook her head, “It’s all messed up.” She shrugged, “I can ignore it, stay under the radar. Or…I can tell the truth, go public with it.” She massaged her temple.

“That’s not fair.”

She bitterly laughed, “Most things aren’t.”

He pursed his lips, “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, “Sorry. You’re just trying to help and I’m just…” She sighed, “It’s a lot.”

She took a deep breath, “I didn’t want to go back to acting. One of the things I love to do. Just because I was afraid that they’d find out. And now they know. Everyone knows. And I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s the worst part of this life.”

She nodded and sighed.

“There was a note on my door when I came home.” She confessed.

“What’d it say?”

She glanced at him and sighed, “Hold on.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with scribbled writing from her pocket.

You deserve what you did to yourself, you freaky bitch.
Tell them what you did to them or I’ll tell everyone.
It was signed at the end.

Melinda had looked to the side while he read, hoping he didn’t see through her mask.

“This is fucked up. Are you okay?”

She shrugged, mumbling, “I’m fine.”

“What’s he talking about?”

“He’s talking about..” She paused. What was she supposed to say? That she cut herself and she was too foolish to let Ward see her bare arms? That she was foolish to go to a public bar and have sex with a random guy?

“Something I did when I was in a really bad place.” She confessed.

“Mel?” Damn his voice.

“Please don’t hate me.” She didn’t give him time to reply before she slowly pulled her sleeve up.

His breath hitched and he glanced at her face. He knew he had to control his reaction - she was trusting him with this.

He looked into her eyes with concern, “May I?”

She sharply inhaled, “Phil.” She hesitantly nodded, shutting her eyes when his fingers came in contact with her skin.

His fingers traced the faint discoloured lines on her skin. His heart broke at the choked sound she let out when he pulled his fingers away from her.

She instantly pulled her sleeve down and bit the inside of her cheek.

“Now you know.”

He reached out to gently pull her into his arms but she abruptly pulled away, standing up and biting down on her lip.

“Stop doing that, Coulson.”

Coulson, not Phil. He could tell she was putting her invisible barriers back up.

Her words confused him, what did she mean?

“Stop caring.” She firmly answered his thought, picking up the empty takeout containers and throwing them away in the kitchen.

He followed her, of course, watching her as she poured herself some golden-brown liquor - presumably whisky.

She took a large sip of the liquid and then looked up, tears threatening to fall.

“Stop caring about me.” Her voice wavered, “Please.”

“I can’t do this again.”

“Melinda?” His voice was gentle as he made her way towards her.

“I can’t let myself hope you’ll be there.” She barely whispered.

“I’ll always be there for you.”

She shook her head, “You weren’t there, Coulson.” She let it go. She was going to tell him.

A sharp inhale. “You weren’t there when I - She stuttered - when I wanted to die. When the thought of living to see the next morning scared me. When all I wanted was my best friend to hold me. You weren’t there when I cried myself to sleep.” The anger in her left, leaving a tired woman behind, “When I drank myself half to death. - A long pause - When I called my best friend after years but I couldn’t get a word out when I heard him.” She downed the rest of the drink.

His own eyes were wet with unshed tears, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me then. Will you allow me to be here for you right now? We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I can just hold you. You don’t have to hold it in anymore.”

She looked at him, her eyes drained, “I don’t know what to do. I’m - I’m exhausted. With everything going on.”

He pulled her closer to his chest so her head rested under his chin, “It’s going to be okay.”

She stayed silent, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Do you want to lie down on the couch for a while?”

She gently nodded, letting him lead her to the couch.

She used his thigh as a pillow, letting her body relax by his. Soon enough, she fell asleep.

Phil looked up when the door opened, “May? You here?” A woman with brown eyes and dyed blonde hair with purple streaks entered the room. When she looked up from her phone, her eyes widened at the man that sat on her boss’s couch.

“OHEMGEE.” She shrieked, “You’re Phil Coulson.”

He softly smiled, “I am. I assume you’re Daisy, right?”

“Right.”

“Hi, Daisy.”

“Mr. Coulson. Oh my god.” She chuckled, “Sorry, I’ve been a fan of yours since I was a kid.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.” He genuinely smiled.

“What are you doing here anyway?”

He looked at the woman beside him, “She needed someone.”

She nodded in understanding, “I don’t know how she does it.”

“She’s strong.” The corner of his lips tilted.

“She is.” Daisy settled on the armchair across from the couch.

She checked the time, “Shit. I’m going to take a shower and turn in for the night.”

“Alright. It was nice meeting you.”

She softly chuckled, “Pleasure’s all mine.”

Almost an hour later, Melinda started waking up.

“Hey.” He gently tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear.

She hummed in response, slowly pulling herself up.

“You didn’t have to stay this long.” She pulled her knees to her chest and settled beside him.

“I know. I just didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.”

She hummed again, clearly lost in her thoughts, “You should head back. It’s really late.”

“You’ll be okay?”

She nodded, softly smiling, “Of course.”

“Alright.”

He stood up and she followed, leading him to the door, “Phil?”

He hummed.

“I’m sorry.” She looked at him, “For dumping all of that onto you. You didn’t ask for it.”

“It’s okay.” He softly smiled.

“Can I give you a hug?” He opened his arms.

She nodded and pushed herself into his open arms, letting his presence calm her.