Chapter Text
Kenny was sick.
He’d been absent pretty frequently, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Nobody in the whole grade knew why Kenny was sick so much.
Cartman’s theory had something to do with a ‘poor virus’, Stan thought Kenny might contact diseases from rats or possums or whatever’s near Kenny’s house, and Kyle just thought Kenny had a weak immune system, which wasn’t uncommon.
Of course, nobody was going to just walk up to Kenny and ask . ‘Oh hey dude, noticed you were sick. By the way did you get a rat virus?’
“Cartman, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” Kyle shouted. “There’s no such thing as a ‘poor virus’!”
“You can’t prove that,” Cartman taunted.
“I can. All I do is look up ‘poor virus’!”
“Aren’t you grounded?” Stan asked. “What are you going to use for internet access?”
“I’ll look it up after I've been ungrounded,” Kyle said firmly.
“What were you even grounded for?” Stan asked.
“Sneaking out.”
“My mom doesn’t care! I’ve never been grounded!” Cartman jeered,
Honestly, with all the things Cartman did, Kyle couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit of pity for him. Liane clearly didn’t pay enough attention (or paid too much attention, he could never tell) to her son. Sheila always gave him an explanation as to why what he did was wrong, and why she saw the punishment fitting for the action. Kyle didn’t always agree, and sometimes found it unfair, but he did at least know her reasoning, unlike Cartman and Butters.
They continued walking down the first-grade hallway. The school was set up so you had to walk through the previous grades in order to get to yours.
“Can you believe we used to fit in those little chairs?” Cartman asked, pointing to the small plastic chair sat in the hallway.
“They seemed so big back then,” Stan said, looking at a passing first grader. “Can you beli-”
A scream interrupted his sentence and a first grader ran around the corner, followed by a few fourth graders from one of the other classes.
“Karen?” Kyle was surprised. Why was Karen McCormick over in the fourth grade hallway?
The girl stopped and looked at them and then, recognizing them as Kenny’s friends, proceeded to hide behind them.
“Ay!” Cartman shouted, stepping away. “Why’s the other poor kid trying to infect me?!”
Kyle glared. “She isn’t trying to infect you with anything, dumbass. Clearly she pissed off some of Miss Stephanie’s class somehow.”
“I- I was just getting Kenny’s homework!” Karen explained, watching the other fourth graders warily as they stopped in front of Kyle and Stan.
“Move!” one of them, Kyle was pretty sure was Jacob Keiss, ordered. “That little kid tripped me!”
“I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry!” Karen cried.
“Why were you in our hallway?!” Emily Marx demanded.
Karen sniffled. “I w-was just getting Kenny’s h-homework…”
“Bullshit.” Jacob stepped forwards again.
“Dude, fuck off,” Kyle said, trying to keep his tone even. It was a bad idea to lose your temper right away when outnumbered.
“Shut up, nobody was talking to you,” Connor Reyes told him.
Stan slowly stepped back, standing near Cartman against a wall.
“Stan?” Kyle looked over.
“Sorry dude,” Stan apologized. “But I don’t feel like getting into a fight right before lunch.”
Kyle felt Karen’s hands gripping the back of his jacket and he took a deep breath. This was going to be a low blow.
“You guys are acting like sixth graders.”
“We’re what?!” Emily sounded offended.
“You heard me. You’re picking on Karen because she made a mistake? Walked too close to you? Didn’t the sixth graders do the same thing to you three months back?” They had. Kyle was the one who’d gotten those sixth graders suspended. They still didn’t know it was him, thankfully.
He turned to Karen. “Where’s your class?”
She pointed to a door on the other side of Connor, Emily, and Jacob. “Over there.”
Kyle glanced around, and then he saw it. He took Karen’s hand and turned back to the other three. “We’re going to walk past you, and you’re going to let us. No physical contact is going to be made, clear?”
“Or what?” Connor challenged.
“Or I’ll tell P.C. Principal, and he’ll check that security camera.” With his free hand, Kyle pointed to the camera with the blinking red light.
They scowled but moved off to the side, allowing Kyle and Karen to walk past to the classroom door.
“Let me know if they try to do anything,” Kyle said, letting go of Karen's hand.
She nodded before stepping into her class.
“Dude, that was incredible! How’d you do that?!” Stan exclaimed, walking over as Miss Stephanie’s students walked away.
Kyle shrugged. “I have a younger sibling, and I’d do that for him. Normally I’d let Kenny handle that but seeing as he’s not here, well…” After a pause, he added, “Plus I’ve dealt with the fatass for years.”
Stan laughed. “Fair point.”
–<==>--
“Hey!”
Kyle stopped, turning around. “Oh, hey Kenny.”
“Hey, dude.” Kenny’s voice was muffled but if you’ve been friends with someone for a long time you learn to understand them pretty well. “Karen told me what you did for her the other day.”
“Oh, yeah. That.”
“Thanks, man. She was like, really scared about what they’d do to her.” Kyle couldn’t see it, but he was pretty sure Kenny was smiling.
“Yeah, no problem. Those guys need to learn some basic respect,” Kyle said.
Kenny glanced around and then whispered. “So could Cartman.”
Kyle hid his laughter behind his hand and Kenny joined him shortly after.
Once they’d calmed down, Kyle opened his mouth and blurted, “So why are you sick so often?” before he could stop himself.
Kenny paused. “I’m… not.”
“Yeah you are!” Kyle insisted. “You keep missing school.”
“That’s not the only reason people miss school,” Kenny pointed out.
“Well why do you miss so much?”
Kenny leaned forwards, and in a completely serious voice, said, “I keep dying.”
“What? Dude, Kenny, I’m being serious!”
“So am I!” Kenny raised his voice a bit. “It happens all the time and nobody remembers!”
“Stop fucking with me, is it really sickness?” Kyle asked, getting a bit annoyed.
Kenny sighed. “Yeah. Yeah it’s just a weak immune system.”
“Knew it!” Kyle exclaimed, and then ran over to Stan and Cartman to tell them he’d been right.
Maybe one day they’ll believe me,
Kenny thought, as he walked over to join his friends.