Chapter Text
“Nakahara Chuuya, I would love to one day, marry Chuuya. Maybe under that sakura tree where we had our first kiss under, in the park where we had our first date…”
“Shut up, shitty Dazai, you really think we’ll even be together that long?!”
“Why not, Chuuya? Why would I ever let Chuuya go? I am very much in love with my Chuuya!”
“Tch, whatever you sappy brat, now eat your veggies!”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Chuuya-san?”
“Chuuya-san? Are you alright?”
Chuuya blinks his eyes, finally pulled out of his daze. The lecture hall is empty, even the lecturer had left his podium and yet here Chuuya was, still in his seat.
Chuuya turned to face the source of the voice, coming face to face with Nakajima Atsushi, the boyfriend of his kouhai, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.
“Are you alright, Chuuya-san?” Atsushi asks again, placing a reassuring hand on Chuuya’s bicep.
“Yeah, I’m fine, kid. Don’t worry too much, just got a little lost in my head about the upcoming assignment,” Chuuya replies, lying through his teeth about the reason of his dazedness.
Its been 8 years since Dazai quite literally disappeared from his life and now Chuuya was in his senior year of university, majoring in business.
“Oh, alright then, Chuuya-san. Ryuu is waiting for us outside, let’s go and grab lunch together?” Atsushi suggested in hope of comforting Chuuya.
“Thanks, kid, but I’m good,” Chuuya declines politely.
Atsushi visibly droops slightly at Chuuya’s declination but he covers it up quite well with a bright smile, nodding in understanding.
Atsushi, Ryuu and the others have been worrying about Chuuya over the past few days. Chuuya has been avoiding spending time too long on campus, spacing out for long period of times at random times and stopped going out for lunch with them. Tachihara has also said that Chuuya has been working early mornings and working overtime, late nights, in the public library where he works part-time at.
With one last smile to Chuuya, Atsushi walks out of the lecture hall to tell Ryuu that Chuuya has declined to have lunch with them yet again.
As soon as Atsushi was gone, Chuuya sighs tiredly. He cleans up his things, tossing them into his bag haphazardly before placing his head in his hands, wearily.
Recently, Chuuya just couldn’t seem to get Dazai out of his mind. It was ridiculous! Chuuya was over Dazai, he knew that he was over Dazai! He didn’t care anymore! He shouldn’t care anymore! But yet here he was again…
With an angry grunt, Chuuya shoulders his bag, opting to forgo lunch yet again and head straight to the library to start his afternoon shift early again.
Chuuya had not realized it, but while he was in the lecture hall, the heavens had started to rain. So, there Chuuya stood, in the lobby of the university which was clamored with other students who had also not brought an umbrella with them.
Sighing tiredly, Chuuya curses his luck and the heavens above. The clamoring students, all deciding to head somewhere else in the campus, or exiting the lobby in attempts of rushing through the rain to their destinations pushed and pulled Chuuya here and there.
Just as Chuuya was getting manhandled around everywhere, a loud “ACK!” was heard and Chuuya was knocked off his feet as a weight tumbled onto him, hitting his chest and staying there.
Chuuya yelps as he falls over, the students around Chuuya and the stranger clears away, giving way for them to stand up and untangle themselves from the embarrassing position that the duo had fallen into.
Chuuya leans up as far as he can, only to be greeted by a familiar mop of messy brown locks. If anything, he knows that mop of hair from anywhere. What the fuck was Dazai doing here?!
With a groan, Dazai looks up from Chuuya’s chest, glasses askew. Shocked by the position that he had fallen in, Dazai scrambles to his feet, cheeks tinted pink while Chuuya is still on the floor, eyes wide and confused. Chuuya had thought that Dazai was no longer in the country, that was what the security guard of Dazai’s manor had informed Chuuya, that Mori and Dazai had moved overseas.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Dazai?” Chuuya asks, disbelief clear in his voice, eyes wide as he stares at Dazai.
Dazai tilts his head in confusion. He has never seen this stunning ginger before in his life, or maybe he has, before the incident but he doesn’t know the ginger now.
“Do I know you?” Dazai asks as politely as he can, not wanting to hurt the ginger that he had not only tumbled into but also has somehow caused great distress to.
Chuuya feels his heart shatter to pieces as soon as that question reaches his ears. Dazai… doesn’t know him? What utter bullshit he’s fucking spouting now! He could’ve ignored him! He could’ve walked away from him! BUT NO! He had to make sure that Chuuya that he was now not apart of Dazai’s life, that Dazai has decided to forget him and everything that they had entirely!
Chuuya wanted to scream, to yell, to spit profanities into Dazai’s face but something about the way that Dazai looked at him set him off edge. Dazai looked open. He wasn’t wearing any sort of mask. Its not that Chuuya has never seen Dazai without his mask, but it’s that Dazai’s façade only dropped when he was with Chuuya in a private area. Chuuya has never seen Dazai so open when in public, emotions clear on his face, so many emotions flitting through those amber eyes. Chuuya has never seen his Dazai like this. This was not his Dazai.
“No, you don’t know me. I’ve mistaken you for someone else that I know,” Chuuya says, getting onto his feet. He walked straight out of the lobby into the hell rain pouring from the heavens, wind smacking his face and the bullets of raindrops beating onto his back. Chuuya thanks his Kouyou nee-san for buying him a waterproof bag as he runs in the direction of his motorcycle, cursing all the way for not driving his car to school instead.
Chuuya rides his motorcycle as carefully and quickly as he can to the public library, parking it in the underground parking for workers. Chuuya stumbles as he gets off his motorcycle, head reeling as he processes that Dazai was in Japan. Dazai was in Kyoto. Dazai was studying at Kyoto University. The same university as him!
He crouches down beside his motorcycle and when he felt his face getting wetter than it already was, he just blamed it all on the rain.
Chuuya curls in on himself, right there beside his motorcycle in an attempt to calm himself down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chuuya sits behind the counter of the public library, checking the borrowed books list, browsing through them until his eyes lands on a particular name.
Dazai Osamu
And Chuuya curses his life and all of the gods above because why the fuck was his luck this terrible?!
He was over Dazai! HE WAS OVER HIM! And just like how Dazai always managed barge himself back into Chuuya’s life but Chuuya was never expecting Dazai to come back into his life again after leaving.
Exhausted from the day, Chuuya decides to lay his head down for a little on his desk as the library was empty and no one would be coming in until a little later, and with that Chuuya dozes off on his desk, entering a restless slumber.
“Excuse me, sir?” a voice broke Chuuya out of his restless slumber.
Chuuya felt his heart clench as his mind registers who’s voice it was. He wanting nothing more than for Heaven to strike him down with a blade of thunder and banish him to Hell. He cursed all the gods and Heavens above as he raised his head to face the brunette.
“Oh, its you again,” Chuuya drawls out, acting uninterested, as if his heart wasn’t ready to pound out of his chest, as if he wasn’t about to break down and cry, as if he didn’t want to grab Dazai by his shoulders and scream in his face for leaving him.
“Oh… uh, hi!” Dazai replies, nervously, a gentle blush climbs onto his cheeks.
Chuuya feels his heart clench, remembering all the time he used to catch Dazai off guard on purpose just to see him blush like that. Dazai had rarely ever presented his emotions like this, his Dazai Osamu had never been so transparent. His Dazai Osamu had been a closed off person who only showed the people closest to him, his emotions. Yet, even then, he never showed them all of his emotions.
“So, why you here?” Chuuya asks.
Dazai flushes a deeper shade of pink, bordering on red, embarrassed now, “I’m here to… uh… return a book that I borrowed a few days ago,” he replies, holding out a poetry book. It was one of Chuuya’s favourite poetry books and he remembers recommending it Dazai all those years ago, before he disappeared.
Acting coy, Chuuya nods taking the book from Dazai and marking it as returned in the system and handed Dazai the log book for him to sign.
The exchange was silent and tense. As Chuuya continues his work silently, putting the book into one of the nearest book trolleys for him to put away later, Dazai stares at Chuuya silently, as if he were trying to figure out some 1000-piece clear jigsaw puzzle.
“You look like someone I knew,” Dazai blurts out.
Chuuya stares at Dazai confused. Of course, Dazai knows him, what the fuck was this dumbass on about now?! Chuuya thinks, very much fed up with Dazai at this point.
Yet, Chuuya stay silent. After years of dealing with Dazai’s bullshit, he can endure this one last thing before yelling in Dazai’s face, Chuuya promises himself.
“You remind me of my childhood best friend, he’s my neighbour. We grew up together apparently, but I can’t remember much about him. I remember him as a lean kid, he was taller than me back then, with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen and very ginger hair. I think that if he were your age now, he would look like you quite a lot,” Dazai blurts out, his eyes looked faded, a faraway look on his face as if he felt guilty over losing something that he dearly loved.
Chuuya was confused but he had a suspicion… And he wished that his suspicions weren’t true as he asked Dazai, “Do you have amnesia or something? How did you forget?” he asks, in a well-meaning manner.
Dazai had a surprised look on his face as he heard that from Chuuya, as if Chuuya had discovered something that was meant to be a secret.
“I do… I got into this car accident when I was 17. It caused me to become comatose for 4 years. When I woke up, I was diagnosed with retrograde amnesia,” Dazai replies.
And Chuuya marvels at the fact that Dazai was even willing to share such information to him, information that was very important and could potentially harm him if in the hands of the wrong person, yet, Dazai had willingly confessed this information to him.
“Is… is your amnesia curable?” Chuuya asks, hope so clear in his voice.
Dazai pauses and thinks about it, “The doctors mentioned that it can be cured since I still have my childhood memories intact, but they said it would take time, years probably, to get all of lost memories back, especially memories closer to when the accident happened,” he replies, very honestly.
“Dazai… you technically don’t know me. So, why are you so willingly telling me all of this?” Chuuya blurts, accidentally, heart in too much pain just thinking of Dazai telling all of this to literally any person.
Dazai studies Chuuya for a few second, before a look of realization dawns on his face, “I never told you my name. Do you know me? Have we met before?” Dazai asks, somewhat torn between being excited and concerned.
“I’m Nakahara Chuuya,” Chuuya replies, praying that Dazai still remembers his name at the very least.
As Dazai’s face brightens, Chuuya considers that Dazai remember his name.
“You’re Chuuya?! My neighbour and childhood best friend, Nakahara Chuuya?!” Dazai all but shrieks, causing the little amount of people in the library to shush him aggressively.
Flushing the same gentle pink, Dazai sheepishly apologizes, “Sorry,” to the people in the library.
“You still remember my birthday?” Chuuya questions as he flips his wallet to show Dazai his ID card.
Dazai nods his head, yes as he reads Chuuya’s ID card.
Now, Chuuya takes the chance to look at Dazai properly.
Dazai was now wearing round gold rimmed glasses, they suited his amber eyes, Chuuya noted. Dazai was also wearing a comfy looking cream and brown checkered sweater over a white button down with brown slacks. He left his outfit untucked, he had a sakura pin, that looked oddly familiar to him, pinning his bangs away from his face behind his ear.
“You are Chuuya!” Dazai exclaimed happily, earning another round of annoyed aggressive shushing from the readers in the library.
And Chuuya curses his heart as it thumps loudly against his ribcage, enchanted by Dazai’s beautiful smile all over again.