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Their night starts out at a gala, conveniently located in the Compound’s large atrium. The room is beautifully decorated for the night's event- something about a new partner with Stark industries. Tony, being the dramatic host that he is, offered to host the whole shindig at the Compound. By extension, the Avengers were invited to make an appearance- those on earth at least.
Unfortunately, the only two who were available happened to be very much against the idea of going to one of Stark's parties. Natasha and Steve had already made plans to go out- going to a movie, and then maybe picking up some dinner after. They’d purposely picked something with low expectations and no pressure, just fun and easy. But telling everyone they were ‘dating’ didn’t feel right yet, and since their budding relationship was still so new, they hadn’t wanted to create an opening for nosey outsider questions. Of course Stark took their resolved silence as an opportunity to practically command them to come. After all, they were currently living at the Compound rent free, and making a quick appearance was the least they could do.
That’s how Steve found himself outside of Natasha‘s door, wearing a neatly pressed navy suit and his hair actually styled.
He knocks twice, and she opens the door, his jaw dropping at the sight of the redhead in question. She’s wearing a soft mid length cocktail dress, ending just below her knees, her hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders. The black A-line is a perfect mixture of sexy and professional, hugging her curves just right before flaring out slightly at the waist.
Natasha smirks, having received the reaction she was hoping for.
Honestly, she could wear nothing but a paper bag and he would still think she was the prettiest woman in the world. Steve wouldn’t tell her that, obviously, but he’s pretty sure she knows anyway.
He meets her halfway for a quick kiss, hands settling on her forearms while hers rest on his chest. She pulls away abruptly, smiling mischievously at the hungry expression on his face before walking down the hall to the elevator. He trails along after her, and if she puts a little extra swing in her hips, who’s to say?
When they arrive, they make their rounds, greeting the attendees and glaring at Tony, who’s oblivious to their distaste. They make small talk for a while, indulging in the open bar and trying hard to act as if they’re nothing more than mere coworkers.
Natasha is significantly better at pretending than him, and she secretly delights in the way that she can so easily distract Steve, who’s doing his best to focus on whatever the nameless benefactor is telling him, rather than stare adoringly at the Widow.
She has to give him some credit though, he’s doing a pretty okay job himself, so long as she’s not in his direct line of sight.
After a couple hours of lingering glances and passing touches, Steve’s about ready to throw in the towel. It seems Natasha has the same opinion, excusing herself to the lady’s room and making eye contact with Steve before she leaves the room.
He gives her a couple minutes head start before following in her direction. As soon as he turns the corner out of sight from the party, he finds himself pressed against the wall, small but strong hands pulling his head down to her level, and yeah- maybe this was better than their previous plans, he thinks.
They break apart at the sound of footsteps, laughing at each other and feeling like teenagers about to be caught sneaking around. Natasha shushes him lightly, grabbing his hand and pulling him along the hallway leading to the dormitories, dodging the Compound personnel all the while. As soon as the door closes to their private quarters, Steve presses her against the door, mindful of his strength as he reverses their positions from earlier. Natasha meets his lips hungrily as her hands reach up to cup the back of his neck, keeping him close as he responds in kind. His hands ghost down her sides, before catching under her thighs, and lifting her up. The Widow wraps her legs around his waist, her skirt hiking up, as his hands linger on her hips, as if waiting for permission. She smirks against him, breaking the kiss momentarily as she huffs a laugh- ever the gentleman, even in the throes of passion. He takes the opportunity to kiss along her jaw, walking them to the bedroom, before dropping her albeit gently onto the bed.
She maneuvers herself into a more comfortable position, head cushioned against her pillows as she reaches for him. She knows the effect she has on Steve and where this is heading. She’s been encouraging him all night, so why does she suddenly feel nervous? A jolt of anxiety rushes through her body, but she quickly pushes it away, schooling her features appropriately.
Steve takes off his jacket and tie, before crawling over her, supporting his weight with one arm as his other hand comes to brush a few stray hairs from her face. Looking at her with her hair fanning out and framing her face in a halo of red, a twinkle in her eyes, he thinks that he must be the luckiest person in the world to get to see her like this. He inches closer and her eyes flutter closed as he finally brings his lips to meet hers once again.
The kiss starts slow, lazy almost, neither feeling the need to rush anything. This thing that they’re doing- this relationship- is new and they have all the time in the world to learn the other. But the temptation of exploration eventually wins out, as they become increasingly insistent. Natasha’s tongue traces the seam of his lips, and he allows her access, returning her eagerness in kind. She feels his hands still, squeezing her ribs briefly at her insistence.
Steve’s hands wander lower, caressing her sides and landing on her hips, his fingers toying with the hem of her skirt now sitting mid thigh due to their haste. This time, he breaks the kiss, giving her a chance to catch her breath as his lips trail along her neck. He hears a sharp intake of breath, feels her tense minutely as her nails dig into the skin of his shoulders, and his lips pause in their descent as he pulls away slightly.
Her eyes are shut, cheeks flushed a delightful shade of pink, and he wouldn’t think twice that anything was wrong, save for the pinch in her brows, giving him pause.
Pulling away further, he utters her name quietly. “Natasha?”
Her eyelashes flutter, but she doesn’t open her eyes, and the pinch in her brow remains. “I-I just need a minute and then you can keep going,” she murmurs breathlessly.
“Nat, we don’t have to go any further-”
Her eyes fly open, meeting his own. “No! I don’t want you to stop just because-” she bites her lower lip abruptly, silencing whatever she was gonna say, and chooses to stare at the ceiling instead.
Steve draws back fully now, moving his weight off of her, worry lurking in the back of his mind as the haze of lust evaporates. “Natasha,” he starts gently. “Please look at me.”
She looks at him briefly, and he sees the spark of panic in her eyes, before she looks away.
His hand moves up to gently cup her cheek, encouraging her to meet his eyes again. When she does, he continues.
“If you don’t want to go any further tonight, we can stop. I need you to want it too, otherwise it’s not right.”
Her eyebrows furrow as she takes in what he says, a confused “What?” escaping her unbidden.
Concern flashes in the super soldier’s deep blues, and Natasha wants to look away, but the hand against her face is persistent. “You need to want this too,” he says again, slowly.
“But you- I mean it’s okay if I don’t- that hasn’t stopped anyone before,” she rambles. She’s trying hard not to read into the look that Steve is giving her, feeling unnecessarily guilty for some reason. Uncertainty overtakes her previously engaged mood, the atmosphere in the room dimming.
Steve’s heart breaks, and he tries desperately to keep the emotion off his face. Natasha isn’t the most open person in the world (the understatement of the century) and he doesn’t want her to mistake his empathy for pity. He sits up, taking his time to arrange his pillow against the headboard before he feels controlled enough to reply.
Natasha sits up as well, pulling her knees to her chest, suddenly self-conscious. Every mark she’s ever had to seduce hadn’t complained, hadn’t even slowed at her momentary discomfort. Not that she ever expected them too, that’s just how it was. Men were just like that. They’d tell her anything as long as they got something in return.
But Steve’s not like all the others. He’s someone she actually cares about, so who is she to deny pleasure, when it’s only her who seems to take issue?
Evidently, that’s not the right answer, judging by the look on Steve’s face when she tells him just that.
Steve fights to keep his voice level as he answers. “No one had the right to demand anything from you, not ever, and especially not now. If you’re not comfortable going any further, we don’t have to. There’s not an unwritten rule where you have to have sex to be intimate.”
Natasha bristles. She knows she doesn’t really feel one way over another about sex, even going so far as to say that she doesn’t particularly enjoy it, but that’s just her own shit. She always has the answer for any given situation, and she knows he doesn’t mean too, but the way he’s looking at her all sadly makes her deeply unsettled. Here he is, talking all virtuously, like mutual benefit should be the standard. She supposed it is, but she doesn’t want to let Steve know that she’s actually uncertain here.
“Look, contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually have a ton of experience here,” Natasha states defensively. “It's always just been a tool for me- a way to get intelligence. I know some of the other girls used to- enjoy it I guess- like it was just a perk of the job, but I never wanted to- I just wanted the job done,” she stammers, feeling wildly uncomfortable admitting her insecurities out loud. She’s trying to gather herself, to rebuild her walls back up, but they keep crumbling. This was not how this night was supposed to go.
“Oh Nat…”
She fidgets with her hands, lower lip caught between her teeth. “I like you Steve, I really do. But I also know how men are, and I know what they like. They don’t like to be stopped once they start.”
It stings a little, being lumped with his gender as a whole, even if she didn’t necessarily mean to. He’s not blind, he recognizes how incredibly attractive she is, and he’s heard how other agents have talked about her, about her reputation as a seductress.
Natasha’s never paid any mind to the rumours, at least not outwardly, and he’s never let the rumours influence his opinion of her either. He feels sick to his stomach thinking about how unfazed people are about their assumptions. How they make all these rumours just because she’s objectively attractive and naturally flirty. Whether the latter is just her or a persona used to shield her real self, it shouldn’t matter.
He’s suddenly nervous that she might think he’s only into her because of her reputation and her looks. He knows he shouldn’t ask, that this isn’t about him but he can’t help it, and asks anyways.
She’s taken aback by the question, quick to reassure. “No! Of course I don’t! You’re different. You like all of me, although I’m not sure why sometimes. I guess I just forget people don’t always have an ulterior motive. That good people like you exist.”
A sense of relief washes over Steve, and he feels embarrassed to have even thought that she’d let anyone this close if they were only in it for her body in the first place.
“Then why did you think it was okay for you to let me continue, when you were uncomfortable?” Horror suddenly strikes him at the thought that maybe she wasn’t into any of it. “Was there any part that you actually enjoyed?”
“I mean- you’re certainly a man with basic human desires, and I’m a woman with… some desires,” she states lamely. “I… I guess I just knew that sex was inevitable, and tonight was as good as any other night to jump in. At least I’d know what to expect for the next time, you know?” She glances up to gauge his reaction, and seeing the shocked look on his face, she continues quickly. “But I like kissing you, honestly!” she adds, uncharacteristically timid. She picks at the snag in the duvet absently, before Steve grabs her hand.
“Natasha, I don’t want you to ever feel like you need to do anything that makes you uncomfortable just to make me happy. If sex is off the table, then I’ll respect your decision. But you need to tell me this kind of stuff so I know. I never would have forgiven myself if we continued tonight and you didn't say anything,” he says earnestly.
Natasha looks down again, whispering, “I didn’t know I could,” and if that didn’t just break him all over again.
“Can I hold you?” Steve asks softly.
Natasha nods, and he pulls her into his side. His arms wrap around her smaller frame as she tucks her face into his chest.
“I don’t want you to be upset,” she whispers into his shirt, and if he didn’t have enhanced hearing, he probably wouldn’t have heard her at all.
“Why would I be upset?” he presses lightly.
“I... It’s always like this. I don’t ever really want to go any further. And I don’t want you to be disappointed when I don’t...” she trails off dejectedly. “I know you say it doesn’t matter now, but you might change your mind later, and I need you to understand that I won’t change mine.”
“Not everything has to be an exchange. I won’t die if we don’t have sex,” he states, his tone light. That gets a huff of laughter out of her before he turns sincere once more. “I’m sorry you were ever led to believe otherwise.”
She’s quiet for a few minutes before she responds. “I feel so… embarrassed I guess. Maybe it's the Red Rooms teachings that make me feel this way- or maybe there’s just something wrong with me.”
“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. I’m sure there are plenty others who feel the same. Maybe the Red Room and your shitty upbringing did contribute, or maybe this is just who you are, but there’s nothing to be ashamed of either way.”
Natasha blushes, and she’s grateful her face is hidden. Kissing her hair gently, Steve moves back, and she glances up at the shift in position. “I’m serious about being okay if we never have sex. And if you ever do want to, I probably won’t say no. We probably should have discussed some boundaries earlier, and I’m sorry we didn’t.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. I honestly didn’t know there was any other option,” she whispers, her hands tightening their grasp on his shirt.
“No apologies necessary. It’s your body, and you have the choice how to use it.”
She smiles a little at that, and Steve’s arms tighten around her again, guiding her head back against his chest.
“I wasn’t lying earlier,” she says after another couple of minutes, content in his embrace. “I really do like kissing you. And I love how adorably polite you are, even when you’re feeling me up-” Steve blushes, stuttering a quick apology again. Natasha silences him with a quick peck to his lips before elaborating. “I don’t mind Steve, honest. I’ll let you know if I’m uncomfortable,” she promises. “And if I’m ever in the mood for more, I’ll let you know.”
“Please do,” he teases lightly before turning serious again. “I want you to remember that you are so much more than what you can offer people. I don’t like you just because of your body, although I think anyone who doesn’t see how incredibly stunning you are is an idiot. But that’s not even the best part about you. Your bravery and resilience inspire me everyday to do better- to be better. So I’ll take you whatever way you’ll let me, and I hope you’ll do the same for me.”
Natasha smiles, and he can see some of the brightness returning to her eyes. “I think I can do that.”
“Good. And… thank you for being honest.”
“Thanks for being you,” she replies.
“Anytime,” Steve states firmly, then needing to lighten the mood, he continues. “Anyways, now that we have that settled, are you hungry? Because I’m starving.”
Natasha laughs, pulling away and standing up from the bed. “I’ll order Thai, you get the movie started.”
“Yes ma’am,” he grins in response, tossing her one of his sweatshirts on her way out the door that she happily accepts. Steve takes another moment to collect himself before following her out. He picks a movie off of his list, one that Natasha had written down for him. Maybe something familiar would be best tonight.
When they’re all set and the food has arrived, they don’t hesitate to dive in as the movie plays softly in the background.
Although the night didn’t end quite how Steve had previously envisioned, he finds he’s just as content to sit on the couch with the gorgeous redhead pressed to his side as she excitedly explains the plot of the movie in between bites of takeout. Pressing a kiss to the side of her head as she laughs at something on the screen, he thinks that they’re going to be more than okay.