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Tina was a fangirl.
She had been one ever since Mom and Dad plopped her in front of the television to watch “The Equestranauts” as a toddler and bought her Chariot to love and cherish for ever and ever. As Tina aged, she found more and more fandoms to consume, like that one guy from that one anime who turned into a giant blob. But Tina was a pretty blob and also not trying to destroy the world. Or something.
Then Tina found fanfiction and it was like her whole world exploded into possibilities. You could put your favorite characters into any situation that you could create? You could put yourself into your favorite stories? You could pair up anyone?
So Tina wrote pages and pages and pages of fanfiction in her binders, meticulously organized and sorted. She could write a story for practically any series. But then! But then–
Tina found real people fiction. Sure, some people found it creepy but it wasn’t like Tina was telling the people that she shipped about her stories. Well, at least not until Tammy showed up at Wagstaff and manipulated Tina into reading her fanfiction out loud. In the cafeteria. During lunch period.
The few weeks following that had been a little awkward, to say the least. However, eventually people forgot and moved on and Tina learned to be even more protective of her work. Only her family could see her stories and even then, Tina tried to hide her more “passionate” tales, both in effort and in genre. Yes, Louise almost always found her fanfiction anyway, but Tina tried her best.
Plus, the key word was “almost.” See, Tina wasn’t as clueless as she sometimes seemed. She learned, fairly quickly, that the best way to hide a story that she really wanted to keep private was to keep it safe in her head. Tina would go over her favorite stories in her mind before bed, adding and editing, until they were like well-loved movies just for her.
And she still shipped people. She especially shipped her friends and the people around town. In her deepest heart, Tina knew that her One True Pairing was her parents (even more than her and Jimmy Jr.). Mom and Dad were perfect for each other: through every obstacle they were loving and sweet. Mom and Dad were so different in many ways, but they were the best ship in the world, in Tina’s opinion.
Then Tina found polyshipping and another epiphany occurred. Suddenly she didn’t have to adhere to love triangles. Suddenly she could date every zombie Wagstaff Boys’ Basketball team member. Suddenly she didn’t have to sigh sadly as she tried to find a way to get this character or that character out of the way when all of the possible ships were almost evenly-matched.
Finding polyshipping also opened Tina’s eyes to something that was, in hindsight, as obvious as the bulletin board in the restaurant. Teddy had a crush on both Mom and Dad. He was more careful with his feelings when it came to Dad–he openly worshiped at Mom’s feet–but once Tina had her shipping goggles on it was so obvious.
There wasn’t really anything that Tina could do about it all, though. Polyamory wasn’t common and she couldn’t really set up her parents with her adopted uncle. Not that she didn’t think about it, of course. But she was 13. It wasn’t like she could make them reservations at a nice restaurant or something.
So Tina just watched her parents and Teddy pretend that they wouldn’t make a perfect triad together. Mom and Dad were happy as a couple and Tina still saw them as her OTP but a One True Threesome was a thing, too! And they’d all be so much happier together. Teddy would have a family, Mom would have someone as enthusiastic as her to squeal with her, and Dad would have his biggest fan around all of the time, not just at lunch.
That was the state of affairs until that spring when things came to a head. Tina had stopped focusing so much on her parents’ relationship since the homework contest was taking up all of her time. Louise wasn’t going to let them lose out on the Wonder Wharf certificates and so the Belcher children were spending hours every day on Louise’s scheme. Which seemed to be going in an entirely unexpected direction, not that they could tell until it was too late.
When Mom and Dad pulled them into the living room one warm spring Wednesday evening after dinner, bowls of ice cream arrayed like offerings on an altar, Tina didn’t have a clue. All she could think of was her favorite ship–and worry.
Mom and Dad hemmed and hawed as the kids ate their treat. At one point Tina asked if Mom and Dad were getting divorced with a queasy stomach. Madeline Maxwell cried when she told Tina about her parents getting divorced and the nice ice cream that foretold doom. Not that off-brand ice cream was nice but they were poor. Plus her folks’ vibe was anxious and tense; not good signs at all.
Mom smiled at Tina, her eyes crinkling. “No, Sweetie, we’re not getting divorced. And I promise, if we ever do, I’ll get you nice ice cream. Or maybe gelato!”
Tina’s worry subsided. Mom wouldn’t lie about something like that and if she did, Tina would know. Everyone in her family was a terrible liar except for Louise. Tina began to eat her ice cream–kept carefully safe from Gene's wild gestures and Louise’s wandering spoon–and listened with increasing interest.
When Mom asked, “Do you know what polyamory means?” Tina’s eyes widened in dawning understanding. Was her fanfiction dreams coming true–in actual real life?
“Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic relationships but not, like, cheating. Right?” Tina recited calmly. Somehow she was holding it all together, even as her hands tightened on her bowl in excitement.
Gene and Louise kept interrupting and Tina ate her ice cream with ideas swirling in her head. Could she even call them headcanons if they were actual facts? Did it matter as long as everyone was happy?
Despite a derailing discussion over the merits of multiple Valentines, the conversation moved in the correct general direction. Tina watched Mom and Dad closely, waiting for the bomb.
After some gentle prodding on Tina’s part, Dad dropped it. “We want to ask Teddy to be our boyfriend.”
There it was! Yes yes yes! Tina could have died both from fangirl glee and the fact that her parents were actually, really going to ask Teddy to be their partner. She grinned at her folks as they floundered through the kids’ questions, so obviously in love that it was adorably funny.
“Aw, you’re asking us for our blessing.” Tina’s smile grew as she teased her parents. It made sense, of course: Mom and Dad weren’t the kind of people to spring such a big change on their kids unawares. Still, Tina found it all so cute. She had to remind herself that this was her actual life and her actual parents even as the RPF in her mind gained entire chapters in an instant.
The talk wound down as Mom and Dad made sure that all three kids were alright with their plan to woo Teddy. Louise might have been a concern–except that Tina knew exactly how much Louise loved Teddy now. Him and his power tools. All three were fine and they made that as obvious as possible to Mom and Dad.
The kids said “goodnight” and kissed their parents before filing into the kitchen to deposit their bowls in the sink. None of them rinsed their bowls out because of course not. Tina at least had no time for such trivial tasks as dishes.
She had a story to edit to convince Teddy to date her parents. She had fanfiction to write (at least some of which she hoped might become reality as well). She had dreams to dream in which she was the Maid of Honor at Mom and Dad’s wedding to Teddy with Gene and Louise at her side, all of them with flowers in their arms and on horseback.
Tina was a fangirl and she had a new canon ship to champion.