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"Uno."
"WHAT!? Aw, no fair, Webs! I know I got a Draw Four in here somewhere!"
Deadpool glared briefly at Spider-Man before returning his attention to the wide fan of cards that comprised his hand. He rapidly rifled through them, flipping some over and nearly flicking a few as the waxed cardstock stuck to the textured rubber of his gloved fingertips.
Spider-Man leaned back in the pleather office chair, foot in the seat with the opposite arm flung behind the chair back. His grin visibly stretched his mask as the mercenary hunched over to peer at his cards, grumbling about tactics and colors and fixing someone's little red wagon.
They were in Avengers Tower, called in by Captain America for a mission debriefing, and just passing time while waiting for the rest of the team to arrive.
Natasha lounged on the plush grey couch, seemingly engrossed in a game of Fallout Shelter on her phone. Thor and Sam Wilson were beating each other up in Super Smash Bros Melee, with Sam's character Pit being trounced repeatedly by Thor and his party-hat wearing Pikachu. Their game was displayed on the wall monitor used during meetings, the chants of "Pi-Ka-Chu!" loudly filling the room.
The door to the adjacent office opened as Deadpool threw down a card. Spidey checked his hand, drew a card, and played his original card.
"Uno."
"You have got to be kidding me."
Leather squeaked across the pleather seat as Deadpool leaned back for another irritated perusal of his cards. Tony's voice carried over the sounds of cartoon warfare, and Spider-Man glanced over to see the engineer animaitedly conversing with a clearly bored Bruce Banner.
"Look, we can settle this right now," Tony said, gesturing to Team Red's table, "Let's just go ask him!"
Tony sped over to the table, shooting Deadpool a disgusted look before focusing his attention to the lounging superhero. Bruce followed at a more sedate pace, nodding at the engrossed merc (who waved a quick hello before refocusing) before greeting them with a smile.
"Spider-Man, Deadpool, glad you could make it. I'm sorry to interrupt your game-"
"Hey, Spider-Man, got a question for you, maybe you can settle this argument," Tony interrupted, and Bruce rolled his eyes.
"It's not an argument, Tony. I'm not arguing, it's barely even a debate. I've never considered the question, and not having an opinion is not a position in this discussion."
The shorter man scoffs.
"I refuse to believe that you, a MAN OF SCIENCE, has ever "not considered a question" a single day in your life, Brucie-Bear-"
"Don't call me that."
"Especially this particular question," he continued, ignoring the interruption.
Deadpool played his card with a flourish, folding his arms and fixing Spider-Man with a smug look on his hyper-expressive mask. A look that turned quickly to disbelief as the lithe hero drew and placed his card, changing the color and smirking at the glare his action prompted.
"Uno."
"AGAIN!? Oh, I am SO gonna enjoy wiping that smug look off your face, Arachno-Guy. Enjoy your stupid 'UnO' while it lasts."
Spidey laughed, kicking his opponent's leg lightly under the table as the larger man swatted at the offending foot before flipping through his cards again.
He mixed wiping laugh tears from his eyes before turning to the annoyed billionaire
"Yeah, Tony? What's the question? If it's about the glued toilets on floor 7, I can't help you. Sworn to secrecy."
Tony blinked in confusion before shooting the oblivious mercenary a poisonous look before shaking his head, refocusing on the annoyingly happy super.
"No, no, not about that, thanks for the heads-up about that, actually, but no. We'd like to know-"
"YOU'D like to know," interjected Bruce.
"WE'D like to know," Tony repeated, shootingva glare at Bruce, "who's your favorite Avenger? Bruce theorizes it's Natasha because of the spider association, or maybe himself because Science Bros or whatever.
"I bet it's Cap, or me 'cause I'm awesome." He paused as Deadpool succumbed to a coughing fit that suspiciously sounded like laughter, then continued, "So, who's right? Who's your favorite Avenger?"
"HA!" Deadpool shouted, causing everyone in the room sans Natasha to jump in surprise, "Eat Draw Two, you menace!"
He slammed down a blue Draw Two hard enough to make the table shake, flopping back in his chair with his arms crossed defiantly, mask stretched in a grin.
Spider-Man sighed, leaning forward over his knee to draw his cards. His eyes blinked slowly, and he played the two cards he'd drawn in succession. A Skip followed by a blue Four.
"Skip you, Pool-Boy," he said with poorly hidden mirth, "and, um.
"Uno."
The grin quickly disappeared from the merc's face, replaced with stoic irritation.
"I hate you," he growled at the innocent numeral, ignoring Spider-Man's laugh as he sorted through his cards like it was his job.
Turning to Tony, the hero scratched his chin for a moment in thought.
"Hmm, favorite Avenger? Oh, that's easy.
"Hawkeye."
It was a struggle not to laugh as the room reacted. Bruce looked puzzled but curious. Sam stopped paying attention to his game in surprise, only to be beaten once more by Thor.
His enhanced hearing caught a muffled "what?" followed by a metallic thud and some cursing from the ventilation system. He may have even heard Natasha snort in amusement as her eyes flicked up to the vent above her seat before returning to her game.
Tony.exe had apparently encountered a fatal error and had shut down. Mouth gaping, eyes wide, and just completely frozen, the genius inventor had been struck speechless.
Bruce patted the silent man on the shoulder with a friendly laugh.
"I'm sure he'd ask you to share your thoughts, if he were able," and with that Spidey did laugh.
Deadpool played a few Skips and Reverses to shed some excess cards before ending with a color-changing Draw Four.
"Red, obviously," he groused, watching a chuckling Spider-Man draw his cards and playing a red Nine.
"Well, Thor's an alien," he began, gesturing at the cheering man.
He pointed toward the couch with his thumb, "Steve, Bucky, and Nat all got dosed with some kind of super-juice, so they're all enhanced in some form or other."
He rubbed the back of his head, ducking a little as if embarrassed.
"You, as Doctor Banner, don't really count? Like, you help behind the scenes, fighting with science. But the Hulk isn't you, exactly? He's science that fights, haha."
Bruce nodded slowly, considering. He smiled, feeling the Hulk's pleasure at being praised by his friend.
Deadpool played another Reverse and Skip, ending his turn with a red Zero and a frown. Spider-Man glanced at his hand, played a green Zero, then continued.
"That leaves Sam, Tony, and Clint. Tony's got his suits, and Sam has the Falcon wings. Those aren't as major as super-serum science-juice, but they're pretty close.
"Clint's taken down aliens and robots, and even threatened a God with only a bow and some arrows. The man is 100% unenhanced human with too many skill points in Agility and Endurance, and not enough in Charisma and Intelligence."
"Hey!" A muffled voice indignantly exclaimed, drowned out along with Nat's amused chuckle by Sam and Thor's bellowing laughter.
Tony had resumed function, thoughtfully listening in wonder, amazed to hear the accomplishments of a man with only years of training.
"Like I said, 100% unenhanced, he's been training his natural talent since he was a kid to the point where he shot down an alien spacecraft WITHOUT LOOKING ohmygod, do you even understand how COOL that is?
Just, training, natural aptitude, plus he's really clever and is a great judge of character."
Deadpool played a Draw Two, but Spidey played his own Draw Two, and the merc pouted and whined as he drew his four cards only to end his turn with a green Three.
"I'm getting close, Baby Boy! Just a few more turns and you're gonna pay!"
Spider-Man laughed as he drew, playing a green Seven. He flaunted his two remaining cards, chuckling as his childish adversary stuck his tongue out at him inside his mask, partially obscured by the seven cards left in his hand.
Tony physically shook off the last of his shock, shooting Bruce an annoyed look when he laughed, before shifting his focus to the webslinger.
"Hawkeye? Just because he's unenhanced? That's so.... No, yeah, that makes sense. It's pretty impressive, actually. At least I came in the Top Three. Can't complain too much about that, I guess."
He shrugs in acceptance and turns away, loudly asking JARVIS for an approximate ETA of Steve and Bucky as he walks toward the doors.
Deadpool plays a red Seven, cheering when Spidey draws two cards and plays a blue Seven. He glanced at his cards, then looked up at Bruce.
"It's just really cool, you know? Without my powers, I'm a natural disaster. Full-blown klutz. I admire people that can, I don't know, do stuff that I can't. Uh, couldn't, I guess.
"You should see the target contests he and Wade come up with. Ricochet contests, aiming challenges. They played Jenga with slingshots made out of paperclips and rubber bands once, it was amazing. They're both amazing."
"I love you too, boo. Now go, it's your turn," Wade says, gesturing to the table and the blue Three he just played.
Thumps, the screech of rubber on metal, and pained cursing began emitting from the vent, steadily increasing in volume. Natasha scooted to the left adjacent seat without looking, tossing a few pillows into the recently vacated space just before a disgruntled Clint Barton bursts out of the vent shaft. He briefly caught the edge of the vent, ensuring he lands right side up, bursting a pillow as he crashed on the extra-padded couch.
"Thanks, Nat," he mumbled, and she side-hugged him with a smile, ruffling pillow-fluff from his hair before exiting her game.
Deadpool leapt to his feet, holding his last two cards aloft as if they were Excaliber and laughing like a Disney villain.
"Read 'em and weep, Spides! I TOLD you I'd..."
The double doors opened, and Steve Roger's entered the room, followed by Bucky and Tony.
"Alright, Avengers," Steve began, heading toward the table as the video feed changed from the video game to the first slide of a SHIELD PowerPoint, "I'm sorry we were so late, let's jump right in and get this done.
Thor and Sam groaned at the loss of their game, and everyone made their way to the conference table.
Spider-Man scooped up the cards, slipping his single card somewhere in the middle of the stack. He plucked Deadpool's cards from his frozen hand, adding them to the others and slipping them into their box to put away.
"Aww, too bad. Better luck next time, 'Pool."
He patted the larger man on the shoulder as he walked past, pausing to put the cards away before heading to the assembled group. The musclebound merc slumped dramatically, dragging his feet pathetically as he followed his lithe companion.
"Stupid Steve, stupid meeting. Fine, you win by DEFAULT, you sneaky spider. Dinner's at 6:30, you said?"
"Yup. 6:30. No masks, and she likes apple pie the best. Don't be late, you will regret it. Trust me on this."
Wade sighed heavily in defeat.
"Yes, dear."