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Found My Heaven

Summary:

Okay, I just watched "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World" and have finally stopped crying so I'm reposting this for you all...

In the end (quite literally), it’s not an epic battle between the forces of good and evil across the plane of Earth that causes the annihilation of humanity.

In the end, the last words that leave Dean's lips are spoken to Castiel, "Find me."

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

In the end (quite literally), it’s not an epic battle between the forces of good and evil across the plane of Earth that causes the annihilation of humanity.

Hannah and Heaven had taken a characteristically nonchalant approach to the seemingly unavoidable fate. Heaven would take in the souls destined for it and they set about shoring up the portal entrances to Heaven and dusting off the doors for the soon to be deceased.

Hell, on the other hand was chaotic. Crowley wanted to keep his reign and continue to sow evil for a number more millennia and thus worked at anything he could to stave off the end. Other lesser demons took the impending end as a time to make as many deals and take as many souls as possible for Hell, and some other demons simply reveled in the doom on Earth’s surface.

The Winchesters, for the very first time, could apparently do nothing. Cas had summoned Hannah, pleading for angelic assistance to no avail. The brothers had worked with Crowley to a point - and that point had come about when it was obvious that no power could change what was about to happen. Elder Gods scoffed at the Winchester’s requests to them. Death wouldn’t “return their calls” and none of them believed that Cas’ father was about to make an appearance after all this time.

It seemed that something as “normal” as space junk was going to bring about the end of the world.

Scientists had detected the asteroid about 3 months earlier. The hunters had only gotten involved after numerous attempts to explode the approaching space rock had gone awry. Shuttles had burst into flames on the launchpads, nukes had prematurely detonated before reaching their target, others had resulted in no measurable change in the encroaching disaster, countries went broke over attempts to destroy the asteroid, and others devolved into war.

Dean was adamant that Hell was behind this at first, but as the Winchesters and their de-powered angel soon discovered - no one was behind it at all. It was the purity of physics that would bring about the apocalypse.

Of course, they refused to use that word. News stations bandied it about in reference to the lack of futurity of the Earth. But to Dean, Sam, and Cas, the apocalypse was something very different - they’d averted the apocalypse before. They couldn’t do anything about the End of the Earth.

They’d worked up until the very end, trying everything they could do to help save the planet revolving around The Sun. But with no degrees to speak of, let alone in physics or astronomy, they couldn’t do anything else.

Sure, nights were filled with whiskey and anger. Tempers were short between the three, but with the chaos of Hell taking advantage of the current situation and the rest of the dark and bumpy deciding to have its own version of their last night on Earth, they were beyond busy.

Castiel thinks that they should be talking about their future in Heaven, spending their drunken and sleepless nights knowing that there is still a future for them, even if no longer on Earth, or perhaps reminiscing on their “good times.” Sam started off very stoically, proceeded to anger for a short time, but finally becoming much more soft about the matter. Since Castiel fell to purge the Mark of Cain from Dean, he can no longer read or even sense thoughts. Sam hasn’t been able to open up much as Dean has cut off any of these discussions that Cas thinks they should be having.

It takes two months and 28 days before Dean breaks down. His refusal to deal with the reality of their situation has resulted in tense and standoffish weeks, so when his dam finally broke, they all broke alongside of him.

There isn’t any whiskey involved, just Dean standing over the stove in the kitchen (one of his many favorite spots in the bunker) stirring a pot of chili when he simply fell to the floor and started sobbing. Cas had rushed over, checking Dean for injuries while Sam and rushed to the stove and turned it off. His sobbs wracked through his body and Cas held him close as his shirt was soaked with the hunter’s tears. Inevitability had finally caught up with Dean Winchester and the sorrow that the three had each been holding up inside of themselves was let loose. They cried together and held each other and spent much of the night on the kitchen floor exchanging their worries and stories and more in-between. Dean had resolved the next day to “go out in style” and the three of them planned their next (and last) afternoon together.

But now it has been three full months and the sky looks as normal as possible on their last day on Earth. The asteroid is set to hit China today, so while the US will look to the sky and see a brilliant blue stretching from horizon to horizon, the billions of people in Asia will face the void of the asteroid blocking out their night sky.

Castiel notices that since two evenings ago, Dean has been holding his hand or giving him soft touches for most of the day. They had spent a rough day before (the one following the breakdown) getting together whatever they needed and wanted for their last day on Earth. They had beer and a barbecue with meat for miles. Sam had asked if they could play some of his favorite music alongside of Dean’s to which the older brother sheepily asked if they could then also add Taylor Swift to the collection. Sam had barked out a laugh but agreed and Dean had turned to Cas with a small, sad smile on his face and placed his hand on his shoulder.

Last night (their last night on Earth), they’d stayed awake into the early hours watching movies alongside each other on the couch. Dean had kept his arm draped across Cas’ shoulders and they’d all dozed off in the room together. They only caught a few hours of sleep (since they were hunters and hadn’t needed much anyways) before waking up with somber expressions. A quiet morning of preparation led to a quiet drive in the Impala out of the garage and into the fields behind the bunker.

After beer and burgers, the three sit on the hood of the Impala in the sunshine with very few projected minutes left in front of them.

“Do you think I’m going to get to see Jess?” Sam breaks the silence with his question in a small voice.

Dean and Cas each turn towards him. “Sammy, you’ve had your torch burning for her for at least a decade now. I think that merits something for getting to see her again when you’re up there in Heaven,” Dean reassures him and pats his knee.

“I think so too,” Sam replies casting his gaze down. His eyes are shimmering with a light rim of tears. He looks to his watch. “Fuck, three minutes.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Dean says. Cas doesn’t want his last few minutes on Earth to be a repeat of the other night, so he takes Dean’s hand in his own. “We fought so hard to protect this stupid planet and this is how it goes down?”

With a squeeze of his hand, Cas starts, “Dean, we did all we could. We can take heart in the fact that the souls here on Earth currently will get the future they still would have kept should this not be happening now.” Cas looks down for a moment and shores himself up for what he finally decides to say next. “And I’m thankful for where I am now. I don’t know if my mangled state of being merits a place in Heaven, but I am simply thankful for the time I’ve had here with you, Dean Winchester. You’ve been the one thing I have been grateful for in all my millennia of existence.”

The earth starts to rumble and the boys can feel it rock the Impala as they’re sitting on her. Sam looks to the sky and Dean stares into the blue eyes of his best friend and brings their joined hands up to his lips.

“Cas, you bastard, you find me in Heaven,” Dean swears solemnly as the rumbling intensifies. Cas’ hand is squeezed in Dean’s so tightly it is almost painful, but he keeps eye contact with Dean. “Find me!” Dean shouts before it all whites out.

 

***

 

When Cas first opened his eyes, it was to nothingness. Well, perhaps that wasn’t the right term, maybe it was to everythingness? Castiel found himself in an expanse of white. It wasn’t Hell and it wasn’t Purgatory, but usually Heaven manifested as specific memories, not blankness. He thought that his heaven might be riding in the backseat of the Impala or sitting across from Dean in any of the diners of their travels or studying texts with Sam in the library of the bunker or perhaps that last movie night as he lay across Dean’s shoulder on the couch.

Instead, he faced an empty expanse. For a moment, Cas wondered if he had retained or had been given back his grace, but after an attempt to unfurl it, he realized it was still gone.

The former angel, now apparent inhabitant of Heaven, then remembered his last moment on Earth as it was. He had a mission, he needed to find Dean.

Now, Cas stands among the plains of Kansas (or someone’s memory of it that is), tired and bedraggled despite the fact that he’s in Heaven and should not feel worn out. The problem was that he didn’t really have his own Heaven. In all of his time in Heaven and on Earth, he had never heard of such a situation but figured it to be a result of his semi-human, semi-angel status.

He’s also tired because he has spent who knows how much time (really, no one knows as there really isn’t time on this plane of existence) searching for Dean Winchester. Thankfully he already knew how to move across and through Heaven, so he didn’t waste any time figuring that out. But locating Dean’s heaven has been elusive. Castiel has tried to will himself there many times, but he always remains locked in the same place. As such, he turned to “physically” scouring Heaven for his friend.

He now stands in Kansas looking at a rundown, though sturdy, building on the side of a sunny road. He feels at peace for some reason, but still is worn out. This is his last attempt on his own. If neither he nor the inhabitants of this heaven can find Dean Winchester, Castiel will turn to Hannah to confirm Dean’s location - and if need be - rend apart the gates of Heaven and Hell to find The Righteous Man once again. He hasn’t allowed himself to think the thoughts that Dean may not be here, but they’ve begun to creep into his consciousness.

As the sun dances on his skin and the breeze blows through the tall grass on the sides of the road, Cas pushes the dark thoughts aside and strides to the entrance of the building. With a single forceful push, he enters through the doorway to find a celebration within.

Ash is standing on the bar hollering the lyrics of a song as he spins Jo around on the narrow countertop. Bobby and Ellen are sitting with Pamela talking languidly with beers in their hands as Jody Mills and Bill Harvelle stand behind them. Kevin Tran is standing with Linda Tran discussing something with Garth. John and Mary Winchester are standing with Sam and the tall, blonde Jessica Moore.

But Cas doesn’t register any of the faces or notice them turning towards him because standing next to the tall, floppy haired brunette that is one of his best friends is Dean Winchester.

And it is Dean Winchester who turns to him, whose eyes light up in hope and awe, and who starts striding towards him. Castiel isn’t sure if he needs to breathe in Heaven, but he hopes not, because otherwise he might be in trouble.

The others have quieted down since Dean started towards Cas whose mouth is open in surprise at the sight. Before the green eyed man reaches him, Cas starts to babble, "I couldn't find your heaven... I thought.... I was worried that... you might not have one… But I’d do anything…” He tries to continue but Dean reaches up to him and frames his face with his hands.

Castiel’s eyes are brimming with tears of joy as he searches Dean’s face - a face filled with a brilliant smile and nothing but love in his eyes.

“I think I just found mine, Cas,” is all Dean says before bringing his lips together with Cas’ own and kisses all the worry from his face.

 

***

 

“I think you’ve gone soft on me,” Death mentions while overlooking the scene in Heaven. “Perhaps it’s your time to be reaped as well. I have just collected the full Winchester set.”

“Nah, I think I have a few more stories up my sleeve,” Chuck responds with a shoulder bump to the gaunt figure next to him. “But this one? It might just be the greatest love story I’ll ever tell.”

Notes:

Okay, I’m SO sorry that was so cliche at the end! I couldn’t help it! Also sidenote that I’m headcanoning that Charlie stayed in OZ and hence stays alive and happy over there. (Benny and Karen are probably in Purgatory and I'm sorry about that :( Let me know if I forgot anyone and I'll edit to add them in :)

Inspired by Never Again We’ll Part by LetThereBeDestiel and encouraged by them and Orange_Coyote. Seriously, GO READ Never Again We’ll Part because it is heartbreaking but so good in the best way!

Feel free to check me out on tumblr on my personal blog (which hasn’t gotten too much love recently) or on Witch Weekly which I run with a fantastic team of people!