Work Text:
Reki's life was never bad.
He had friends, a nice and loving family, he had a job. He studied, even if only enough so he wouldn't repeat the year or something.
Sure, he's been through a lot of bad times, but he's usually gotten over them.
But Reki couldn't get over his curiosity.
Reki's house was further out of town, on the outskirts. It was never a problem, as Reki took his skateboard wherever he went, but that wasn't the point.
Next to his house, there was a lake. It wasn't far, if you walked just a while you'd get there. It was practically owned by the Kyan family; Reki and his father used to go there from time to time, when Reki was very young, to fish.
Well, after Reki's father left, the redhead never had any more reason to go there. No, until…
It all started years ago. He was with his old classmates at recess. Reki wasn't sure what they were talking about as it wasn't his interest, but they eventually changed the topic that caught his attention.
"Guys, what's the best way to die?"
One of the people in the group asks. Reki raises his gaze, which was in a rip of his sweatshirt, to stare at his colleague.
A chorus of murmurs rising, each one saying which way would be less painful, or something. Bothered by the conversation, he says nothing.
But someone on his side says. "I think, drowning."
And oh, Reki remembers the lake that was next to his house.
But at the time, uncomfortable with the conversation, he just makes an excuse that he needed to go out to do something, and leaves.
But this question torments him. For years. The biggest question being:
What happens if I throw myself at the bottom of the lake?
Reki ignores all of this. He tries. Really tries, but fails to throw the question away. It felt like an acid; that gnawed at his mind, asking him to think about it. For him to put an end to this matter.
But how can Reki end this?
There's only one way.
Usually, when Reki felt bad, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Because it was his genuine curiosity. He just wanted to know what the bottom of the lake was like.
There's only one way.
And Reki, for all his grace, does nothing but think about it. He holds back his deep curiosity, one that would only be sated if he did something he didn't want to do.
But it gets more and more difficult.
More and more, Reki wanted to know the answer. He wanted to see it for himself. He wants to know what's at the bottom of the lake, this only lake near his house.
There's only one way.
But it's such a bad thing to do. He knew that if he satiated his stupid curiosity, things wouldn't end well. Very bad, actually. Things would go terribly wrong, and Reki doesn't want that. Why isn't there a safer way to find out?
There's only one way.
Things get more and more curious. And an 18-year-old Kyan decides after a long time, to pay a visit to the lake that torments him so much.
He's been thinking about it the entire class. Why the fuck couldn't he get it out of his head??
He politely declines Langa's offer to skate with him today. He lies, saying he has important things to do.
Maybe it was a lie, since this thing was important only to him.
Today the day was sunny. One of those where the blue sky is so beautiful, without any clouds to cover this beautiful and striking tone.
Reki skates until he gets close to his house, but when he gets to the corner, he changes course, now walking further and further away from the city.
There was a big clump of trees nearby, but Reki knows which way to go. Because of course he knew. He never forgot.
He soon manages to see the water. It was a big lake, probably very deep too.
Placing his skateboard and backpack leaning against a tree, Reki gets closer and closer to the lake.
What he didn't expect was the dread that washed over him.
He, when he was little, never got closer to the lake than necessary. It stayed as far away as possible; he was afraid of falling down. Fear of ending up, as the Reki of now wanted so much, to find out what was at the bottom of the lake.
If he wants to find out so badly, why is his heart beating so fast, is it getting harder and harder to breathe, and nameless tears starting to fall?
There's only one way.
Even crying, Reki gets closer and closer. Closer and closer to the edge. And when he thinks he's gotten close enough, he kneels. Very close to the lake.
Bracing one of his hands on the ground, he reaches out with the other, to touch the water. He can see his reflection; his red hair stood out against the color of the water.
The water is icy. Cold. Probably like the question that torments Reki so much.
Sighing, he walks away, his eyes still producing tears of despair. He gets up, and walks away from the lake, towards his things.
There's only one way.
One night in S, Reki was feeling restless. It hadn't been many days since he'd had his friendly visit to the lake, and since that day, he hadn't had a moment's peace. Not a single minute of peace.
Langa was asking Joe for help with a difficult trick, who was guiding him very well. Reki wasn't left alone with his thoughts, however. Miya didn't leave his side. Probably because Cherry and Joe were busy.
Reki, in a moment of stupidity, blurts out a terrible question out loud.
"Would you be sad if I died?"
No, the question was not asked of anyone in particular. He was asking himself more than anything else. But Miya, who was on his side, heard the premise very well.
Startled, the cat boy takes his eyes off the video game, looking at Reki in amazement.
"What the hell kind of question is that, Reki?"
Ah, Reki only now realized the impact those words would have on an unsuspecting person.
Reki's eyes widen this time. He doesn't look at Miya. "S-Sorry Miya. That's stupid. Don't answer, please. I didn't mean to say that."
Reki didn't want to hear the answer. Could not.
There's only one way.
Miya looks cautiously at Reki. His eyes softening into something sad.
"Reki..."
Do not answer the question. Miya can't answer. Should not.
"I would be sad, Reki. And mad at you. Because you promised to stay by my side forever."
Oh.
Reki shifted uncomfortably. And after saying a few excuses and an unnatural reason to leave, he heads home.
Miya doesn't seem to have told anyone, as everything was in its beautiful and perfect normal.
Langa was studying with him. The two had exams next week, and if they wanted to get good grades, they had to study.
Reki makes his second mistake.
"I wonder what's at the bottom of the lake?"
He blurts out, and damn, what's been going on with him lately???
Langa looks up from his book, and looks up to look at Reki.
"Lake bottom?"
Reki starts to scratch with nervousness. "Yeah, man. Like. Maybe some lakes have special things at the bottom, but no one knows why they're down there? Or are they just ugly and boring. You never know." He tries to change the direction of the conversation.
Langa looks curiously at Reki, blinking. He seemed to be thinking about the open question. "I think the bottom of the lakes has several plants. Like algae. And animals too, depending on the lake. There are several variables for this question."
There are several variables for this question. Reki wanted the answer. Terribly wanted the answer.
"Cool, I think. What are you reading in your book?"
It was a sunny day again. And Reki was getting crazier and crazier about the lake thing.
It was the second time Reki had visited the damn lake. Why not? He wanted to know the answer. He can face the lake until some force from beyond gives him the answer, can't he? He would go with it.
Reki doesn't get as close to the lake as he did last time. He leans against one of the surrounding trees and just watches.
The water that hardly moved, except for the corner, which had a stream of water from a river. If Reki decided to see what was at the bottom of the lake, would the water move along with his despair?
Reki wants to find out. Reki wants to know the answer.
There's only one way.
He, surprisingly, hears footsteps approaching. Looking back, he sees a very familiar characteristic blue hair.
"Langa? What are you doing here?"
The Hasegawa frowns. He looks at Reki, then at the lake. Langa shouldn't be looking at the lake.
"Reki?" Langa totally ignores your earlier question. "Is this the lake you wanted to know what the bottom was?"
Oh no. Reki was fucked.
"That question had been metaphorical" Mutters Reki, not wanting to go into details.
Langa approaches him. His eyes looked worried. Reki needed to find a way out of this. Now.
"How did you know I was here?"
Langa blinks. "I kind of saw you walking around a couple of corners ago. I was going to say hi, but you went this way and I came after you. Sorry." Langa says politely. Maybe Reki was mad at him because he followed him.
Reki just sighs. "I just wanted to check it out. Let's go out, man. It's kind of dangerous." Reki doesn't want to draw Langa into his troubles. Especially one… like this. One so weird.
The two leave near the lake.
It was a cloudy day. Reki didn't have school today, but he was too bad to go out with his friends.
He was kind of getting worse and worse. More and more wanting to know the answer. An answer that would bring him one of the worst consequences.
But Reki needed to know. At this point in the championship, it didn't matter anymore. He just needed to know. If he could find out, then why not?
Reki gets up from his bed, and silently leaves the house.
It's his third visit to the lake. But this is not a friendly visit. No more.
He comes very close to the lake. He stares at his own reflection. Something in him says, tells him to get away from there. Get out and go on living your life peacefully. But Reki can't anymore.
Tears flowed. His body seemed to know better than his mind; the consequences were something very bad. Something Reki didn't particularly want. But every action has a consequence, doesn't it? Reki was bearing it.
Reki didn't think he was suicidal. He never thought about cutting himself, or those things. This thing that was tormenting him was pure doubt. One he was going to solve. Today, and now.
He sits by the lake. His feet touch the water, and it's icy. Much colder than Reki wanted. But he wasn't going to give up today. Could not.
What happens if I throw myself at the bottom of the lake?
What is at the bottom of the lake?
There's only one way to know.
And when Reki feels himself drowning, out of breath, the icy water chilling him to the bone, he thinks he's had his answer.
What's at the bottom of the lake? A question that was never answered correctly. An unhappy person was at the bottom of the lake.
The bottom of the lake?
The person who wanted to find out bore the consequences.