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The evening was serene and calm as a poem, the Cloud Recesses uttering no sound but the soft movement of wind and the thrum of a guqin in a familiar tune. Lan Wangji made sure that despite the evening hour, he was well away from the others of his clan to prevent from disturbing them. To prevent questions of who it was he sought every night for so very long.
It was almost ten years now, he had come every night he was home. Ten years and before he began his routine for bed, he would take his guqin and play to the spirits of the dead, bringing peace if he could but also politely asking with every singing string: have you seen him? Wei Wuxian, are you there?
That was all he could ever dare ask, though so much more welled in his heart - but he couldn't. He didn't know how to put words like that into his easing songs, and truthfully he was scared what the answer could be. So though his heart begged - I'm alone, I miss you, I wish I could see you again and tell you I'm sorry and protect you properly this time - he only kept the same question he would play out into the beyond.
Have you seen him? Wei Ying, are you there?
But he never received a response. Not from the guqin, not from his thoughts.
Lan Wangji placed his elegant fingers over the strings, stilling them into silence. He stood and followed his routine, as he always did - wrap the guqin, walk slowly and mindfully down the path. Bathe. Dress. Meditate on the day and the teachings. Bed by the directed time.
In the morning there would be more to do - there would be teaching, meditations, readings. Night Hunts were coming the next few nights. The rabbits would need to be fed as well, though they seemed to flourish well enough with little attention of his own. He liked to visit them regardless.
Once again, come evening, he would play again for Wei Wuxian's soul. Even after all this time, he couldn't give up looking.
The Juniors were all growing so fast, it seemed - despite Lan Wangji feeling like there was always more to teach them and warn them against, they had retained much and grown more than he remembered. It was only a few more years and they would be going on their own Night Hunts. The feeling of pleased pride and deep worry made for a strange combination in his stomach that he didn't dare betray in front of anyone, least of all the Juniors. But then again, only Lan Zichen seemed to be able to read what he was thinking, and he was often away on Clan Leader business.
The loneliness came in strange waves at unexpected times. Of course it wasn't all consuming - but it was there, deep and constant, like the pressure of the tight scar against his chest, the mess of tissue laced on his back. He always felt them, and he always would, but he wouldn't let a soul know if they bothered him to the point of tears again. Not even Lan Zichen in this case.
He kept his routine and longed for the one who was always so good at disrupting his peace.