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Meredith held her girl the whole car ride home. Zola was still crying silently and Meredith tried to reassure her in a soft voice. The car was silent. Nick was driving as he'd come with Meredith. Meredith tried to hold back her tears, but a few escaped and ran down her cheeks, landing in Zola's soft hair. Zola's words repeated in Meredith's head.
"They're going to die"
And the even more heartbreaking: "Then I'll have no-one"
Zola had already lost so many people in her life, why hadn't she been paying more attention? She should have realized that doing research on Ellis would trigger this. Ellis' Alzheimer's and subsequent death had been hard for her to handle, let alone a child.
As Nick pulled up on her driveway, Meredith got out of the car, supporting Zola. She thanked Nick for the ride, and headed inside. Meredith kept her arm around her girl, and they walked straight to Zola's bedroom.
"You wanna change into something comfy?" Meredith asked her, as they stood in the middle of the room. Zola nodded and changed into some flannel pjs before laying down on her bed. Meredith took her shoes off and joined her. Zola turned her face to Meredith's chest and cried. The action was so reminiscent of a much younger Zola after her father's death, that Meredith's heart broke for her little girl. She stroked Zola's back soothingly and kept another hand on the back of her neck. Slowly Zola's tears dried out and she sat up on the bed.
"Mom, what happened?" Zola asked her.
"I think you had what's called an anxiety attack", Meredith responded with a gentle voice. "They can happen if you are really stressed or worried about something. A lot of people get those. We can look into getting you help for those in the morning if you want?"
"Like therapy?" Zola asked. She'd been to a child psychiatrist when Derek died.
"Yes, or something else that might help", Meredith answered. She pulled Zola's body closer to hers, so that they were leaning on the headboard, Zola's head on her shoulder. "Sometimes it helps to talk to someone about the things that are worrying you, even if they aren't a professional. Wanna try that?"
"Okay", Zola responded. There was a moment of silence before she started: "I knew that Grandma Ellis had died young, like Grandpa Christopher, but I didn't think about it. Then after reading all about Ellis I remembered how it was when you were in the hospital. Aunt Amelia and Aunt Maggie are nice, but I wanted you. And I had to be strong because I'm the oldest. I don't want you to die, mom. I'm not ready."
Meredith listened to Zola and hugged her tight. She'd have to get this right, to reassure her girl. She could cry later.
"Zola, I love you so much. It is true that Maggie and I have a greater chance of getting early on-set Alzheimer's because of the genetic component. It sucks, but it's true. It's something that I think about a lot. It's scary. I don't want to leave you, any of you. But it's also possible that we don't get it. And we cannot live the rest of our lives in fear. It might happen or it might not. And even if it does, there are more treatments available now than there were back then. And research is being done all over the world. There's hope", Meredith finished with a small smile.
"I miss Daddy. He'd fix it", Zola said.
"I miss him too, everyday. He gave the best hugs, he could fix anything with those."
"He did", Zola replied. She seemed sad still, but not as miserable as before. She also look tired.
"Why don't we continue this in the morning, huh? Usually things look better after a good night's sleep", Meredith suggested. Zola nodded with a tired smile, and leaned further down on her mother's chest. Meredith held her as she fell asleep, her composure holding on by a thread. Her little girl was broken.
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When Meredith was certain that Zola wouldn't wake up again, she slowly maneuvered herself free from the bed and walked downstairs. There was no sound coming from the kids' bedrooms, and when she peeked into them, they were already asleep. When she reached the doorway to the kitchen, she was surprised to see Nick sitting at the table with a cup of tea in front of him.
"How is she?" Nick asked.
"Asleep", Meredith answered.
"How are you?" Nick then asked. He was looking at her with compassion, and she broke down. He rose to pull her in his arms, and Meredith just cried into his chest.
"It's awful. She's so young, she shouldn't have to think about things like this", she said, after her tears had slowed down enough for her to speak.
"I know", Nick said. "No-one should have to. Your mother, it must have been so tough." Meredith only nodded.
"I get it if you want out. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with this", she said, looking into his eyes.
"No, we'll cross that bridge if we come to it", Nick said, and wrapped his arms tighter around her. She felt safe in his arms. They stood like that for a long while, before Meredith yawned and Nick ushered her upstairs. When they were at the door to her bedroom, Nick looked uncomfortable.
"I'll just go so you can sleep. Text me or something, when you're ready", he said and turned away from her.
"Or you could stay? I'd really like it if you stayed", Meredith said, with hope.
"Okay, I'll stay", Nick said, before kissing Meredith on her forehead. They hugged for a moment, before closing the bedroom door behind them. She slept the night peacefully in his arms.