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“Bishop! Barn. Now.”
Maya glanced up from the holepunch at the front desk, as Beckett marched through the reception area and out the other door. She couldn’t help feeling every muscle stiffen at the command, preparing for either another humiliation or dressing down. Maybe even both.
One breath. You can take orders. You’re a good soldier.
Her steps are heavy as she enters the barn. It was empty. Of people. Of machines.
Beckett had requested Vic and Travis to move the ladder and engine out earlier but she hadn’t heard as to why. It did at least mean Maya was in the clear for polishing the rig until her hands were sore. Again. With the aid car also being out, along with Andy and Warren, it meant she wouldn’t be expected to count inventory.
“For an Olympian, you are quite slow.” the captain mocks from the front of the station, another packet of mints in his hands.
“Captain.” Maya utters, swallowing her disdain.
She heard a scoff above her and she instantly set her eyes up to the one responsible, only to catch Sullivan on the catwalk. It seemed whatever Beckett had planned, it had caught only Sullivan’s attention so far.
“Don’t mind the rest of the team.” Beckett comments with a dismissive shrug, walking over to collect a folded chair from the side of the room. “They’ll all be cheering you on soon, I’m sure. You’ll be able to relive your glory days.”
Maya ignores him, as he spits another mint across the floor.
The sneer was reminiscent of her days training with her dad. It was the same tone used before he told her she'd be walking back from an unsuccessful track meet.
One breath. You can take orders. You’re a good soldier.
“Sir?” she asks, taking another glance to the catwalk. Sullivan seems to have moved on or was at least out of her line of sight.
“Oh, I didn’t mean those short lived captain days of yours.” he mocks with a snigger, sitting down on the chair, now at the other end of the barn facing Maya. “You well and truly torched those days when you tried to have me fired, right.”
Maya didn’t answer. She set her jaw and hoped he would get this over with.
“So how about reliving those Olympian days.” Beckett falsely cheers, as he raises his arms in pretence of a victory. “Show us how it’s done, Bishop.”
“Captain, if you are done mocking me, I still have the paperwork to file.” Maya offers as much respect as she can through a clenched jaw. She can hear another pair of boots on the catwalk but she knows no one will intervene. She briefly wonders if Beckett picked this particular moment, knowing both Andy and Warren would be most likely to stop whatever this was, that was playing out.
“You do.” Beckett acknowledges, while another mint leaves his mouth and hits the floor. It was so quiet in the station, the little noise it made seemed deafening. “..but I’ve seen you clocking up those miles in the gym and we really should be honest, you’ve had more action with that holepunch than actual fire lately. I need to make sure I’ve not made you soft.”
You don’t stop! I didn’t make you soft! Now run!
One breath. You can take orders. You’re a good soldier.
“So, I’ve got my trusty stopwatch and you have your legs.” Beckett grins. “Think we can take some time between stapling and filing to make sure you’re still in shape, right?”
Homework can wait, you’ll have to find time elsewhere. I need you doing laps now.
Maya blinked once, twice before taking stock of what she was wearing. “I’ll need to change.” she quietly surrenders.
“Nooo, we all watched you win the 10k in turnouts last year. This will be child’s play.” Beckett laughs, holding up his stopwatch. “Let’s go, Bishop!”
One breath. You can take orders. You’re a good soldier.
The boots on her feet are heavier than her running shoes. They thud along with her movements and drown out the silence of the barn.
“That’s it, Bishop. Round and round we go.” the captain smirks, sitting back in his seat and bringing one leg over the other as he calmly watches the lieutenant.
As Maya passes him for the second time, she keeps her eyes forward and breath even.
“See, I’m glad you followed orders. I would hate to upset you further with another demotion.” he mocks.
I’m not here to upset you, Maya. I’m here to make you better, stronger, a winner.
“What’s going on?” Vic asks, as she walks onto the catwalk above the barn where Theo was standing with Suvillian. The uneasy look on her boyfriend’s face has her curious, so she takes a peek below. “Jeeze, what’s Maya done now?”
Theo shakes his head and turns his focus back down when Vic comes up beside him. “No idea but he’s had her circling the barn for the last 20 minutes at least.”
Vic watches the blonde for a moment, a concerned frown making its way across her features, before looking back up to both Theo and Sullivan. “Should we go down and stop this?” she asks, noting the joy Beckett was getting out of the power play.
Sullivan scoffs and then moves to exit the catwalk. “Maya made her bed, she can lie in it.” he retorts scornfully before leaving.
Theo and Vic raise eyebrows at one another before turning their attention back to Maya and Beckett.
“Come on, Bishop, I’ve seen you move faster than this. You’ve not gone sloppy on us have you.”
The bellow echoed around the walls and rattled along Maya’s eardrums, finally picking away at her brain.
That was sloppy. Go again!
Maya’s boots are digging into her toes and the balls of her feet are already a mess from the amount of running she has pushed herself through recently. She knew she should have been taking care of herself but the sharpness of those blisters and the added pain of the hard material pressing forcefully through her socks helps keep her focused. Keeps her moving.
Maya of last year would have ordered a new pair of boots as soon as she noticed the inner wear of her current ones. Maya of last year had better motivations than her current ones.
Pain was motivating. Embrace the pain . It wouldn’t be the first time. It is unlikely to be the last.
“That’s better.” Beckett clapped his hands together, as another mint was spat across the floor.
One breath. You can take orders. You’re a good soldier.
“Guys, why is the ladder and…” Andy stops mid sentence, after walking into the barn. She had actually been glancing back into the reception area where she and Warren had just come through, until she registered what was happening. Her sudden halt has the other firefighter colliding with her back. “What is going on here?”
Maya is circling the empty barn and doesn’t appear to notice that both Warren and Andy have entered. Beckett glanced over to them before looking back at the stopwatch in his hand.
“Bishop, here, is just showing us her Olympic prowess.” he sneers dismissively.
“Captain?” Ben questions, coming alongside Andy and watching Maya worryingly. She looked fatigued and her hair was clinging to her face. The blonde was zoned out …or zoned in. Ben was weary to guess at either.
“Keep going, Bishop.” Beckett yelled in reply, not taking his eyes off the two.
Andy has had enough and grabs at Maya’s arm as she circles past them once more. “Maya, Maya…” she coaxes her friend to a stop, who seems to suddenly realise where she is. “...hey, hey, stop. You’re okay.”
“Don’t get involved, Herrera.” the captain barks, standing up from his chair.
Andy can’t stop watching Maya. The bewildered, lost expression in her eyes is far more concerning than Beckett at this moment in time.
Warren continues to glance between the two, before hearing a small clearing of the throat from above. He finds Vic and Theo standing over them, bearing matching sheepish frowns.
“I need to get involved apparently.” Andy retaliates, glaring at Beckett. “How long has she been running?” She questions everyone, watching as Sullivan makes his way back onto the catwalk. They share a look and the lack of concern on her once husband’s face tells her everything. “You all disgust me.”
At those words Beckett marches across the room, ending up in Maya’s face.
“Did I tell you to stop!”
Did I tell you to stop!
Maya is reeling. Maya is on the floor, kicking into the ground to get us much distance between herself and Lane .
“No, no, no. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” she utters, pushing herself up against the barn wall. “Give me a minute, give me a minute and I’ll go, I’ll go a..again. Just a minute.”
You don’t have a minute! We work in seconds, Maya, seconds! Now get up and run!
“Please, please…” she almost cries quietly, burying her head into her arms as she pulls her legs up tight to her chest. “...just a minute, just a minute.”
Maya’s reaction to Beckett’s yell has everyone scrambling.
Andy is on the floor next to her, trying to avoid her kicking legs. Warren is pushing Beckett across the barn, glancing back at Maya in concern. Vic and Theo have made it through the door after a run down the stairs. Having caught sight of the mass sprint, Travis followed behind, a towel wrapped around his shoulders as he had been towel-drying his hair at the time.
“Maya.” Travis whispers, now seeing her for the first time.
“Enough of the theratics, Bishop. Get up!” Beckett shouts across with an eye roll.
“That’s not theratics.” Vic rebutts, kneeling near Andy but keeping a small distance to Maya herself. It wasn’t lost on her that for someone who helped establish Crisis One, she was at a loss at this moment, watching as Maya closed up and was talking to herself. It was not Bishop and she didn’t know how to move past that. “Andy?”
Andy was trying to workout how to handle this version of Maya too. She had never witnessed her in such a state. The blonde ranted. She didn’t close down. She became aggressive. Vindictive almost. This was a new scale.
Warren had held himself back, not wanting to be a cause in distressing Maya any further. “Herrera, we could possibly be dealing with PTSD or flashbacks?”
“Ruiz, can you get a bottle or two of water?” Andy requested with a short nod to Warren, having read about the effects of the sound of water helping some sufferers. She was trying to think on her feet, turning to Travis. “We need to call Carina.”
“On it.” he nods quickly but doesn’t make it through the doorway.
“Why am I needed to be called?”
The Italian’s voice bounced off the walls, along with the clang of the door behind her, as she made her way into the station from the opposite end to where everyone was huddled. She had had a long day, she needed to just speak with her wife and then head home.
Carina observed the room. There was thick tension hanging in the air. Beckett was sitting in the only chair available and the rest all seemed fascinated with something in the corner. It was only when Andy and Vic turned to face her, did she glimpse dishevelled blonde hair.
“Maya.” she called in shock, as she dropped her bag and made her way across the room. There was no reply. There was no acknowledgement of her presence. There was nothing, just continued babble. “What happened?”
The anger was palpable in the question. Each firefighter looked amongst themselves, seeing who would speak first.
“Your wife couldn’t handle a drill, Italy.” Beckett answered with a snarl.
“It wasn’t a drill!” Andy responded back through her teeth. She might not have been there when it started but there was no way one firefighter would be singled out the way Maya had been for a drill.
“Andy?” Carina asked in a panic, glancing between her wife and Andy.
“Ben and I came back from a call and Maya was running laps in here.”
Theo came back into the room at that point, with Sullivan following. He had left the others to deal with Bishop earlier, as he had no want in helping her but to actually see her now, had stopped him in his tracks.
Carina frowned as she tried to put the pieces together. “And you all just watched?” she sadly asked them, as she looked at each and every face. “You all just watched.” she repeated more to herself, as her eyes fell back to her wife, seeing enough of the guilt ridden and solemn expressions to know how this had played out.
“Maya.” Carina whispered, placing a hand on the other woman’s ankle and her heart broke as Maya pulled herself even further in. It wasn’t enough for Carina to lose the contact of her hand on her, but it showed Maya was not aware of her being present and was actually uncomfortable enough to move away. “My love, it’s okay.”
“I..uh, I have that water, Herrera.” Theo spoke, looking at it before holding it out to the other firefighter. “Would a tiny bit to the back of her neck snap her out of it?” he asks softly.
“Don’t you dare!” Carina snarled, snatching the bottle from his hand. She then set her glare on Andy. “Get them out. Get them all out.”
“Now hang on.” Beckett started, standing up from his chair. Ben had stepped in front of the captain to make sure he could not approach any further.
“Get him out of my sight.” the Italian seethes through her teeth.
Andy gave one nod and pushed herself up. “I’ll be back soon.” She speaks quietly to Carina, before she indicates to the group to move back to the reception and front desk.
Beckett begins to form a response to being told what to do in his own station but a fierce glare from Andy had him stomping through to his office, slamming the door behind him. The rest of the team all looked between themselves as Andy closed the door to the barn and turned on them.
“Travis, take us off being available for now.” Andy instructs, watching as he jumps into action quickly. She turned to the rest of those around her. “Why did no one step in?” she questions in disbelief.
“We didn’t know it was going to go down like that.” Vic answers, looking through the glass door to the silent barn.
Andy laughs dryly, frowning deeply in consideration. “Maya would have been the first one to step in for any one of you.”
A jeer rings out in the otherwise quiet room and Andy looks up at Sullivan.
“She’s a lot of things, Robert, but she would not have allowed anyone to be treated the way she has been tonight.” She defends her friend. It was true. Maya is ruthless. She can be vindictive when backed into a corner but she has never been a bully. She wouldn’t cause someone physical harm. “I..I don’t see a way back from this.” she sighs.
“Why did Carina react so badly to the water?” Vic asks suddenly. It had been something she kept replaying in her head. She had seen the Italian mad, sure, but the anger directed at Theo was not a side of Carina she had seen. “I’m not saying it was a great idea…” she adds, giving the man a raised eyebrow.
“I didn’t know what to do.” he replies meekly, looking down at his shoes.
“I..I’m, hm…” Andy begins, moving her head slowly from one side to the other, as if weighing up what she should or shouldn’t say. “None of you understand Maya’s relationship with her father.”
“Yeah, he’s a dick.” Travis scoffs.
Andy half smiles, conceding that point. “He was more than just a dick. One of his go-to methods of conditioning Maya was to dump cold water on her to wake her up if he deemed she had slept too long. Carina, rightly, was concerned what damage that would do, given the state she is already in.”
Warren cleared his throat. “The ‘did I tell you to stop’ was the…”
“Yeah.” Andy agrees with a nod before looking at those that had been at the station the entire time. “I imagine it wasn’t the only thing Beckett had been yelling at her.” She watches each of them, no one being able to meet her eye. “Thought as much.”
Andy sighs heavily and then marches to the captain’s door, swinging it open without care to the possible reprimand her actions may cause. She finds Beckett sat in virtual darkness behind his desk, his jaw clenched and a pen gripped tight. “Call it in.” she instructs forcefully.
“Herrera.”
“Call it in, Sean. Or I’m doing it myself.”
“Bambina, I need you to look at me.” Carina quietly tries to coax, her voice catching as she brings herself closer to her wife. This Maya was painful to watch and she had to bite the inside of her lip to stop from sobbing. All she could hear was the mumbled ‘Just a minute. Just a minute.’ and she honestly never wanted to hear those words again after today.
“Maya, please, I need to see your face.” She tries again, this time bringing her hands to the back of Maya’s neck, where the blonde’s own hands were wringing the skin below her hairline.
It takes a short time but eventually Carina manages to gradually pull Maya’s hands away from behind her bowed head. She gives them a firm squeeze, hoping to get a response. Nothing came.
“I don’t know where you’ve gone, my love, but I kind of need you back here with me.” she whispers close to Maya’s ear. The babbles continue but are less distinguishable now, which had Carina trying to work out if that was a good thing or something that meant Maya had regressed.
“I can give you that minute. I can give you that.”
Carina is starting to feel or at least acknowledges that she is feeling the cold. The barn wasn’t the greatest for heat at the best of times but it felt ice cold at this point. It led her to begin to wonder just how long Maya had been here before she entered, particularly when her wife’s hands were not really warm either.
She had to stop herself from spiralling down the path of what happened to get them to this moment. She would need to at some point, she knew, but right now she needed to focus on Maya. So she rubbed her hands against Maya’s to warm them and then followed further up to her forearms, until she met the sleeve of Maya’s uniform.
Carina doesn’t know when Maya’s own murmurs stopped, it was the slight rise in her head that had caught her attention instead. It was then that she noted she had been whispering ‘I can give you that.’ for as long as she had been trying to generate heat.
“Hey.” she softly speaks when bewildered blue eyes rose up from behind kneecaps. Her own eyes instantly watered at the lost look she was met with.
Gradually Maya straightens her neck and blinks rapidly for a few seconds, taking in her surroundings and finally resting her eyes on Carina once more.
“Hi.” Carina greets again, wanting to hear Maya respond. Her knees are in pain and she sits back on her haunches, deciding to not overcrowd her wife either.
Maya takes another look around them, clearly confused before settling back on the Italian. “Was Lane here?”
Carina agonisingly swallows the lump in her throat, concern tightening all her muscles. “No, Bambina.” she answers, causing the frown lines on Maya’s face to deepen. “You’ve had a bit of a rough day.” she adds, taking the backs of Maya’s ankles into her hands and pulling them out just slightly so they were no longer compacted against her chest.
“Oh.” the blonde replies, still a little dazed. Her eyes begin to flit around the room.
Carina realises she is becoming more and more aware of where she is and what it means. She can see the cogs turning before her and she is soon on her knees again, holding Maya’s face as her breathing becomes shallow.
“Bambina, I need you to breathe with me.” Carina coaches, ignoring the door reopening beside them. “No more eyes forward, my love. Eyes on me.”
“C..Carina, I..I can’t breathe.” Maya wheezes, pulling at her shirt collar.
Andy is standing at the door, out of view and silently mouths to Warren to get a medic bag from the car still parked outside. She is experiencing genuine fear at what is happening, having never seen Maya in such shape.
“You can, I promise.” Carina calmly replies. “Just follow my breathing. Eyes only on me.” she instructs, while also pulling Maya’s legs out in front of her to take them away from her upper body completely. “Bene, see, another deep breath.”
“C..Carina.” Maya tries again.
“You’re okay. Everything is okay.” Presently, Carina isn’t sure if she is helping Maya or convincing herself. Panic is building in her own chest but she can’t allow it to take over. “That’s great, Bambina.” she smiles, trying to offer as much reassurance as possible.
Now that Maya is breathing less chaotically, Carina decides to undo a couple of the buttons at the top of Maya’s shirt. She briefly glances up to the door, only to find Andy stood still with watering eyes of her own and she then notices Ben just behind the firefighter. It’s not lost on her that he holds a medic bag in his hands and she has a brief moment of thanks for that forward thinking.
Carina soon moves onto Maya’s boots, undoing the laces and beginning to tug. She knows Maya will feel or is already feeling like lead, which means when it comes to moving her, she knows the heavy work boots will not help her in the slightest. What she hadn’t anticipated was the sharp hiss from Maya, as she removed the first boot.
She looked from her wife’s face, pinched in pain and glanced down to her feet.
“Andy.” she quietly called, deliberately trying not to alarm Maya.
Andy had the forethought to take the medic bag from Warren and move back inside the barn, to kneel down next to Carina. It's then that she sees what had Carina calling for her. Or more specifically the medical bag, she somehow knew Andy would bring with her.
They share a glance before Carina turns to find Maya resting back against the wall with her eyes closed. She places a hand on Maya’s cheek, which causes the blonde to open her eyes again.
“I’m going to take your other boot off…” she explains softly. “..and then Andy and I are going to look at the damage done to your feet.”
Maya only nods before closing her eyes again.
Carina taps Andy lightly on the hand to get the other brunette’s attention. She had been fixated on the small patches of red seeping through Maya’s white sock and when she broke from that trance, she briefly glanced at Carina and then Warren, who remained unmoving at the door.
“It’s why running shoes were invented, no.” Carina comments, glancing at the other two firefighters before moving to unlace Maya’s other boot. “I doubt this is the first time she’s run in these.”
Andy clears her throat and begins to rummage through the medical bag beside her. “Warren, can you get some warm water and a clean pair of socks from Maya’s locker, please?” she requests solemnly.
While Carina and Andy worked slowly in removing each sock, Andy found herself glancing at the doctor beside her. “I thought you should know, I made him call it in. The department has policies and procedures in dealing with these situations.” her voice is low, conscious of her resting friend.
The humourless laugh Carina lets out instantly has Andy regretting her words.
“I’m well aware of the policies and procedures SFD have.” Carina mocks, before adding. “I just don’t have any faith in them.”
Warren returned with the requested items and then took guard at the door once more. Carina was thankful because she had neither the patience or want to deal with the rest of 19. She wasn’t sure if she ever would.
Just as they were finishing on patching up Maya’s abused feet and getting a fresh pair of socks on her, there was a soft clearing of the throat from behind Warren that had all three turning to face the newcomer.
“Diane.” Andy greets warmly, relieved to see the woman.
“Andy, hi.” she smiles in return before glancing at Warren. “Ben, always a pleasure. Can I?” Diane indicates if she could get past him to enter the barn.
Warren briefly looks to Carina, to gauge her reaction, imagining how he would like to be handled if it was Mirander in Maya’s position. When he received a subtle nod of agreement, he patted Diane on the shoulder and moved away from the door entirely.
Diane stepped through and offered the smallest of smiles to the woman before her. “You must be Dr DeLuca.”
“DeLuca-Bishop.” Carina replies automatically, glancing at her resting wife while shaking the hand being held towards her.
“Of course.” Diane replies softly with the same smile and her own glance to Maya. “May I?” she asks, checking it was okay to sit beside Maya on the opposite side to Carina.
“Sure.” the Italian nods, feeling the tiredness setting in.
“Would you prefer it if I left?” Andy asks Carina, after clearing away the items used from the medic bag.
Carina half smiles. “I don’t mind you staying.” she answers, then turning her attention back to her wife. “At least until Maya says otherwise.”
“Okay.” Andy whispers, taking a seat back on the floor but further away than she had been to make sure she was not encroaching.
Carina sighs softly to herself and then rests her hand on Maya’s cheek again. The touch has blue eyes opening once more. Still a little dazed. Still exhausted but no longer vacant or panicked. “Hey, Bambina.”
Andy smiles at Carina’s name for Maya.
“Hi.” is the tiniest of voices heard in reply. “I’m sor…”
“No, none of that.” Carina cuts in, stroking under Maya’s eye with her thumb. “No sorries today.”
Maya nods once in reply.
“You have someone here to see you..” Carina continues and starts to see a little panic edging into Maya’s demeanour, so she nods in Diane’s direction. “I’m going to be here with you the entire time.” She adds resting her forehead on Maya’s temple when her wife’s head turns to see who was there.
“Hi Maya.” Diane greets. “Do you think we should talk?”
The three other people in the cold, quiet room waited with baited breath. Maya was clearly in need but asking for help had always been her achilles heel. The silence felt prolonged and each considered what the next steps would be if the offer was refused.
Carina had begun to play with the baby hair at the back of Maya’s neck, trying to calm her anxious heart.
Finally a quiet and almost broken answer floated into the silence.
“Yeah, I think we should.”