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When you meet your soulmate’s eyes for the first time, your world will burst into color. It will be utterly magical.
That’s what everyone said.
Of course, there were inevitably people who never did find their soulmate. Some people perhaps just didn’t have one.
It was okay not to have one, Xie Lian thought. That’s what he told everyone who asked him about it, either scared of their own greyscale existence or pitying his.
Even without a soulmate you could find deep connections.
Deep enough to leave lasting marks when they left your life, carved out of you deeper than any color could surely reach.
And anyways, Xie Lian didn’t mind grey. It was a nice color, with many different shades or saturations. He liked white most still, because he could always match white. He’d been told his hair really was black. His eyes though were apparently a color called ‘brown’.
Xie Lian thought it might be nice to see colors. To learn about brown and skin tones that existed beyond the greyscale. To see what other people wore. But if he couldn’t, he couldn’t. It was probably better like this.
No one should be stuck with him just because some fateful magic gave him the ability to bring color into their world.
***
He met Hua Cheng in a local art gallery. The sort of place where amateurs could display their pieces and get a bit of attention, maybe even a sale or two.
Xie Lian thought the piece was nice. Tranquil. A little white flower in a dark forest being rained on. It seemed to shine in the darkness of the colors, unbelievably crisp.
Hua Cheng, finishing the sale of a butterfly painting, came over to stand by him. “Do you like it?”
“En. It’s very soothing. Are you the artist?”
Hua Cheng’s lips quirked up as if he had said something funny. “I am.”
“You’re very talented.”
“Gege can’t see color, can he?”
Xie Lian found himself minorly thrown off by the nickname and the question, but only for a moment. “No, why, is something strange about the color of this piece?”
Hua Cheng chuckled, pulling out his phone and pulling up a color identifying app.
Slowly, he let it trace along the painting, letting Xie Lian take in the fact that all those very nice shades of grey were actually different colors.
“It’s loud for people who can see color.”
“Loud?”
“Busy. Usually only people who can see in greyscale like my pieces for that reason.”
“Well then I suppose I’m lucky I can see your piece this way. It’s unfortunate I can’t compliment it both ways.”
“Gege’s not missing much.”
“You clearly put a lot of thought into how to make the piece have different meanings depending on the viewer, I’m missing an entire interpretation.” That was often the case with art, but it wasn’t often he saw the art purposely catering to being better in greyscale. Not unless it was geared towards children.
Hua Cheng smirked. “The other interpretation is a purposeful attack on the eyes of anyone who can see color. You can’t see it in greyscale but right here,” Hua Cheng traced out a character on the center of the painting, “is a swear.”
Xie Lian laughed. Truly, he’d never heard of art like this before. “You must make sure whoever buys the piece knows so they don’t offend their family.”
“Most of my regulars buy my pieces to offend.”
“They see greyscale usually?”
“En. I’m sure gege knows how hard it can be for others to bring up. It’s difficult to tell your lonely friend they have bad taste in art just because they can’t see color.”
Xie Lian’s laughter grew. “That’s a good trick. I’ve just always stuck keeping things white so I know the color.”
Seeming to come to a decision, Hua Cheng removed the piece from the wall. “Gege can have it if he wants.”
“Ah, I didn’t bring any money.”
“It’s alright, I don’t need the money. You enjoy the piece as it’s meant to be enjoyed. That’s more than enough.”
Something about Hua Cheng, about the soothingly rude flower painting, made Xie Lian want to accept.
So he did.
And that was how Hua Cheng entered his life.
***
Hua Cheng liked a color called ‘red’. Apparently most of his wardrobe was red and black. Xie Lian thought it was a very nice shade of grey.
“What does red look like?” Xie Lian asked one day as they picked through Hua Cheng’s wardrobe.
He liked asking Hua Cheng about colors. They had only known each other a few months now, but Hua Cheng had helped him download a color identifier on his phone and they’d made a habit of going around and seeing what colors everything was.
Hua Cheng hadn’t said it outright, but Xie Lian knew he must actually see in color just fine based on the way he talked about it and used it in his art. But whoever his soulmate was, Xie Lian had yet to meet them.
The more time they spent together the less Xie Lian wanted to.
“Red? Depends on the shade.” Which was his answer every time, but just like the last time he pulled up a pallete of his paints, all labeled and all with different shades of red on his phone. “Which one does gege want to know about?”
Xie Lian pointed to the one labeled ‘ruby’. “It’s a stone right?”
“En. That shade is about the color of blood too.”
Xie Lian nodded, he had heard blood was red before. Now he knew it was the same red as Hua Cheng’s ruby paint. “Does it have other colors in it?”
He was learning some colors did, which struck him as odd, but he liked hearing Hua Cheng explain it.
“No, ruby is a pretty true red. This one is bit darker, but I know gege can see that.”
Xie Lian nodded. “What about this one. Maroon.”
“Maroon is red and brown,” Hua Cheng explained.
They continued on like that for a few more colors before Xie Lian looked up at him. “But what does red feel like?”
Hua Cheng smiled. “Joy. Vitality. It’s supposed to be a lucky color, but it’s definitely one that doesn’t let you forget it.”
“It suits San Lang then,” Xie Lian said approvingly.
“Oh?”
Xie Lian felt his cheeks heat. “You seem like a very red person.”
Hua Cheng leaned in. “Does gege know when you blush, that’s red too?”
Xie Lian felt his face burn further.
“Ah I forgot, there’s one more thing red often symbolizes.” Hua Cheng’s sly look spelled out nothing good for Xie Lian’s heart. “Fertility.”
Xie Lian really didn’t know how he’d managed to keep so calm in Hua Cheng’s presence the first couple weeks together. It seemed impossible to him now when the man was a shameless flirt.
Even if he knew Hua Cheng could never mean anything by it.
Not with someone around who gave him the power to see colors.
***
The world was still in black and white and greys. Xie Lian still couldn't see the colors your soulmate was supposed to give you.
But the greys looked so much more colorful to Xie Lian now. He had never cared much about his phone before, but now he spent so many hours staring at nature with new eyes before pulling out his phone and going through everything with his color identifying app.
There were colors he never would've known were different. Sights that suddenly were full of hidden beauty. And perhaps he should've been sad he couldn't see it, but he really wasn't. There was a joy in truly relishing the idea of the colors. In trying to see them with Hua Cheng's artist eye.
He'd heard people who met their soulmates talk about color. They didn't talk about it like Hua Cheng did. Xie Lian wanted to talk about it like Hua Cheng. Wanted to see it like Hua Cheng, where he didn't seem to take any color for granted. Where every color had a meaning and a feeling.
Still, he found a certain comfort in white. In knowing he could fully see and feel the color as he was meant to.
Hua Cheng looked best in black though.
Xie Lian was pretty sure it was black at least.
Hua Cheng met his gaze with a smile, giving a turn as they stepped out to walk together. "Did gege see something he liked?"
Xie Lian cleared his throat. "I was just wondering what color that was."
"What color does gege think it is?" Hua Cheng grinned, his hip bumping lightly against Xie Lian's.
"Black?" He knew there was some deeper red in Hua Cheng's closet, but he was fairly sure none of it had looked so starkly crisp and dark like this outfit. The black jeans and black shirt wasn't the same shade of black exactly, but they were still deep enough that he thought it wouldn’t be red.
That was definitely what he was thinking about, and not how very handsome Hua Cheng was.
"Gege's right," Hua Cheng's smile was so proud, so happy you'd think he'd been the one to guess right.
"Why do you only have two colors in your wardrobe?"
"Gege, how could you forget? I have four."
"Four?" He tried to remember when they'd gone through all of Hua Cheng's clothes, Xie Lian running his phone over each piece to catch any secret color shifts that appeared the same shade of grey to him (there hadn't been any). "Red and black."
Hua Cheng tapped his jewelry, prompting a laugh from Xie Lian.
"And silver."
"And white. I have a few pieces that are white."
Xie Lian shook his head. "Alright still. I'd expect you to have all the colors."
"It's easier to match like this," Hua Cheng admitted.
"I didn't realize people who could see colors worried about that as much. I thought it was easy."
Hua Cheng shrugged. "I'm sure it depends. Just because they can see color doesn't mean they know how to coordinate them."
"But don't you?"
"In theory."
"Is it still difficult?"
"En, since I can't actually see them."
Xie Lian stopped.
Hua Cheng stopped with him. "Gege?"
"You can't see color?"
Head tilted, Hua Cheng seemed almost confused. "No."
"But you tell me so much about them."
"En. I researched color theory and symbolism for my art."
Xie Lian blinked, trying to process this new information. He hadn't actually seen Hua Cheng ever just tell him a color without using his own color finding app unless it was one of his carefully organized paints with the labels on top or something in his own home, something he'd chosen within his minimal color palette already and so could easily identify the shades of grey that were mysterious to Xie Lian as different shades of red. Xie Lian had always assumed he pulled out the identifier app for Xie Lian’s benefit. It hadn’t occurred to him that Hua Cheng needed the aid too.
"Oh."
"Does that bother you?"
It didn't. It thrilled him in some strange way. He'd never seen Hua Cheng with his supposed soulmate in all the times they'd been friends. Of course he hadn't. He didn't have one. As old as they both were, neither of them had soulmates to show them colors.
But Hua Cheng had still shown Xie Lian colors. Had still filled his world with more hues than he'd ever thought possible.
"It doesn't bother me, I'm just surprised."
"Because I know so much about colors?"
"Yes, but also because I'd think surely San Lang would have met his soulmate by now," he smiled as they began to walk again.
"Who said I haven't?"
"You did, you can't see color."
"Why should that mean I haven't met my soulmate?" Hua Cheng asked, cheeky as ever.
"That's how it works, isn't it?"
"Who's to say my eye isn't just broken? Gege knows I'm missing one, perhaps something happened with it."
What a tricky fellow, what nonsense was he saying?
"Does San Lang know someone who saw color after they met him then?" Xie Lian challenged, feeling oddly secure in the answer.
"No, their eyes are broken too," Hua Cheng answered confidently.
"Is that right?" Xie Lian couldn't help his smile.
"En.”
“Well I hope I’m not keeping you from them.”
Hua Cheng’s responding smile seemed to have a color of its own. “Gege doesn’t have to worry about something like that.”
***
Xie Lian smiled as he milled around the art gallery. It was nice to be here again, accompanying Hua Cheng instead of just aimlessly passing time this time.
It wasn't the same place they'd first met, Hua Cheng was apparently part of a few groups that meant he was reached out to when someone in the area planned something like this, but it felt nostalgic all the same.
It was fun. He thought he understood why Hua Cheng liked doing it, even if Hua Cheng claimed he wasn't trying to make art his career and thought most of the people who showed up were idiots. Dressed up to not embarrass his friend, Xie Lian swirled his wine idly, playing with it more than he sipped it as he wandered back to Hua Cheng's little section of the gallery.
He had seen most of the pieces before, but he didn't have a great grasp on how the colored version of them came together so he decided to try to figure out the pattern himself as he traced the piece with his color identifier.
He was joined by someone else who stared at the piece blankly.
"What is it in black and white?" the man asked after a moment.
"Three people," Xie Lian pointed to them, though he knew it would be visible to them both. "Smiling and stoic," he pointed to the first and the last. "This middle figure is kneeling among flowers I think. They're a bit abstract. The clouds look gentle and the sky is a soft grey."
The man scowled more. "It's a happy piece?"
"That's how I'd interpret it. How is it in color?"
The man pointed to the first figure. "Crying." The last, "Bleeding from the throat." He didn't bother pointing to the middle one. "And they aren't flowers. They're skulls."
Xie Lian tilted his head. The shape made sense, he couldn’t quite picture how the markings had to be to get it that way though. "The sky isn't an even color is it? I could tell my app was picking up something but I couldn't tell what."
"It says 'Ignorance is bliss'."
Xie Lian hummed, looking at the title of the piece. "He Xuan."
The man looked at him. "He told you?"
"Huh?"
Recognition flickered through his eyes. "You're Xie Lian?"
"Yes?" He smiled, unsure how the conversation had jumped this way.
The man looked at the piece again. "I'm surprised you're bothering with this piece instead of one of yours."
"Oh, I don't paint."
The man glanced at him. "I meant the ones he made you. There's more for you than he usually brings."
"Which ones are mine?" Xie Lian looked around, trying to identify them. Hua Cheng hadn't told him any of the pieces were for him.
The man seemed to realize he'd said something he shouldn't, shaking his head. "Nevermind."
Before Xie Lian could question the strange interaction anymore, Hua Cheng came over, hand settling on Xie Lian's waist familiarly in a way Xie Lian normally wouldn't think twice about, only it seemed a bit more awkward now that the man was staring at where they touched.
"Did you want it?" Hua Cheng asked, addressing the man.
"No."
"Well I doubt Qingxuan does."
The man– he was 'He Xuan', wasn't he?– shook his head, walking away from the conversation without another word.
Xie Lian looked over at Hua Cheng. "Which ones are for me?"
"All of my art is for gege if you'd like it."
"He Xuan said you made some about me, like you made this one about him."
Hua Cheng seemed surprised, fingers twitching once against his waist. "He Xuan said that?"
"En." He left out the 'more than he usually brings' comment. Hua Cheng hadn't had a gallery since Xie Lian met him at the last one. How could there be a 'normal' amount of paintings done for Xie Lian?
Hua Cheng paused for only a moment before bringing Xie Lian over to the digital art prints he had up. Easier to fiddle with and easier to identify his colors and the hidden shapes he was making he'd once told Xie Lain.
Xie Lian looked over one titled 'Peace', taking in the simple hands, only touching my joined pinkies. It seemed to be a very simple study. "What's hidden in it?"
"Who said something is hidden?"
Xie Lian gave him an amused look, heart racing with hope that felt almost distant as he focused instead on the hands. "San Lang always hides things. You wouldn't have bothered with digital if you just wanted a simple painting of our hands."
"Maybe I would have, hands are very difficult gege."
Xie Lian took a picture, feeling Hua Cheng watch him, seeming to expect Xie Lian to put it into his app to identify it.
Instead he texted it to a friend, distant racing of his heart gaining hope as Hua Cheng stilled.
You: What do you see in this picture?
Quan Yizhen: ???
Quan Yizhen: A lot of hearts in the background? Hands with a string attached. Everything is a weird color.
A string attached. The myth was older and largely ignored when the showing of color was so much easier to display the soul connection between two people but there was an old legend that soulmates were joined by a thread in a color only the gods could see. That it held all their colors until they met and they could enjoy their colors freely. It wasn't a subtle allusion. There were very few other places people's minds would go, especially if the background was surrounded by hearts.
Somewhere in his mind, he thought he could see, just a little, what people who saw color meant when they called Hua Cheng's art 'tacky' and 'in your face'. The things he hid in color was so blatantly clear.
Xie Lian looked up at him. He knew Hua Cheng had seen the response on his phone. Knew Hua Cheng knew he knew. "Which other ones are for me?"
"Gege..."
Xie Lian moved to the next piece. 'Joy'.
He'd glimpsed the piece earlier and hadn't let himself linger on it. Hadn't let himself think too hard on why the image of fingers tracing a neck was suddenly too much for him. He'd never flinched at far more sexual images before, but the softness of this piece had been enough to have him avoiding the digital section of Hua Cheng's little set up all night.
A mistake.
"What's hidden in this one?"
"Gege you don't have to–"
"What's hidden in it?" Xie Lian asked, looking up to meet his eye, barely keeping his hope at bay as clarity crashed through him.
Hua Cheng met his eyes for a moment more before his mouth was drawn down, as if bracing himself for something. "Hickeys."
Xie Lian looked back to the piece, face hot as he tried desperately to see it. He though maybe he could see a faint color shift, but not enough to really be sure he wasn't just imagining it. "Is there more for me?"
"I didn't say this one was for gege," Hua Cheng pointed out.
He hadn't, but the way Hua Cheng was no longer touching him, the way his confidence was less soft and more anticipatory than usual, Xie Lian knew.
He didn't need his eyes to show him the pieces. He could see the colors Hua Cheng had taught him. He could feel the relief of a world with color.
Hua Cheng's pieces were always full of hidden messages. Insults or eye sores to people who could see color that were often tranquil or sweet to those who would not. They were 'fuck you's.
But in pieces for Xie Lian, Xie Lian who couldn't see color, of course he wouldn't hide insults. He wanted Xie Lian to see the beauty of his drawings.
He wanted to hide his love letters in the color.
"San Lang." He took Hua Cheng's hand, vision utterly and wonderfully overwhelmed by the color of Hua Cheng. "Will you tell me what they all have hidden in them? It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but my eyes are broken."
Recognition of the joke flickered through Hua Cheng's expression for just a moment before he was smiling, so fond and so happy. And how had Xie Lian ever been worried there was anyone else? How had he ever been worried when Hua Cheng always smiled at him like Xie Lian held all the colors in the world?
"En." Hua Cheng led him to the next piece. "I suppose I can explain them."
Xie Lian hoped Hua Cheng never stopped teaching him about colors and all the secrets they could hide. Even if they both were looking at them with “broken eyes”.