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It has come to Brent's attention that Daniel is gay.
Daniel didn't exactly say anything, not yet at least, but Brent took a wild shot in the dark and assumed he was. He talks about Bobby Dagen and when he does, which is invariably, he has this dreamy far-off smile plastered on his face. Brent can't help but feel a tad bit jealous and annoyed.
The last time they had gone to a support group, Daniel had asked for his autograph and while Mr. Dagen scribbled down his name Daniel was practically fainting. Brent watched as Bobby clapped a swooning Daniel on the back and whispered something in his ear. Daniel's face went pale and he blushed as he walked back over to Brent.
When they walked back to Brent's house Daniel was rambling on about how charming and influential Bobby was.
Right now, at Brent's house, Daniel was repeating Bobby's propaganda back to him. This was the only time that Daniel and Brent had a disagreement about something. Daniel explained in great detail on how Mr. Dagen's work helped so many, while Brent would scoff and accuse Bobby of being a fraud.
Daniel would get flustered and flail about with a copy of S.U.R.V.I.V.E. in his hand, pouting like a child. Brent had to admit, the pouting was kind of cute. He didn't mind that part at all. When things got too heated, on Daniel's part, Brent would stare with raised eyebrows and tell Daniel to calm down. Daniel would freeze and his motor mouth would snap shut, blushing profusely as he saw a smile creeping across Brent's face.
Taking a seat next to Brent on the bed, Daniel would apologize while giving Brent a nervous smile.
"Sorry," Daniel tittered anxiously. "I just get carried away."
"Yeah," Brent grinned. "I know."
The way Daniel preached Bobby Dagen, was like a Christian preaching the word of God. It meant that much to Daniel and Brent couldn't understand why, other than the whole crush thing.
"Are you thirsty?" Brent asked after Daniel calmed down a little.
"Dr. Pepper?"
"Coke it is," Brent snickered, patting Daniel on the knee as he got up.
He walked out of his room, through the living room, and into the kitchen. Brent opened up the fridge, the cool air nipping at his face as he reached in for two red cans. He eyed yesterday's leftovers for a few long seconds before deciding that he wasn't particularly hungry.
Brent shut the door to the fridge and turned to go back to the room, sodas in hand. The various pictures of his father strung up on the walls made him avert his vision far too much. Brent felt that if he looked at Harold he'd break down, crying, but he'd also have that guilt hanging over his head. Like that story of a man sitting underneath a sword hanging by a single thread, knowing that at any moment it could snap and end him.
He didn't even notice he had stopped or that after a few minutes Daniel had emerged from the room to see what was taking him so long. Daniel waved his hand in front of Brent's blank face in order to get his attention. Brent looked up to Daniel's face filled with concern and waved a dismissive hand around, giving Daniel his coke.
Their fingers touched at the exchange, the contact giving Brent more goosebumps than the actual temperature of the soda. Daniel took it and picked up a picture of Harold off of the desk next to them.
Brent pulled the tab of his soda, the can making a snapping noise. He took a sip and watched Daniel study the picture with bright eyes. Daniel set the can down and gripped the picture frame with both hands. In this frozen memory, Harold was in a huge parka with a trapper hat strapped securely underneath his chin. It was snowing. Harold's nose was red, and probably running, from the cold and had a genuine smile on his face. Daniel knew it was genuine, because his teeth were showing and his eyes crinkled at the corners in glee, forming a snowball in his clasped hands.
Daniel looked up from the picture, to Brent, then back down, giving Harold one last once over. He sat the snapshot back in its place and picked up his soda.
"He's handsome," Daniel commented. "You look so much like him."
Brent took a long gulp of Cola and shrugged a little. "He was."
"My dad was alright I guess. My mom thought he was attractive. I don't think I look like him though."
"Do you have a picture?" Brent inquired curiously, realizing that he's never seen a proper photo of the infamous Eric Matthews yet.
Daniel dug around in his pocket to pull out his wallet. He found the picture of him and his father and handed it over to Brent with a subtle smile playing about his lips. Brent studied it momentarily, figuring that Eric Matthews wasn't all that bad, kind of hot actually. Brent flushed, handing the picture back to Daniel.
"He's pretty good looking," Brent blushed. "You do kinda look like him though."
Daniel gave the picture a short look, then put it back into his wallet and put it away. He followed Brent back into the room and sat crossed legged across from each other, knees touching. Daniel flicked at the can's tab, pulling it back then making it snap to the original place.
There was a question on the tip of Daniel's tongue, Brent thought. He was fidgeting a lot since they got back to the room.
"How'd he die? Your father?"
Brent drew in a ragged breath and filled his mouth with the acidic beverage, only managing to stall for mere seconds. Daniel looked at Brent, hoping against hope that Brent would tell him.
"Heart disease," Brent mumbled. "Yours?"
"Jigsaw," Daniel replied lowly. "People say he's never killed anyone, but I think that's bullshit. I mean, what right does he have? To take a life? Disgusting..."
Brent couldn't help but feel ashamed. Daniel didn't know it, but he was also referring to Brent, not just Jigsaw. He had taken the life of a man, who let his father die, without thinking twice about it. Brent was no better than Jigsaw and he felt sick with himself.
"Who am I to talk, though? I'm not any better," Daniel scoffed.
"What do you mean?" Brent asked. His heart raced and his curiosity spiked.
"I... Well, I sorta... I was just protecting myself. He was going to kill me, like all the others," Daniel babbled profusely. His mouth moving at the speed of light.
Brent was lost and even more so, intrigued.
"Daniel, slow down," Brent soothed with a hand to the shoulder.
Daniel took a deep breath and looked Brent straight in the eye, completely serious.
"Please don't be disgusted in me, but..."
"What?" Brent asked, all too quickly.
"I've killed someone." The words left Daniel's mouth in shaky breaths. He was rattled with admission and at the same time, somewhat relieved. Like a weight was lifted from his chest. Daniel waited for Brent's reaction, but only saw a blank expression covering the tan skin.
Brent looked down at his can, the faint sound of fizzing filling the quiet atmosphere. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Daniel had killed someone and it left Brent to wonder why and how.
"How?"
"Hack saw."
"Why?"
"He was going to kill me. What else could I do?"
"Was it your test?" Brent asked, looking up at Daniel again and finding a worried look. He could see remorse in Daniel's eyes and wondered if he had any of that left in himself.
"No," Daniel whispered. "I was in this house with eight other people. It was being pumped with nerve gas. The front door would only open after three hours, but we only had two hours to live. There were these hypos, you know? Like antidotes, scattered all around the house and we had to do certain things in order to obtain them."
Daniel was looking down the whole time, like he was ashamed or haunted just by talking about it. Brent had his undivided attention on Daniel, studying the pale boy's face for any subtle changes.
"What happened?" Brent whispered.
"People started dying. Nobody was able to get any antidotes. Some of them find out about my dad..."
"What was bad about that?"
"He was the reason they were convicted. He supposedly set them up with drug charges and when they found out, they didn't want to have anything to do with me," Daniel's voice cracked uncertainly.
"You can stop whenever you want. You don't have to tell me," Brent reassured.
Daniel continued, "Me and this girl, Amanda, worked together. We were stalked by one of the other guys and were chased down into this cellar, basement thing and..."
Daniel's eyes teared up and he sobbed. Brent grabbed his soda can and set it on the nightstand so it wouldn't spill all over the bed. Brent moved forward and hugged Daniel to him with Daniel's face buried in the crook of his neck. He felt Daniel's body lurch and constrict under his arms and hands.
That warm body trembling, convulsing slightly, those soft lips pressed against his neck. Brent knew better than to let his mind take advantage of the situation, but he couldn't help the way Daniel's hair smelt and how his body was on fire.
"He had a knife, Brent. He was going to kill me if I didn't do something," Daniel sobbed into Brent's shoulder, his arms wrapped around the other boy's neck securely.
"It's alright," Brent said, rubbing a circle on his back to sooth Daniel. "You're not a bad person, Daniel. I'm not disgusted. You're such a strong person."
Brent held Daniel like that for the longest time, calming him down, shushing whenever Daniel started to act up and choke a little. Daniel clung to Brent tightly, not wanting to let go because he felt safe and he trusted Brent so much. He was glad to finally tell someone about what had happened and it felt even better knowing he was telling it to Brent.
*************
"But Bobby Dagen says--"
"Fuck Bobby Dagen!" Brent cut off. "He's so fake. He doesn't know shit!"
So things weren't going so well. It had been a few days after Daniel broke down and confessed his problems. Daniel had pressured Brent, only a little, to let go of his demons and tell Daniel what had happened with his game, but Brent got defensive in a flash and flipped on him.
"I told you... Things..."
"I'm allowed my privacy," Brent retorted.
"If you want to have inner peace you need to understand your problems," Daniel preached. "Bobby Dagen--"
"Bobby Dagen! Bobby Dagen! Bobby Dagen!" Brent repeated over and over in different mock tones, cornering Daniel up against a brick wall in the alley they had stopped in on their way to Starbucks.
Daniel felt small and trapped. Brent was already taller than him by half a foot, so Brent looming over him where no one could see was a little unnerving. He was so close that Daniel could feel each exhale ruffle his hair a little. If he could, Daniel would try taking a step back.
"Don't you ever shut up about that asshole? Maybe I don't want to hear about the big hard on you have for him," Brent spat. "I'm sick of just hearing his name..."
"Bobby Dagen," Daniel said in defiance, pushing Brent's buttons.
"Shut the fuck," Brent replied lowly.
Daniel's jaw clenched and he scowled at Brent with distaste coating his voice. "Fuck you! I'll say whatever the fuck I want!" It was the loudest Daniel had ever raised his voice to Brent.
"Say it one more time I dare you," Brent spat.
"Or what?"
"I'll hit you."
"Bullshit!"
"Try me."
Daniel's icy eyes became dark, his jaw strong and clenched as he stared Brent down with one of his deadly serious scowls.
"Bobby. Dagen," Daniel whispered with a prominent pause between the first and last name.
Brent just stared at Daniel with black eyes, not thinking Daniel would actually push him and with such attitude that it slapped Brent in the face. His hand flew out, striking Daniel across the left cheek with a loud thwap. Daniel half expected to be slapped, but when Brent grabbed him by the shirt and mashed their lips together, his eyes flew open in shock.
Brent's tongue forced Daniel's mouth open, slipping inside to shut him up for at least a moment. Daniel was pushed harder against the brick wall, his butt thumping the surface as Brent's hips lurched forward into his.
Moaning into full lips and shifting, Daniel tangled his tongue with Brent's, enthusiastically. It was the first time he'd ever been kissed by another person and the first time he had ever felt another hard on pressing into his. Brent pushed his hips into Daniel's, experimentally, and elicited a soft moan from the shorter boy.
Lips and tongues clashed softly and slowly with one another. The two boys swapped saliva like their life depended on it and humped each other through their clothes like a couple of rabbits. Daniel made a small noise and Brent growled as he nipped at Daniel's kiss stained lips, playfully. Daniel smiled and huffed out a small giggle. Then Brent remembered where he was and what he was doing.
He pulled back abruptly to catch his breath and left Daniel reeling, slightly dizzy from the sudden loss of lips and tongue. Daniel watched Brent straighten out his clothes and clear his throat, wiping off saliva slick lips.
"Shut up," Brent whispered again. "Shut up."
************
Daniel was laying down on his bed, twirling his phone in one hand and the other resting on his stomach. It's been two days since the alley and they hadn't talked after Brent told him to shut up and walked away. He wanted to go over to Brent's house, but Brent probably wouldn't answer the door. He could try calling, but Daniel was afraid his voice would fail him miserably. So instead, he unlocked his phone and sent Brent a text.
«Brent. We need 2 talk.. Please meet me @ Georgie's Café»
He pressed send and waited patiently for Brent's reply, if it came at all. Daniel tapped his foot restlessly against his bed frame in anticipation. He felt his phone vibrate against his stomach and snatched it up quickly. It read:
«Is 3pm ok?»
That was only an hour from now. Daniel replied back with lightning fast thumbs.
«See ya then :)»
Daniel sent the text with a hopeful smile and jumped up from the bed. He ran into his bathroom to look in the mirror, picking up his brush to comb through his light messy curls. He figured the clothes he was wearing were alright enough, because it would at least be a half hour walk.
He put on some deodorant to hide his slightly ripe smell and went back to his room to put on some shoes. With his phone in his pocket and hair tamed, he flew out his bedroom door and raced to the kitchen to grab a quick bite. On his way out the door he noticed a note from his mom.
Daniel,
I'm going to be gone for a few days. There's plenty of food in the fridge and some money in your jacket. Don't get into any trouble.
-Love you
Daniel rolled his eyes incredulously and scoffed at his mom's attempt to actually be a 'mom'. He grabbed his hoodie and left his house.
When he arrived at Georgie's he grabbed a vanilla mocha and went to find a table. He noticed Mallick sitting by himself, fiddling with his arm sling. Daniel approached him and asked if he could sit down with him. He had about 15 minutes to kill anyway. When he sat down with his mocha he smiled warmly at Mallick and Mallick flashed a nervous one.
"How're your steps going?" Daniel started conversationally.
"Pretty good. I'm still a little shaky for it sometimes, but I'm coping, ya know?" Mallick rushed out. "Haven't seen you at the group lately. Don't need it anymore or something?"
Daniel huffed out a laugh. "It's not that. Just dealing with some shit."
Mallick nodded in acknowledgment and took a sip of his still hot coffee. Daniel sat there with Mallick in comfortable silence for a moment or two and he looked at the arm that hung limply in the sling. Daniel gulped past a tight knot in his throat, appalled by the long scar running up the middle.
"Did it hurt?" Daniel said, nodding toward Mallick's injured arm.
"Like a bitch," Mallick chuckled.
"Sorry," Daniel murmured.
"I was a bad person, Danny."
"But you're not anymore," Daniel stated with a grin.
"Not anymore," Mallick echoed.
They smiled at each other and the door to Georgie's dinged. Daniel shot his head toward the door hoping it was Brent, but it was only Det. Matt Gibson. Det. Gibson strode up towards the counter and stopped when he noticed Daniel.
"Matthews, right?" Gibson pointed quizzically.
"Yeah. Daniel."
"Eric's boy. He was a great man. Trained me himself, as a matter of fact. I'm sorry about what happened," Gibson said sincerely. "You doing okay?"
"I'm doing alright, Detective. I've been going to groups, learning how to cope. Made a friend even. Supposed to be meeting up soon," Daniel replied.
"Is that so? I'm glad to hear that, Daniel. If you ever need anything..." Gibson trailed off, knowing Daniel could figure out the rest of the sentence.
"Thanks, sir. I really appreciate that," beamed Daniel.
Gibson smiled again and looked over to Mallick, nodding once. "Mallick."
"Detective."
Gibson walked away and went to the counter. Mallick looked back to Daniel with raised eyebrows and chuckled a little at the unexplained history between the Detective and Daniel.
"Seems like you have a lot of people by your side," Mallick commented.
"I wouldn't say two as being a lot." Daniel shrugged nonchalantly. He noticed the slight frown on Mallick's face. He probably had no one. "I got your back Mallick," Daniel said and clapped a hand reassuringly on his right shoulder.
Mallick made a pained little noise, then Daniel realized his right side was the bad side. Daniel made an apologetic face and started to laugh a little, Mallick joining him soon after.
"I'm so sorry," Daniel said between tears of laughter. He heard the bell again and noticed Brent had walked in. "I have to go, Mallick. Talk to you later, alright?"
Daniel got up and approached the table Brent took a seat at, sitting down with a tiny smile. Brent's lips curled inward and Daniel could remember, vividly, their kiss they shared the other day. Daniel bit his lip and placed his hands flat on the table, drumming his thumbs quietly as he waited for Brent to say something.
"What'd you get?" Brent said nodding toward Daniel's beverage.
"Vanilla mocha," Daniel said plainly.
"Can I have a sip?" Brent asked innocently.
"More like a chug. Everyone says sip, when they actually mean gulp," Daniel chuckled, handing the cup over to Brent who took it with a smile.
Brent drank some of the sweet liquid and licked his lip, Daniel watching the movement intently. He set the cup down and grinned his approval to Daniel. Brent looked around, trying to figure out something to say, anything. He noticed Mallick, the man was sort of hard to miss and waved to Det. Gibson as he walked out with his coffee.
Daniel and Brent connected eyes a few times, then diverted it elsewhere when it got kind of awkward. It was even more awkward when they both reached for the drink at the same time, fingers touching. They'd pull away reluctantly, blush, and apologize with nervous smiles.
"I'm sorry about what I said the other day. I didn't mean it. Any of it."
"It's alright. It's true," Daniel said with a dismissive hand.
"That doesn't make it alright, Daniel. I insulted you and practically called you.... A homosexual," Brent frowned, whispering the last word. "Not to mention how I took advantage of you."
Daniel looked Brent in the eyes, unable to read them, then back down to the ground. The atmosphere between them grew awkward and uncomfortable. Daniel was paranoid that everyone was watching them, when in reality no one cared. No words were spoken after a minute and Daniel shifted.
He couldn't take the silence and awkward glances that followed after. Daniel was fidgeting far too much for comfort, so when the next words came out he couldn't help it.
"I'm gay, Brent," Daniel gushed, figuring he had to say it sooner or later. Even though it was completely obvious.
Brent stared wide eyed at Daniel for a long second then away abruptly. His face turned red and he shifted in his chair.
"I like boys. Sexually," Daniel went on. The look in his icy eyes was intense and piercing. "I enjoyed kissing you, Brent. I wanted it," Daniel admitted with a low intimate tone, only Brent could hear.
"Daniel, I'm not--" Brent stopped, because in all honesty, he didn't know what to say.
He thought back on the other day and remembered what Daniel had said. And in this critical moment of admission, he had to ask himself: What would Bobby Dagen Do?
Bobby Dagen would probably quote his book and put on his face of understanding and sympathy. He'd probably tell Brent what Daniel had recited from S.U.R.V.I.V.E. Understand your problems. He had issues. Everyone did. Brent just needed to let go and take a leap of faith. Daniel trusted him, so Brent decided to trust Daniel in return.
"Brent," Daniel said softly, "I kinda like you." He was blushing like a 14 year old girl at his statement, feeling thoroughly embarrassed with his honesty.
Brent's heart fluttered a little at Daniel's admission. He reached a hand across the table and placed Daniel's hand in his, gripping just slightly to let Daniel know he was there. Brent gave Daniel an awkward smile, that was all too adorable, and licked his lips.
"I kinda like you too."
And Brent meant it. He wasn't buying into Bobby Dagen's words. But for Daniel? He'd make an effort.