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Nie Mingjue cannot believe what he is reading right now and he’s also not going to. No way in hell is he going to simply accept this without talking to Jiang Cheng about this.
“Da-ge, what are you going to do?” Nie Huaisang asks him carefully because clearly Nie Mingjue’s face is giving him away and he shakes the letter he still has in his hand.
“I’m not going to accept this,” Nie Mingjue says and then throws the letter in disgust away from him. “I am not.”
“You might have to,” Nie Huaisang cautiously says as he picks the letter up to read it over again. He already heard the content once when Nie Mingjue read it out to him—more like shouted it out to him—but it seems he needs to read it again.
“And why is that?” Nie Mingjue challenges him, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“Feelings change. You agreed that his time here would be a trial period. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same for you after this.”
“Bullshit,” Nie Mingjue spits out. “He managed to subdue the saber spirit for me. He found a solution for all of us.”
“That was work,” Nie Huaisang reminds him but Nie Mingjue shakes his head.
“That was pure stubbornness on behalf of someone he loves. And before you argue that point, he told me so himself. He even said it right before he left. He said he loves me and that he can’t wait for us to meet again and enter the official courtship now that this problem is out of the way.”
Nie Huaisang worries his lower lip at that but he doesn’t say anything.
“Does that sound like someone who doesn’t have feelings for me? And you know Wanyin; if he truly didn’t feel the same he would have told me then, instead of writing it to me in a letter.”
“So what? You think he got coerced? Someone forged this letter?” Nie Huaisang asks but Nie Mingjue shakes his head.
“It’s his hand-writing, his wording. I don’t think so. But something must be going on. This is not like him.”
“Da-ge—if it is like him, if he went home and realized that it’s not right for him, that he doesn’t have those kind of feelings for you—” Nie Huaisang trails off here. Nie Mingjue knows very well where his train of thought is going and he rolls his eyes at him.
It almost hurts to remember that he picked that particular habit up from Jiang Cheng himself.
“Then I won’t make any problems for him. But he needs to say it to my face.”
“Alright,” Nie Huaisang agrees and hands the letter back to Nie Mingjue. “Then you better prepare for a trip there, because I doubt he’s going to come here in the foreseeable future.”
“Way ahead of you, didi, everything is already packed.”
“Of course it is,” Nie Huaisang sighs out and then points a finger at Nie Mingjue. “You behave yourself. Wanyin is also my friend and you will not make things hard for him.”
“And what if he’s making things hard for me?” Nie Mingjue asks, though he knows that Nie Huaisang always has his back.
“If you manage to bring him back here for the courtship then he’ll get a stern talking to as well, don’t worry,” Nie Huaisang huffs out. “Now you better go, I don’t like seeing you moping like this.”
“You just want out of training,” Nie Mingjue grumbles as he gets Baxia ready. “But Zonghui is going to keep a very close eye on you.”
“Ugh,” Nie Huaisang groans and Nie Mingjue waves cheerfully at him as he steps on Baxia and flies away.
The flight gives him some time to think about things; it’s true that he would never force Jiang Cheng to do anything he wouldn’t want to but it’s also true that he holds Nie Mingjue’s heart in his hands. It would crush him if Jiang Cheng had changed his mind about the courtship, even though he would accept it.
Nie Mingjue just hopes that it doesn’t come to that; it’s much more likely that Jiang Cheng got lost in his head somewhere and thinks this to be the best solution for everyone involved, even though he’s suffering.
Nie Mingjue has learned quite a lot about Jiang Cheng during his stay in the Unclean Realm to find a solution for the saber spirit and so Nie Mingjue is not quite desperate yet.
That will probably come later.
“Nie-zongzhu,” he’s greeted at the gates by Jiang Cheng’s second in command and he doesn’t seem entirely unhappy to see him here. “You’re here for our zongzhu?”
“Yes, I am. Is he expecting me?”
“No,” the man admits. “He thinks he thoroughly severed all ties with his letter. We thought differently though, so your usual room is prepared. He’s in his study.”
“Thank you,” Nie Mingjue says and gives the man a smile, because he’s awfully competent and Jiang Cheng is lucky to have him.
He won’t think the same in a moment, especially if he really thought Nie Mingjue would be fine with just a letter, but that’s something those two have to work out between themselves.
“Wanyin,” Nie Mingjue says in greeting as he simply marches into the study Jiang Cheng usually works in and going by Jiang Cheng’s huge eyes he really did not expect Nie Mingjue to show up in Lotus Pier.
And especially not so soon. The letter only arrived a few hours ago after all.
“What are you doing here?” Jiang Cheng breathes out, clearly still too shocked to do anything but to stare at Nie Mingjue and Nie Mingjue simply sits down opposite of him.
“Visiting you. I want to talk about the letter,” he says and puts the letter in question down on the table.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Jiang Cheng gives back, immediately closed off to Nie Mingjue but he doesn’t believe it.
“I think there is,” Nie Mingjue gives back and doesn’t flinch when Jiang Cheng glares at him.
“Was I unclear in the letter, Nie-zongzhu?” Jiang Cheng asks him, his tone biting and Nie Mingjue nods.
“Yes, actually,” he replies. “See here,” he says and points at the entire letter. “It fails to explain what happened between you telling me you love me and you’re looking forward to the courtship and whatever the hell this is.”
Jiang Cheng works his jaw at that and while people usually attribute anger to that, Nie Mingjue learned to read Jiang Cheng very well over the last few months. He knows he simply is at a loss for words.
“Wanyin, listen,” Nie Mingjue says, much more softly this time because he fears he might have come off too strong there. “If this is really, truly what you feel, then I won’t bother you anymore. But I don’t understand. Things were good when you left.”
“That’s the problem,” Jiang Cheng hisses out and immediately presses his lips together, as if he hadn’t meant to speak at all.
“The problem is that things were good?” Nie Mingjue asks for clarification because that doesn’t make a lot of sense.
“Yes,” Jiang Cheng admits and lowers his gaze, avoiding to look at Nie Mingjue at all. “It’s just—I don’t get that, Mingjue. I don’t get to live a life of bliss.”
Nie Mingjue narrows his eyes at him.
“You think something catastrophic will happen if you are too happy,” he slowly says, trying to puzzle out where Jiang Cheng’s brain is taking him.
“I know it will,” he whispers. “It already happened. I lost everything once and I can’t lose anything else.”
“You think you will lose me. But wasn’t the clarity bell exactly for that? So that doesn’t happen?”
“But you can still die,” Jiang Cheng heatedly gives back. “You can fall off Baxia, you can die during a nighthunt, Jin Guangshan can decide he’s had enough of you and send someone to kill you, you can choke on a goddamn grain of rice!”
“But the same goes for you,” Nie Mingjue says, mostly confused about this entire thing. “You could die at any moment, too.”
“But I won’t,” Jiang Cheng tells him. “I won’t because I’m always left to suffer. I can’t suffer another loss again, Mingjue, I am simply not strong enough.”
“So you would rather not be happy ever in your life again?”
“Yes,” Jiang Cheng immediately says but Nie Mingjue shakes his head.
“Even if it means I have to die I would rather take two minutes of happiness with you than never talk to you again,” Nie Mingjue tells him and Jiang Cheng’s head flies up.
“You can’t mean that, I’m not worth it,” he breathes out and Nie Mingjue shrugs.
“To me you are. I understand if you feel differently but I need to hear you say it. When we parted, things sounded differently and I’m not sure what happened between then and now but if you tell me right now that you truly do not wish to enter a courtship with me, I’ll leave.”
“I came back,” Jiang Cheng whispers and looks out of a window. “I came back to the place I had to rebuild with my own hands because I lost everything. I came back to disciples who I picked up from the street because everyone I ever knew here was dead. That’s what happened.”
Ah, Nie Mingjue thinks. He managed to forget most of his hardship during his stay with Nie Mingjue but was assaulted with it once he returned. Nie Mingjue can understand that.
“You came back to something you fought very hard for. You came back to people who love and respect you for who you are. I don’t think that’s too bad,” Nie Mingjue gives back and gives Jiang Cheng a small smile. “It sounds to me as if you’ve done well, despite everything life threw at you.”
“But at what cost,” Jiang Cheng whispers, a hollow look on his face and that too, Nie Mingjue gets.
“The cost was too much, I agree,” Nie Mingjue nods, thinking back to when his father died, to the war, Meng Yao’s betrayal. “It’s always too much. But you persisted, you didn’t give in. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
“I don’t want to be strong anymore,” Jiang Cheng admits.
“I know,” Nie Mingjue replies and is caught off guard when Jiang Cheng suddenly looks at him with a new resolve in his eyes.
“I thought with you I don’t have to be,” he tells Nie Mingjue who feels warm at the admission.
“You don’t,” he agrees. “With me you can be whatever you want to be. You just have to want it. And this—” he points at the letter “—says that you don’t want to be with me at all.”
“I thought this would be easier,” Jiang Cheng sighs out. “I didn’t think you’d show up here.”
“I’m stubborn, you should know that. I can’t out-stubborn you, but I don’t think there’s anyone who can.”
Jiang Cheng huffs out a laugh at that but he quickly falls silent again.
“You would really try, with me? Even if that could mean your death?” he then asks and Nie Mingjue leans over to take his hand in his own.
“I would always want to try with you. Having you at my side, knowing you return my feelings and want the same is worth everything else that life can throw at me,” he seriously says and just barely catches the blush on Jiang Cheng’s cheeks before he leans in to steal a kiss from Nie Mingjue.
“I do” he whispers against his lips. “All of that. I—want to try, too. If you think I’m strong enough, then I want to try.”
“You are,” Nie Mingjue says with conviction because he hasn’t met a stronger man than Jiang Cheng in his life. “So the courtship is not called off?”
“It’s not called off,” Jiang Cheng says, moving back so he can smile at Nie Mingjue, even though it dims quickly. “But you have to promise me that you’ll stay alive for as long as you can manage.”
“Careful what you wish for, I’m going to cultivate to immortality just to grant your wish,” he jokes but Jiang Cheng nods, completely serious.
“That is acceptable,” he agrees and Nie Mingjue blinks in surprise at him.
Well. He has Jiang Cheng by his side now but it seems a new goal was just set for him. And by the gods, he’s going to meet it.
(He does. Jiang Cheng beats him to immortality by a day, but in the grand scheme of things, that barely matters. Not when they have all the time in the world now.)