Chapter Text
"Jebal geumanhae Hyejung-ah!!! I already said no so please just stop!"
Songhwa irritatedly shouted and shot an intense glare to her younger cousin for saying nonsense things. She moved away a little from Hyejung who is closely sitting beside her in a couch. She inhaled deeply and looked away too then placed both of her hands on her face as a sign of her overwhelming frustrations.
She can't help but shout because she cannot believe everything she's hearing from her cousin's mouth. She's frustrated and an unimaginable anger is building up inside her system.
This is her cousin and her best friend's wedding they are talking about. And right now, her cousin is acting like a brainless selfish little bitch for asking her an absurd favor that she had never imagined she'll be hearing in her whole life.
More so, not from her closest and favorite cousin. How can she even ask her this kind of favor with her straight poker face—as if she really doesn't give a damn in anything nor for anyone anymore.
She can't even describe what she's feeling right now. Her emotions are also overwhelming her. She still can't process how the fuck those words can even come out from her mouth. She already knows how much of a spoiled brat Hyejung is given of being an only child but that doesn't mean she can do things such as ruining her own wedding and hurting someone she claimed she likes so much since back then.
"Songhwa Unnie please! How many times should I tell you that I'm also doing this for Ikjun Oppa! Do you really want me to hurt him more?!" Hyejung shot back. Her cousin really knows how to fight back and stubbornly reason out her own beliefs.
She hates this. She fucking hate this. Why does this even bother her? Ahh right, she's the closest cousin of the bride and the closest best friend of the groom.
But why does she need to be stuck in this situation?? Why her?!?
She closed her eyes and is internally calming her whole body which is now shaking because of an unnamed emotion she can't still quite figure out. She faced her once more before she spoke again.
"Hyejung-ah, you should just talk to him. You still have time, hmm?? Please just talk to him I'm sure Ikjunnie will understand." Songhwa is now almost begging, she's not even sure why she's close to crying.
And then the brief exchange of conversation she had with Ikjun a while ago flashed in her mind.
She just finished preparing when she decided to visit her cousin in her waiting room just to check on her. But along the way, she first saw the groom's room, so she went inside to greet her best friend first before going to Hyejung's. She saw him—her best friend who looks even more dashing than he already is. He looks nervous too.
Both of them can't help but to smile to each other as they stare directly at each other's eyes. Conversing how happy they are and how they both wish happiness for each other. Songhwa patted his shoulder and turned away even before Ikjun could say anything. She then excused herself saying she still needs to go to visit Hyejung and Ikjun reluctantly let her go with a simple favor and reminder to say to Hyejung that he will see her at the altar.
So, now, how can she fucking tell Ikjun that Hyejung wants to stop the wedding—their own wedding.
And oh, that's not even the craziest part.
Hyejung actually wanted her to replace her as the bride for this wedding. She wants her to be Ikjun's bride and soon to be wife as if she's just assigning them a role to play for a movie. She's acting as if this is not concerning a whole life commitment they are talking about. Hyejung must not have considered how this will affect their own respective lives.
"Just please listen to me first, Songhwa Unnie? Hmm? Jebaall~" Hyejung whined and looked at her with her teary eyes. "Five minutes, ani, three minutes. Hear me out for just three minutes Unnie.. Please??" Hyejung clasped her hands together and begged once more.
Hyejung is a spoiled princess. And as much as she loves her cousin, she just couldn't stomach her favor this time.
It's not just about her best friend being involved, it's more about how she is being too much. Who even in her right mind would cancel her own wedding just because she said she found someone she truly likes more than she liked Ikjun.
Imagine, the wedding is about to start in an hour but here they are, instead of Hyejung preparing for the wedding, she is here bickering with her and wasting more time.
She is not torn. This is not even something that should be considered and worth wasting time for to even think because she knows what’s the right thing to do. And this time, it is her cousin's fault, and she will not tolerate her just because they are blood related.
She doesn't even know how lucky she is!
If she's being honest, she hates the fact that Ikjun will marry her not because she's jealous or whatsoever, but only due to the reason that she knows her cousin from head to toe. She believes that Ikjun is too good for her, and she's been long afraid that she will just hurt him.
And now, her nightmare is becoming a reality. She can't help but blame herself for trusting Hyejung's words back then when she promised her that she will change for Ikjun.
Songhwa took back her hands that her cousin was holding before she gathered enough courage to ask her.
"Hyejung-ah, do you remember what you promised to me back then? When you asked me to help you set up with Ikjun? Gieog nani??" Songhwa asked with her hopeful gaze.
She really hopes that Hyejung will keep her words, or at least remember her promised back then. She wants her to realize what she's missing right now and how she's making a huge mistake for choosing to continue with her decision.
"Unnie.." Hyejung felt defeated because she knows what her cousin wants her to say. She's taking this against her. She never knew this will backfire to her. She looked away because her Unnie's stare is becoming too much for her to bear.
She herself doesn't even know what possess her back then and how much that business trip has changed her in 360 degrees. She never thought she will feel this much guilt in her entire life. She is used to getting everything she wants and can always easily gets out of any situation she's in smoothly.
But right now, she knows how much she's hurting her Songhwa Unnie. She even feels more guilty because she's aware that she's hurting more because her closest best friend is the main victim in this situation.
That is why if she is feeling guilty, what more for her Songhwa Unnie? She is sure that she's taking all the blame right now and is definitely feeling horrible deep inside.
Songhwa reached out to hold her hands and moved her head to find her line of sight so she could look at her eyes again. As if she's trying to read her soul.
"Please tell me you remember your words, Hyejung-ah.." She is now directly looking at her again with her teary eyes which makes her chest constrict because she rarely sees her Songhwa Unnie in this state. She's close to crying and her eyes looks so sad and hurt and betrayed. Her emotions are in turmoil. Both are now being lost with their emotional pain.
"I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry Unnie.. I'm sorry that I--that I ca--can't keep my words anymore.." Hyejung can't take it anymore.
Both are now in tears. Songhwa is silently crying while Hyejung can't help but let out soft sobs.
"I'm sorry that--that I--I b-bro---broke m-my pro--promise to you to ne---never h-hurt and e--embarrassed Ikjun---Ikjun O-oppa. I'---im sorry that I never ke--kept my p-promise to give him—us—o-our re--relationship a r-real cha--chance. I'm sorry for---for ta--taking him for gran--granted and e--even you. I--I'm really so-sorry U-unnie..."
And she let go of her hands that she was holding after hearing her answer. She doesn't know if she should feel a tad bit of happiness because she remembers but then again, she didn't even take her promise seriously.
As much as Songhwa was surprised to hear her cousin say sorry more than once and finally owning up her mistakes and take responsibility for them, those were still not enough to mend what's already broken.
Her trust, Ikjun's trust, and most especially his feelings and even his life. How can she confidently say that this is okay and that if this will not affect nor hurt Ikjun? That's completely impossible.
They both shared a deafening uncomfortable silence. Songhwa composed herself and stopped crying. On the other hand, Hyejung is a crying mess.
"Why are you crying? Do you think you deserve to cry?" She asked her coldly.
Hyejung instantly stopped crying and stared at her as if she can't believe she heard that words from her favorite Unnie.
"Wae? Am I wrong?" Songhwa asked once more. As if she is purposely provoking her.
"Songhwa Unnie!!" Hyejung shouted.
"Wae?!?!" Songhwa shouted back. Hyejung inhaled deeply as if calming herself before she spoke again.
Hyejung was never this patient and understanding, but just like what she mentioned a while ago, she changed. Even she herself was not aware that she can, and she will ever change.
But then again, maybe she just hasn't met someone that will make her want to change herself for the better—not until two weeks ago. She needs to be the one who is level-headed right now because her Unnie is so mad and upset which is making her act irrationally.
"Yahh Unnie, I get it why you're mad at me. And believe it or not, I understand you and I know I'm in the wrong, but don't you think you're being too much?"
She's taking it back, okay? As much as she wants to, she can't, not yet. It's in her nature already. But this is already considered as an improvement for her because if she was still the same Hyejung back then, she's already shouting at her Songhwa Unnie and throwing her tantrums even outside this room without caring if anyone see or hear her. If she was still the same Hyejung, she already left after saying her piece without considering on what will happen anymore.
And change? It doesn't happen overnight. But she's working hard on it. She's trying her best though, and she can only hope it was enough.
"Too much?!? Seriously Yuk Hyejung?? Do you honestly think I am being too much?" Songhwa incredulously asked with her wide-rounded eyes and raised eyebrows.
"Eo!! Aren't you? I mean I get it. You're his best friend, his closest best friend okay, but to this extent?"
Heyjung deliberately stopped as if she's testing the waters. As if she was waiting for a certain reaction from her.
Songhwa felt it too, but she won't back down. She herself is surprised where this bravery is coming from.
"What?? Why stop? Continue what you want to say." She faced that provocation head on.
"Unnie, don't you feel happy even just for a little bit after I asked you to replace me? I bet you did, didn't you?" Hyejung is now being even more bold in provoking her.
Songhwa can't believe what she heard from her. She's beyond shock. She hasn’t even fully assessed her stand in this situation and now her feelings are being included as well. This is just too much for her. Everything is making her dizzy, and she wants to throw up.
"Don't turn this on me Yuk Hyejung. Stop making this about me." Songhwa calmly replied after a few seconds of silence between them.
"But this is indeed about you. About you and Ikjun Oppa!!" Hyejung insisted.
She saw how her Songhwa Unnie closed her eyes as if she's close to losing her temper.
And that's what she actually wants.
"Stop." Barely a whisper—if they are not just sitting next to each other in that couch, Hyejung is sure she will not be able to hear her Unnie's voice.
"Come on Unnie, for once, just be honest." A little more push Yuk Hyejung.
"Guemanhae, Hyejung-ah." Barely a whisper colder voice of her Unnie.
More, Hyejung-ah, she chanted in her head.
"I know you liked him, ani, I know and I'm sure you love him. You are reacting this way because you are hurting as if he was the one who is hurting. It hurts you more because you feel guilty that it is your fault. But guess what Unnie? It is not. It is my fault. My own fault, not yours but mine and mine alone. So please, just stop that already and accept my favor and condition. This is for your own good and Ikjun Oppa too. I'm sure he'll be happier to see you walking down the aisle going to him than me being his wife."
Songhwa is too stunned to speak. The more she hears from her the more she feels the boiling anger inside her. She is still processing every word she heard from her cousin and the more she thinks about them the more she is being lost. She can't believe that this is her cousin's reasoning. She can't find her logic as how this situation suddenly became about her and Ikjun.
It's not like the two of them cheated and most especially, they don't have any different relationship except for being each other's best friend. She can't think of anything that she and Ikjun did that will make other people—especially Hyejung—to misunderstand. Both of them even stopped hanging out with just the two of them since her cousin and her best friend started dating each other.
She is confused if whether she and Ikjun gave wrong impressions to other people about their relationship? As much as she's concerned, only Hyejung was the one who brought this kind of topic.
As if she is trying to justify what she did and what she is about to do by gaslighting them. Isn't she the one who admitted finding someone new? Therefore, she is the one who cheated.
"I can't believe you. I can't fucking believe you, Yuk Hyejung. How is this even about me and him? You know for sure that there is no us."
"Are you sure, Unnie? Is that what you honestly think? Come on! We both know the truth—you know the fucking truth!!" Hyejung shouted once more.
She wants her to lose her temper so that her Unnie will finally have her outburst. She knows she needed to let everything she is keeping inside her out.
"Stop changing the topic, Hyehung-ah. This is about your wedding with Ikjun. Not about me and him, and most importantly, not about my feelings. I refused to be part of this. I will not give you the satisfaction to use me as a shield to make yourself sleep peacefully at night thinking you did not do anything wrong. Ani, I will not let you off the hook easily for this one. So, for the last time, my answer is still no. No, I will not be a replacement. I choose to exclude myself in this mess."
Songhwa replied straightforwardly after she rack some senses to herself. This time, it was Hyejung's turn to be speechless. She can't believe that this is how low her Songhwa Unnie thinks of her. She feels bad for herself thinking that even for a little bit—just a little bit—her Unnie trusts her. She could at least give her some benefit of the doubt and not think like she always hurt and ruin other people.
She was about to say something when she swallowed her rants because she knows she was in the wrong too. Gosh, is changing yourself this hard??
She is just honestly concerned about them. It may be too late but at least she is trying, right? She was awakened by her blinded jealousy and right now, all she wants is to repay them. She especially wants to compensate her Songhwa Unnie as she was a jerk cousin that she wasn't able to rely on. Unlike her, her Unnie was always there for her, to understand her and never even once she got tired on correcting her mistakes.
But she just hurt both of them in return and she is also aware on how deep the scar she left to her Unnie and the scar she will leave to her Ikjun Oppa.
That is why starting at this moment, she just wanted them to be happy the same way she is right now.
But she's having a hard time expressing herself in that way as she had never done that. And right now, she thinks that her Unnie is misunderstanding her intent. As much as she wants to make this intent crystal clear, she still feels a little lost and is still groping on how she will do it.
Sounds selfish right? Maybe her Songhwa Unnie is right. Maybe she just wanted to ease her guilt.
"Fine! I'm sorry. But you know what I mean, Unnie. I'll let this go if you promise me that you will replace me for the ceremony later. Pretty please??" She swallowed her pride again and acted cutely in front of her hero Unnie.
"I said no countless times already, Hyejung-ie. It's not up for discussion anymore. And it's not like I owe you anything for you to make an offer like that to me." Songhwa strongly blocked her winning aegyo that always get what she wants.
She's feeling even more annoyed. And it is getting harder and harder for her to stop herself for unleashing the inner whippersnapper Yuk Hyejung that everyone hates.
"I just wasted my time then. I should have known. I should have left without saying anything. Sorry for expecting too much from you. Bye~!"
Hyejung settled to her last resort. She stood up and was about to leave when Songhwa panicked, and her strong and cold facade was instantly shattered and forgotten.
"Jamkkanman Hyejung-ah.." She said with her high-pitched nervous voice and anxiously grabbed her arm within her reach.
"Wae? There's nothing we should talk about anymore. You already made your decision, remember?" Hyejung asked tauntingly with her raised brows and a visible smirk is seen on her face.
Songhwa knew that she was tricked, she should have known that Hyejung will always be Hyejung. She should have not provoked her even more because it will be her who will suffer more—but this time though, it will be her best friend, Lee Ikjun. She closed her eyes and finally let her go.
"Can we talk like mature adults here? Please Hyejung-ah, let's be serious for once and have a proper talk—like real talk."
"I'm serious since the start Unnie, but okay." Hyejung sat beside her again. She is waiting for her Unnie to speak. "Let's hear what you want to say more, I'll listen properly this time. Promise." Songhwa nervously gulped before she proceeded to ask her the question she's been asking in a calmer and more serious manner.
"Please take my questions seriously and answer me as honestly as you can, promise?"
"I promise now please go on, time is running Unnie."
Songhwa stared at her intently.
"Why didn't you talk about this with Ikjun? Do you really just plan to escape to leave without saying anything?"
Hyejung inhaled deeply before she answered. She already knows where this is going.
"To be honest, Unnie. I've been thinking about this since I got back from my business trip two weeks ago. Remember my one-month business trip in Germany?" Songhwa simply nodded her head while listening intently with her every words. She honestly finds her endearing. She wants to laugh but she knows they are in a serious conversation, so she collected herself and focused again. "I met him there."
"Wait, what? You met him??! Him?!?!" Songhwa shouted looking so lost.
"What are you being shocked about? I already told you I met someone didn't I? Or are you not listening to anything I explained and all you remember was me abandoning the wedding and leaving ikjun Oppa alone?!?" Hyejung annoyedly asked.
Songhwa guiltily looked at her because she only heard her but didn't process all the information, well because she was so worried for what will Ikjun feel and what will his reaction be.
"Anyways, as I was saying, I met someone there. For a month I felt so--so free and--and so alive. I felt like I am finally living. You get what I mean? I don't know how to explain it in words."
"Then how about Ikjun?"
"Ikjun Oppa is---" She was about to say her piece when her Unnie cut her off.
"Why did you even chase him so much around back then just to get him only for you to do this?"
She asked her in a manner that made her feel terrified. The look from her Unnie's face, her eyes, everything screams 'you should give me a justifiable and acceptable reason or else' she can also see 'choose your words correctly before I decide if I should kill you or keep you alive'.