Chapter Text
Today was Ikjun and Songhwa's wedding day. They got married after two years of dating. The relationship they had was not easy and it came with a heavy price to bear. But Songhwa knew better, everything is worth it because she loves Ikjun more than she could ever describe. She loves him so much that she was willing to accept everything that comes with being with him. Even if it means accepting Ikjun having a son from his previous marriage. He has a son named Uju from his first wife.
On their wedding night, once she and Ikjun was sleeping after a tiring day, she felt a small hand brushing hers. She was awoken because of the coldness she felt. She was so shocked to see her husband's son in front of her. Uju went to their room and tried to hold her hand. Songhwa was frightened and instantly pulled back her hand to avoid his small hand out of instinct.
Uju—knowing she was awake—immediately ran out of their room hurriedly and left her bewildered. It took her seconds before what happened registers in her mind. She woke Ikjun up and told him what happened, but he did not believe her. Both of them are now sitting on their bed facing each other while Ikjun is holding her right arm in attempt to calm her down because she is shaking.
"But it's true!! Ikjun-ah, you must believe me!! I--uuhh-I-I s-saw it clearly." She said while intently looking at his eyes—almost pleading for him to believe her.
"Songhwa-ya.. It's late already. It's way past Uju's bedtime and I tucked him to bed a while ago, remember?" He moved closer to Songhwa and let her lean on him to support her weight. He can feel her heavy breathing. "He wouldn't easily wake up in the middle of the night especially when he was extra tired today." He patiently explained to her while caressing her back. He was humming to calm her down. Songhwa must have been terrified by what she dreamt—he thought.
Songhwa closed her eyes and inhaled deeply because as much as she wants to argue back, she knows it is pointless. She is completely aware that she is just number two in Ikjun's life. It will always be Uju above hers. She's long accepted this but still, that doesn't mean it does not hurt her.
"Fine, let's just go back to sleep. I'm tired, Ikjun-ah." She dryly said and wiggled out of his embrace. She lay down on her side of their bed—her back now facing the confused Ikjun—then closed her eyes.
Ikjun did not dwell much on it and simply lay down closely to her and hugged his wife before he succumbed back to sleep. He is so tired.
The next morning, it was Ikjun who woke up first and prepared breakfast for his son and wife. Nothing special happened as both of them decided to spend their honeymoon at home and spend time with their son, Lee Uju. Ikjun is trying hard—that—Songhwa knew. She can see that. He is trying so hard to make her feel comfortable with Uju and same goes for him with her.
And it did the magic, honestly. So, she also gave it a try—again—to ease her husband's worry. She is also aware that what happened last night might have triggered something inside Ikjun so maybe, just maybe, he is tripling his efforts to make the three of them as family.
At night, Uju went inside their room again and tried to hold her hand. Songhwa was once again terrified because she honestly thought that what has transpired the other night was indeed just her imagination because she was tired and with Ikjun's persistent words, she believed him in the end. But this time though, she is now very sure.
Her eyes were still closed but she can feel the touch of the small hand in hers. She tightly closed her eyes not knowing what to do. When she moved and was about to open her eyes, the small hand that was placed above her disappeared fast and she was welcome with the sight of a small figure hurriedly leaving their bedroom.
She sat on the bed and let out a heavy sigh. She's confused because she doesn't know why Uju is doing this to her. He was not like that back then. He was just a very quiet and obedient child who always listen to what his father says. She tried to get close to him, but he was so adamant and distant, so she just let him. But now that she married Ikjun and is living with them, she is confused with how the Uju she knew is acting strange after the marriage.
The next night, Songhwa couldn't sleep. She kept tossing here and there while Ikjun is in his deep slumber. She's been thinking why Uju is acting like that, but she couldn't think of any reasonable reason on why he is doing this to her. It's driving her crazy. She's overthinking things and the way Ikjun acting nonchalantly doesn't help at all.
She is now watching him sleeping peacefully. How can he sleep like this is beyond her knowing that she's in this predicament. Oh yeah, she totally forgot that her husband doesn't believe her one bit.
She tried closing her eyes to get some sleep, but her mind is running elsewhere. She didn't know for how long before she was finally able to sleep for real when she felt that tug once again. She bit her lower lip not knowing what to do. She's honestly becoming scared to sleep now.
This time though, it did not last long because before she can even do anything, the little hand was nowhere near her hand anymore. She can't feel the contradicting cold and warm little hand above hers.
She finally opened her eyes again then cried. She herself doesn't even know why she is tearing up but this is just becoming too much for her. It was just the third night since she married Ikjun and moved in at their house and yet things like this keeps on happening. She thought long and hard but couldn't come up with anything on why Uju is acting this way towards her.
Is Uju jealous over her about his dad? She's not sure because as much as she remembers, before and even when she and Ikjun got married, Uju is always with them. He is always with them watching and observing them which makes her feel uncomfortable most of the time. Whenever they have their dates, watching movies and even when they were at home, he is always with them. Even now that after their wedding, they couldn't have a proper honeymoon because Ikjun is worried about leaving his son.
This continued for a few more nights. Songhwa is becoming restless as weeks passed. She's trying not make a big deal out of it but sometimes she just couldn't handle it anymore. She spent less and less time with her husband just so she could avoid the stare she's receiving from the little child.
Ikjun may have noticed it but somehow did not call her out. He did try to talk to her she instantly dismissed it, afraid that he will not believe her again, or worst, accuse her for something.
Ikjun was torn, he's obviously having a hard time, too. This is between his son and his wife. He loves both of them so much and he is aware that both of them are having a hard time adjusting with their new life. This is new for Songhwa and Uju was not used to having a woman in their personal space, not until his mother left them—him. Since then, it became so hard for Uju. As his young mind couldn't understand what happened and his fragile little heart couldn't take it. It's been three years, but he knows that his son is still longing for his mother.
Ikjun knows that when his first wife left, half of Uju went with her too. His son changed a lot since then. The bubbly and talkative son he was once was nowhere to be found when she left. He became quiet and talk less and less. He even tried to ask for a professional help, but nothing changed.
He is also aware that he sometimes hurt Songhwa's feelings unintentionally, but what can he do?
One time, Songhwa and Ikjun are spending the night together when Uju suddenly went inside their room again which made her angry so much. She couldn't take it anymore. Her emotions are all over the place, her anxiety is acting up and the more she thinks, the more she feels this is just too much. All of her frustrations, and all of her pent-up emotions that has been kept inside her finally exploded.
"I can't take this anymore, Lee Ikjun! It's either him, or me, you choose."
Songhwa gave him an ultimatum. She asked Ikjun to choose between her and his son. Even she herself was shocked after what she said but she can't take back those words anymore. She was just looking at him, straight in his eyes. She can clearly see the shocked and anger to him being terrified. The shift of emotions displayed in his eyes breaks something inside her. But she stood her ground and still waiting for his reply while still staring at him to let him know she is now done and serious.
Ikjun never thought he'll be in this predicament. He knows Songhwa, she's just being emotional right now but at the same time, he can't also invalidate her feelings. He knows she's been through a lot since she decided to date him. As much as he wants to choose her because God knows how much he loves her, he also knows that his son needed him more than anyone in his life—especially now.
He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, then hugged his son—who is now crying—tightly before he uttered something that both expected but still broke their heart, nonetheless. He opened his eyes, and he was welcomed with the face of Songhwa that will forever hunt his memory. He did this to her. He broke her.
He chose Uju.
Songhwa's tears kept on falling. She felt numb. After a few good minutes of staring at each other, she climbed down their bed and hurriedly fixed her things. She grabbed just those things what she thinks are important before she ran out of their room, out of their house, and completely out of their life.
Ikjun was left, stuck on watching her silently crying while packing her things. The moment she climbed down their bed, Songhwa never looked back. She never did when she started packing her things. She never did when she left their room. She never did when she left their house. She never did since she left. And he does, too. He never reached out—afraid that he will make things more difficult for her.
A few weeks later, Songhwa was in her deep slumber—which rarely happens since she left Ikjun—when she received a call. At first, she just groaned and cancelled the call before she went back to her sleep. A few seconds after, her phone vibrated once again, and she angrily answered it without checking only to be welcomed with her husband's worried voice.
After her mind registered that the voice she heard from the other line was indeed from her husband, she instantly opened her eyes and sat on her bed—which made her feel dizzy. She was clutching her head when she checked the caller's name and her husband's name welcomed her. She is confused but at the same time, her anger is slowly spreading through her system. Ikjun did not reach out to her after that night. She didn't either. Songhwa knew that she overreacted that night, but her pride couldn't let her say sorry first. She cleared her throat when Ikjun called her name once again from the other line.
"Songhwa-ya.." He said once again with his broken voice which prompted him to clear his throat. "I'm really sorry for disturbing you b-but I-aah--I need y-your help." She can feel how nervous he was from the other line.
"What happened?" She asked with her cold tone. If Ikjun was shocked, he was able to conceal it properly this time.
"I know you hate U-Uju bu--" Songhwa hurriedly cut him off and pinch the bridge of her nose in frustration.
"Who said I hate your son Lee Ikjun? How little you think of me? Do you honestly believe that?!" She can't help but raised her voice. She doesn’t hate his son. She can't.
"I--I'm so--s-sorryy I th-thought uhh anyway can we talk about that later? Uju is missing. Please help me find him Songhwa-yah.." Ikjun pleaded with his worried voice. Songhwa knows he is crying from the other line.
"Lee Ikjun, calm down. Tell me what happened."
She is hella worried, okay? She is panicking deep inside, but she can't let him know, otherwise, Ikjun will crumble. She knows he is getting strength from her. She's honestly scared too. Because even though she acted like that, Uju is still just a child. She cares for that boy more than she could imagine.
"I don't know Songhwa-ya. When I woke up, U-Uju.. He uhh he is no longer in his room. I'm so scared Songhwa-yah, I don't know what to do.. My boy.. My s-son.. I can't lose him. I can't lose him Songhwa-ya.." Ikjun broke down and Songhwa couldn't take the brokenness she hears from her husband's voice.
"Yah Lee Ikjun! Get a grip!! We'll find him Ikjun-ah, do you understand? We will find him. Now stop crying and search for him. I'll be there in thirty minutes. I don't want to see any tears from your face, or I will not help you. Do you get it, Lee Ikjun?" She said sternly and when she heard his weak but determined agreement, she ended the call and started to prepare to go out.
She was about to leave to search for Lee Uju when a continuous soft knock can be heard from her door. She was confused because she is not expecting anyone right now but then she thought it might be Ikjun so she hurriedly opened the door. But she was shocked to see the six-year-old little boy—who her husband has been frantically looking for since early in the morning—in front of her apartment's door. She was shocked but at the same time felt relieved.
"Uju--Uju-yah.. Lee Uju.. Wh--what are y-you do-doing he-re?? How did you g-get here alone??" She asked curiously. She was worried because he is alone, what if something bad happened to him? Lee Uju was just looking at her intently as if memorizing her face. He did not answer any of her questions, let alone uttered a single word. First, she let him in and looked at him cautiously.
When they entered her apartment, she led him to her sofa then the little boy started crying and begging her so he could hold her hand. Songhwa was shocked and terrified. She is confused on why the hell this child wants to hold her hand so bad. He's been like that ever since her and Ikjun's wedding night.
She overcome the the fear she felt and went near the little boy who is still crying while looking at her hands. She held both of his hands tightly before she asked him.
"Lee Uju, can you tell imo why you want to hold my hand?" She asked softly while she used her left hand in caressing his hair to calm him down.
"Uri Eomma said tha--that s-she w--will c-come ba--back for me, i--imo, are you--are you my Eo-eomma?" He asked her innocently while his tear-stained face is facing her. She was shocked to hear what he said becuase she never expected this reason.
"How can you say so, Uju-yah? Did your Eomma visited your dream?" She carefully asked while her left hand is still caressing his hair and uses her other hand to wipe his tears. Uju is no longer crying loudly.
"Eomma said be--be-fore s--she left that--that she w-would come back fo--for me, imo. She said--she said that she may l--leave for a whi--while but s-soon, she will come back for m-me. She will come back e--even as a-ano--another woman just so she could be wi--with me. W-when I---I a-asked her h-how I would know if--if it were really her, she said---she said that I w-will know b-by j-just ho--holding her h-hand. The--the same soft--soft and uhh wa--warm h-hands I held every sing--single d-day when she--when she wa--was s-still with u-us. I--imo, a--are y-you my Eo--eom-mma?" Uju asked her innocently with his soft voice.
Songhwa couldn't believe what she just heard. She doesn’t know what to feel nor what to do. She felt so embarrassed and guilty for thinking so little. She didn't know it was more than that. This sweet little boy has gone through so much! No matter how much of a loving father Ikjun was, the little boy was still yearning for a mother, for his mother.
Songhwa can't help but cry. She feels so little. She couldn't believe how narrow-minded she has been. She never even thought that Uju wanting to hold her hand has some connection regarding his deceased mother. She is so angry at herself for being so shallow. She keeps saying to herself that she tried to get through to Uju but she never tried enough. She just tried so she could reason out to herself that she did and it's not her fault that the child doesn't like her.
She hugged the child and cried with him. Uju thanked her for staying true to her words and for coming back after he confirmed through holding her hands—the same hands her mother had. Songhwa didn't had the heart to hurt the little child further and simply hugged him tighter.
Uju kept on telling her stories about his mom. He told her that he grew up looking at his sick mom who is always lying on her bed. When he was three, his mom died and the last promise she told him was that she'll come back to him as another woman. She may not look the same, but she will come back for him. Since then. he was just waiting for his mother to come back like what she has promised him. They were both smiling while crying and his mom told him "I love you" one last time with her most beautiful smile before she closed her eyes and never woke up again. When his father introduced Songhwa to Uju, he has been silently observing her. Watching her closely to figure out if she was indeed his mom.
Songhwa couldn't help but cry and hold Uju's body closer to her. She hugged him so tight and snuggled closer to his neck. She rubbed his back up and down while mumbling soft "sorrys" to Uju.
"Lee Uju, listen to imo, arachi?" Uju nodded his head and hugged her back. "Your Eomma kept her promise to you, okay? Your Eomma will always be and will forever be with you regardless of if you see her or not. Her presence is always with you, she never left you alone, Uju-yah. She is always with you, in your heart and in your memories. She will always stay. If you ever miss her or if you ever want to say something to her, to hug her, to kiss her, or to hold her hands, you can always do so, with me, Uju-yah. Imo promises to do better this time, to be better this time, arachii? I will try harder, I promise. Always remember that imo loves Uju too, arachii? Your Eomma and Imo loves Uju so much and we just want you to be happy always. Promise??"
"Promise, Imo. Thank you! And Uju loves Imo and Eomma, too!" Answered the bubbly Lee Uju.
They let go of each other and Uju sat on her lap while she was hugging his body from behind. Uju was silently playing with both of her hands. She was just attentively watching him with tears in her eyes. Her heart feels so heavy yet so full. She loves this child so much. And her love for him just keeps on growing. Now she understands better why Ikjun loves his son more than anyone, she can't blame him anymore because by this time, she can proudly say she now loves Uju more than she love her husband.
Songhwa then promised to herself that she will become a better version of herself. To be more understanding and caring. To be more sensitive and be a good mother to Lee Uju, their son, her son.
A few minutes after Uju fell asleep, she called Ikjun to inform him that she already found their son and he is with her. That night, Songhwa and Uju fell asleep—his back facing her and her arms being his pillow— on her bed while she was back hugging him and while he was holding both of her hands the entire night. Smiles never leaving both of their faces.
Uju truly believes that a part of his mom lives in her. She really feels like his mom. And she will never tell him otherwise. She believes that a mom is being a mom regardless of blood. Uju is her son, and it will forever stay that way.
What Ikjun saw when he arrived in the room of Songhwa's apartment warmed and melted his heart and brought tears to his face. His heart is emitting happiness and contentment. He hopes that this will be the start of the family he's been wishing for, for Uju, for him, and for Songhwa. He carefully lies down beside Songhwa and hugged both of them and whispered "I love you both so much with all my heart" before he closed his eyes, ready for whatever tomorrow brings them.