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She didn’t even know what to say. It was like all of her air just evaporated, her soul left shriveled. Like the inside of her ears were going to explode with the vibrations ringing.
The worst part though, as soon as she faced him she didn’t even need to ask him to deny the allegation, it was written so clearly all over his face. Tatiana was everything Rose loathed about the system, and to think the one person she truly loved would ever willingly side with her shattered Rose’s soul. How fine the line between loving and loathing is. How closely could Rose walk that line without falling to one side or the other.
Two could play at this game, if that’s what Dimitri wanted. She knew what she was going to do. It was a long-shot but at least she wouldn’t go down without a fight.
Dimitri’s jaw clenched so tight it was sure to crack all the way through. He gave a slight shake of his head in warning, but it landed with a whisper. The wheels were already turning in Rose’s head, and Dimitri could see the wild look in her eyes. Not even a glare from the great Dimitri Belikov could stop her now.
“Don’t even think about it Rose.” He all but growled out, hoping the adamant passion didn’t seep through his voice. Especially not with Tatiana still observing them so closely. It was hard to reign in his feelings when it came to Rose, all fire and fury. The last thing he needed, though, was Tatiana’s suspicion. Besides, it wouldn’t be a problem anymore, he had it under control.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Rose spun on her heels, boots crunching gravel as she quickly strode away. She didn’t even hear Dimitri behind her, but she felt as he grabbed her forearm, spinning her around to face him. His control snapped and panic creeped in in its place.
“Rose-“
“Oh so now you wanna talk to me? When it’s convenient for you.” She couldn’t help but sneer. “I tell you you’re the person I trust most and you all but ignore me. You won’t even look at my half the time.” Her voice sounded smaller than she wanted, but without Lissa or Dimitri, she truly felt alone. As tough as she was physically, nothing was quite as hard as being vulnerable. But she had with Dimitri. She had let him in, hoping he would make a home there, instead of just visiting.
Again he doesn’t comment on that statement, gliding over it. He couldn’t. If he let himself dwell on the fact that she confided and trusted him, the sorrow and longing in her voice, he would never be able to severe the ties. “Victor already chose his champion.” At her shocked expression, Dimitri scoffed, “I know you.”
“It’s clear you don’t know me at all, Comrade.” It was a teasingly bitter tone. She tried, with no avail, to slid her arm from his grasp. It only made him tighten his grip.
“For fucks sake, Rose,” he sounded as exasperated as he felt. “What do you want me to do?” The irritated gruff of his was flooded with a sticky sweet longingness. He was pleading with her to tell him anything and he’d do it. To make it easier on them both to do what was necessary. But the one thing she wanted him to do was to fight back.
“There’s nothing else you can do at this point, Dimitri. You’ve picked your side and now we both have to make our own choices.”
“You don’t have a choice in this. Victor has already decided.” Dimitri felt at ease knowing his opponent was already decided. “Apart from that, I’m not gonna fight you. You know how this is going to end. There has to be a clear cut winner. We both know neither of us would give up, it’s not in our nature. There’s only one way for this to end, and I couldn’t,” his voice cracked.
Rose wasn’t sure if it was her imagination playing cruel tricks on her, but she swore for a second she could feel his thumb brushing up against her arm.
There was a light glaze over his eyes before he quickly dropped her arm and steeled his expression. He had to put distance between them before he did something he’d have to pretend to regret later. “I wouldn’t wanna do that to you. What needs to be done in order to win. With someone else it’s easier. I wouldn’t have to worry about them.”
“I’m not yours to worry about.”
What was he supposed to say to that. He had all but told her the exact thing. Never again. Still though, when she said it out loud it was different. Maybe because they both knew it was a lie. In all of the ways that mattered, she was his. In all of the ways she shouldn’t, she was his.
Neither of them spoke, but a whole tumultuous conversation was going on between their shared looks. For a minute, neither of them even moved. Just stood rooted in place, hoping if they stayed still enough they could be frozen in time. Perfectly preserved, a statuesque love.
Cracks in the statues expanded with every breath, until the moment was over and there was nothing but a pile of rubble and dust left. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
It was so low, Rose almost didn’t hear him when he spoke, “I do though.”
If it wasn’t for the melancholic tone in his voice Rose would’ve snapped back. She wanted to argue, to scream, to funnel all that pain and hatred for the system at him, but she couldn’t. Not when he sounded like that. She wanted to hate him, but there wasn’t a single bone in her body that could hate him. There was only emptiness and disappointment.
“Dimitri, shall we continue? If you two are quite done.”
Tatiana’s shrill voice ripped through the illusion as Dimitri turned his head slightly to glance in her direction, then back to Rose.
He was only met with Rose’s cool exterior, all of that warmth from their previous moment vanished. “They come first, right?” Rose didn’t give him a chance to respond before turning to leave. This time Dimitri didn’t stop her.