Chapter Text
Haruki had never really had a calm night after that day. He silently counted the number of passing days; his pinky slightly moving first, trying hard to assemble his raw sensing of reality together - “ragged” was the thought that passed through his brain when he was trying to describe the startling juxtaposition of his own perception. Feelings were starting to appear where they weren't there before, like a ray of light slowly illuminating a dark room, gradually waking the weary body up from its coma.
He cautiously observed the calming darkness wrapping around his body, two hands scrambling for something familiar - anything would do - to protect himself from this momentary panic attack. Fearness rose inside his heart, unyielding to any wasted efforts to suppress it. Haruki wanted to speak, but his throat was burning in pain due to the dryness, so he couldn’t do anything else but lie pathetically on the cold floor. He felt betrayed by this wretched body, from the flow of slicky blood silently running through billions of veins covered by another thousand layers of skin.
He knew exactly how he looked.
He also knew exactly how he looked.
Haruki pulled the backpack closer, digging up a bottle with water only enough for two or three final sips. He thought that it would help clear his brain, and somehow fight off the unwanted feeling of remorse flying all over his stomach like butterflies.
Maybe no. There’s nothing that could help him.
Haruki knew that his state of consciousness was ideal right now. He didn’t feel thirsty or lethargic anymore and his body had stopped aching, but why was that weird feeling still dangling on his mind? Haruki blinked his eyes several times, trying to get accustomed to the pitch-black space, finally realizing that nothing and no one was his companion (except for the backpack).
But it’s not enough. How should he live from now on? Haruki knew for sure that he needed a job - any would be fine - to maintain this makeshift lifestyle. Accommodation. Food. Drink. He had to keep on surviving.
He bit his teeth, trying to stop his bursting tears waiting near his eye corner.
He would do anything at all just to gain his own name.
He wanted to be Haruki.
That’s everything.