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Neil slammed the front door a little harder than necessary after walking into his apartment. His clothes felt like they were sticking to him, body completely freezing because of it. His damp hair wouldn’t stop falling into his eyes, which honestly just meant that he should get a haircut soon, but Neil was ready to cut it himself with how irritated he was. He shivered once and bent over to untie his shoes with numb fingers, swearing to anything that could hear his thoughts that if he got sick because of this, he was going to murder his roommate.
As he finally managed to undo the knot, a door from down the hall opened and soft footsteps walked in Neil’s direction. He glanced up through his bangs to find his other roommate standing there, looking rather warm and cozy in an oversized hoodie, sweatpants and large fuzzy socks. He also looked completely unamused at the commotion Neil made when he walked it, which did make Neil feel a little bit of guilt, but not enough to make him regret anything.
“Don’t give the neighbors an excuse to make a noise complaint,” Andrew scolded. He paused just a foot away from Neil and shoved his hands in his pockets, looking completely uninterested and otherwise unbothered.
Finally getting the laces undone, Neil stepped out of his shoes and stood straight, sniffing and pushing his bangs out of his eyes again. “I need some scissors.”
Andrew’s head tilted just enough to be noticeable. “Why?”
“I’m either going to cut my hair off or stab Kevin with them,” Neil explained, walking around Andrew to head towards his bedroom, tugging at his soaked T-shirt that had stuck to his body like a second skin.
“Mm,” Andrew hummed in a way Neil couldn’t decipher. He paused before the door to his room and glanced back, seeing that Andrew had followed him to the hallway and was now leaning against a wall, arms crossed. He was looking Neil up and down, probably taking in his soaked and freezing form, and despite how cold he was Neil let him. “We need Kevin to pay rent.”
And for other reasons, Neil assumed. “He’s being an asshole on purpose. And he doesn’t even have a class now!” Neil complained. He shook his head and got his bangs in his eyes again, along with a bunch of water dripping down his bare shoulders. “He can look out a window and see that it’s raining. He just wants to spend an extra hour doing - whatever the hell he’s doing.”
“Writing his research paper?” Andrew supplied, somehow looking amused at the whole situation. “The one that will determine if he graduates or not?”
Well, when put that way, it almost sounds reasonable. But it wasn’t like Kevin couldn’t do that here, and he could at least recognize that Neil had to walk a block from the bus stop in the pouring rain and offer a ride, right? They’d argued about it in the library until the lady behind the counter looked like she was ready to kick them out. Lucky for Kevin, his friends Jeremy and Jean turned up just before Neil could try blackmailing him.
Which is exactly why Neil had to walk a block in the pouring rain, was drenched and soaked and going to cut his hair off.
“Go shower,” Andrew said, bringing Neil out of his thoughts. “Get changed. I’ll cut your hair.”
“What?” Neil mumbled after Andrew had walked away, heading towards the kitchen. It wasn’t that he was going to turn down the offer, it was just…strange? Neil stood in the hallway for a while, long after he heard cabinets opening and the stove turning on in the kitchen. He finally decided not to think too hard about it, turned to his room and grabbed a change of clothes. After that, he headed towards the bathroom and got into the shower, almost immediately relaxing when he felt the warm water hit his skin.
Seriously, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world for Kevin to help him out. The apartment Neil lived in with Andrew and Kevin was pretty far from the college that all three of them attended, enough that Neil usually took the bus every day. The car in question actually belonged to Andrew, but Kevin had a set of keys and was the only other person allowed to drive it, as far as Neil knew. But it made sense, because Andrew and Kevin had been living together for far longer, and they were…well…
Though they hadn’t said so to his face, Neil knew they were dating. The two happened to be looking for a roommate when he needed a place to live, and theirs was the nicest apartment Neil had managed to find that was still close to campus. The place had two bedrooms, a modest living room and a small kitchen, which was more than enough for Neil to live comfortably. The little advertisement promised him the small bedroom and that he wouldn’t be bothered, which turned out to be a lie, because Neil got bothered by his roommates all the time.
Not in the same way, though. Kevin bothered Neil because of his ‘quiet hours’ rule, tendency to steal the shower early in the morning when he knows Neil has early classes, occasional binge drinking habit, and the fact that no he will not drive Neil from class even in the freezing rain because he has a stupid paper to work on. Andrew bothered Neil because…well, because…
No, no. It wasn’t a thing to dwell on. Neil shook his head in the middle of the shower, trying to get rid of the thoughts that always persisted, and reached to turn off the water. He stood there for a second after the water was turned off before grabbing his towel to dry off, avoiding looking in the fogged-up mirror as he pulled on the clothes he’d grabbed. Before he left the bathroom, though, he noticed that one of Andrew’s sweaters was left in the hamper: the soft black one that Neil had been trying to steal ever since Andrew had let him wear it once. He grabbed that on his way out, pulling it on as he headed towards the kitchen.
It seemed like he’d arrived right on time. Andrew had moved one of their chairs away from the kitchen table and was stirring a steaming mug. When he noticed Neil standing there, he nodded towards the chair and walked over once Neil had sat down, passing him the mug. It was the loose leaf peppermint tea that Neil had bought, and it genuinely tasted like heaven when he sipped it, immediately feeling even more warm and comfortable.
Andrew tugged on the loose shoulder of the sweater. “This is mine.”
“I’m cold,” Neil mumbled into his tea.
Surprisingly, Andrew let it go quickly. “Yes or no?” he asked after a couple of seconds.
Neil knew what he meant. The phrase was usually reserved for when Andrew wanted to touch, always asking Neil if he was okay with it before he did so. Neil wasn’t sure how to get across that he’d always be fine with Andrew touching him, so he just answered every time the question was asked. “Yes,” he said after sipping some more tea. “Cut off as much as you want.”
With that, Neil closed his eyes. Andrew gently combed his wet hair for a moment with his fingers, then began to cut it. Neil kept his eyes shut and made sure to sit as still as possible, sipping his tea from time to time and basking in the quiet. It was so comfortable and peaceful in the moment that he almost didn’t want it to end - he wanted Andrew to keep standing just inches away, to keep moving his fingers through Neil’s hair and to just stay.
But when he was done, Andrew took a step back, taking with him a bit of warmth that Neil hadn’t realized he’d gotten used to. He opened his eyes and looked up at Andrew, resisting the urge to feel over the cut hair. Andrew stared back, probably analyzing whether or not Neil looked like an idiot.
Before either of them could say anything, though, the front door opened and Kevin walked inside. Neil took the chance to glare at him, but to be honest the anger and irritation he’d felt from before had melted away a while ago. When Kevin looked up he didn’t look bothered at all by Neil’s look, but as he slowly registered the impromptu haircut, he frowned. “You better clean that, because I’m not,” he said, toeing off his shoes.
“Mm,” Andrew hummed in response. He ran his fingers through Neil’s drying hair until it was arranged in the way he wanted, then headed after Kevin towards their bedroom.
Neil sat alone in the kitchen and wasn’t sure if he could stomach the tea anymore. He’d had over six months to learn that Andrew was very much off-limits, but knowing that didn’t stop the clusterfuck happening in his brain. Because although Neil had never had a crush before he wasn’t stupid , alright? He knows that being jealous of someone else’s relationship has to at least mean something.
So, yeah. Neil has a crush on his roommate, Andrew Minyard, who just so happens to be dating his other roommate, Kevin Day. The whole thing sounds like the setup to a bad romcom.
~*~
The lab room seemed exceptionally loud today as everyone worked on their experiments with their partners. Neil resisted the urge to rub his eyes from underneath the safety glasses he was wearing and couldn’t quite cover up the yawn he released while he watched Aaron meticulously work. It was mostly for show at this point, but Neil was quite tired after staying up the entire night before to write an English essay.
“You could at least write down the findings,” Aaron hissed as he exchanged the slide on the microscope he was looking through. He’d been pissed off ever since he and Neil had started working on the lab together, which had put Neil in a pretty good mood. If there was one thing he loved doing, it was pissing off Aaron Minyard.
“What’s the point of that?” he asked with a shrug.
Scowling, Aaron grabbed his own lab book and started to write down whatever he’d said that Neil hadn’t written down. “Just because you don’t have to take this class - “
“Who says I don’t have to take it? I need another science credit.”
“And then you’re done?”
“Mmm,” Neil hummed, tone unsure. He and Aaron had shared Anatomy and Physiology in their first year, colliding against each other so badly that Neil decided to take another science course in spite. He’d pulled every string he had to figure out exactly what lab Aaron had signed up for, and made sure to keep his grades up enough to not have to drop the class. It was a lot of work, but the end result was definitely worth it.
Looking back at his lab book, Aaron mumbled something under his breath that sounded a lot like ‘I fucking hate you’ as he continued writing. Neil finally reached for his pencil to do the lab work as well, but no words were coming to him today. He’d felt distracted for the past few days, which was why it took him so long to finish that stupid fucking English essay in the first place.
The thing distracting Neil so much was this… situation with his roommates. It seemed like anything that they did had started to irritate Neil: Kevin’s very presence had become a nuisance, and anything he and Andrew did that could be remotely deemed as ‘coupley’ annoyed Neil to no end. It was becoming a genuine problem, because they’d realize sooner or later what was going on. Some part of Neil wasn’t sure if he was hoping he actually had a crush or not, because if he didn’t that meant he just hated Kevin, but if he did then maybe Neil could find that part of him and get rid of it.
Or something. He’s never had a crush before, he didn’t know how any of this worked.
For some reason, this prompted Neil to turn towards Aaron and ask him, “How’d you know you liked Katelyn?”
Aaron spluttered hard enough to drop his pencil and almost his lab book as well. “I don’t know what you’re - “
“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Neil said, rolling his eyes. “I’m having a dilemma.”
“A dilemma,” Aaron repeated, narrowing his eyes.
“And I need to know what romantic attraction feels like,” Neil continued.
Very slowly, Aaron blinked, as if he was processing what Neil was saying. “Why?” he hissed after a few seconds, leaning closer.
“Because I need to know if I’m jealous or just an asshole.”
“Probably both,” Aaron muttered, leaning down to grab the pencil he’d dropped. “Why do you need to ‘know what romantic attraction feels like’? Isn’t it obvious?”
No, it very much wasn’t obvious. There had never been a time in Neil’s life that he’d ever felt the way he does now: happy and content around Andrew, feeling like he could stare at him for hours without pause. Appreciation for the little things he did around the apartment. Sometimes his body would get hot when Andrew got close enough, then frighteningly cold when he stepped away. A weird swooping in his belly when they talked in hushed whispers, wishing moments alone would never end, and overall feeling safe when Andrew was around.
It was almost as though Neil couldn’t imagine life without Andrew now that he had a taste of having him in it. The whole thing was so weird but also just a bit scary. And then add on the fact that Kevin, Andrew’s real life romantic partner, irritated Neil by doing nothing but existing…
It was Aaron’s voice that brought Neil out of his thoughts. “Fine, fine,” he said, cheeks a bit more flushed than usual. “It’s like…I guess I always just wanted to be around her, despite how awkward and weird it always made me feel. But at the same time I always felt…comfortable around her. Safe. Like I could make a complete idiot out of myself and she wouldn’t judge me for it. I like looking at her. I like everything about her.”
Well, great. “Hmm,” Neil hummed, looking back towards the microscope.
“Shut the fuck up,” Aaron grumbled. “Why are you interested, anyway?”
Neil refused to answer that question.
~*~
Neil’s biggest problem had to be the fact that he lived with both the person he had a crush on and the person he was jealous of. If he lived anywhere else, this probably wouldn’t be that bad or feel as dramatic. But he was seriously suffering over this - the whole ‘romantic feelings’ thing was distracting him so much that it was starting to affect his schoolwork. Neil had already messed up horrifically on one of his math assignments, almost forgot to turn in his lab results for the science class he shared with Aaron, somehow forgot about a quiz he had to take in Spanish, and don’t even get him started on English.
Neil absolutely hated English.
He wasn’t sure how many times he’d re-read the same stupid short story, trying to analyze it exactly the way his professor wants, but it’s been a lot. Enough times that Neil was pretty sure he was going to start hearing a heartbeat from under his own floorboards. Instead, Neil had to listen to Kevin’s fingers fly over his keyboard as he worked on his essay at the kitchen table. Kevin typed at an inhumane pace, almost fast enough that it sounded like his fingers were going to fall off. For a moment, Neil almost wished that would happen.
It was a slow Saturday afternoon, which was hard to come by these days. The entire apartment had already been cleaned, Andrew and Kevin had gotten groceries for the week earlier that day, and all that was left to do now was homework. Neil silently declared he was never going to procrastinate again, even though he knew he most certainly was the next time he got an English assignment. At least math was straightforward and easy.
Distantly, Neil heard the water from the shower shut off. Andrew had left to take one after everything was cleaned, which was somehow a distracting thought even though it shouldn’t be. Neil blinked a few times and tried to focus on the stupid short-story he was supposed to be analyzing, but the words kept meshing together into his brain until they formed one gross pile. It was absolutely impossible to finish this assignment.
It became even more impossible when the door to the bathroom opened, and Neil heard Andrew walk down the hallway. He very pointedly kept staring at the papers in front of him, hearing his own heartbeat loudly echo in his ears with every step closer Andrew took. It took everything in him to keep from reacting when Andrew leaned in close, one hand on the back of Neil’s chair and the other pressing against the table. It felt both frightening and exciting to be half-pinned this way.
“What are you working on?” Andrew asked, voice low enough that Kevin probably didn’t hear the question.
Neil had to swallow before speaking. His heart was still beating loudly, enough that he wondered if Andrew could hear it. “Homework,” he mumbled. “I’m analyzing.”
“You’ve highlighted over half of this,” Andrew said, pushing some papers away to get better looks at them. He was right, Neil had highlighted most of the damn story in different colors and had now moved on to labeling with every pen he owned, and he still wasn’t done.
“I have to,” Neil said, lowering his voice to match Andrew’s volume. He reached for one of the papers as though he could possibly focus on work right now, trying to remember the types of clauses he was supposed to be looking for and failing miserably because Andrew was still standing so close.
Suddenly, Andrew leaned closer, until he was almost whispering in Neil’s ear. “You mislabeled that,” he said, pointing somewhere on the page Neil had grabbed. “Independent.”
If it was anyone else, Neil would’ve been able to find the spot they were pointing at and fucking focus, but it was absolutely impossible right now. Just - what the fuck was Andrew doing? Did he realize how him being close affected Neil? Did he find it amusing? Did Aaron somehow figure everything out and tell Andrew about Neil’s crush?
Before Neil could open his mouth and say something back that would’ve no doubt embarrassed or fucked up the situation, Kevin slammed the top of his laptop down hard enough to make Neil jump. “Done,” he declared, standing up and heading towards the cabinets. “Finally fucking done.”
“First draft,” Andrew reminded him. He finally stood up straight and moved away from Neil, giving him room to breathe.
“But it’s done,” Kevin argued. “I’m just fine with editing so long as the basics are down.”
Out of spite, Neil pointedly did not look at either of them as they stood next to the kitchen counters. He focused very hard on analyzing, first finding the spot Andrew had pointed out and changing his label of ‘dependent’ to ‘independent’. Though he tried to focus on labeling his other highlighted sections, Neil was aware of every movement the two were taking as they moved about the kitchen. He could smell a bit of vodka and huffed internally.
It was just so unfair how easily Kevin captured Andrew’s attention. It didn’t matter what they were doing: the moment Kevin walked in, it was like he was all Andrew could focus on. Which made sense, because they’re in a relationship, but somehow it was still aggravating. This crush was seriously starting to get out of hand, because Neil’s pretty sure he never hated Kevin before this.
He was suddenly brought out of his thoughts when a bowl was placed on the table next to the homework Neil still couldn’t focus on. He slowly looked up to see Andrew putting it there, along with a small spoon. He gave Neil a pointed look as he slowly walked away, his own bowl of soup in hand. “Take a break and eat that. You won’t finish on an empty stomach.”
Neil watched him walk towards the living room across from the kitchen and sit down next to Kevin. The TV was turned on at a light enough volume that Neil could tune it out if he wanted. He reached for the bowl and pointedly didn’t steal looks at the two where they sat, not wanting to watch them potentially cuddle, or something. After eating the rest of the soup, Neil put all of his energy into finishing his assignment, not glancing up from it once until it was done.
~*~
“How would you tell Katelyn that you have a crush on her?” Neil asked, leaning in as close as he dared over Aaron’s shoulder.
To give him credit, Aaron didn’t drop the glass vial he’d been holding, but it looked like a close call. “Is this some new tactic?” he hissed, aiming a glare Neil’s way.
“I wish,” Neil mumbled. “If I knew it got to you this bad, I would’ve tried this months ago.”
Aaron practically growled, attempting to shove Neil back with one arm but completely failed. “Stop asking me about…romance!”
Hm. Clearly this was going to require a different route of persuasion. Neil didn’t have any blackmail on Aaron, though he was sure it existed if he asked the right people, but he really needed help now. He moved to the stool he was supposed to be sitting on and straightened up, trying to look as serious as possible. “Aaron.”
“Don’t.”
“If you help me, I’ll do you one favor.”
That certainly got Aaron’s attention. “Anything?” he asked.
“Within reason.”
“I’ll take it,” Aaron huffed, putting down the vials so that he could turn towards Neil. “Don’t take Organic Chemistry next semester.”
“Really?” Neil asked. “Practically any favor and you want that?”
“Final offer.”
“Done.” Neil rolled his eyes once before asking, “How would you tell Katelyn you have a crush on her?”
“I don’t know, probably just…say it?” Aaron shrugged. “Asking someone out is a pretty clear message. But if you don’t want to do that, then just tell them.”
“But what would you say?”
“‘Hey Kate, I really like you and I want to take you out on a date’?” Aaron asked more than answered. He crossed his arms after he said it and glanced around as though she was in the classroom, but she had lab on a different day. Neil knew because he asked her which lab Aaron had signed up for.
“Seems too easy,” Neil said.
“It’s really not,” Aaron said under his breath.
Neil ignored him and tried to imagine saying that line to Andrew: ‘Hey Andrew, I really like you and I want to take you out on a date’. That wasn’t the approach he wanted to go for - he wanted to be able to say it without the whole ‘date’ part, because that wasn’t an option Neil had at all. He just wanted Andrew to be aware of it so that it wouldn’t be someone on his mind at all hours of the day.
And so he could stop being passive aggressive to Kevin. More than usual, anyway, but it seemed that he’d have to think more on his own for a way to say it.
“Okay,” Neil said, turning back to the experiment they were supposed to be doing. “A deal’s a deal. You’re going to miss me.”
“Oh, you have no idea how little I will.”
~*~
Colder weather coupled with walking by over a thousand people a day meant that getting sick was inevitable. Neil was pretty sure the rain incident had started it all, but now whatever he caught was really kicking his ass, and he wasn’t happy about it at all. Being sick meant not being able to keep to his usual schedule. It meant falling behind. It meant danger.
So, he was a bit more pissed at Kevin than usual, because he started it.
Neil had woken up on a Monday morning blearily, barely able to open his eyes. His entire body felt gross and his throat felt raw. His nose was dry yet stuffed, and Neil was wracked with chills that would not go away. He quickly determined that he wasn’t going to be heading to class like this, so he turned over and pulled his blankets further up his body, falling back asleep quickly.
When he woke up again, it was almost noon and Neil felt even worse than before. It took a while for him to finally roll out of bed, coughing once he managed to get to his feet. He knew he should take some dayquil or something, but what he needed really badly was water. His throat felt so dry it was the only thing he could focus on feeling, and his stomach growled pathetically as well. Food and water, then a shower, and then back to sleep, he decided.
Chills made Neil flinch occasionally as he clumsily grabbed the kettle and started boiling some water to make tea. He looked in the fridge for something to eat and ended up settling on some yogurt, managing to get the whole thing down before the water was boiled. When it was, he poured it into his mug and let the tea steep, leaning on the counter and sighing once. He ended up getting caught in a coughing fit when he heard the front door open.
“Are you sick?” Kevin asked as soon as he got inside. Andrew was following close behind, eyes on Neil the moment he was inside, probably wondering the same thing.
“Probably,” Neil went with, clearing his throat and turning back towards his mug. He wasn’t in any sort of mood to be interacting with Kevin right now.
“Neil, go back to your room,” Kevin said, dropping his things at the kitchen table. “You shouldn’t be out here if you’re sick.”
“The hell?” Neil asked, unable to help himself. He’d never heard of that before. “This is my place too, Kevin, I can go where I want.”
“Not when you’re sick. We don’t know if it's contagious.”
Oh, it would be such a shame if Kevin got sick. Neil definitely wouldn’t silently enjoy it at all. “Fuck off,” he huffed, grabbing his mug and slowly walking towards the hallway.
Kevin looked just about livid. “This isn’t a joke, Neil. I have a test I can’t miss, and if I catch that - “
“I hope you do, then,” Neil said through his teeth. “You’d deserve it.”
Nobody stopped him when he walked back to his room. Neil miserably sipped on his tea and listened to the muffled voices in the apartment until he fell back asleep, doing his best to keep his coughs covered up. He was woken up later by a knock on his door, surprised when Andrew walked into his room with a small medicine cup in hand.
“Careful, I might be contagious,” Neil croaked out.
Andrew didn’t say anything as he handed over the medicine cup. “Drink that.”
Neil did. He then laid back down as Andrew handed over a thermometer, sticking it under his tongue until it beeped. He had a small fever right now, which was probably causing the sudden chills. As Andrew looked over the thermometer, Neil stared at him, taking in how he looked in the small amount of light streaming in through his window. He looked pretty damn ethereal right now, like an angel coming to take care of him.
Well, the fever must be getting to him if Neil was thinking about shit like that. A part of him wondered what would happen if he suddenly blurted, “I like you.” Would Andrew even believe him, or think it was a result of the fever? If it went bad, maybe Neil could play it off like it was…
But he didn’t say that. “Thanks,” he mumbled, laying his head back down on his pillow. He heard Andrew head towards the door but didn’t watch him go, trying to keep himself awake for just a moment longer.
“Don’t start pointless fights,” Andrew said before he left.
~*~
When Neil’s illness persisted past day one, Kevin had apparently decided the best course of action was to leave the apartment altogether to avoid potentially catching it. He packed up a couple of things and left to stay with his dad until the weekend as far as Neil was aware, not quite coherent at the time thanks to the persistent fever. By day three things had cleared up enough for Neil to decide the move was dramatic, but he wasn't going to complain about being home alone with Andrew for a while.
The second day passed in a blur, but on the third Neil managed to walk himself out of his room and to the couch. Andrew was there when he sat down, sniffing and occasionally coughing but trying to keep quiet. Some DIY house-flipping show was playing, dramatic music booming loudly when the couple who owned the house discovered mold in the bathroom. Suddenly, a big portion of their budget would have to go to getting rid of the mold, and they wouldn’t be able to build another bedroom for their second child. How horrifying.
“Have you taken Dayquil?” Andrew asked, turning Neil’s attention away from the TV.
“Yes,” he said, voice just slightly nasally as he talked. “I feel fine.”
“Symptoms?” Andrew asked.
“Sore throat, stuffy nose, just tired,” Neil listed off. “But the fever is going away.”
Without a word, Andrew stood up and walked towards Neil, stopping right in front of where he was sitting. He raised a hand and pressed it to Neil’s forehead, brushing his hair aside. Andrew’s hand almost burned to the touch, and yet despite the heaviness it brought Neil felt nothing but safe and comforted by Andrew’s touch.
“You’re not as warm,” Andrew decided, still not pulling his hand away. “There’s a can of lentil soup.”
“Mmhm,” Neil hummed, leaning more into Andrew’s hand. He felt like he could fall asleep in that position.
After another second, Andrew pulled his hand away and headed towards the kitchen. Neil blinked himself out of the doze he’d fallen into and leaned back on the couch, trying to resist another coughing fit as he heard Andrew shifting things around. After a while he came back with a bowl of lentil soup and a mug of tea, both he placed on the coffee table. Before Neil could lean forward for either, Andrew returned to his side and pulled a blanket over Neil’s legs, tucking it in around him. Then he finally sat back down, looking at the TV as if he hadn’t just gone out of his way to take care of Neil.
Neil almost asked him why he did that, but before he could his throat spasmed and he started coughing. When he got his breath back he noticed Andrew looking at him out of the corner of his eye. “Thanks,” Neil decided to say.
“Eat the soup,” Andrew replied.
The rest of the day was just as strange. Neil stayed comfortably on the couch until he needed to shower, and when he got out he noticed the sweater folded up on the counter. He pulled it on over the T-shirt he’d grabbed and took as deep a breath as he could manage, almost choking when he suddenly realized the sweater smelled like Andrew. Neil hesitantly raised his cloth-covered hands towards his face and sniffed again to be sure, and yep - definitely smelled like Andrew.
He suddenly remembered Andrew’s touch to his forehead and wondered if the fever was actually gone like he’d thought. Neil grabbed the thermometer just to be sure, but it was just fine.
Holy fuck, this crush is getting worse, Neil thought as he left the bathroom. He walked back to the living room and cuddled up under the blanket again, feeling like he could fall asleep easily.
“That’s my sweater,” Andrew said as he walked back into the living room. He put another mug of tea down on the coffee table before he sat down on the other side of the couch.
“It’s soft,” Neil said, as though that was a justifiable excuse for stealing Andrew’s sweater. “Smells like you,” he said before he could stop himself.
If Andrew was surprised, he didn’t say so. In fact he looked satisfied for some reason, turning back to the TV. Neil found himself falling into a doze.
After that, he and Andrew spent the day talking occasionally in the living room, breaking their house-flipping marathon to eat something light for dinner. Andrew made more than enough tea to soothe Neil’s sore throat, and he just started to feel a bit better before he decided to head to sleep. When he walked in, Neil noticed that his sheets had been changed, which only could’ve happened when he went to take a shower, which meant Andrew must’ve changed his sheets.
Honestly, Andrew should stop taking care of Neil so well when he’s sick, because now Neil felt spoiled rotten and he didn’t want anything less if he got sick again.
Falling asleep was easy. Neil was still wearing Andrew’s sweater, and he could almost imagine that Andrew was laying in bed next to him as he dozed comfortably until long into the night. Ever since the fever really started, Neil had been waking up in the middle of the night completely miserable, either reaching for fallen blankets or tossing them off his body and trying to find a comfortable position to lay in that also allowed him to breathe. This night turned out to be no different, but Neil woke up feeling parched enough to actually get out of bed, heading towards the kitchen for some water and gulping it down.
When he no longer felt like he’d end up choking on nothing, Neil headed back towards his room. He’d barely made it down the hallway before he heard some sort of noise coming from the room Andrew shared with Kevin, and it was just enough to get Neil to pause. He stopped right next to the door and heard it again - he wasn’t quite sure what it was, but it was concerning regardless because Neil had never heard sounds coming from their room.
Slowly, he walked closer to the door and raised a fist to it, lightly knocking his knuckles against the wood. “Andrew?” he called, keeping his voice quiet enough to hopefully not startle, but to just make Andrew aware he was there. When he didn’t hear anything else, Neil took a chance and opened the door.
He wasn’t surprised to see that Andrew was already awake, but everything else caught him off guard. To put it simply, Andrew looked like he was in distress, eyes unfocused but staring straight at Neil, almost like he was looking but not seeing.He was sitting up and hunched forward, lips parted and face pale. Once Neil’s eyes adjusted to the light more, he saw that Andrew’s were just slightly red-rimmed.
Nightmare, Neil thought. “Andrew?” he called, continuing when he didn’t get a response. “Can I come over?”
After a second, Andrew blinked and nodded. Neil rushed to his side right away, made sure to ask before sitting on the bed, and then suddenly didn’t know what to do. He’s had enough nightmares in his life to recognize when someone else has had one, but as far as what one was supposed to do when they noticed…well, comforting them would probably be the right course of action, but Neil didn’t know how to do that at all.
What would Kevin do if he was here? He had to be the one offering comfort, after all, but since he wasn’t here it was up to Neil to step in. He couldn’t imagine Andrew wanting to be touched at all following one, but he wasn’t sure what else he could do. Andrew’s eyes darted around the room the longer Neil just sat there, and his breathing picked up just enough for Neil to notice. He was pretty sure that Andrew was on his way to a panic attack, which Neil didn’t know how to help with either, but he was going to try.
Slowly, Neil raised both his hands and waved them in Andrew’s face until he saw them. Then, he moved to frame them against Andrew’s cheeks, close enough that Andrew could probably feel them without touching. That got Andrew’s eyes back on Neil, which was a good start. “Andrew, it’s Neil,” he said. “How can I help?”
Andrew stared at him for a long time, until finally he closed his eyes and leaned into one of Neil’s hands, allowing it to press against his cheek. He let out a long and slightly shaky breath while reaching up to hold onto Neil’s wrist, his fingertips immediately finding the bumpy scars left there and lightly feeling over them. Neil let him, made sure to hold his body as rigidly still as possible, and waited.
Eventually, Andrew pulled back. “Go,” he said, and Neil nodded in understanding, pulling back and getting to his feet. He might’ve imagined it, but he was almost sure he felt Andrew’s hand holding his linger, almost like he didn’t want to let go.
He shook those thoughts away when he reached the door, closing it behind him. “I’m not Kevin,” he called, “but I’m here. If you want.”
Neil didn’t hear anything called back, but he didn’t expect an answer, anyway. He turned back to his room and tried to fall back asleep.
~*~
“So,” Neil began, “that line isn’t going to work.”
Aaron frowned. “What line?”
“The one you gave me about telling someone I like them?”
“Oh, that.” Aaron looked away from Neil, back to the program they were using to do a mock lab practical with a partner. Since Neil had mostly recovered from being sick, he decided to suck it up and head for classes that day, trying to catch up on anything he could, which included the lab he shared with Aaron. The one thing that made it worth it was the way Aaron’s face fell when Neil walked in, just barely making it on time. “Sounds like your problem, not mine.”
Well, apparently it was time to air everything out. “I have a crush on your brother,” Neil said, successfully making Aaron’s head whip back towards him. “And I don’t know how to tell him. But I think I should, especially since he already has a boyfriend.”
Blinking a few times, Aaron looked like he - for once - didn’t know what to say. “My brother has a boyfriend?” he eventually asked.
“Yeah,” Neil confirmed.
“That’s…rough,” Aaron eventually settled on. “Why the hell Andrew? Don’t get me wrong, you’re both assholes and you’re perfect for each other, but still. Why?”
Neil turned towards the desk as he thought. “He’s interesting,” Neil started with. “Fun. Comfortable. Everything he does makes me feel safe.”
When Aaron didn’t say anything, Neil looked back at him. A pinched expression was on his face, almost like Aaron had just eaten a lemon, or something. “I…” he started, then stopped, then continued with, “Okay.”
“Okay?” Neil asked.
“You have my approval,” Aaron grumbled, not sounding at all happy about it. “And - fucking hell, I can’t believe I’m going to help you get with my brother - “
“He has a boyfriend,” Neil tried to remind him.
“Then he should break up with his boyfriend and be with you,” Aaron snapped. “So, what you just said? Tell him that. Exactly that. Write it down, right now.”
“Write what down?” Neil asked, trying not to drop the pencil Aaron was shoving into his hand.
“Why you like him,” Aaron said. “And tell him that.”
~*~
This was, officially, the most nerve wracking point of Neil’s life.
He only had one day left with Andrew before Kevin would be returning, and he’d decided that he was going to confess everything before Kevin returned. Not because Neil was hoping for anything to happen, but because it was easier to say anything when Kevin wasn’t around to make Neil second guess himself. And he was pretty sure Kevin wouldn’t want to hear about Neil’s crush on his boyfriend.
That thought only served to remind Neil that he had no chance. Fuck.
Andrew had a late class on Friday’s, which meant that Neil was home alone to stew in his overthinking brain until he returned. He still had no idea what he was going to say, only that he was going to say something and hope for the best. At this point, he was hoping they’d let him stay in the apartment for the rest of the school year. Just because Neil might have feelings for Andrew didn’t mean he couldn’t control himself, or whatever. Honestly, Neil liked living with them both - or, he liked living with them both until the romantic attraction began - and he’d hate to go.
The sound of the lock opening brought Neil out of his thoughts. He turned towards it and watched as Andrew walked inside, raising an eyebrow when he saw Neil mid-pace in the living room. Neither of them said anything as Andrew toed off his boots, then headed to the kitchen to drop his backpack on one of the chairs. Neil slowly followed him there.
“How was class?” Neil asked.
Andrew turned sharply to face him. “What’s going on?”
Oh god, oh fuck, Aaron was very right. It was not easy to do this at all , and Andrew was definitely onto him - shit, did Aaron tell him? He wouldn’t do that, right? Even though it was the perfect revenge for everything Neil put him through - was he seriously reconsidering being mean to Aaron right now? Why did Neil have to experience romantic attraction, again?
“Neil,” Andrew called, bringing Neil’s focus back to him. “Can I touch you? Yes or no.”
“Yeah,” Neil breathed, adding a nod because after that one time Andrew touched Neil’s forehead, he could touch anytime he wanted, as far as Neil was concerned. He felt himself relax when Andrew reached up, fingers gripping the back of his neck, giving him something grounding to focus on. “Sorry,” Neil mumbled.
The grip tightened for a second. “Say that again and I’ll kill you,” Andrew warned. “What’s going on?”
Neil wanted to tell him everything, but maybe he shouldn’t just yet. Maybe there would be a different time that they’d be alone in the apartment - there was no way that would happen, but Neil needed any excuse he could get - and Neil would be able to confess everything. Right now he was too caught up in ‘what if’s to think properly, and he really just wanted the chance to stay more than anything. He didn’t want to fuck that up.
“I know something is wrong,” Andrew continued when Neil didn’t answer him. “You’re more snappish at Kevin than usual. You keep taking the bus instead of asking for rides home. You stopped making tea.”
“I was sick,” Neil tried.
“Neil.”
It had to be something supernatural that caused the hold Andrew had over Neil, because it didn’t take much more than that for Neil to start spilling everything. “I like you,” he said first, like Aaron had said to. “In a romantic way, not a friend way. You’re interesting and fun and you make me feel comfortable and safe. You make me want to stay more than anything, and I’m sorry I let it go on this long before saying anything - “
Andrew used the grip he had on Neil’s neck to pull him closer, until they were nearly pressed chest-to-chest. Neil took in a shaky breath and lowered his forehead to Andrew’s shoulder, waiting for the inevitable to happen. But instead of gently letting Neil down, or just kicking him out altogether, Andrew said, “You need to learn to listen.”
“Huh?” Neil mumbled into his shoulder.
“Don’t say sorry again, or I’ll actually kill you,” Andrew said. His fingers pushed up to get a good grip on Neil’s hair, pulling his head back until they could look each other in the eyes. Andrew didn’t look upset or mad or anything at all, but instead something…happy, maybe. His hazel eyes seemed to shine gold in the kitchen light, and it was only then that Neil realized just how close they were. There were barely inches between their faces right now.
“I’m not sorry for the feelings,” Neil found himself saying. “I’m sorry for having them when you and Kevin…”
Andrew blinked. “Kevin.”
“Yeah,” Neil said, not wanting to clarify.
Lips pursing as though he was going to laugh, Andrew tipped his head back to put a bit more space between them, but held firm to Neil’s hair. “Kevin,” he repeated.
“Yeah,” Neil repeated back. “What?”
“You think that me and Kevin are together,” Andrew slowly said.
Before he could say ‘yeah’ again, Neil took a second to think about it. The tone Andrew was using, the way he said those words, they…well, they gave him just a little bit of hope. “Are you saying you’re not?”
“When did you ever think that me and Kevin were together?” Andrew asked. “The first stop there is the fact that Kevin is completely aromantic.”
“I don’t know what that means - “
Andrew tugged on Neil’s hair, getting him to shut up rather quickly. “The second stop is there’s not enough liquor in the world to get me to be with Kevin,” Andrew continued. “Third is the fact that you exist.”
“Me?” Neil choked out.
“You,” Andrew confirmed. “You’re interesting, Neil. You’re an anomaly. A pipe-dream. A part of the equation that shouldn’t exist, but you do.” He leaned closer, causing Neil’s breath to catch, unable to stop himself from glancing down at Andrew’s lips. “It was so obvious that Kevin told me I should tone it down so that I didn’t scare you away.”
“You like me,” Neil whispered.
“I hate you,” Andrew corrected. “I want to kiss you, Neil. Tell me yes or no.”
There was no hesitation this time when Neil told him ‘yes’. Andrew kissed him just a bit harshly, still holding onto Neil’s hair. His other hand pressed between their chests as he dove into Neil’s mouth, stealing his breath away easily. Neil let him take everything he wanted, because this was all he wanted, and if he had the chance to have it he was never going to let go.
One year later…
Neil woke up slowly, his body sleep-warm and heavy. It was the kind of morning where it felt almost impossible to open his eyes, comfortable laying on his stomach, arms holding tightly to his pillow. When he finally managed to peek an eye open, he saw two cats curled up on the empty side of the bed, each of them purring away where they laid in sunbeams.
Given the amount of light coming in through the open window, it had to be later in the morning than Neil usually woke up. The night before, Andrew had said that he wasn’t going to set their usual alarms - some kind of ‘award’ for Neil finishing the very last of the exams he’d ever have to take. If he passed everything, anyways. It would suck to go through the graduation ceremony only to later receive an email that he’d have to redo his last senior semester to officially get his degree.
No, no, he wasn’t going to think about that. Neil very slowly rolled until he was on his back, arms comfortably resting above his head, and glanced towards the wall his bed was pushed up against. Hanging there was a line of clothespins holding printed photos, something Neil was pretty sure was a college dorm-room decoration that Andrew had found at target. Most of the photos had been taken from the past year, and most of them were of him and Andrew. At one point in his life, Neil thought the idea of family photos hung up in a house were strange, but nowadays he enjoyed waking up and looking at the rows of pictures, each capturing a specific moment he wanted to remember for the rest of his life.
He stared at the wall for a couple of minutes, only breaking eye contact with a specific picture of Andrew - Neil had sneakily taken that one when they went to Eden’s, because Andrew looked incredible in his outfit coupled with the bright neon-colored lights - when his phone vibrated loudly on the night-table. Trying not to disturb King and Sir, Neil leaned over them to grab his phone, sighing when he found just who it was.
From: Queen Day
At this point I’m assuming you’re not coming
Right. Kevin had moved out a couple of months ago(and had quickly been replaced by the cats), but he and Neil regularly met up like they always had to work out and catch up. Neil should’ve known that an exam week wouldn’t be enough to throw Kevin off of his schedule.
Just when Neil had begun to type out a response, the door to the bedroom softly opened. Andrew walked inside, holding a steaming cup of coffee and dressed only in his oversized hoodie and a pair of boxers. It successfully distracted Neil for long enough that Kevin sent him another text, so he regretfully looked away from Andrew and back to his phone. Andrew headed for the night-table and put down his coffee mug with a soft clink.
“It’s not even nine yet,” he said, voice deep and rough enough to send a soft spike of shivers across Neil’s shoulders.
“So late,” Neil responded, still focusing on texting Kevin back. He wasn’t sure if he should agree to meet up in an hour or so, because the bed really was comfortable. And the cats were being cuddly. And then there was Andrew, who was nothing but a distraction.
After a couple of seconds, in which Neil clearly debated too long about telling Kevin he pronounced the French ‘j’ wrong, the mattress dipped and Neil’s phone was yanked out of his hands, tossed on the covers between the cats. Neil looked up just as Andrew straddled him, thighs planted on either side of his waist. In all honesty, this wasn’t where Neil had expected the morning to go, but he was not complaining. Not in the slightest.
“What?” Neil asked, leaning back on his pillow so he could look up at Andrew without straining his neck. Very slowly, his fingers inched along the sheets until they were just a breath away from Andrew’s knees, itching to touch his skin but not daring to until he was told he could.
“You’re the only person in the world that complains about sleeping in,” Andrew said quietly. He leaned forward until his hands had to hold him up, landing right next to Neil’s on the bed. The necklace he’d been wearing daily hung down when he leaned forward, the ring hanging from it glinting in the morning sunlight that streamed through the window.
Right now, Andrew looked nothing short of ethereal.
“Well, how can I complain when I get a view like this?” Neil asked, letting a teasing smile tug at his lips. Andrew didn’t look impressed at the statement at all, but the tips of his ears flushed darker with a light shade of red that told Neil that it worked as intended, despite how cheesy it was.
“Stay here today,” Andrew told him, leaning down just a couple of inches more, until Neil could see nothing but him.
To the right, Neil’s phone buzzed with another incoming text. He barely heard it over the sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. “Okay,” he said easily, not able to help the way he kept glancing at Andrew’s parted lips.
As soon as he said it, Andrew moved to close the rest of the gap between them, kissing Neil firmly but gently. He began to draw back afterwards, drawing a rough whine out of Neil’s throat as he leaned up to keep chasing Andrew’s lips. It was a bit difficult to balance, but he still reached up with one hand to lightly grip the hair at the base of Andrew’s skull, feeling over the soft strands while he tasted coffee from Andrew’s mouth. His other hand moved to trace the skin of Andrew’s knee, then boldly moved up his warm skin, until Neil’s fingertips traced the edge of Andrew’s boxers.
All the while, Andrew kept kissing him. Neil finally drew back for a breath, blinking his eyes open to see Andrew already watching him. “Morning,” Neil whispered, lightly scratching with the fingers tangled in Andrew’s hair.
Eyes falling half lidded, Andrew leaned forward again. “Morning,” he whispered against Neil’s lips, the word barely audible, but felt. A second later, one of Andrew’s hands moved to grab the one Neil had resting on his thigh, not moving it but holding tightly enough to feel. Neil felt a soft sigh pass between his lips, and he let Andrew press him back down to the bed, eyes closing again in content.