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1. Pre-Season 2020
"I hate this team, I really do," Lewis snorted as he read Ferrari's official statement that Seb would leave the team at the end of the season.
His husband just laughed for a moment and put one hand into his hair, which for once wasn't in dreads. He pressed into the touch, whereupon Seb even turned away from his book for a moment to warmly smile at him. They had decided to spend the day relaxing on the couch, and so they did. While Seb was reading his book, he had his head on his lap and was on his phone.
Now, the younger one opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Lewis interrupted him, "I know, I know. Everyone is a Ferrari fan."
"Exactly." With a wink, he looked back at his book, but his one hand continued to scratch his head. So he resumed reading the statement, even if it just frustrated him. He knew it already since Sebastian had received it a few days ago and had shown it to him. Nevertheless, he was angry at the way things had gone. How could Ferrari do this to him? It's always been Sebastian's big dream to drive for them, he'd done so much for this team, and now they're just throwing him out? How could Lewis not be mad?
"Don't worry, Lew," he muttered lovingly without looking at him. "Everything will be fine."
"I just don't understand how you can't be mad at them," he sulked at him from below and made him put away his book. Then Seb also took away his phone before he intertwined their fingers.
"I'm disappointed, believe me," he sighed. "But I could never be mad. I still love this team. Very much even. And I'll do everything I can to score as many points as possible for them this season."
"They don't deserve that," he grumbled, and Seb smiled a bit tortured, "Maybe not. But that doesn't change the fact that they're my team. What did Lando say when you talked to him on the phone earlier? Toxic?"
Confirmingly, he nodded, whereupon Seb made an understanding sound. Toxic described the relationship between Seb and Ferrari quite well.
"And what's your plan now, Seb?" He wanted to know quietly, and his husband immediately stopped scratching his head. Until now, he had always avoided the question, and of course, Lewis had accepted that he might want to think about it himself first but Seb had to answer it sooner or later.
"I don't know, Lew. But would it be so tragic if I couldn't get a seat?" He muttered unsurely. "Perhaps it's a sign."
"What kind of a sign is that? That all teams are stupid?" He snorted, stunned, and sat up straight. "Don't even think about retiring. You'll find a seat.
"I'm just saying that I've already achieved a lot. I don't know if I even want to continue racing at all," Seb explained calmly, but he just rolled his eyes at the statement.
"Of course, you want to continue, Seb. You're a racing driver - a pretty decent one even, if I may say so - and you love it."
2. Monza 2020
"It's official!" Beaming, he wrapped his arms around Seb, who returned the embrace laughing.
"Now there's no going back," he smiled, pressing a kiss on the skin beneath his ear.
"Finally. I really couldn't take any more of your retirement talk," I grinned before stepping back. "I'm so proud of you. You're gonna rock this new challenge."
Something had changed in his eyes. Sebastian looked at him sadly and seemed to have something on his mind. He was just about to reply, but Lewis was quicker, "Dinner date to celebrate?"
Actually, he had only wanted to cheer him up, but Seb seemed even less cheerful than before. Almost resigned, he nodded, whereupon Lewis frowned. "What is it?" He hooked up irritatedly. "Aren't you happy?"
"That's not it, Lew," Sebastian sighed, brushing his face for a moment. "I'm happy, really. But I don't think you understand that I'm really thinking about retiring."
"You've thought about it, you mean," he automatically corrected him. "Now you've got a contract again."
"Lew, the contract is for a year," Seb reminded him and tilted his head.
"Aston Martin is going to extend it, don't worry," he smiled, still slightly confused. "They even wanted more than a year from the start."
"I don't think you understand, Lewis. I'm not worried," the younger one answered seriously. "There is a reason why I only wanted a one-year contract at first."
"Yes, because you want to win races and don't know what the car will be like. Of course, you don't want to commit to them in a long-term contract."
"It's not about winning, Lewis," he said in a firm voice and seemed to want to add something, but then simply shook his head, "Let's just go to dinner."
3. Christmas 2020
Tired, Lewis wrapped his arms around his husband, who immediately snuggled closer to him and sighed happily. It had taken them forever to get Emily and Matilda to bed. Especially on holidays like these, it was incredibly difficult for them to come to rest, with their grandparents visiting, the presents, and lots of food. And by now, it was much later than their usual bedtime.
"I love Christmas," he muttered anyway. Seb hummed approvingly and put one hand on his upper arm, squeezing it briefly.
"I love seeing you with them," he admitted before pressing a tender kiss to his lips. "Generally with my family. It's so nice that you're all getting along."
"I love your family, Seb," he smiled, "And you know that. There's something in those Vettel genes that make you the most lovable people in the world."
Laughing, he hid his face in his neck and kissed the skin several times. "I wish they could all be here more often."
"I know, I want that too," he sighed heavily. "But we're travelling a lot and can be so thankful to Hanna that she never complained about it."
"We owe her so much," Seb agreed, putting an arm around his hip to push even closer to him, which he always did when he needed comfort.
"Is everything okay?" Lewis lovingly kissed his forehead and strengthened his grip around him.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm missing everything because of our job, especially with Emily and Matilda. I rarely get to be there on their birthdays. I can't offer them the things I should offer them," he mumbled. "I would love to have them with me permanently, but I just can't."
"You're a great father if you doubt it," he soothed him. "You have a job that takes up most of your time and requires a lot of travelling. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about that."
"Well, if I end my career, I'd have more time for them," Seb thought, to which he smiled at him through the dark.
"Of course, in a few years, we will finally have more time for them," he said.
"Sure," he sighed sadly. "In a few years."
4. September 2021
"I'm extending my contract with Aston Martin for another year," Seb broke out as they had dinner together. Surprised, he looked up from his plate and raised his eyebrows.
They had just flown from Monza to their home in Switzerland to spend a few relaxing days together after the last race, which had been quite nerve-racking. Now, he needed some time to really understand his husband's statement. They'd still be driving together next year.
"It will be announced sometime in the next few days," he continued thoughtfully. "I would have liked to have told you earlier, but I wanted to decide on my own. I wanted to extend my contract because I want to, not because you want to."
"Seb..." Irritated, he frowned and didn't quite understand what he was trying to tell him. "What do you mean by that?"
"I've been thinking a lot about retiring after this season, and I've come to the conclusion that it's not the right time yet. But not because you don't want me to stop, but because I have to prove to myself that I'm still worthy of being in Formula One," Seb explained in a calm voice, and he swallowed heavily.
"Seb, you've won four world championships," he reminded him. "You're the youngest world champion and just about the most popular driver. You don't have to prove anything to anyone."
"I don't care what others think of me. I'm doing it for myself," he repeated, shrugging his shoulders indecisively. "I have one more season after this one to be at the top again. At least for a day."
"And you will." Confidently, he grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "And even if you don't make it next season, I'm sure you'll still get a chance the one after that. I'll always support you, Seb. And you know that."
For a short time, a shadow fell over his face, as always when Lewis had said something wrong, but before he could ask about it, Seb smiled again. "Sometimes I wonder how we even got together in the first place, even though you've never really understood clear signs," he remarked amusedly. "Be glad I love you too much and know you don't mean to be that oblivious to be angry about it."
"I don't think I understand?" He asked confusedly, which made Sebastian laugh. "What do you mean?"
"That's exactly what I mean!" He chuckled relaxedly. "I love you, Lew."
5. Abu Dhabi 2021
"Don't worry, Lew." Seb lovingly continued to loosen his braids, and he leaned his forehead against his shoulder. They really weren't in the best position for the German to take care of his hair, but Seb knew very well that he needed physical proximity now, if only his. He wouldn't let anyone else near him now but Seb. And so the German had taken a seat on his lap and pressed his head gently in a few directions so that he could loosen every single braid.
"People know you're one of the best drivers there's ever been, if not the best," he continued without Lewis having to answer. Instead, he turned my head a little so that Seb could kiss him, which he did right away.
"Next year, you will win again," he assured and smiled warmly.
"You don't know that," he mumbled now after he hadn't said a word for half an eternity. "There are new rules, and I have a new teammate. I'm sure George won't just let himself be bossed around to give me victories." His husband was visibly relieved that he had regained his language, even if it was to contradict him, and put both hands on his cheeks.
"Yeah, I know," he said tenderly. "But you desperately want to beat him. And if you need more encouragement than you already have, it's going to be the last season we'll race against each other, and I'll do my best to beat you, too. I'm sure you won't be able to let that sit on you."
He snorted in response to his words, even though the corners of his mouth were twitching upwards. "In the next few years, you'll have plenty of opportunities to beat me, don't worry," he then murmured.
"Don't let one race destroy your self-confidence," Seb rebuked him and pressed another kiss on his lips. "You've had an incredible season. Just that you never gave up shows what a great driver you are. And maybe you lost today, but you showed strength. You were on the podium and congratulated Max. I'm not sure it would have been the other way around. You're gonna fight back, Lew. You always do."
Sighing, he went back to the same position as before, whereupon Seb began to deal with his hair again. He let his words go through his mind again and got stuck in one particular place. Last season together?
"Seb?" He muttered into the silence.
"Hm?"
"I don't know if I ever want to drive in without you," he whispered. "I don't know if I can do that."
It was quiet for a while until Seb took a deep breath and replied, "I'm afraid you don't really have a choice. Your contract is until 2023, mine isn't."
"But you'll probably be able to extend it again, won't you?" He whispered uncertainly.
"We'll talk about this later," Seb promised. "Now really is not the right time to talk about that, Lew. I don't want to make promises I can't keep just to cheer you up."
+1 Pre-Season 2022
"Seb makes a good impression in the car," he noticed as he walked through the paddock with Britta, whom he had met by chance.
"He does," she told him with a smile and looked up from her mobile phone. "You're not bad either."
"We still have a few things to work on, but it's looking good," he replied without going into too much detail. Even though he knew and trusted Britta, she was still part of a different team, and, of course, he wasn't allowed to reveal anything.
"Maybe you two can fight for victories again," she grinned, to which he answered, "He definitely deserves it after the last few years."
"He really does," she nodded. "And it would be a really good end to his career."
As soon as she had uttered those words, he stopped and looked at her in shock. "What did you just say?" He asked, shocked, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "He wants to end his career?"
Britta immediately looked surprised and began to play with her fingers. "He didn't tell you about it?" She asked the nervous counter-question, whereupon he shook his head, then thought about it again, and finally shrugged his shoulders.
"I mean, he hinted at it," he admitted. "But I didn't think that he meant it."
Britta just wanted to reply as a certain someone intervened in their conversation. "Hey, you two!" A good-humoured Sebastian put one arm around their shoulders from behind and grinned at them. The grin disappeared as soon as he saw their expressions though. "What's up?"
"You want to retire?!" He hissed at him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Accusing, he turned to his PR manager, who innocently raised her hands. "It's not my fault you didn't tell him clearly enough," she defended herself. "I thought he knew."
"He would if he could understand the small signs," Seb sighed, and now, Lewis finally understood what he had meant when he had renewed his contract in September.
"You've known for so long and never told me?"He wanted to know. Desperately, Seb ran through his hair and muttered, "We should discuss this in my container, not here."
He nodded, and they silently made their way to Seb's "hotel room," as he called his trailer at the track, when he felt funny.
"When would you have told me?" He asked as soon as the door had fallen into the lock.
"Before the first race, really," he assured him, and he immediately realised he was telling the truth. "I was just waiting for the right time to tell you officially."
"And why does Britta know?" He continued, although the answer was obvious.
"Because she needs to know, and she's my best friend," Seb explained and sat down on his sofa, which he immediately did, too.
"Why?" Unsure, he looked at his hands, then at his husband. As usual, his eyes were warm, even if somewhat depressed. He knew, of course, what he meant by that question. Why he hadn't made the decision with him, why he had made it in the first place.
"Because I knew you wouldn't want it," Seb admitted. "But it's something I decided for myself. There are now things that are more important to me than Formula One. I don't need this sport to be happy anymore. My idea of a perfect day is no longer to win a race but to cuddle in bed with you, Emily and Matilda. And that's the moment I decided I don't want to risk my life anymore because it's just not worth it. And I hope you can understand that."
"Of course I can understand that, Seb," he immediately breathed, clasping his hands tightly. "I never thought you were really serious about retiring and only said it out of frustration, otherwise I wouldn't have wanted to stop you."
"That's why I was never mad at you but rather annoyed. I knew you would support me, and I'm sorry you had to find out that way," he smiled apologetically to which he shook his head.
"You don't have to apologise for anything," Lewis reassured him and made the next decision. "And in two years, we can enjoy our retirement together. With the girls. How does that sound?"
Laughing, he pulled a hand out of his and put it on his neck instead. "That sounds very good," he remarked happily before leaning forward and kissing him gently.