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Yes. He needs to cut it.
Yuzuru stared at his reflection in the mirror. With Tori deciding to enrol in Yumenosaki and start promoting as an idol, he shouldn't keep the infamous tough sexy and wild look—which is pretty much known to be eye candy for some staff working in the himemiya mansion— that he kept for himself any longer. There was almost no way he can keep this appearance if he plans to go along with Tori to enter fine, the famous idol group with elegant and angelic concept. Well, the idea of having one tough-guy look as the guardian of all those noble-looking member wasn't sounds so bad but Yuzuru isn't really up to make that unit changes it's shape for him. He remembered there was also a member with similar hairstyle with him— although obviously more beautiful, there is no way he can match that person.
Sigh escaped as he wonder what he needed to do with the looks, He rarely ever sees himself in the mirror, most of the time he only saw the butler Fushimi Yuzuru, getting the neat look with hell knows how much hair gel he had to use simply to keep his hair down all the time especially during his master's house party. This family didn't have a strict rule about his hair. Perhaps if anything, it's one of the little things he can decide for himself. Which is partly why he kept that growing long even until now. Most soldiers and butlers would have their haircut short to keep it from getting away from their job. But the military facility wasn't one managed by the national defence, there was no need for them to keep it as short as possible and without his family's eyes watching all over his decision, Yuzuru took that chance as his way to spread his freedom of his body as much as possible.
Freedom — something others would say he gave up the moment he accepted Tori's embrace to him on the day of his return. But for Fushimi Yuzuru, taking Tori's hand wasn't the embodiment of giving up on his freedom. Taking his hands was taking a step further for himself to understand more on what it means to love himself, and find purpose in his life.
There will be no end in the story once Yuzuru thinks about how Tori allowed him to embrace such warmth he thought he would never have in this mansion. But that warmth wasn't the reason why he hesitated now. As he stared into the mirror, he pulled his hair to the front and combed it gently. He actually thought he could just style it neatly rather than cutting it down. But his heart is conflicted. Up until now, the actual reason he kept that hairstyle after the military facility was just to make sure that in case he went outside, the certain someone would be able to find him again.
Such a strange and stupid sounding reason now that he think about it. It's not like he changed his face or anything for that person to confuse him to someone else if fate decides to let them meet again.
But he was desperate. Yuzuru want to keep all the possible chance for him to meet that person again. He really wish to be able to meet that person again even after finding no luck on actually reaching him. Maybe it's also just a pat on his back to ease the guilt that still left behind in the depth of his heart after he left that boy alone in the cold winter. Maybe he just doesn't want to erase something that felt like the sole thing that could remind him of that person..
Yuzuru himself didn't know the answer.
His hand moved to comb his hair again, parting the hair into three parts and slowly he started to braid it on the side.
— right, That person really loves to play with his hair like this right… making a very small braid out of it and putting a tie at the end. A strange way that somehow makes that person calm down a lot from all the bad things he experienced. From when he was sick, when he was in pain, when he was angry or…
That bright cheeky smile flashed in his mind, — when he was happy too.
Yuzuru smiled at his own reflection in the mirror. perhaps the braids wasn't only come from the painful part of the memory with him… it was also holding the small moment of happiness they created there.
His hand stopped making the braid, it looks very messy compared to how that person did it for him. "How did he do that so flawlessly …" He cracked a smile as he remembered how that person did it to him. Despite that person's rough act, he always able to make even Yuzuru felt at ease when he did it.
His mind went all the way wondering what happened to that person now. According to the information he got from the staff, that person left the facility not long after Yuzuru did. But… his whereabouts wasn't known, as if he just disappeared the moment he left the gate. When Yuzuru heard about it, he felt like his world just crumbled apart. He failed to save that person, not just because of the rejection from that person to find his real family but he also failed to get that person out with him and now he has no lead to find him again. He did try to ask all the informants he could contact through connection he has with these two families but there was nothing, not even the past to find that person's parents were to be found.
Just where did he go?
Did he find a better life?
Did they forge the document and send him to the battlefield despite his age?
Did a good family adopt him?
Did he die and it was all just a lie to cover up that facility's sin?
No. That's impossible.
Yuzuru tried to smile for himself. Right. He refused to give up. He refused to believe such a tough person would die as soon as he reached his freedom . Perhaps, that person has found the goal he always wished to reach and settled for a good life… away from the battlefield, away from all these worlds of facade. Perhaps he was just picked by a very great family that protected him from all this sinful business.
It's..
More possible right?
Yuzuru wondered. He could feel the warm tears escaping from his eyes. He would never be able to forgive himself and live his blessed life if that person died before he reached his life goal. That person might not be fated to be his life. But there was no doubt that without him, he could never be here today. That's why Yuzuru always promised to himself, even if he has failed that person countless times in the past, he would wish to be able to support him to reach his goal in the future. Just like how that person is able to hold onto him a bit longer for him to finally find something to actually hold to by himself.
For the person who held onto his hand when he thought that he would be able to pull a revenge on his parents upon destiny that they wrote on his name — by ending his life on the battlefield.
.
!?!?!?
A fine fist suddenly flew on his face.
Ibara had always been bad at all his attempts to 'kill' him but at that moment even Yuzuru didn't see that punch coming. They were just talking. Just talking stupid what ifs in this life that forced the two kids who supposed to live a good life at school trapped in this hell hole of military facility.
— I want to die on the battlefield… haha… die a hero, asking my parents if they are happy to see me die in the path they've chosen for me. It would be funny if they didn't react at all.. right Ibara? Would you tell me their reaction when we meet again in he—
Of course he was mad.
Maybe… It was the first time Yuzuru saw that person crying in a mess holding back his anger.
"Don't you dare killing yourself for such a stupid reason!"
Another punch flew to his face. Yuzuru saw it coming but he didn't move away.
Ibara always acted like he didn't care about anything didn't care about everything. He always acted like he doesn't bother with anyone's pain, even if they heard someone died he would just listen to the news with such a blank face.
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! If you want to die so much then I'll be the one who takes your life and makes it mine!!"
Even all the talk about his parents… he only said disturbing things without changing much of his expression but today he was crying. So hard that even his nose got runny too. His face got so red from holding the anger and crying. His small hands kept trying to punch Yuzuru but each of them got weaker… softer… and eventually he stopped. He dropped himself to hug Yuzuru on the ground, continue throwing all the hateful words that Yuzuru himself unsure what it means. The only thing he sure about was, it was all probably in English until Ibara switched back to use Japanese.
"... I don't care about those stupid adults… I'll help you to get revenge. So … live… I'll kill you now and live for me…" his voice sounded more like a mumble for Yuzuru, but perhaps Ibara was just tired of crying and being angry. For someone who rarely show such emotion, its probably exhausting him too much.
Yuzuru pulled up his hand and patted Ibara's head softly. He didn't really know what to say. Guess... Its not odd for Ibara to be that angry. Yuzuru's lips so easily say that he wanted to die just for revenge that he would never see the impact himself. Ibara was right, it was truly a foolish statement. He knows Ibara would understand the feeling on wanting to get revenge on your own parents. Just he is sure that perhaps dying was truly not an option especially for Ibara.
But… is it wrong that Yuzuru felt the warmth of those words that Ibara was saying?
To be killed . And live for him.
Yuzuru laughed. "Sure… I'll live for you if you can kill me…" he wasn't sure if it's fine for him to decide the future of his own. Those words might just be a way to calm down the poor kid who is in a crying mess. But if that day were to happen, along with the death of Fushimi Yuzuru — the butler, he promised, he will continue to live for him.
No matter what his family would say.
.
That person never succeeded in killing him until they parted. There were no other promises that he actually made with that person other than that one. But when he left, Yuzuru promised to himself that he would find him again. To repay those punches with support he would be able to use now that he has more power to help that person. So he maybe can guide him, into the goal that he wished to acquire.
To find the things for him to treasure until the end of his life. Perhaps, even going along with him to protect it
Yuzuru took a deep breath, he used scissors to cut the braid he was making.
That's right, no matter what will happen in the future, he won't lose his hope that he will be able to fulfil that promise one day. He will continue to hold onto that promise even if that person wouldn't recognize him the next time they meet.
I'll find you again, Ibara.