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Peter Parker's life was somewhat not the hottest mess it had ever been: he had a new job in Alchemax and a house, he was back together with Mary Jane, and he had someone new to help him with the whole saving-the-city thing. For Peter's standards, it was as good as it could get.
And yet, he found himself thinking about Felicia. Not in a romantic way, not really. He was worried about her and her endless chase of everything shiny and expensive, but he also daydreamed about that kid that doesn't exist. Sure, when he first heard about it he wished it wasn't real. He was as relieved when she told him that it was all a lure as angry that she put Mary Jane in danger just to get a flash drive. He was just twenty three after all.
But still, when he swung around New York on lazy Sunday mornings, he couldn't help but think how would it be to have a kid and be just like those families he was passing by. They would get up early and make breakfast, the unhealthy kind, or they would get ready and eat hot dogs instead. One of them would argue that this is bad for their health and the other would say it's only one time, but it would be a lie because they did this routine every single week. When it was warm and the sun drenched the city in golden light, they would go to parks and play tag or hide and seek and all those children's games. They could have lunch with Aunt May back in Queens and-
But Aunt May wasn't there anymore.
Peter didn't cry much anymore. He just had this empty feeling in his chest at the memory of the only family he'd ever known.
He knew the kid was a coping mechanism- what else could it be? Why would he be wishing he had a kid with his ex?
But then he saw her. Even in unassuming civilian clothes, she stood out. It was mostly her silver hair that reflected the sunlight, but it wasn't what caught Peter's attention.
Felicia was holding a kid, and she was holding it like he was the most precious thing she had ever laid eyes on. Felicia, who smirked and scoffed and bolted the minute things got more serious than she liked, was full-on smiling and laughing as she played with the little bundle of joy in her arms.
Peter felt the urge to follow them. He made up senarios in which he walked up to them and confronted Felicia and took the kid in his arms, but he knew it was madness. His feelings were on overdrive. Besides, what proof did he have that the kid was his? Or even Felicia's? Maybe she was a baby-sitter as a side gig. Maybe she had friends and they needed her help or maybe she kidnapped the baby as part of a scheme.
Yeah, that has to be it, he told himself and went on his way.
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Except he couldn't move past it. He was tense the entire day after that. Mary Jane noticed and tried to cheer him up with pizza and kisses, but Peter felt too guilty to enjoy anything.
"Peter, what's up with you?" Mary Jane asked, her face morphed in an ignorant smile. She dug up a coin from her pocket and offered it to him. "Penny for your thoughts?"
Peter shifted in his seat, fixing his posture a little bit. "That's a quarter."
MJ chuckled. "Well, then maybe you'll have to share more thoughts. My offer still stands."
Peter smiled despite his worries. They had agreed he would open up more, and MJ had promissed she would listen well before judging. It had worked so far.
"Alright," he said, turning his head to focus on his girlfriend. "Remember when Felicia had tricked me into thinking I have a son with her?"
He immediately regretted it. He couldn't miss the way MJ's face clouded at the mention of the infamous Black Cat, and he couldn't blame her. She put her life in danger for her.
"Yeah?" MJ said, urging him to continue.
Peter's lips stretched in a straight line and he clenched his jaw. He wished he could chicken out, make up a story and move on, but he had to be honest. He owed MJ as much.
"I saw her today, with a kid."
MJ's face broke into a grin. "That's all?"
Peter frowned. "Isn't it weird?"
MJ rolled her eyes as she got up from the couch in her appartment. "Peter, that doesn't mean she has a child, or that it's yours."
Hearing it from someone else made it sound ridiculous. Only, instead of relief, Peter felt that huge wave of disappointment rush through him. That daydream of a family laying on a carpeted floor and transforming blank pages into works of art flashed before his eyes, and then it was gone. He wanted it so much that he was losing his mind over a lie.
"You're probably right," Peter said after a while. "It's just... I was..."
"Scared, I know," MJ finished. She stood behind him and bent down, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I don't blame you. You're only twenty five. Besides, a kid with Felicia? How would that work?"
Peter let out a dry laugh. "Yeah, you're right."
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That night, Peter crashed on the couch. He couldn't bring himself to touch Aunt May's room yet, and he didn't feel like sleeping in his childhood room. Sometimes, he would wake up and he swore he could smell wheatcakes in the kitchen or hear Aunt May chat with Anne Watson.
He once told Miles about it, only because he was worried he might be slowly losing his mind.
The younger kid had given him a sad smile. "I still wonder where's my dad when Mum and I sit down for dinner."
In a way, Peter envied Miles. Sure, he lost his dad, watched him go right before his eyes. Still, he had his mum and his uncle and his grandparents. Peter had no one.
He was half-asleep when he heard a knock. He got up and dragged his feet to the door, wondering who could it be at that time of the night, and hoping it was...
"Felicia?" he asked, his jaw slack. He rubbed his eyes, thinking he's dreaming. "What are you doing here?"
She wasn't in costume. And she used the door.
"Hi, Spider," she said, the ghost of a smile on her lips. "I think we should have a little chat."
Peter nodded, dumbfounded. "Y-Yeah, come in," he said and stepped aside.
He led Felicia to the kitchen. He flicked the switch on, and the fluorescent white light shone over them. He pulled out a chair and sat down or else his knees would give out.
Felicia must have noticed. "You saw me today," she said.
Peter felt his heart racing. He didn't say anything.
"Peter..." She offered a smile. "It was the right choice at the time."
His breath hitched. Does that mean that.... He wanted to be mad, but he couldn't find it in him.
"Look, you had just lost your aunt. You were talking with Red again. I couldn't just come by and say Hey, by the way, you have a son!" She raised a shoulder. "You seemed to be putting your life in order. I didn't want to ruin it for you."
Peter shook his head. "So... So that kid you were holding..." He looked into her eyes. "You never lied?"
Felicia pursed her lips. "Well, I lied when I told you that I lied about my son."
Peter was speechless once again.
"We're okay," Felicia continued. "We're doing great, he's the best little guy I could have asked for. I'm only telling you because I know you saw me and I know you. I know you're not going to give it a rest if you think we need your help, so I'm here to tell you we're alright."
Peter's face hardened. "Are you telling me that... Are you serious?"
Felicia rolled her eyes. "Don't go all Mr. Right. We got it covered. You're doing nothing wrong."
"You- We have a son, Felicia, and you thought I don't want to know?" Peter asked, his voice coming out louder than he intended to. "I- Why didn't you tell me sooner? How did you do this all on your own?"
I would have loved to be there, he wanted to say. I would have wanted to do everything to make you comfortable when you were carrying that little kid, I would have wanted to be in every doctor's appointment, even though I would have missed a couple thanks to some criminal. I would have loved to witness this kid's first breath, to welcome him in this world.
"I had my mum," Felicia said. "He's with her now. She's a huge help."
Peter put a hand over his mouth. Felicia moved closer to him and placed a hand on his back.
"Hey, what's the matter?"
Peter's voice came out muffled. "Tell me about him."
Felicia's gaze softened. "His name is Walter, after my dad. I know you're not his biggest fan but..." She cleared her throat. "Walter Benjamin Hardy. He's turning three in a couple of weeks. He loves swimming."
Peter nodded with a reluctant smile on his face. His head was a mess of emotions at that point.
Felicia didn't miss the tears pooling in his eyes. "Hey, it's alright. Whatever you're feeling, it's valid and fair."
"I want to meet him," Peter blurted out. "I mean, can I meet him?"
Felicia's jaw dropped, but, soon, she was nodding. "Yeah, of course."
Peter smiled a wet smile. "Thank you."
Felicia nodded and moved her chair closer to his. She placed a hand on his knee. "I can bring him tomorrow, if you want."
"I'd love that," Peter said and felt a giddy feeling in his chest.
Felicia gave him a reassuring smile and got up to leave. Peter followed after her.
"Promise?" he asked.
Felicia stopped in her tracks and turned back to look at him. She cupped his face with her hands and wiped away the tears with the pads of her thumbs. "Promise. We'll be here."
Peter didn't close his eyes for a second that night but, for the first time in months, it was good things that kept him up.