Chapter Text
Carson had never been down this long before.
They had gotten an easy out on first, and Greta hurled the ball to Carson to tag the runner sprinting for home. Nerve-wracking as it was, the home plate collision was all part of the game - and Carson played it well. The plate was her turf and she would defend it with all she had. As Carson braced herself for impact, so did Greta.
The crowd gasped as the catcher and runner collided, dust billowing up as both women fell to the ground. The runner got up grimacing and threw her hands up in protest as the umpire called her out.
Carson stayed down.
Greta felt an all too familiar catch in her chest at the sight. Carson had been knocked down plenty of times - that was just part of being a catcher - but that didn’t mean Greta didn’t worry. Every moment Carson spent in the dirt Greta wanted to be at her side and give whoever hurt her hell to pay. Of course, she could never do that. She could never show concern beyond that of a teammate and friend. She had rules to follow. Still…
Carson had never been down this long before.
The umpire bent down over Carson, then shot up and started waving his hands above his head. “Time!” he called, then urgently motioned for the medical staff to come on the field. He stepped away from Carson as the doctor took over and the stadium fell silent.
Without thinking, Greta started running towards home plate with the rest of the Peaches not far behind. She went to kneel by Carson and the doctor, but she felt a familiar hand hold her back.
“Give ‘em some space, Bird,” Jo said.
Greta clenched her jaw and stepped back. Rules were rules. Even now.
“Mrs. Shaw. Mrs. Shaw, can you hear me?” the doctor asked as he turned Carson onto her side. She had blood trickling down her chin from her crooked nose and her face was already beginning to swell.
Greta bit her lip.
“ Ohhh, this is bad,” Shirley said as she held her hands on either side of her face.
“Come on. Shake it off, Shaw,” Lupe muttered beside Greta.
Finally, a groan escaped Carson’s lips and she furrowed her brow. The Peaches held their breaths as they leaned closer. Greta felt as if her heart had stopped.
“Alright,” the doctor said. He steadied Carson as she attempted to sit up. “Easy. Easy now. You took quite a hit there.”
Greta peered over the doctor’s shoulder to try to meet Carson’s eyes. Her lips were parted and red with blood and she seemed out of focus, completely lost. Their eyes met for a moment, but Carson’s were void of the softness that always made Greta’s heart flutter when they looked at each other. She didn’t realize how much that would hurt, seeming like a stranger in Carson’s eyes.
“Can you tell me your name?” the doctor asked Carson slowly.
Carson was quiet for several moments. “Carson,” she croaked.
“Do you know where you are right now?”
Carson swayed a bit, but the doctor steadied her. She didn’t answer.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
Carson reached for her forehead. “Shit,” she said, her eyes drooping.
The doctor nodded to the two nurses with him and they each grabbed one of Carson’s elbows.
“Can you stand?” he asked.
Carson nodded weakly, and the nurses pulled her to her feet. The three of them began slowly walking towards the locker room while the crowd applauded and the doctor spoke to Beverly.
After a few agonizingly long moments, Beverly turned to the group. “Ladies, clearly Mrs. Shaw is in no condition to continue,” she said. “The doctor said she will be kept at the hospital for observation, and hopefully she will be returning to us in a day or so. In the meantime,” she turned to Lupe, “Miss García will assume coaching responsibilities in Mrs. Shaw’s absence.” She gestured to the Peaches. “Now, I believe you still have a game to play.”
Lupe called everyone for a huddle and started on the game plan for the final two innings, but all Greta could focus on was the flashing of red ambulance lights in the parking lot outside of the stadium. The huddle broke and Greta stood frozen for a moment.
“Hey,” Jo muttered as she nudged Greta. “We still have a game to win.” Her expression softened when she noticed Greta’s trembling hands. “She’ll be fine, Bird.”
Greta forced a grin and nodded. Jo was right about most things, and even when she wasn’t she was pretty damn convincing. Still, Greta couldn’t help but worry.
Worse, she couldn’t get the empty way Carson looked at her out of her head.
******
“It’s been a week and they can’t even tell us how she’s doing?” Maybelle said over a game of cards. “It’s driving me crazy.”
“I’m sure she’s fine,” Ana said. “They’d tell us if something was wrong. I say no news is good news.”
Greta scoffed from her spot by the window. “Yeah, and the extra playing time you’re getting probably doesn’t hurt either.”
Ana shot Greta a look, and so did Jo.
“I’m just kidding,” Greta said, forcing a light-hearted smile. “God, lighten up.”
A heavy silence followed, but Shirley quickly ended it.
“Okay… I wasn’t going to say anything, but my cousin knew this guy who hurt his head like this playing ball. When he woke up he didn’t remember anything. He would look right at his own family and… nothing, ” she said. “I bet she’s -”
“Miss Cohen,” Beverly interrupted as she entered the room. “I believe you’ve done more than enough speculating about Mrs. Shaw’s condition these past few days.” She folded her hands in front of her waist and drew in a deep breath. “Besides, I do have an update I am able to share with all of you.”
Greta turned away from the window and leaned forward in her chair.
“Okay, what is it?” Jess urged. “When’s she coming back?”
Beverly pressed her lips together and let out a short breath. “Unfortunately, Mrs. Shaw will not be returning this season.”
Greta’s stomach dropped.
“Oh no, she’s dead, isn’t she?” Shirley gasped.
“ No , Miss Cohen,” Beverly said evenly. “The doctors advise she will need to take extra time for recovery and isn’t fit to return to the team.” She raised her hands for silence as the room erupted into a barrage of questions. “I know that you all are very worried about Mrs. Shaw and the future of the team. Mrs. Shaw is being well taken care of at Rockford Memorial Hospital and her family in Idaho has been notified of her condition. As for the team, Miss García will permanently assume coaching duties for the rest of the season and you will all continue playing baseball as you have. Any other questions?”
“Can we see her?” Maybelle asked.
Beverly shook her head. “The doctors feel it’s in her best interest to limit visitors as much as possible. If you’d like, I can pass along any letters with well wishes to the hospital before Mrs. Shaw goes back home. In the meantime, I suggest you ladies get some rest.”
Greta sat frozen in her chair as the rest of the Peaches milled around her muttering their disappointment. She felt like the room was getting smaller around her. The space people left behind as they went filled with the terrible reality that was making Greta go numb.
Carson wasn’t coming back.
She was going back to Idaho.
She was going back to her life with him.
“Hey, Bird.”
Greta snapped out of her trance and turned to see Jo holding out a cigarette for her.
“Wanna step outside?” Jo asked.
Greta nodded gratefully before rising to join Jo at the table on the porch. She leaned in as Jo lit her cigarette and held it shakily up to her lips. The buzz of the smoke rushed through her and she hoped it would help ease the pain as it usually did. For the first time in a long time it didn’t help, and she feared that maybe nothing would.
“You okay?” Jo asked quietly.
Greta took another drag. “I’m fine, Jo.”
“Come on. They may not notice it,” Jo said as she nodded towards the house, “but I know you’re not.” She took another puff of her cigarette. “It’s okay, Bird. No rules. It’s me.”
Greta felt her lips start to tremble and she turned her head away as she drew in a sharp breath. “I just… After it happened and she woke up, she looked at me and -” Greta stopped herself. She couldn’t even bring herself to say it.
“What?” Jo urged.
Greta exhaled a large cloud of smoke and turned back to look at Jo, tears brimming in her eyes. “She didn’t know me.”
Jo shook her head. “She had her bell rung, Bird, she didn’t even know where she was. Come on, don’t let Shirley freak you out. Of course she remembers.”
Greta looked down at her trembling hands. “Yeah. Maybe… I just have to see her, Joey. Just one more time before she -” She stopped and pressed her lips together. “Because if she doesn’t remember… I have to know.”
“Okay,” Jo said, nodding. “And if she doesn’t…what then?”
Greta drew in a sharp breath and quickly wiped a tear from her eye. “Then I try to move on.”
Jo was quiet and watched as Greta put out her cigarette in the ashtray on the table between them. “Okay,” Jo said finally.
Greta looked up in confusion. “Okay? Okay, what?”
“We’ll go see her,” Jo said.
Greta knit her eyebrows in confusion. “But wouldn’t that - ?”
Jo shook her head and put out her cigarette. “What? We’re just two teammates checking in on our old coach before they send her back to the farm.” She looked up from the ashtray and smiled. “Besides…she makes you happy, Bird. Maybe we forget the rules just this once.”
******
“Let’s see,” the nurse said as she scanned the room list. “Mrs. Shaw is in room 109.”
“Thanks,” Jo said. She and Greta followed the signs toward Carson’s room, and Greta felt her feet get heavier with each step despite her heels clicking at the same pace down the hallway. Should she do this? Would there be peace in knowing, or would it just make it harder? After all, wouldn’t it be easier if she didn’t remember? It would be like nothing had ever happened.
Greta could hardly bear the thought.
“Alright, here it is,” Jo said as they approached room 109. She knocked on the door but stepped back in surprise when an unfamiliar woman answered the door.
“Can I help you?” the woman asked with a tone of annoyance.
“Yeah, uh, we’re looking for Carson Shaw,” Jo said. “We’re her teammates.”
The displeasure on the woman’s face told Greta all that she needed to know. She was Carson’s sister, Meg.
“Carson’s not supposed to have any visitors,” Meg said, blocking the doorway.
“Well, you’re here,” Jo said.
“Because I’m her sister ,” Meg hissed. “Besides, her husband’s deployed so who else was going to drop everything to come be with her?”
Greta forced a friendly smile but ensured there was an edge to her voice. “We’d be happy to sit with her if you have other things to do.”
Meg’s mouth twisted. Clearly, Greta’s malice was not overlooked by her. Her frustration quickly faded as the idea of stepping out of the tiny hospital room grew more appealing. “Well,” Meg started, “I do need to call my mother-in-law. She’s keeping the kids while I’m gone. And I need to -”
“Great!” Greta said, pushing past Meg. “Don’t let us keep you.” She entered the room but stopped in her tracks when she saw Carson lying in bed, asleep. The sight of her bruised face made Greta’s stomach turn.
She shouldn’t have done this.
“She probably won’t wake up for a while,” Meg said as she grabbed her purse. She started to walk out but hesitated in the doorway. “If she does, just…be patient.”
Greta turned to look at Meg, but she was gone. She turned back towards Carson and pulled the chair Meg had in the corner of the room over to the bedside. She looked over her shoulder at the closed door, then at Jo.
“It’s alright, Bird,” Jo said. No rules. Not now.
Greta turned back to Carson and bit her lip. She reached up and brushed the stray hair out of Carson’s face and smiled as Carson let out a soft sigh. “I’m here,” Greta whispered as she twirled Carson’s hair between her fingers.
There was so much that Greta wanted to say - wanted to know - but she couldn’t bring herself to disturb Carson’s peace. Not even if it would bring Greta her own. Somehow, the silence made it feel like they were frozen in time. She was enthralled by every movement Carson made, even the smallest breath or twitch of her face. She liked to watch her, and she would keep vigil here forever if it meant that she never had to say goodbye.
They stayed there for a while, Jo keeping watch over the door and Greta keeping watch over Carson. Suddenly Jo cleared her throat, and Greta jumped back from the bedside and stood up as Meg burst through the door.
“How is she?” Meg asked, putting her purse down.
Greta couldn’t tear her eyes away from Carson. She couldn’t bring herself to call her vigil to an end. “Fine,” she said finally, looking away and forcing a smile.
There was a light knock at the door and the nurse came in with a tray of food. “Mrs. Shaw?” she said as she set the tray down at Carson’s bedside. She gently urged Carson awake. “Mrs. Shaw, it’s time for dinner.”
Greta watched intently as Carson’s eyes fluttered open and came into focus. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from saying her name, from reaching for her hand, from begging her to stay in Rockford and never go back to her old life. That was what she wanted to do, but she couldn’t. Rules were rules. Even now.
“How did you sleep?” the nurse asked.
Carson nodded. “Good, I think,” she answered weakly. She sat up with help from the nurse, but she froze when her eyes settled on Greta.
Greta’s heart started pounding as she watched Carson’s eyes dart between her, Meg, and Jo. She knew they shouldn’t have come. It was too much for them to be in the room with her sister, especially after all that’s happened. How would they explain why it was just them that came to visit? What if Meg saw Greta stroking Carson’s hair, or could see the way Greta was battling tears at the sight of her sister’s battered face? It would have been easier to leave it alone. It would have been better.
But Greta had to know.
“Hey, Farm Girl,” Jo said. “Glad to see you’re on the mend.”
Carson furrowed her brow as she looked at Jo, then her eyes fell once again on Greta.
Greta opened her mouth to speak, but Carson beat her to it.
“Meg,” she said finally, breaking eye contact with Greta to look at her sister. “Who are they?”
Meg grimaced, then stepped towards Carson’s bedside. “These are your teammates, Car. The Peaches, remember? This is -” She paused and turned to Jo and Greta. “Sorry, I didn’t get your names.”
“Jo,” Jo said, stepping towards Greta. She nudged her friend, who was frozen in place. “And Greta,” she added, noticing Greta’s hands starting to tremble.
“See, Car? Jo and Greta. From the baseball team. Remember? That’s how you got hurt.” There was an edge of frustration in Meg’s voice that nearly sent Greta into a rage.
Carson looked at her visitors and shook her head. “I’m sorry…no. I don’t remember.”
******
Greta didn’t remember leaving the hospital. She didn’t remember riding the bus back home. She could hear Jo talking to her, but couldn’t remember a word she said. She couldn’t remember any of that, but she would always remember Carson.
Greta would remember everything.
Carson just wouldn’t remember her.