Work Text:
Dear, I’m sorry, My lo- Yor,
Before everything, I
want
need you to know that I lied. To you, to Anya,
to myself
.
I’m not
My name’s not Loid Forger.
You have no idea how much I want to be
.
My name is
I’m called Twilight, Agent of Westalis Intelligence. T
he reason I lied to you
My mission was to infiltrate the inner circle of Donovan Desmond, and find out his plans for Ostania and Westalis. Nothing more than that. No chaos, no unseating the government or anything else, you have to believe me.
You don’t have to, I have no claim to your heart trust anymore.
In order to do this, I needed to infiltrate Eden Academy. In order to do that, I needed a wife and child.
That’s where you two came in.
Anya isn’t my child by blood, isn’t really my child at all. That’s another lie, she’s my child but Loid Forger is her Papa, not Twilight. Ironically, I wasn’t lying when I said I needed your help to enroll her in Eden, that’s true. The only lie there is the reason why and the name on the certificate. I’m not your husband, that’s Loid Forger and never have I been more jealous.
There wasn’t a previous Mrs. Forger. You’re the only Mama Anya’s ever had, and
I
Loid has been the only Papa. She thinks you hung the moon, I understand why. You’re amazing, and that
I
Loid painted the stars.
It’s called Operation: STRIX, and when if it’s accomplished, I have to leave you Loid Forger has to die. If you’re reading this, Yor, then that’s probably what happened. Probably. Maybe. Or maybe not, maybe I fail and leave you two behind for nothing and end up dying in an alley somewhere for nothing.
So that’s it, that’s the truth. I used you, I used Anya, and
I’m sorry
then I went and wrote about. That makes me a pretty serious failure of a spy, doesn’t it?
I still failed you two worse
When I became Twilight, I set out to make a world where children wouldn’t need to cry. I dedicated myself to that goal, that mission, and to WISE because they allowed me to pursue it. In retrospect I might’ve lost sight of that goal. Strix was supposed to be another mission. But then I found Anya. And then I found you. And then I married you. And then I fell in love with you both.
I love you, Yor.
And I love Anya. That’s not a lie, I swear to God it’s not a lie.
I know I don’t deserve you but it’s the truth.
I don’t know what to say now.
I’m sorry, Yor.
It’s not enough but I’m sorry. I was selfish- I was cruel-
I wanted to make sure children would never have to cry but however this ends I know that I’m going to fail.
I tried to keep my distance, but I can’t, I couldn’t. I’m sorry I never got to tell you how I really feel. I wish I held you two closer. I wish it was real. I wish it was all real.
The love was real. I wish I could be Anya’s father. I wish I could be your husband. I wish I could be the man you thought I was. You don’t deserve my lies. You deserve better. You deserve Loid Forger. You still made me a better man. I want you. I don’t deserve you. I want it to be real. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate Twilight. I want to be Loid Forger.
Maybe
You’re better off without me. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. Please, please take care of Anya. what you have is real. She needs a family, she deserves one, she deserves you, she deserves better than me. Tell her I’m sorry.
Leaving’s the worst best only thing.
I don’t want to go.
You made me whole and in return I have to leave you two shattered. It’s unfair.
Everything about this is unfair. I’msorryi’msorryi’msorry hatethisIhatethis I’m scared
I don’t know how to explain this to Anya. I don’t want to think about it. I can't ask this of you.
I won’t forget you.
I can't.
But I hope you forget me. I don’t deserve to be remembered. Don’t forgive me, either. I don’t deserve that. Please,
I can't ask you to do this,
find a way to move on.
Goodbye,
Loid, Twilight, Your husband, The man who loves you.