Chapter Text
Never in his life had Spencer Reid thought that he would be here. Not just “here” as in the waiting area of a women’s prison hospital, but also “here” as in awaiting the results of a paternity test. It was not because Spencer Reid did not want children, of course he wanted children. He just never expected that the pregnancy would be a surprise, especially considering the person pregnant was in fact Catherine Adams.
When she told him that she was pregnant in that interrogation room, and with his baby no less, he was not inclined to believe her. Not only was that insane, but he was here about his mother. He wasn’t going to let himself get distracted by her games.
“There is no way that your baby is my child, it’s impossible,” he told her. “You said you’d play fair. This doesn’t seem fair now does it.”
“Oh Spencie, you should know that nothing is impossible for me by now.”
Spencer let Cat’s words echo in his ear. Nothing is impossible. Remembering them sent a shiver down his spine because, at the end of the day, she was right. She was able to send him to prison, and kidnap his mother, all without raising any alarms. Cat even convinced Lindsey Vaughan to do her bidding on the outside by pretending to be in love with her. Now considering the nature of her pregnancy, she was even able to…
No, Spencer didn’t want to dwell on that, on Lindsey and Cat. He didn’t even know what he wanted the outcome of all this to be. On one hand, he didn’t want to believe what happened in Mexico was real. On the other, Spencer wanted to have the right to take this child from Cat and shield them from who she is. Trying to shake off his mounting anxiety, Spencer started pacing.
“Spence,” JJ said as she gently grazed his arm. There was no use in trying to stop him, but she was going to try. She was here for moral support and took that very seriously. “No matter what the results are, you are going to be okay.”
“Am I JJ? Because right now I really don’t feel okay.” Spencer was just about to wear a hole through the bottom of his converse.
“You don’t have to take them in if-”
“JJ you know that’s not true.” Spencer was too tired for his regular politeness. “If this baby is mine, then this baby is mine. I am not going to let them grow up without me, that I’m sure of. I grew up without my dad, and it was awful, especially with my mom being too sick to take care of me. This baby deserves to have at least one capable parent in their life. I just don’t know what I’m doing beyond that.” Flopping down in the nearest chair, he hung his head in his hands. “It’s just, the way that this baby came into the world isn’t exactly how I planned it and… if it’s mine, I’m scared, JJ. I’m scared that, when I look at them, all I’m going to see is Cat and Lindsey and… and what she did to me in Mexico.”
It had been a long time since JJ had seen Spencer look this small. Even with how he bulked up in prison, even with how much he had grown up since he started at the BAU, she looked at him now and saw that same scared kid from all those years ago.
“I don’t even know if I’ve processed it. She…,” Spencer swallowed hard and kept his gaze on his shoes. “She violated me, and what if I can’t get past that.”
“I will never claim to understand what you are feeling, or what you’re going through. What I do know is that you, Spencer Reid, are a fighter. The world has dealt you a really shitty hand, but here you are.” JJ slowly took the seat next to Spencer and took his hand in hers. “You have gotten through some of the toughest things any of us have faced, over and over again. In no world should you have had to do that, but you did. And I know that you can get through this. You wanna know why?”
“Because I’ve gotten through worse,” Spencer conceded.
“No,” JJ said bluntly. “Because you’re talking about how you feel right now. I know you and I know that you don’t do this. Spence, sometimes you don’t really believe that you will never be alone, but I am telling you right now in the simplest way I know how, my hand is always here to hold.” She gently squeezed his hand and kissed the back of it. The gesture was simple but intimate, and Spencer allowed himself to take it in. “So is Emily’s. Hell, even Luke is ready to hold your hand, that big softie. Don’t tell him I told you that.”
“Well that’s good, because I’m gonna need help baby proofing and I should not be trusted with a drill.” It was the first time Spencer allowed himself to laugh that day. It was weak, but even JJ could hear his little chuckle and see his shoulders shake some of the anxiety away.
“We will be the first people to jump in and help Spence. You already know it takes a village, I mean how many times have you babysat Henry and Michael.” Ever since that dance lesson years ago, Spencer had been the first JJ would call when in need of a sitter. He loved to do it too, becoming more and more comfortable with kids, with being a guardian. “If this baby is yours, they’ve got a lot more family than they realize, and so do you.”
Spencer fell into JJ’s side as he smiled. He never allowed himself to think about it, because thinking makes it real and when it’s real he loses people, but the BAU was so much more than just his coworkers. They really were the family he had always wanted. As the tears started falling once again, Spencer quickly turned to bury his face in JJ’s shoulder. Just as quickly, JJ wrapped her arms around his trembling frame.
“I love you guys,” he mumbled
“We love you too.”
“Dr. Reid? You can step into my office.” Both of the agents whipped their heads to see the doctor gesturing to his open door. JJ rose from her seat, but Spencer stayed put.
“You can just tell me.”
“I’d prefer we do this in my office. There are some, uhh, logistics, that we need to discuss.” And with that Spencer could tell the results of the test: Cat’s baby was his.