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Wei Ying woke up on the morning of his tenth marriage anniversary alone.
There was no Lan Zhan cajoling him out of bed with soft kisses and hushed whispers. There was no breakfast waiting for him, still warm on the kitchen island, lovingly put together with his favorite spices that Lan Zhan always stocked up on.
There were no flowers, no chocolates, no gifts.
Lan Zhan was cheating on him.
He had seen all the signs and chose to ignore them, his trust in his husband too strong to be swayed by the frequent pinging of Lan Zhan’s work phone, the late nights he would spend outside claiming work-related emergencies, and the calls he would leave the room to take.
Most damning of it all was the way they had just stopped… talking. Wei Ying had always been well used to speaking to Lan Zhan and not getting too much in the manner of verbal replies, but his Lan Zhan had always talked back in his own ways; a raised eyebrow, a small smile, the subtle roll of his eyes whenever Wei Ying said something truly preposterous. But it had all changed one day. They had gone from talking to each other about everything to not even acknowledging each other beyond pleasantries.
Nowadays, every time he had tried to initiate conversation with his husband, desperate and wanting some semblance of normalcy, he only felt that he was talking at his partner instead of talking to him.
Over just six months, Wei Ying’s life had completely veered off track. He had expected that he would spend the rest of his life with his love, and Lan Zhan had always been the one. But now, it seemed like he was getting further and further from Lan Zhan with every passing day.
The void between them had only grown, and Wei Ying didn’t know how to cross it, to go back to the way they’d been. Did… Did Lan Zhan even want to go back to what they had? Wei Ying didn’t know.
He was terrified. And entirely alone.
~
Wei Ying first came across Mo Xuanyu entirely by accident.
Lan Zhan had hurried out of their home hours earlier than usual that day, claiming he had some lesson plans he had to deal with first thing in the day. Wei Ying had managed to crawl out of bed, to kiss his husband goodbye before he left for the day, but Lan Zhan had simply pecked him on the cheek and hurried off.
Wei Ying had brushed it off easily enough, only to walk into their shared office an hour later and realize that Lan Zhan had forgotten the very documents he had intended to work on. Wei Ying had tried to call Lan Zhan immediately; a bit surprised his husband hadn’t noticed the absence of the lesson plans he had wanted to work on. His call ignored, Wei Ying contemplated only for a few moments, before grabbing the documents and rushing out of the house.
He had burst into his husband's office in his usual chaotic way, not expecting anyone expect Lan Zhan to be present in his small office owing to the early hour, only to stop short when he spotted a stranger on the couch sitting next to Lan Zhan.
He stuttered through a greeting as his eyes roved over the scene he had chanced upon. He noted their closeness, noted the hasty distance they put between themselves upon his entry, noticed the sheepish look on the stranger's face and the way his husband refused to meet his eyes.
Mo Xuanyu, apparently, was there to get some supplement materials for a research paper he was working on, Lan Zhan explained.
'He came to ask for supplement materials three hours before classes started?' Wei Ying wanted to ask.
But he didn't.
Instead, he handed Lan Zhan his documents, apologized for interrupting, and left.
As he walked out the door, he half expected Lan Zhan, his Lan Zhan, to stop him, but he was met with only dismissal. He glanced back only to see that Lan Zhan’s entire attention was focused back on Mo Xuanyu, a soft look in his eyes that Wei Ying had only ever seen directed towards his own self. Or the rabbits.
On the car ride home, he told himself that he had no reason to doubt his husband of 15 years, and that the student probably needed help and came to Lan Zhan. He understood the sentiment well enough, Wei Ying himself had pestered Lan Zhan enough throughout their school and college days.
He questioned himself again when he saw notifications from someone intimately named 'A-Yu' on Lan Zhan's phone. Wei Ying knew exactly one person that could be A-Yu.
And when he returned home early one day to find Mo Xuanyu in his house, playing with his rabbits, while Lan Wangji cooked him congee, he questioned himself again.
Mo Xuanyu is sick, Wei Ying is told. Lan Wangji avoids his eyes as he spoons more congee into the serving bowl.
'You brought him into our home instead of taking him to a doctor? Or sending him home?' Wei Ying wanted to ask again, but he didn’t.
Mo Xuanyu looked completely at home in Wei Ying’s home. The rabbits had taken to cuddling him too, almost way too easily, given this was his first time in their house.
Unless, of course, it wasn’t.
Wei Ying kept his mouth shut, and welcomed Mo Xuanyu into his home instead.
~
Wei Ying decided to snoop.
He’s not proud of it, and he had never considered himself the type of person who would ever be insecure or distrustful enough so as to violate their partner's privacy to such a degree. And he especially never thought that it would be someone like Lan Wangji who would drive him to it.
In ten years, Wei Ying had never had any doubt in Lan Zhan's faith and commitment to him. Which was probably the most surprising, and painful part of this entire ordeal.
How can two people go from being so happy to so broken?
Which is why Wei Ying swallowed his unease, and waited patiently for Lan Zhan to be otherwise occupied, before he snatched up the phone.
Wei Ying's biggest mistake had been expecting everything to go smoothly.
But there was just one variable he hadn't considered, and had no reason to consider.
There was a password on Lan Wangji's phone.
A password that hadn't existed in their 10 years together.
And why would it? They'd never had any reason to hide from each other. Lan Wangji was the person who knew Wei Ying the best, and the vice versa was true too.
They'd even had pictures of each other as their wallpapers, cheesy as it was, and this had been consistent for ten whole years.
Till today. Till Mo Xuanyu.
And for some reason, that password was more damning than anything else Wei Ying could've found.
Because it meant that Lan Wangji had things to hide.
And Wei Ying finally realized the truth he had been avoiding for so long.
Lan Wangji was no longer his.
~
Even still, life went on.
Wei Ying knew. Every day, when Lan Wangji got home, Wei Ying ignored the rustled states of his shirts, he ignored the silence that had taken over his house, he ignored the way Lan Wangji's eyes would light up every time his phone pinged, ignored their dead bedroom, ignored all of it.
It had always been a boon, how well he had always been to read Lan Wangji. Except now, it had become somewhat of a curse.
And Lan Wangji didn't notice him. At all.
Wei Ying felt like he'd become a ghost in his own home, a third party to Lan Wangji and his A-Yu.
And he hated that he didn't do a single thing about it. He wondered when he got this weak, this cowardly.
The love he had for Lan Zhan had a chokehold around his heart, and he was too scared to say or do anything that would drive Lan Zhan away. Even more than now, that is.
At the same time, he couldn't look at Lan Wangji the same way anymore. He had trusted the man with his whole heart, and believed him when he said that Wei Ying was the only one for him. Believed all the promises which had turned out to be only lies.
So, Wei Ying stayed a ghost in his own home. And even when he cried himself to sleep, Lan Wangji didn't notice.
~
On the day that was supposed to celebrate their 10th marriage anniversary, Wei Ying woke up alone.
For a moment, he wondered what even was left to celebrate.
But he didn't let himself wallow in his pity. Instead, he dragged himself out of bed and checked his phone.
His friends and family had texted him their congratulations. Their friends and family.
There were no texts from Lan Wangji.
~
Despite it all, Wei Yong called and reserved a table at their favorite restaurant for that evening. He texted Lan Wangji the details of the reservation, wished him a happy anniversary, and told him he loved him.
The messages stayed unread.
Sick of checking his phone every two minutes to see if Lan Wangji had seen or replied to his texts yet, Wei Ying switched his phone off.
Despite it all, he got ready and dolled himself up, and made himself look his very best for their date today.
He put on the sweater he knows Lan Wangji loves, and added a bit of makeup to cover the evidence of his distress and tears.
Despite it all, he still had hope.
'Pathetic,' he thought to himself, seeing his own reflection in the mirror. Chasing after the affections of a man who clearly held none for him any more.
His whole life, he had been confident that what he had with Lan Wangji was one of a kind, the sort of love that transcends everything else, the one that only comes across once in a lifetime.
Despite it all, he wanted to believe that Lan Wangji still loved him, and would come back to him. That maybe everything so far had been a misunderstanding. That he still has his husband.
He reached the restaurant, early for once, and waited for Lan Wangji to show up. He nervously adjusted his clothes, ordered a bottle of champagne for the table, even though Lan Wangji didn't drink, and asked the waiter to send it when his partner arrived.
He had high hopes for today. He wanted to do something romantic for Lan Wangji, and maybe rekindle the spark they had lost. He wanted to address the distance between them, if nothing else. And he wanted reassurance that Lan Wangji still wanted this, wanted him. Wei Ying might be many things, but he wasn't strong enough to stay in a marriage where he knew he wasn't wanted, where his love wasn't reciprocated.
So, despite it all, he stayed optimistic, and settled down to wait.
And wait, and wait, and wait.
~
Lan Wangji walks through the door of his house just shy of midnight, with mere minutes left in the day of their anniversary.
He knew he had messed up. He had seen the messages telling him of the reservation, had seen the 'I love you' and chosen to ignore it all.
He had known, yet he stayed away, in the arms of another man, instead of where he belonged, with his husband. Lan Wangji felt the guilt tear at him yet again. He had seen very clearly how in the past few months that Wei Ying knew, or at least doubted, that something was wrong. But he had chosen to ignore that too.
Not just that, Lan Wangji had also chosen to do nothing to comfort him, or assuage his worries. A part of him understood that he had no right to do that anymore, not after he had thoroughly betrayed the person he had sworn to love and cherish forever.
So, he stayed quiet, ignoring the way his heart would sting every time Wei Ying tried to reach out to him, only to give up after he got nothing in return from Lan Wangji.
And today, he walked up to the door of the place he called home, terrified. Terrified that he had driven the final nail in their coffin.
He hesitated outside the door, tried to distinguish any sounds coming from inside, anything to give him an idea of what was waiting for him, but he got only silence. Would Wei Ying cry? Scream at him? Or say absolutely nothing at all?
He opened the door to more silence, and walked into an empty house, and saw a painfully familiar wedding ring left behind on the kitchen counter.
Wei Ying was gone.
~
Of course, when the truth finally settled in, it broke Lan Wangji’s heart.
In his misery, he tore through the house they had lived in for years and rummaged through all their shared spaces. The closet, the cabinets, the office.
He frantically searched, not stopping for a second. What he was looking for, he himself didn’t know. A hint of where Wei Ying had gone? Or proof that Wei Ying had found out the evidence of his affair?
He noticed with mild detachment how thorough his husband, his husband, had been in packing up and leaving. He had taken all his personal belongings, yet left being almost everything that had been a gift from Lan Wangji, or held sentimental value to both of them. He had left behind the photo albums, the jewelry, the clothes from Lan Wamgji's wardrobe he had stolen and claimed his own, and every little trinket that meant anything to them.
He walked to the hutch in the living room which housed their two rabbits, who were happily nibbling on their after-dinner snacks. Even while leaving his husband of ten years, Wei Ying had remembered to feed their rabbits.
For some reason, it wasn’t the ring or the mementos left behind, but their cared-for and well-fed rabbits that caused Lan Wangji to break.
He collapsed onto the floor next to the hutch, silent tears streaming down his face.
This is what he deserved, after all.
Wei Ying was gone, and Lan Wangji had ruined the best thing he ever had.
~
Lan Wangji did not have the mental fortitude to deal with anything. He dragged himself through his daily motions, and actively ignored every call or text that came his way. Even… even those from Mo Xuanyu. He couldn’t find it in himself to face his affair partner. Because that’s all Mo Xuanyu had been. A fun distraction from his regular, mundane life.
The younger boy had reminded him of what Wei Ying had been like in their youth. And he hated himself for drawing that comparison.
He had driven away the love of his life, all for a pathetic imitation. And all he had left was his regret.
~
The divorce papers were his breaking point.
He had come back home from work, and found the manilla envelope hastily shoved in through the front door. Even without opening it, he knew its contents. Had almost expected it.
What he hadn’t expected, however, was the letter attached to it.
With trembling hands, Lan Wangji carefully, so carefully cut open the letter.
Dear Lan Zhan
Lan Wangji,
I’m sorry I couldn’t hand these to you in person, and for shoving them under the door. I didn’t know if you’d want to see me. And I didn’t have the willpower to face you.
I wanted to thank you, Lan Wangji. You gave me ten years, and they were the ten best years of my whole life. I guess it would be selfish of me to expect any more, right?
I want you to know, even now, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I just wish we’d had more time. Or that I would have known we’d end so soon. At least I would’ve appreciated all the little things more. Hindsight’s 20/20, right?
And I tried, Lan Zhan, I really tried. I did my best to make you happy, and then I did my best to make you stay. But I can’t see you being happy with someone else, someone who isn’t me. So I will do my best to remember the good times we had over the bad.
Anyway, I digress. I mean it when I say that I wish you all the happiness in the world. And whoever you find that happiness with, is a lucky, lucky person.
I have signed the papers, all that’s missing is your signature.
Goodbye.
Wei Wuxian