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Women.
The most dangerous creatures in this world and the next. Aether knew it well — he’d only been dealing with them his entire life, and no matter which world he traveled to and when, he always had the same problem.
He just couldn’t say no.
Paimon crossed her arms and stared blankly at him as he stood there meekly, shuffling in place while his floating companion (and emergency ration) laid the situation down exactly as she saw it.
“So… let me get this straight,” said Paimon. “Jean asked you to be her boyfriend, and you said yes?”
Aether nodded, wincing with shame.
“The next day, Ningguang sent a message for you to serve as her… her paramour? What the heck is a paramour?”
“Basically a boyfriend,” said Aether. Paimon sighed.
“And then! And then the day after that, you received a request from the Raiden Shogun herself to… to be her… um…”
“Her consort,” said Aether.
“And what exactly is a consort?”
“A boyfriend. Basically.”
Paimon groaned, throwing up her arms and clasping them over her cheeks. “Aether, what the heck! Now you have three girlfriends! Why didn’t you just say no?!”
“I can’t,” said Aether, running his hands down his face with a sigh. “I find it really hard refusing requests, especially if they’re given by really attractive women.”
“Really?” Paimon did a double take. “Huh… Wow… I guess that makes sense. No wonder you keep agreeing to help everyone, literally every time we stop somewhere.”
“I’ve got a thing for women in power,” he admitted, smiling at the thought of Jean, Ningguang, and Raiden Shogun now. He wondered just what his ladies were up to, and if he should even try to clear something like this up. He couldn’t deny that it felt nice to belong to someone in power, especially someone like Jean, or someone like Ningguang, or someone, of course, like the Raiden Shogun.
Paimon pouted, shaking her meatball-sized fists with frustration. “Hey, wait a minute! If you have trouble refusing attractive women, then why don’t you ever do what I tell you to? Why do you always make such a big deal out of it?”
Aether patted Paimon over the head. “You’re not, er…”
“What?” Paimon huffed. “I’m not what?”
“…You know what? I just remembered, there’s this quest we have to do…”
“Aether!” Paimon floated after the Traveler as he jogged away, narrowing her eyes with annoyance. “You dummy Traveler…”
“What do you think about this one? Does this one suit me?”
Jean raised her new clothes up to Aether, who frankly couldn’t care less.
He probably couldn’t just say that though, so he opted for a thumbs-up and a classic lie. “It looks great,” he lied. What an amazing guy!
“You think so?” Jean crinkled her nose and looked back at the combination sleeveless top and slacks, pouting her lips contemplatively. “I have to wonder if this is appropriate for the Irodori Festival…”
“The Irodori Festival?” Aether asked.
“Oh, come on, Aether. Don’t tell me you forgot!” Jean smiled easily at her boyfriend, circling the man and lacing her arms around his midsection. “The Irodori Festival is the festival I told you about in Inazuma! The one that celebrates the Five Kasens’ works and productions.”
“Right! Right…” Aether nodded as though he got it. “Er, the Five Kasen, right… I definitely remember that,” he said.
“You can be pretty clueless sometimes, Aether.”
Jean smirked as she effortlessly spun him around, clasping her hands on his shoulders and leaning in intimately close.
“But I still really like you,” she said, and her eyelids grew heavy after the confession. Aether gulped as she snuck in even closer, and before he knew it, she was kissing him.
A shiver ran down his spine as Jean held his shoulders and locked lips with his. For what it was worth, the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius was a damn good kisser, as though she had plenty of practice. (Well, she did have a little sister.)
Paimon, who had been in the room this whole time, winced and turned away suddenly, only clearing her throat to stop this nonsense after Jean started sliding a hand somewhere a hand should never go.
“Ahem.” Jean cleared her throat sheepishly, and she straightened out her shirt. “A-anyway… um… the Irodori Festival is tonight, Aether. I was hoping that you and I could go together, arm in arm… doesn’t that sound nice?”
Paimon mouthed the words to Aether from the other side of the room. Just say no!
“Yep. I’m all for it,” said Aether, watching as Jean visibly brightened up and kissed him softly on the cheek. At the same time, he could see Paimon facepalm, mouthing a few bad words.
“Great! Um, if you don’t want to change, I think your outfit now is good for the festival, too. It’s not something so formal, especially given the subject of the festival itself, but…”
She dismissed the thought with a simple wave. “I’m rambling, I’m sorry. Aether, I have a few duties to attend to today, so why don’t we meet here in a couple of hours?”
It was settled, then. Aether would go to the Irodori Festival with Jean.
No sooner did he leave the Knights of Favonius Headquarters did Aether have someone call out for him.
“You! Hey! Aether, right? I have a letter for you!”
The Traveler turned, finding a messenger waving at him. A messenger who approached him with a letter in hand, holding it out for Aether to take.
“I have a missive for you from the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing,” said the messenger. “Phew… try saying that five times fast, huh?”
Paimon floated close to Aether as he took the letter from the messenger’s hand, opening it and holding it up for Paimon to read aloud.
“Ahem, it says… My dearest Aether. Given that our relationship has moved beyond a professional context and into a more intimate one, it would behoove us both to—”
Paimon paused her reading to speak up. “Behoove? What the heck does that mean? Ugh, whatever.”
She went back to reading. “It would behoove us both to escalate things; to take our relationship one step further and let all who gaze upon us know you are the golden apple of my eye.” Paimon groaned, skipping ahead to the end. “…and so, will you accompany me to tonight’s Irodori Festival in Inazuma? I am betting that you will accept my invitation, like the good boy you are.”
Paimon’s eyes went wide, and she looked accusingly at Aether. “Like the good boy you are?! That’s what she said, Aether! What the heck? And hey! You’d better say no!”
Aether was blushing bright red, especially beneath the gaze of the thoroughly amused messenger. “Yes,” he mumbled shyly, nodding his head toward the messenger. “I say yes, I’d l-love to go with her to the festival.”
Paimon shook her head disapprovingly. Frankly, she couldn’t believe this buster. To her and Aether’s surprise, however, the messenger handed Aether another letter.
“What’s this?” Paimon asked.
“This is the letter she told me to give you if your answer was yes,” the messenger said. “There’s another letter here for if you said no, but it’s twice the size of the others. I sense evil in that envelope, sir. I think if I open that letter, I’ll be cursed to be poor forever.”
“That’s Ningguang, I guess,” said Paimon. “Always prepared in some way…”
It was settled, then. Aether would go to the Irodori Festival with, uh, Ningguang.
“This is getting out of hand,” said Paimon, circling around Aether to get his attention. Of course, Aether could see her — he was only doing his very best to ignore her.
“Now you’ve got a date tonight with two different girls, and at the same dang place! Are you crazy?” Paimon asked.
“No,” said the Traveler, “I’m just stupid and submissive.”
“Well,” said Paimon, “stop making that choice!”
Aether smiled nervously and shrugged his shoulders as he walked, making the journey out of the city of Mondstadt just to finish a quest. The sooner his obligations were taken care of, the better.
“Who are you going to turn down?” Paimon asked.
Aether smiled. “Neither of them,” he said.
“Wow. It’s official — you have gone crazy. Still, it could be worse. Could you imagine if the Raiden Shogun herself came over just to—”
And in that moment: a telltale thunderous boom. Paimon shrieked and fumbled backwards mid-flight, watching with wide eyes as… she appeared.
“What?!” Paimon exclaimed. “Are you kidding me?!”
The Raiden Shogun emerged from the thicket, utterly neutral in her expression as she walked plainly toward Aether, who was rooted to the ground with nervousness.
The Raiden Shogun walked until she was a foot away from her lover, and still her expression didn’t change. She cast her violet gaze first to Paimon just beside him, before returning the scrutiny to her man.
“Tonight is the Irodori Festival,” she announced simply. “You will join me in attendance.”
“W-what?” Aether stammered.
“Are you confused? You ought not be.” The Raiden Shogun locked her gaze squarely on Aether, taking another step closer to him while Aether took a worried step back. “You should understand the importance of this festival. Its inception goes back to ancient Inazuma. Its purpose was, and still is, to inspire culture, discussion, and influence on behalf of the region…”
She took another step closer to Aether, and that was when she kissed him on the cheek. A quick peck, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it smooch.
“…and on behalf of the Shogun,” she whispered, although still, she didn’t smile. Instead, she continued speaking almost robotically, scanning Aether’s face for any doubt or trepidation. “Be that as it may, my people of Inazuma must know who you belong to.”
“Who he belongs to…” Paimon whispered to herself, in utter disbelief. Aether, on the other hand, seemed all for it. The corners of his lips turned upward with amusement.
“Yes… I believe it’s important for the people of Inazuma to understand just who they’re crossing, should they decide to cross you. I understand your lifestyle is a particularly tumultuous one. This will be good for you,” she said.
“So it’s a date,” said Aether.
“If that is what you’d like to call it, then so be it. The takeaway you need to concern yourself with is this: you will come to the Irodori Festival tonight, and we shall engage with the partygoers together. With you by my side, there is little doubt that—”
“So it’s a date,” Aether repeated. The Raiden Shogun scoffed.
“Is there some lapse in your mind? Are you broken?”
“Yup.”
“You and your jests. Do not halt my instruction with your absurdities. I will see you at the festival tonight.”
Doesn’t sound like she’s even giving him a choice, Paimon thought.
“I’ll be there,” said Aether. He took the Raiden Shogun’s hand in his own and ran his thumb across the back of her palm, considering her warmth and the perfection of her fingers. The Raiden Shogun hummed quietly, closing her eyes in that lull between them.
And after a calming moment, she opened her eyes again, and she pulled away with considerable reluctance. “Do not be late,” is all she told him. And then she was gone.
Aether closed his own eyes and sighed, rubbing his face with disbelief. “I did it again,” he said. “I did it… again.”
“You sure did,” said Paimon, eyes wide with worry. “You sure did…”
“I’m taking three different women to the Irodori Festival,” he remarked.
“And not just any women… but the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius, the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing, and the Raiden Shogun of Inazuma,” said Paimon, aging 100 years just by speaking that statement. “Um, Aether? Is there something wrong with your brain? I’m really asking.”
It was settled, then... Aether would go to… the Irodori Festival… with the Raiden Shogun herself…
He had a feeling that if things went awry, he was going to lose his most valuable tool. For that reason, he patted his crotch for good luck. We’ve got this, buddy. We’ve so got this.
(Spoiler: They did not have this.)
The day passed, and evening followed, and the Irodori Festival was underway.
“Are you okay?” Jean asked. “You look a little nervous, Aether.”
And what could the Traveler say? Yes, I’m nervous because two other girls are somewhere around here waiting for me? Paimon couldn’t quite bail him out this time — his floating companion was fluttering around above the stalls somewhere, monitoring things while staying out of the duo’s way.
“Me, nervous? Not at all,” said Aether, smiling awkwardly as he squeezed Jean’s hand. Jean squeezed back, smiling confidently as she waved to a few people who knew of her, and she turned the smile back on Aether while she whispered in his face.
“You’re not a good liar,” said Jean, winking playfully at the Traveler. “Come on, if something’s bothering me, you know you can tell me. You can always be honest with me.”
Meanwhile, Paimon flew around the festival looking for the other two of Aether’s dates. He couldn’t see Ningguang or the Raiden Shogun. Maybe they were late?
“Well?” Asked Jean. “What’s wrong, Aether?”
“What’s wrong? Ah…”
He had to think of something. Anything to get out of the conversation.
“Umm… I’m not… I don’t like light novels,” said Aether. Jean’s mouth fell open.
“You don’t like light novels?” She asked.
“Or fan fiction.”
“Really…”
Jean crossed her arms, looking pensive for a moment. “Well, the Irodori Festival is all about such things. I almost wish you told me earlier!”
“Yep, haha…” Aether rubbed the back of his neck.
“So even though you don’t like light novels, or fan works… you’re still here with me because you just like me that much, huh?”
What. “Uh.” Oh no. “Yes.”
“Aww, Aether…”
Jean came forward and held the Traveler’s arm, leaning in forward to peck him over the lips. “You don’t have to do everything just for my sake, you know? Now I feel like I should repay you for coming along with me.”
“Repay m-me?” Oh dear.
“Mm…” Jean smiled secretively, and she even blushed a little, before clearing her throat and doing her best to compose herself. “Well, we can talk more about that later. There’s plenty of people around us, after all.”
“Right…” Aether cleared his throat. “I’m going to find a bathroom — do you mind?”
“Oh, not at all. If you need me, I’ll be heading toward the—”
“Yep, yep, whatever, got it! I have to go!” Aether panicked, and he turned on his heel to jog off closer to the Five Kasen Plaza.
The sprawling tree in the center of the plaza made for decent cover. Red leaves crunched beneath the Traveler’s feet as he circled the wood and sighed aloud at the sight of Paimon.
“Aether,” said Paimon, “I haven’t seen Ningguang or the Raiden Shogun yet… Which might be a good thing, and a bad thing.”
“Ningguang would make a little ceremony about showing up,” Aether thought aloud. “And the Raiden Shogun would do the same, especially since this festival is partly about the Shogun…” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, suddenly wishing this world had cell phones.
“I’ll let you know if I find either of them,” said Paimon. “But you should be on the lookout, too!”
They agreed and split up once more. Before Aether knew it, he could see rows of stalls lined up and selling all manner of merchandise. Fan works; poems, light novels, and bound journals galore.
“Ningguang… I wish I knew where she was, then it’d be easier to—”
“EXCUSE ME, SIR! Did you just say Ningguang?”
Aether perked up suddenly and turned his head toward the stall that had screamed at him. Behind the stall was a burly man, grinning and rubbing his hands together.
“Yes?” Aether approached the stall. “Have you seen her?”
“Seen Ningguang? Well, sure — on these pages right here!”
The man gestured down to his own stall, and Aether looked down to see the fan works spread out over the counter. Each cover bore Ningguang — the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing — in a different provocative pose and expression. On one cover, Ningguang had laced her arms around Beidou’s neck from behind. On another cover, it was Ningguang and Keqing (the Yuheng of the same Liyue Qixing) frowning with their backs to each other. Yet another cover also bore Ningguang’s likeness, but she was caught in a sunbeam beside… was that Yun Jin?
Aether blinked up at the burly man behind the counter, who chortled and nodded at the shorter blond. “You like what you see?”
“These are light novels?” Aether asked.
“A bit on the shorter side, but I have longer works beneath the counter. These are more like appetizers! Bound journals; fan fiction!”
“So this stall is dedicated to Ningguang?” Aether frowned with confusion. “Why all Ningguang? Did you write all of this?”
“I’m just the peddler here. All proceeds go to the original authors!” The man gestured once again to the table before him. Ningguang, Ningguang, and more Ningguang greeted Aether on the pages. “Would you like to make a donation to these authors? One Mora a day keeps copyright at bay! People say that.”
“Nobody says that.” Aether reached out toward a book at random, then stopped when he realized just how girthy it was. His jaw nearly struck the counter, craning his neck to look at the innumerable pages held between two slices of hardcover.
“What the heck is this?!” Aether pointed to the largest and most immense tome on the counter. It looked like he would struggle just to pick it up. “Is this an official book?”
“Oh, no, no!” The man smiled easily. “That’s one of our biggest and most popular stories about Ningguang! She’s paired with Beidou in this one,” the man said. “This one is a certified masterpiece — you should give it a read!”
“I don’t have time to read something like this!” Aether groaned.
“And hey, why don’t you donate to these authors while you’re at it? Writing is hard work!”
“So is saving Teyvat,” Aether muttered, before catching himself. He watched an arm come out beside him and grab a book from the counter with a contemplative hum, and he stiffened anxiously.
Those fingers. He knew those fingers. Those fingers have done dangerous things to him. With a nervous gulp, Aether turned and saw none other than Ningguang herself, smiling to herself as she picked up a light novel that bore her own visage.
“How interesting,” is all she said. The man behind the counter gasped.
“Ningguang, is that you? Oh! Welcome to the light novel counter all about you!”
“I certainly feel welcome.” Ningguang turned over the book in her hands, scanning over the blurb on the rear cover. “Do you have anything more… adult-oriented?”
“Adult-oriented? You mean…”
Ningguang placed the book back on the counter with a disinterested huff before turning completely toward Aether and cupping his chin in her hand.
“There you are,” she purred. “Did I keep you waiting long, my beloved paramour?”
Aether gulped. “No, ma’am.”
“Ma’am?” Ningguang chuckled. “Don’t be so rigid with me, Aether. I’ve told you before, you can afford to be more casual with me than most. Speaking of casual, are you looking for some reading material? Something inappropriate, I would assume.”
“I’m a good boy!”
“Oh, most of the time, I would certainly say you are…”
The man behind the counter cleared his throat, looking jealous. “So,” he said, “those adult-oriented stories…”
“…are nothing like the real thing,” Ningguang whispered into Aether’s ear. The Traveler stiffened even more so, going rigid beneath the scrutiny of his woman.
Several dozen meters away, Paimon caught sight of the two from behind a cobblestone wall, and she rolled her eyes with a sigh.
“Sheesh, Ningguang…”
Paimon turned to circle around the staircase, only to stop floating in her tracks at the sight of…
“Oh no,” said Paimon. “Oh no!”
She zoomed through the air like a bullet, stopping just short of the Raiden Shogun herself. The violet-eyed ruler glanced at Paimon with visible disinterest, trying to shoo her away from sight.
“You,” she said, “where is my Aether? Is he near?”
“Is he near?” Paimon gulped nervously. “Um… n-no!”
The Raiden Shogun narrowed her eyes. Paimon continued.
“He’s, uh, in the bathroom! Yeah!” Paimon threw up her arms in her embellishment. “He said he had to take a MASSIVE dump! And, uh, he said—he said he was gonna be in there for hours!”
“Is there something wrong with your head?” Raiden Shogun scoffed. “Begone from my sight. I’m passing into the plaza to look for my dear consort.”
“Sh-shouldn’t you be making some big announcement or something? Or coming in on a carriage? Addressing your people…?!”
“Nonsense. Tonight is a night of creativity; of culture, influence, and community enrichment. The people of Inazuma know me, and of me. I’ll observe and comment as I see necessary, no more than that.” She glanced upward toward the sky. “There shall be no storms on this day.”
I wouldn’t be so sure of that! Paimon thought worriedly. If the Raiden Shogun caught Aether in the arms of another woman — the likes of Ningguang or even Jean — there might be a complete shitstorm in it for everyone involved! Paimon shot a glance behind the wall, finding Ningguang still chatting casually with a very flustered Aether.
The Raiden Shogun waved Paimon off, walking around the floating companion. “Now if you’ll excuse me…”
Paimon gasped aloud, spinning circles in the air. Aah! Paimon, think! Think!
Like a bolt of lightning to the brain, she suddenly had an idea. A dangerous one — the best kind.
Paimon flew over to a standing banner and tore it from its support with a concerted huff. Holding the poster in her little hands, Paimon zoomed across the way to the Raiden Shogun, and just before she circled the wall…
“HUP!”
Paimon swirled around the Raiden Shogun and wrapped the banner tightly around her body, sealing the ruler of Inazuma in a prison of polyester. Raiden Shogun scowled harshly at Paimon. If looks could kill, then Raiden Shogun was wielding a bazooka.
“Do you seek to perish?!”
With a frustrated yell, Raiden Shogun burst free of the banner with a thunderous eruption, prompting a few surrounding civilians to gasp and shout with worry.
Ningguang looked away from Aether, taking a couple of steps toward the unseen commotion. “What was that? It sounded like…”
No. Surely not.
“Perhaps someone dropped something heavy,” said Ningguang. She turned back to look at Aether…
…who was no longer there.
“What?” She blinked, looking around herself and the light novel stall. “Aether? Aether, where did you go?”
The Traveler sprinted past a short crowd of civilians, all huddled together and admiring a poster bearing Mona’s likeness.
It wasn’t long before Aether hid behind a wall, panting and puffing to catch his breath from the exertion.
Damn it… I haven’t gotten all the Anemoculus yet…!
Once he steadied his breathing, he sidled along the wall and peered around its edge, catching a very confused Ningguang looking around for him.
“She still looks hot,” he mused to himself.
“Did you say hot?”
Aether nearly jumped out of his skin when he turned and saw Jean standing there with a sly expression on her face.
“Yeah, I w-was just thinking about you!” Aether lied.
“Aww. How sweet…”
Aether watched as Jean took two steps closer. He, on the other hand, stayed rooted in place, chewing on his lip nervously while she approached him.
“Why don’t you tell me I’m hot to my face?” Jean giggled as she laced her arms around the Traveler’s neck, and at that moment, he caught a whiff of her breath.
“Did you drink something?” He asked. Jean couldn’t hide her expression, like she’d been caught.
“Only a little,” she murmured, running her fingers through Aether’s hair and hovering her lips only centimeters from his own. Her eyes closed halfway as she loitered behind the wall with her boyfriend, intoxicated in two ways.
“Jean, I—”
She kissed him deeply, like he was hiding liquor in his mouth. A short gasp was all that the Acting Grand Master required before she pushed her tongue past his lips to wrestle with his own, and Aether moaned without really meaning to. The kiss was fulfilling, and sugar-sweet. Whatever Jean had drank, it gave her smooch some bite.
After a minute of this tenderness, Jean pulled away from Aether’s face and giggled again, pressing her finger to her lips in a shushing gesture.
“Okay,” said Jean, “now I’m the one that has to use the bathroom… you’ll wait for me here, won’t you, sweetie?”
“Y-yeah! Totally!” Aether lied.
Jean adjusted her pants with a quiet sigh, before turning away to find a restroom. “Be right back!” She told Aether. And then she had left.
Aether took a few steps back, watching Jean vanish behind a small crowd. Then, with a spring in his step, he made his escape.
“So, this one contains kissing?”
Ningguang posed her question while holding a light novel in her hand. The man behind the counter nodded firmly to confirm that, yes, indeed, that one contained kissing.
“Perfect,” said Ningguang, and she tossed the book onto her growing pile. “Ah, this’ll make some fine reading material before I lay my head to sleep.”
“I’m sure!”
The Tianquan of Qixing turned just in time to see Aether stumble around a building, and she smiled at the sight of her man. Setting her books aside, Ningguang approached Aether and got his attention, prompting the Traveler to stumble backward until his back was against a wall.
“Ah! Ningguang, I was just—”
Kathunk!
In an instant, Ningguang’s palm thudded against the wall beside Aether’s head, and the Traveler became rigid beneath his lover’s lingering gaze.
“You were just trying to scurry off,” she said.
“Not on purpose! I was—I thought I saw.”
“Be a dear and stay in my line of sight, would you?” Ningguang pushed Aether’s head up with a finger on his chin, smiling devilishly at her paramour. “I believe I’m owed more than a bit of sugar from you.”
Is this kabedon?! Aether was trapped between a wall and a hard stare, and in the next moment, Ningguang locked her lips with his own.
Almost immediately, Aether melted into the kiss; into Ningguang’s firm embrace. She kept him pinned against the wall with her hand on it, locking the Traveler between herself and the cobblestone, and she kissed him like she bet everything on him. A few onlookers even turned their gazes away, suddenly hot under the collar as Ningguang demonstrated ownership of her suitor. The kiss was debilitating. It made Aether weak in the knees, like he would collapse into gelatin.
And just as quickly as it had started, it was over.
Ningguang chuckled quietly, wiping her lips with her thumb. “Did you have a drink? You taste a bit…”
“Like what?” Aether smiled anxiously, looking beyond Ningguang’s shoulder at Paimon hovering just out of sight.
Looking around for something to distract Ningguang with, Paimon turned her attention to the small crowd beside her, and her eyes went wide with an idea.
“Hey, everyone! Look!”
Paimon pointed right at Ningguang, who suddenly turned away from Aether and toward the greater festival square.
“Ningguang is signing copies of your fan fiction! Autographs for everyone!”
“WHAT?” Ningguang shook her head vehemently. “No, absolutely not!”
But it was too late.
Here came the horde…
A sizable stampede of fans came rushing toward Ningguang, who tried her best to quell the crowd. Aether slithered away in the commotion, taking off with Paimon and booking it far away from Ningguang and the fan fiction enthusiasts.
The Traveler ran until his legs nearly gave out, tucking away behind a fox statue and leaning against it to catch his breath. Paimon heckled him as he panted, hands on her hips as she hovered in front of him.
“Aether, this is getting out of hand! Are you going to be doing this all night?! Sooner or later, Jean, Ningguang, and—!”
Suddenly, an electric bolt struck the statue just beside Aether, searing the foundation and melting the stone bricks that held it up. Paimon shrieked as she flew up to the statue’s head, watching as the Raiden Shogun came closer to them. Electricity bounced between her fingers. She looked gravely upset.
“You,” she said, glaring at Aether. “What is the meaning of this, my consort?”
“Aah! R-Raiden Sh-Sho…” Aether held his hands up defensively as the violet-hued leader picked him up and held him up by his shirt, pressing him firmly against the statue to keep him still.
“I’ve been looking for you for quite some time. How long did you intend to keep me waiting? You know I detest idleness, Aether.”
“I-I know. I’m sorry, I just…” Aether struggled to think, especially when he was facing the wrath of someone so beautiful, and someone so frustrated with him. His lips quivered as the Raiden Shogun kept him raised by his shirt, and they only stopped quivering once she pushed her lips up against his own.
Paimon watched horrified as the Raiden Shogun made out with Aether. Her hands bunched up his shirt and nearly tore the fabric, and Aether moaned into the kiss as the Shogun smooched her consort with surprising eagerness, as though she were waiting all night for something quite like this.
The kiss made him ravenous. The Raiden always left him wanting more. Hungering; greedy. His hands found the woman’s cheeks, and he held her tenderly, softening the kiss as his lover pressed up to his body.
And then…
The Raiden Shogun broke the kiss. Paimon waited with bated breath as she stared at them, watching as the Shogun’s demeanor became noticeably relaxed. The haze in her eyes became just a little more transparent, like clouds parting from the sky. A sigh escaped her lips, surprisingly gentle, surprisingly relieved. She smiled, and Aether smiled right back.
“Ei?” Aether whispered, his lips inches from her own. “Is that you?”
The woman responded by easing Aether back down to the ground, loosening her grip on his shirt and palming his chest desperately. Her hands were heated, and Aether suddenly realized that the hairs on his body were standing upright.
“My sweetest dessert,” Ei whispered, and she pressed those lips against his again. With a newfound assertion, Aether’s hands found Ei’s hips, and he kissed her against the fox statue with vim and vigor. She tasted smoky — that was something he always noticed. The faintest smell of burning, and he didn’t mind one bit.
Paimon didn’t seem to mind either. The floating companion seemed to have difficulty picking her jaw up from the floor, and she stared bug-eyed at the couple as they made out feverishly. Paimon became worried that the two would begin undressing right there in the open, unashamed for their actions or their starvation for one another.
Ei moaned as her lips smacked wetly against Aether’s, and it was a harmony that the Traveler matched in kind. He ran his hands along the small of the woman’s back, prompting the Archon to giggle — laughter as sweet and airy as her favorite treats.
When Aether finally opened his eyes, he saw Jean was standing right behind Raiden Ei. He nearly shrieked when he saw her, and Ei turned around lazily to catch sight of Jean herself, watching the blonde look somewhere between disappointed and frustrated.
“J-Jean!” Aether carefully removed himself from Raiden Ei’s grasp, and he almost pissed himself in fright. Maybe he needed a bathroom after all.
“Uh oh!” Paimon hid behind the head of the statue, feeling ashamed that she’d been so distracted watching Aether make out with Raiden Ei that she couldn’t see Jean until it was too late. “Oh, shoot!”
“Jean…” Aether took a step closer to the Acting Grand Master, feeling guilt sink deeper into his chest like the sharpest of blades. “I can explain…!”
Jean sighed, and she shook her head disapprovingly. With her hands on her hips, she turned to Raiden Ei to address the Electro Archon foremost.
“That’s not fair,” Jean complained. “He was supposed to be all mine today.”
Aether swallowed hard. What?
“Was he?” Raiden Ei smiled plainly, and she pushed her pointer fingers together. “It’s the Shogun who deserves your ire, not myself.”
“You’re both at fault,” said Jean. “I asked him to join me first.”
“There’s nothing wrong with a sweet little kiss, is there?”
“That looked like more than a little kiss.”
Aether stood stunned. “Huh?”
“I agree. That kiss seemed like it was going somewhere particularly age-restricted.”
Ningguang circled the fox statue, looking flustered.
“N-Ningguang!” Aether exclaimed. “When did you…”
“I’m wise to your antics, Aether.” Ningguang crossed her arms disapprovingly. “You’ve been avoiding me all night. I see now why that was the case.”
“I was just—!”
“Exchanging saliva with the Raiden Shogun, whom this festival is honoring?” She clicked her tongue, looking more unamused than upset. “You’re a hound, Aether.”
“But I suppose we’re no better, right?” Jean stuffed her hands into her pockets. She could practically hear the gears in Aether’s head turn and chug.
“Wait,” said Aether. “Does that mean… you all…”
“Do you really think you can keep secrets from me?” Ningguang asked.
“Or me?” Jean asked. “You’re not a talented liar, Aether.”
“But you are an excellent kisser,” said Raiden Ei. “Very breathy, very sweet.”
“He moans quite a bit,” said Ningguang, “doesn’t he?”
“Louder than even I do, sometimes,” said Jean, sighing and shaking her head.
Paimon peered out from behind the fox statue, utterly flabbergasted.
“Wait a second, wait a second…” Aether held up his hands. “Time out!”
“Time out?” Ningguang smirked. “So now you want to be assertive?”
“I just…” Aether’s arms dropped to his sides. “How long have you three…”
“Oh, always,” said Jean. “We share stories, you know.”
“S-stories…” Aether retreated until his back was against the statue. Then all three women crept closer.
“But we were curious,” continued Jean. “If all of us invited you to the festival… who would you choose?”
“We know you have such a hard time saying no,” said Raiden Ei, who kept her knowing smile. “You’re either some kind of masochist…”
“…or a dim-witted fool,” said Ningguang.
“But,” Jean added, “we still love you.”
“And want you,” Ningguang added. “Lest you forget your place.”
Aether gulped. “H-hey now, I was just thinking… m-maybe we shouldn’t do this anymore, you know? It’s kind of stressful, and, um… I just think that we should… see other people?” Aether trembled beneath his three women, who each exchanged looks.
“Girls?” Raiden Ei led the debate. “How should we divide him?”
“Well,” said Jean, “he’s needed in the city of Mondstadt every Monday, every Wednesday, and every—”
“Ah, can I have him on the weekends?” Ei smirked. “Saturdays are for the Shogun, and Sundays are for me.”
“I could flip a coin,” said Ningguang. “If it lands on heads, then I have him all to myself, every day of the week.”
“That hardly seems fair,” said Ei.
“And if it lands on tails, then I have him on every day that ends with Y.”
“Now you must be joking.”
“Mondays, Tuesdays…” Jean put a finger to her chin. “No, maybe Fridays…”
“Um, girls?” Aether raised his finger meekly. “Don’t I get a say in this?”
“No.” All three spoke in unison, denying Aether his rights.
“Keep quiet for a moment, sweetheart,” said Jean.
“The women are talking here, Aether,” said Ningguang. “Shh.”
“You should use those lips for kissing,” said Ei, “not for interrupting.”
Aether sighed. He would have complained, but he knew he definitely deserved this.
“Alright,” said Jean, “we’re finished.”
Aether perked up, walking away from Paimon and over to his three loves. Jean, Ningguang, and Raiden Ei looked at Aether expectantly, until the Traveler cleared his throat and made his inquiry.
“Y-yeah?” He asked. “So, how are we…”
“I get you on Mondays and Tuesdays,” said Jean.
“You belong to me on Wednesdays and Thursdays,” said Ningguang.
“Fridays and Saturdays, you’re to cavort with the Shogun and myself, respectively,” said Raiden Ei, licking her lips at the thought.
“I see…” Aether nodded slowly. “And w-what about Sundays?”
“On Sundays,” said Jean, “you can rest. Get your strength back.”
“We’ll be draining you dry almost every day of the week,” said Ningguang. “Sunday will be your day of respite. Consider it a holiday from all the work you’ll be doing.”
“After we finish tossing you around for six days, I think you’d have earned a breather,” said Raiden Ei. Her violet eyes twinkled mischievously in the night. “But if you can’t pull your weight even once during the week, we’ll be visiting you on Sunday.”
“To take what we’re owed,” Ningguang added, smiling.
Aether’s jaw dropped. “W-wait, draining me dry? What does that mean? What do you mean by that, exactly?”
“Aww,” said Ningguang. “How adorable.” She patted Aether’s cheek before turning on her heel and leaving. “Have a good evening, girls. We’ll definitely be in touch.”
“Oh, definitely.” Jean blew Aether a kiss. “Bye, sweetheart. See you on Monday.”
Raiden Ei watched Jean and Ningguang make their way back to the festival square, before turning to Aether with a knowing smile. The poor blond looked nervous.
“I feel like I was just played,” mumbled Aether.
“You’re a sweet one, Aether.” Ei patted Aether over the head, raking her slender fingers through his golden locks of hair. “Almost too sweet. You make all us girls gluttonous. For that, I think you ought to be punished.”
“W-what day is today, anyway?”
“I think you’d better start running.”
Aether took a step back. And then another. And then he was sprinting away from the fox statue, away from Paimon, away from Raiden Ei, and away from his duties.
Paimon watched worriedly as Raiden Ei started walking, off toward wherever Aether had hidden. She knew in her little head that it was all for naught. He’d be found eventually, and then it would be weeks of torment at the hands of three (four?) very hungry girls.
“His poor crotch,” Paimon lamented.
“Hm.”
In another time, in another place, the Traveler’s Sibling sat uncomfortably.
She pushed a finger against her temple, staring hard at the floor in front of her throne. This, of course, did not go unnoticed by Lumine’s attendant. The nearest mage came forward, bowing respectfully before speaking.
“Is something the matter?”
Lumine uncrossed and then recrossed her legs, sighing under her breath with great frustration. “My dearest sibling,” she uttered. “I can feel it.”
“The Traveler beyond.” The mage nodded. “What is it? What do you feel?”
Lumine was silent for almost a minute. She knew her twin was in danger.
“I think he just broke his pelvis.”
The mage… frankly, didn’t know what to say about that.
“May I speak freely?” The mage asked.
Lumine nodded. “You may.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”