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“Yuta!” She sang his name with a smile. It was such a beautifully melodic name, it easily flowed from her lips. The way his name made her voice lift, it reminded her of warm summer days with where a breeze would lightly brush against the wind chime and create such a wonderful and beautiful melody. It was a name that she couldn’t say without smiling. it was her favorite thing to say, and it suited him perfectly. “Yuta~”
Today was a beautiful day, but then again, when she was with Yuta, every day was beautiful. Whether it was raining or if the sun was too bright—it didn’t matter because when she was with Yuta, it was beautiful. If it was a bright and sunny day, she’d be reminded of how bright and warm he was. How his smile, his laughter shined brighter than the sun. If it was raining, she’d be reminded that even on a cold day like this, there was good in the world and that was him. Perhaps they will dance in the rain, perhaps they will share an umbrella and just watch the raindrops fall around them.
It didn’t matter because as long as she was with him. she was happy. As long as she was with Yuta, it was a beautiful, wonderful, perfect day.
"Please..." She heard him whisper and her smile faltered and she stumbled back a few steps.
Her outstretched hand trembled as she watched him curl into himself. Why? Why was he like this? Why did he not look up at the world around them? Did he not see the iridescent bubbles? Did he not smell the sweet spring flowers that bloomed around them? Did he not feel the warm sunlight against his skin?
They were finally out in the world. They were finally free. They could now live in a world where there was no pain. A world outside of the hospital walls where they could be safe and happy. A world where nothing could hurt them, a world where they could be together forever.
Why was he--
"Yuta?" She tilted her head, her brows knitted with concern. Why was he sitting on the floor? Why did he look like he was trying to make himself smaller? Why was he folding in on himself? Was he hurt? Why did it seem like he was trying to hide from the rest of the world?
"Please..." His voice was choked with tears and her hands slowly clenched into a tight fist.
Who did this? Who hurt you? Who bullied you? Tell me so I can teach them a lesson. Tell me so I can protect you. Tell me so I can make you happy again. Tell me who did this!
Did he not know that she would do anything for him? That she loved him so much that it hurt. That it pained her to see him look so sad. That she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and protect him from the ugliness in the world. That she would do anything to keep make sure that the bubble they made for the two of them never burst. Because she felt like she was tethered to him from the very first moment their eyes met.
Perhaps they were a bit too young, perhaps a bit foolish—but that didn't change the fact that Rika knew that he was the one. Like a prince from one of her fairytales, he was the one that would be the one she’d love, the only one she could possibly love. He was the boy whose smile was enough to brighten up her gloomy and boring world. He was the one that made her envision a life outside of the hospital walls.
From the moment she met Yuta, she knew that he would be her entire world.
When he greeted her every morning afterwards, it would make the day feel extra special. He would say her name so sweetly, shyly holding her hand in his as he asked her how her day was. When he gifted her with a ring made with a flower he had picked, she thought it was the most precious thing she ever owned. She put it on her finger quickly, lifting it. It was a flimsy thing and yet it meant everything. It was a promise that they’d be together always. It was a promise that he loved her as much as she loved him. She recalled how she hugged him, promising him that she’d give him something even better next time. She still had that flower ring, pressed between the pages of her favorite fairy tale.
Because that was what this was to her. It was a love story that matched the stories in the fairytales. Love at first sight, the feeling that nothing bad could ever happen to them as long as they were together. For Rika knew in her heart, her soul, in every fiber of her being that her she would be his.
She saw him and knew that there would be no one else. She wanted to stay by his side as long as possible. Because the best future—No, the only possible future would be one where she could stay with him forever and ever. The dream that she held onto as she looked at the ring she got for the two of them. A dream that she never wanted to wake up from.
“Yuta.” She whispered, her hand reaching out once more. Why aren’t you talking to me? Why aren’t you saying my name with that smile of yours? Why aren’t you— “Yuta?” She called out again and her heart sank when she saw him clasp both of his hands over his ears and scream.
“Stop…”He cried out and screamed at her. She felt her heart break when she realized he was telling her to stop, to not approach him, to stay away from him.
“Are you angry with me?” She whimpered and quickly rushed to be close to him again. “Please don’t be angry with me.” Rika didn't know what she did wrong but she hated this feeling most of all. The feeling that the person that she considered her entire world would push her away and abandon her. It was a sinking, devastating feeling that wrapped around her heart. The heavy feeling that she did something wrong, that she was going to lose the most important thing in her life. The feeling like her heart turned into lead and fell into the pit of her stomach.
What did she do wrong?
"I'll fix it. I'll fix whatever I broke. I'm sorry! Please look at me. Please don't hate me. Please don't be mad at me. Please. Please. PLEASE."
"I'm sorry." She heard his broken voice whisper and she could feel her heart break Repeating the words as his hands were clasped over his ears and he rocked back and forth. She wanted to scream. What had happened? Why was he like this? Why won’t he look at her? Who was he apologizing to? Why was he sorry? What could he have possibly done to look so guilty? Why did he keep apologizing to the monsters that hurt him?!
It upset her that he always apologized. If those boys just didn’t bully him. If those boys just didn’t harm him. If those boys just left him alone—then none of this would have happened. If they just left him alone then they could be happy together. If they just let him be happy, she wouldn’t feel the need to step in.
She had to protect Yuta. She loved him and so she had to protect him. She had to take care of him. She had to make sure that he was fine no matter what. She couldn't stand the idea that without her, he’d get hurt. That without her, he’d be in danger. Rika couldn’t stand the idea that he’d be all alone. After all, you don’t leave the ones you love behind.
“I’m sorry.” He croaked and she felt like screaming. Stop apologizing to those boys! They hurt you! They are monsters! Stop apologizing because you’re not guilty here! Stop apologizing when you’re the victim! Stop!
“Yuta.” She whispered again and reached out only to see him avoid her. Her heart sank as she sat in front of him, wanting nothing more than to make everything better again. “Yuta….”
Why wouldn’t he look at her? Why was he avoiding her? Why was he so far away when he sat right in front of her? Why did it feel like she was trapped and he was leaving her behind?
“Yuta…Please look up.” Rika said softly, tilting her head to the side as the corners of her lips trembled. “Please…Please look at me.”
Perhaps then he would see what she saw. Or perhaps she would realize that this world that she saw, that her perfect wonderful world--was him. He was her world. He was her everything. He was everything good and perfect. Everything she could ever want and need.
How unfortunate it was that she was no longer his.
"Yuta?" Her voice broke as she felt herself seep into the darkness. "Yuta...I'll always be here....Yuta...Please just look at me...Yuta...."
What a terrible terrible feeling this was. To feel herself being pulled and pushed away from him.
She wanted to stay by his side. She didn't want to be alone or abandoned. She didn't want to leave him when so many people kept trying to hurt him. She wanted to stay in this world with him just for a bit longer. How could she possibly leave his side when he needed her most. A world where the sun was shining brightly and they were free from pain. A world where they could be happy together. A world where their love was enough.
But sometimes the bubble has to burst and once it does--It's over and reality has to sink in.
Maybe he didn't love her anymore. Maybe she did something terrible and he was afraid of the monster she had become. Maybe this was the end of their story, and he would leave her behind. Maybe like everyone else, he would suddenly be unable to see her, walk through her as if she was not there. Maybe--
"Rika..."He whispered as he slowly lifted his head and looked at her. His eyes rimmed red with exhaustion and grief. Dark circles that never seemed to go away as nightmares plagued him. Nightmares that she couldn't get rid of for him.
His blue eyes did not have the same shine and sparkle as it once did. He reached for the ring around his neck and held it tightly as he looked at her. "Rika." His lips quivered slightly as he looked at her and it was then that she saw it.
It was not anger. He was not angry with her. He was not upset at the mess she had just made. It was not fear. He was not afraid of the power she could not wield in order to protect him. He was not afraid of how heartless she could become to anyone that would seek to harm him or separate them. He was not afraid of who she had become. It was not disgust. He was not appalled at how she looked now. She was no longer the girl from his childhood memories. She wasn't even human anymore.
What she saw was guilt.
And that was what hurt the most. Why did he feel guilty? What could he have possibly done? He allowed her to stay by his side. He showed her what love was. He led her into a world that was so beautiful. So why did he look so sad when he looked at her? Why did he feel like he did something wrong?
Why? Why? Why?
"Rika." He whispered again and reached a hand out and she wanted nothing more than to hold it. To press it against her face and feel his warm touch against her cheek. She wanted nothing more than to just go back to the perfect little bubble they made. His gaze turned softer, gentler--and it made her hope.
Hope that they could go back. Hope that this was just one chapter of their love story. Hope that--one day he will love her as much as she loved him.
"I'm sorry."
That's not what she wanted to hear. She bit the inside of her cheek and growled and turned her head away. She was tired of hearing apologies. She was tired of seeing him look so guilty. She was tired of waiting to hear the words she longed to hear.
Just tell me that you love me. That you still love me. That you'll always love me.
Perhaps this love was a curse. Perhaps she should be angry with him cause all she did was try to protect him and yet she was labeled the monster. Perhaps she should be upset that he clung onto her spirit and kept her captive in his orbit. Perhaps she should be disgusted by his guilt. Perhaps she should be--
But she couldn't. She couldn't be angry at him. She couldn't be upset. Because as twisted as it was, she loved him. She still loved him. She would always love him. She loved him so deeply that even if she was cursed--it was okay.
Because at least that meant he loved her too.