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Jiung only complains half-heartedly before he accepts his mother’s hug. They’ve never been a very physically affectionate family, but it’s Chuseok, and it’s been a couple of months since he’s been home between the summer he spent working, then starting classes again, and his new responsibilities as his dance club’s leader since Felix graduated.
She fusses over him as they walk to the car, saying he’s still her handsome son even if he cut his hair short and dyed it turquoise. Clearly, she doesn’t like his hairstyle.
When they reach the car, though, Jiung frowns, because the person leaning against the driver’s side with their arm propped up on the open door is definitely not his dad. His mom doesn’t look phased by it. As they get closer, Jiung starts to be able to discern their features, somewhat familiar to him.
When his mom notices his expression she grabs his arm and leans closer like she’s telling him a secret. “Intak recently got his license,” she says, and realization reaches Jiung’s mind as she keeps going, “Dad’s back is hurting him again and you know how I hate driving, so Intak offered to drive me to pick you up, isn’t he sweet?”
Jiung hums, now close enough to the car for him to observe the boy in detail.
Intak is their neighbors’ son. He’s two years younger than Jiung but they often played together as children at either of their houses, even walking together to school until Jiung entered high school, for which he needed to take the bus. From then on, they saw each other a lot less, busy having other friends that were actually their age. Even when Intak entered high school in his turn, Intak had made other friends he’d sit next to, and Jiung preferred his earphones to human company. They still crossed paths every so often and said hi to each other in the hallways, but Jiung wouldn’t have called them friends anymore. So, naturally, when Jiung left town for college, they completely lost touch.
So, to Jiung, it’s surprising to see him there, especially like this. In his mind, Intak was still the cute kid next door, and the person he sees in front of him isn’t a kid, but a young man. His once awkward smile, although still boyish, is more confident now, and he holds himself with assurance. He must have started his studies this year as well. Intak’s hair is longer than he used to keep it, framing a face that lost all of his baby fat, jaw defined and cheekbones prominent.
“Hey,” Intak greets, taking his arm off the car door to offer his hand to Jiung, “long time no see.”
Jiung shakes it with a polite nod. Intak’s voice has dropped lower too, yet it’s still light and friendly like Jiung remembers it.
“Here, let me take that for you,” he says as he grabs Jiung’s bag and carries it to the trunk.
Jiung’s mom sits in the passenger seat and Jiung sits in the back. When Intak gets back in, he starts the car and turns around to drive out of the parking spot, only glancing at Jiung for a moment on the way, smiling a little.
As Intak drives silently, Jiung focuses on what his mother is saying so as to not think about how he keeps sensing Intak’s eyes on him through the rearview mirror.
“As I told you on the phone a couple of weeks ago, the Hwangs decided to check Intak’s grandmother into a retirement home since she’s been having difficulties getting around, and unfortunately that place doesn’t allow long visits. Usually, they celebrate Chuseok at her house, so we invited the Hwangs to celebrate with us instead.”
Jiung replies with little ‘ah’s and ‘right’s and hums as she talks more about Grandma Hwang’s condition. Intak is nodding along too, giving more details and smiling when Jiung’s mom involves in his opinion.
Soon enough, they make it to the house. Jiung is barely out of the car that Intak is already retrieving his bag for him and walking to the door. He only knocks shortly before entering, then Jiung is being pulled inside too by his mom.
The house hasn’t changed. Jiung hasn’t seen anything change in his parents’ house since they redid the kitchen in his second year of high school. His father is getting up from his usual seat in the living room to greet him, and Intak is nowhere in sight.
“Go put the rest of your things upstairs,” his mom says, “I’ll go get dinner ready. Oh, and ask Intak if he wants to eat with us, too!”
Jiung does as told and walks up the stairs to his bedroom, where he meets Intak, who put his bag at the foot of the bed and is leaning on the desk, looking at his phone, the screen light defining his features in the dark room as the sun sets outside the window. Jiung almost trips on the rug just next to the door.
“Thanks for carrying my stuff, you didn’t have to,” Jiung says to cover his embarrassment, even if he doesn’t think Intak saw.
“No problem, hyung,” Intak replies with a smile, still looking at his phone for a moment before he seemingly sends the text he was typing before pocketing it again.
Jiung turns the light on and puts the rest of his stuff on his bed.
“So, how’s college?” Intak asks, hands resting on the desk on either side of him. His shoulders are wider than they used to be too. “Music production major, right?”
“Uh, yeah. It’s going well. How do you—”
“Since your dad’s back got worse I’ve been helping with the garden, your mom always insists I stay for tea and she talks a lot about you.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that was you. I thought you went…” He gestures vaguely.
“To college?” Intak chuckles. “I’m taking a gap year, actually. I work part-time downtown. The rest of the time I practice for auditions.”
“Right, cool.” Jiung feels a little bad for not knowing anything when Intak seems to know a lot. “What kind of auditions?”
“Dance academies and entertainment companies.”
“You still dance, then.”
Intak nods with a smile. Jiung fiddles with a loose thread in his jacket’s pocket, thinking of something to say before he hears the rice cooker's little ending song.
“Ah, Mom asked if you wanted to stay for dinner?”
Intak pushes off the desk. “I’ll already be coming for Chuseok tomorrow, I’m not going to impose.”
Jiung walks back out, Intak in toe. “She’s going to insist,” he tells the younger, and Intak chuckles.
“I don’t doubt it.”
She indeed insists, and Intak has to refuse three times before she lets him go back home.
Over dinner, Jiung’s parents keep praising Intak. It’s not so weird, they’ve always liked Intak, they were even sometimes the ones making him and Jiung hang out, they invited him to all of his birthday parties before Jiung started not having birthday parties at all anymore. They still ask questions about Jiung’s college friends, when they can meet them, and his mom even makes a comment about him still not introducing a girlfriend to them—“or boyfriend” his dad mumbles, and Jiung almost chokes because for a moment he forgot he came out to them the last time he visited.
Jiung makes sure to clear the table and wash the dishes before he wishes his parents a good night and goes back up to his room.
When his bag is unpacked (he’s only staying for a few days, but he doesn’t like leaving his things in disorder) he jumps on his bed and scrolls social media for a bit. It’s as he opens Instagram that he thinks about Intak again. Being neighbors, they’d never really connected online, but surely Intak has an account, right?
It doesn’t take him a long time to find Intak’s Instagram. For a small town freshly out of high school guy, he has quite an impressive following. But then, Intak seems to mostly post pictures of himself, and Jiung can’t deny that he’s good-looking, and that ought to attract followers. He opens the first picture. Intak is posing in an amusement park, throwing a peace sign while his other hand is in his blue jacket’s pocket. Jiung remembers this jacket, Intak had gotten it for his first day of high school and he could be spotted from across the hall. Next is a selca he took inside his parents’ car, the caption celebrating the obtention of his license and the comments congratulating him. Then, it’s a mirror picture with two younger-looking boys, who seem to be his coworker at his part-time job. The fourth one makes Jiung stop for a little longer as although it’s a simple selfie, Intak is wearing makeup. It’s light, but Jiung can tell. His pursed lips are a glossy pink and his eyes have an eyeshadow that makes his sharp eyes a little softer. Jiung ends up looking at a couple more pictures, a pretty sunset view, a selfie with his mask and headphones on, him posing with various sunglasses, Intak’s vacation in Busan, a lower angle showcasing his jawline, pictures of him hanging out with friends, mirror pictures of his fashionable outfits…
The picture that catches Jiung’s eye, however, is taken from Intak’s bedroom, facing the window that aligns with the window above Jiung’s desk. Jiung isn't pictured, but he can see his jacket over the chair, and the only time he can trace the picture back to is only a couple of weeks after he’d started college when he forgot it because he was late for his train. But the picture was posted months after he’d gotten it back. The caption is visibly quoting song lyrics, and Jiung reads them over twice before he realizes that he knows that song.
For you, I will always be waiting
And it's you I see
But you don't see me
And Jiung knows that around sunset, because of the reflection on Intak’s window, it becomes impossible for anyone inside Intak’s room to be seen from Jiung’s.
He shakes his head. It’s not like Jiung knows Intak that well anymore, he can’t read into things like this. Intak was probably just taking a pretty picture, like all the other pictures he has on his account. So Jiung locks his phone and goes to sleep.
Jiung sleeps until noon and is only woken up by his dad for lunch. He’s still fighting for his eyes to stay open while his mom tells him about all the preparations they have to do before the Hwangs come over for the celebrations. She’s talking about the list of things she wants his dad to go pick up at the grocery store when Jiung gets a notification. He opens it under the table and frowns.
@tikitak3 sent you a follow request.
He blinks once, twice, then his eyes widen. That’s Intak’s account. Why did he… Wait. He opens Intak’s account and scrolls again to see if he… And there it is. On the window picture, the red heart. Jiung curses under his mouthful of rice. He didn’t mean to like the picture, he knows that one of the first rules of social media is to not like old pictures, Keeho has taught him as much, and yet here he is. But it’s no big deal, Intak is just… What is Intak to Jiung?
“Good news?” His mom suddenly asks, peering over at him to try to see his screen.
He locks it instantly and puts the phone back in his pocket. “It’s nothing, sorry. Food’s really good.”
She doesn’t insist.
Jiung tries not to think about it. He tries not to go back to Intak’s account and look at the pictures again, he tries not to ask himself if Intak even knows that it’s Jiung’s account because it’s private and he doesn’t show his face in his profile picture, he tries not to look at the pictures again but he fails on every level and he doesn’t understand why.
He must be thinking too hard about it because his mother frowns at him while they’re kneading the songpyeon dough. “Is everything alright, sweetheart?”
“Hm?”
“You look like something is bothering your mind. You can tell me about it if you want?”
Jiung chuckles. “I don’t know if it even is something to talk about,” he admits. “I’ve just been wondering how… Even though Intak is our neighbor and I’ve known him basically all my life, I feel like he’s a stranger. Is that weird?”
She gives him a kind look and picks up another batch of dough, the green one. “You two used to be quite close as kids, but sometimes people grow differently, at different paces, especially during teenage years. I suppose that for a few years, you thought were too grown up to play with Intak, who was still a baby in your eyes.”
Jiung starts working with the pink dough. “I don’t think it was ever consciously that I pushed him away…”
“Of course not, sweetie, and Intak has never held a grudge against you about it either. You’re both young adults living through formative years, finding yourselves, it’s not a crime to grow apart.”
Jiung nods, wondering why a knot is forming in his throat.
“But Jiung, you know,” she adds, resting the back of her hand on Jiung’s forearm so she doesn’t get rice flour on him, “I’m sure you could be friends again. Intak always listens well when I tell him about you. I think he’s always looked up to you, his mom told me once that he started dancing because you introduced him to it. He would’ve never admitted it, though.”
She giggles and Jiung laughs quietly with her.
The rest of the time left before their guests arrive is spent decorating the house as it seems that Jiung’s parents still want to impress their neighbors even after all these years.
“Okay, it’s done!” His mother finally claims before turning to Jiung. “Go put on your hanbok now, they’ll be here soon. I ironed it last week, check your wardrobe.”
Once again, Jiung obeys. He’s only worn this hanbok twice before, once to make sure it fit, and the second was for his cousin’s wedding. But he puts it on and is glad that it still suits him well.
Not long after, the doorbell rings. Jiung hears the loud greetings and makes his way downstairs to join them.
“Jiung!” Mrs. Hwang calls when she sees him. Her makeup is elegant, and Jiung wonders for half a second if Intak asked her makeup advice. He shakes it off by bowing to her and her husband. Intak is already in the kitchen helping Mrs. Choi but he waves at Jiung with a smile.
Jiung guides the guests to the living room and offers them tea.
“It’s been so long since we’ve seen you,” Mr. Hwang says.
“You’ve grown into such a handsome young man,” Mrs. Hwang adds, gesturing to his face in a way that makes Jiung chuckle.
“Your son is quite handsome too!” Jiung’s mom says as she and Intak reappear. “And so helpful too. They make a wonderful pair. Intak’s hanbok even matches Jiung’s hair.”
The two moms laugh together while Jiung hides his slight blush by serving tea to everyone. He watches as Intak joins him and adds sugar and milk according to everyone’s preferences without even needing to ask them, even Jiung. The turquoise of his outfit indeed matches Jiung’s hair.
Their parents do most of the talking, catching up and telling previous Chuseok stories. Jiung catches Intak looking at him a few times, but Intak catches Jiung looking at him just as many times. Jiung wonders if that’s a smirk he just saw Intak try to hide.
Later, they bring out the songpyeon dough and various fillings they’d prepared and everyone gets together to shape and fill them. Mrs. Hwang only makes about five because her hands start to hurt afterward, so Intak seems to take it upon himself to make twice as many as the others. While everyone starts with a classic half-moon shape, Intak starts making fun shapes, flowers, leaves, a puppy, a heart, and everyone seems to follow his initiative. Jiung makes stars and a frog.
“Look,” Intak says, showing his most recent piece, “it’s Jiung hyung.”
Jiung looks up at that and sees the hamster-shaped songpyeon. Everyone chuckles and his mom even pinches his cheek, saying it looks the same. Jiung doesn’t miss that Intak places ‘Jiung’ next to the heart.
Once the dough is all used up, they moved to the table Jiung dressed earlier for dinner. Intak sits next to him and as they’re both sitting cross-legged, their knees touch under the table, but neither of them moves away.
He’s such a gentleman, Jiung thinks as Intak once again moves a plate closer to him without Jiung even having to say anything.
His side profile is pretty, too, Jiung thinks as Intak laughs at Mr. Choi’s joke.
He has nice hands, Jiung thinks as Intak fills his glass with some of the baekju his mother reminded him they brought as a gift for their hosts. Intak only drinks two or three cups of it, in celebration, while everyone else enjoys it to their heart’s contents.
Later, they pair up again to play Yut Nori against their parents. Jiung’s veins are slightly buzzing with the drink, and it makes it easier to enjoy the game.
As Intak’s parents eat their leading piece again, Jiung and Intak groan. But then they catch up to Jiung’s parents and cheer. The game goes on, and the leading team keeps changing, but Jiung and Intak are so so close to winning now.
“Come on hyung,” Intak says, looking at him with the kind of passion only board games can bring out of someone, “give us a mo and we win!”
So Jiung takes a breath and casts the sticks with his eyes closed. The seconds before the final combination seem so long but suddenly Intak cheers and grabs him around the shoulders, pulling him up and making them jump up and down together.
“We won!” Intak chants and Jiung laughs along with him.
Intak’s dad playfully groans at his loss but everyone claps for them.
They let each other go when Jiung’s mom gets up to fetch the songpyeon that had been steaming while they played. She calls after them to come help her.
While Jiung’s mom rinses the rice cakes, Jiung gets plates to bring them to the others and Intak makes space on the counter for Jiung to put the plates down. But as he’s pushing things around, Jiung notices that Intak is reaching for the fresh pot of black tea with bare hands.
“Wait, Intak, be caref—”
But it’s too late and Intak is screaming, dropping the teapot and spilling its contents over Jiung who was rushing over to help. Jiung shouts as the hot liquid soaks his hanbok. The teapot crashes to the ground, and Intak looks like he doesn’t know what to do with himself between his burnt hands, Jiung’s ruined outfit, and the broken teapot.
The others are rushing over as well but Jiung’s mom saw it all happen and is the quickest to react.
“Jiung, take Intak to the upstairs bathroom, there’s lotion. And take your hanbok off before it burns your skin too. I’ll clean up here, be careful where you step.”
Jiung nods and grabs a frozen Intak by the arm, mindful of where he got burnt.
The first thing he does is turn the faucet on and put Intak’s hands under the cold water. Then, he takes the hanbok off and throws it into the bathtub. Finally, he opens the cabinet and gets the burn aftercare from it.
When he turns to Intak again, the younger has tears going down his cheeks and he’s biting his lips not to let his sobs escape. Jiung places a hand over his back.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“Y-yeah,” Intak replies with a hiccup, “I think they’re mostly superficial.”
Jiung can tell that he’s shaking. “It still hurts, though.”
Intak nods.
“Tell me when it feels a little better okay? I’ll dry your hands and apply the lotion.”
Intak nods again and looks at him through tears. First at his face, then down at his chest.
“Did I hurt you?”
Jiung looks down too and notices that it looks a little red. He grabs a shirt from the drying rack and quickly puts it on. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”
“Your mom’s teapot…”
“It’s okay, Intak,” Jiung says softly.
“She really liked that one because you got it for her birthday with your first pay…”
“She’ll get over it.” Jiung doesn’t ask how Intak knows that. “What matters is you’re not hurt too bad, yeah?”
Intak looks back into his eyes and nods, sniffling.
After a little while, Intak takes his hands out of under the water. “It’s better now.” So Jiung turns the faucet off, grabs a towel, and guides Intak to his bedroom, making him sit next to him on the edge of his bed, half turned towards each other.
Slowly and softly, he pats the water off Intak’s hands, careful to not rub at all so as not to hurt Intak with the friction. When they’re dry, he uncaps the tube and pours a good amount in his own palm, then rubbing both hands together to cover them before he grabs Intak’s hands and lightly coats them with lotion. Intak hisses a little at the initial touch of the cold cream, but he doesn’t pull away, allowing Jiung to help him.
Jiung puts as much lotion as Intak’s hands will absorb, concentrated until he notices that Intak has been staring at him the whole time.
He briefly looks up at the younger. “What?”
“I never thought it’d take burning myself and breaking stuff and crying for you to finally hold my hand.”
Jiung’s heart stutters, and his mouth too. “W-what?”
Intak seems to realize what he just said and suddenly pulls his hands out of Jiung’s grasp. “Fuck, sorry- I didn’t mean- I just- God this is not how I wanted to say it.”
Jiung frowns. He grabs Intak’s hand again, still careful, but with determination too.
“Not… not how you wanted to say what?”
Intak swallows and looks between Jiung, their hands, and the window. “You saw my post, didn’t you? I’m sure you know what—”
“Intak? Jiung?”
Interrupted by Mrs. Hwang’s voice, Intak seems to lose his courage, looking away and trying to pull his hand back. Jiung can’t let it go.
“We’re okay! I think Intak just needs a little more time to breathe,” he calls back to the voice from the other side of the cracked open door.
Intak is looking at him again. “I’m okay mom,” he confirms. “Enjoy the songpyeon for me!”
Mrs. Hwang sounds worried, but she trusts her son’s word and goes back down the stairs.
“You’re okay,” Jiung repeats to Intak. “Tell me?”
“I-I think you’re the only person who can truly understand what I meant in that post, and incidentally the only person I never thought would see it.”
“Did you mean it? Do- Do you still…”
“Like you?”
Jiung nods.
Intak chuckles. It’s a little dry from having just cried, but there’s no malice to it. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
“But… why? I mean, it’s been so long…”
Intak snorts, looking down at their hands. “I don’t know, to be honest. You were always there, before, you were like my guiding light, I’d follow you everywhere. I didn’t mind not being your best friend, I didn’t care, because no one else was your neighbor, and no one else was the kid you’d hang out with until your parents called you for dinner.
“I probably didn’t get it until middle school, and I wasn’t sure until you went to high school, but it just naturally piled up, you know?”
Intak looks at him like Jiung does know. “You were the coolest person in my eyes. You were the smartest, the most courageous, you had the best game ideas, and soon you were also the kindest and prettiest person to me. I wouldn’t do it on purpose but I’d compare everyone to you. No one was as funny, as righteous, no one was as good of a singer or dancer as you.
“I never told you I started dancing until our parents brought it up because I didn’t want you to think I was copying you. I guess I was, in the beginning, because I wanted you to find me cool too. But I genuinely started liking dancing. And when we grew apart, I always felt like I was missing something.”
Jiung has no idea what to say. “I never… I didn’t realize…”
“It’s okay, I didn’t exactly want you to know.” Intak smiles a little to himself. “It was my little secret, just for me, I’d get to like you all on my own.”
“So the picture…”
“I only really felt your absence when you left for college.” Intak looks a little sad at the mention. “I used to see you often through the window. For a while, I thought you could see me too before I understood the thing with the sun’s reflection, and I was upset sometimes that you wouldn’t wave back. But afterward, I actually enjoyed being able to watch you at your desk for a couple of minutes without risking you seeing me.” He blushes. “Sorry, that sounds weird.”
“No, it’s… It’s sort of cute actually.” It’s Jiung’s turn to blush.
Intak laughs. “When you forgot your jacket… I would check every day to see if it was still there because the day it would disappear again, I thought it’d be over. I gave myself one of those stupid countdowns like… When Jiung’s jacket is gone, I’m gonna stop liking him, or something. Obviously, it didn’t work.
“And then I visited your parents once because I had a message to relay from my mom and your dad had his back issues so I offered to help out and I found myself helping often because your mom would talk about you and like that, I just… entertained my crush without realizing. Or maybe I did realize and just wouldn’t admit it.”
Jiung hums. “So… You never planned to actually confess?”
“No? I don’t know.” Intak looks at him, a little worried, but then he seems to decide to say it anyway. “Actually, a few weeks back your mother sort of outed you? She didn’t do it on purpose and I honestly might not have picked it up if I didn’t like you but my stupid heart clung onto the hope that I had a chance, I guess.”
“You do.”
Intak’s eyes widen. “I do?”
Jiung scratches the back of his neck with his free hand — although he regrets it a little because it’s still covered in lotion. “Well, yeah? And it’s not because I feel bad for not knowing all this time or anything, I just… I just think that if we met today, I’d ask you out. Since yesterday I kept thinking about how… Different you were, now?”
“Different?” Intak smirks.
“Hot, or whatever,” Jiung admits, rolling his eyes at Intak’s confidence.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” Intak giggles. Then, he sends Jiung a soft smile. “I think that if we met today and you asked me out, I’d say yes.”
Jiung looks at Intak and the tenderness in his eyes makes his stomach flip.
“But we didn’t meet today,” Intak continues, still smiling, “so… Would you still ask me?”
It takes Jiung a second, but he feels Intak’s thumb caress his hand and breathes out. “Yes.”
“My answer doesn’t change, then.”
“Good.” They look at each other, both slightly blushing, happy. Then, Jiung asks “Can I also… Can I kiss you?”
Intak’s eyebrows shoot up and his jaw falls a little, like he wasn’t expecting it. “Y-yes. Are you sure?”
Jiung nods and starts leaning in. He sees Intak take a breath and close his eyes, and smiles. Then, he raises Intak’s hand up to his face and kisses the back of it. Intak opens his eyes, a little disappointed, and Jiung takes the opportunity to plant a quick kiss on Intak’s lips.
Intak is so surprised and holding his breath that he lets out a hiccup, growing impossibly red afterward.
“Cute,” Jiung says.
“That’s not fair, you—”
Jiung kisses him again. “I?”
“You—!”
For the third kiss, Jiung doesn’t pull away as quickly, leaving Intak time to melt a little into it, closing his eyes again and slotting their lips together at a more comfortable angle. When Jiung pulls away this time, Intak looks starstruck, slowly batting his eyes open again.
“So, that’s what it feels like…” he breathes out, and Jiung realizes.
“Wait, was that- was that your first kiss?”
Intak rolls his eyes. “So what? It’s not uncommon to have your first kiss past eighteen, you know?”
“No, I meant- I’m sorry. Had I known, I would’ve tried making it a little more… Special?”
Intak smiles at him. “It was special enough. Hopefully, we have plenty of special ahead of us to make up for it.”
Jiung appreciates his confidence. Although Intak says Jiung was his guiding light, he’d say Intak is sunnier than him. “Alright. I’ll make every next kiss as special as I can from now on, then.”
“Start now?” Intak asks, looking at his lips with a smile.
Jiung chuckles.
The sun sets outside Jiung’s window, but he can see Intak just fine from here.