Work Text:
It has to happen eventually.
And so here she is, laying flat on her back on Loid’s bed. After a few months of marriage, it finally happened. They lay side by side, the ticking of the clock and the combined sound of their breathing the only sounds heard in the room. If she’s going to be honest with herself, Yor has thought of this happening – once, perhaps twice. How she’s going to feel, how would Loid, if sleep would ever come.
“Were you scared?”
“Hmm.” She takes her time to respond. A highly trained assassin like her doesn’t have many fears.
“Yes.”
Earlier today, she discovers one.
Yor sees Loid as a strong pillar. Immovable in his calmness, pliant when necessary. But that look when he realizes she’s finally there, running towards him – there was an unmistakable look of relief that washed over him. He was just as rattled to the core as she was.
She asks anyway. “You?”
He doesn’t hesitate. “Yeah,” and as if it needs to be heard once more, or he himself just needs to hear it, he affirms with a sigh. “Yeah.”
They fell silent again after that.
Yuri comes home with them. Yor has this need to pry from her brother the reason why he was there in the first place. ‘I was in the vicinity’ quite doesn’t cut it. But she has too much going on right now, she lets it slide.
One minute, she was basking when her boss called her – ‘Mrs. Forger?’ – rather silly of her to do so, but she still needed more time to get used to it. The next, – ‘there’s a call for you’ – she was packing her bags and her coat, and running to the bus stop as humanly possible as she can.
“This is Eden Academy. We would like to report a hijacking incident –”
She prayed to all gods known to mankind, trying to hold herself together as she thought of her daughter and her smile and willing her ride to go faster than legally allowed. And Loid. Loid should have arrived in the school. She needed to see him.
Once she alighted, the crowd of equally distressed parents greeted her. Short of any momentary notice, she was immediately hauled in her husband’s arms the moment they saw each other, and then Yor let her tears fall. Yuri grimaced in discomfort, having witnessed their affectionate display, but said nothing. It was only then when she noticed her brother was present.
“I was in the vicinity,” he had said. And that was the only thing she remembered.
That, and Loid never letting go of her hand through it all.
“So it’s settled then!”
“It’s… Yuri, can you just give us a second?”
Yor pulls her husband to the side. “You’re okay with this?” She knows she sounds a little too panicky, but given the events of today, it doesn’t come off as a surprise. She is frayed to the core.
Never mind that she (finally) has experienced being held by Loid’s strong arms a while ago. Or that they held hands (finally). Sleeping together on the same bed should be a walk on the park. Since they are on a roll of breaking all of their firsts, why just not do all of them together all at once?
But gods. She just couldn’t deal with this right now.
“We’d need the extra help.”
(Loid is doing this for more intel of course, but his wife doesn’t need to know that).
And that’s all that he offers. When he gets into overly serious moods like this -
“Okay.” Yor heaves a sigh. “Okay,” she relents, because the decision is done and she is too tired to argue.
“But at least she’s safe now.”
“That’s all that matters.”
Silence.
“Loid –”
“Yor –”
They share a tentative chuckle. Some smiles in the darkness.
“You go first,” she says.
He nods and Yor hears him take a deep breath. “I just wanted to apologize.”
“Apologize?”
She shifts to her side, her body curling to a fetal position – the space between them in his king-sized bed ever as wide. Yor wants to reach for him for some reason, and she knows she shouldn’t - so she settles with taking a good look at his profile. “For what?”
“Crossing a line earlier.” Loid continues to lay on his back. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“Ah.”
“That was rather selfish of me.” He finally shifts to look at her this time. “I’m sorry.”
A beat passes.
“Then,” Yor bridges the gap between them, daring to move a bit closer. “I was selfish too.”
“I needed it.”
It comes out as a whisper. The cerulean shades of his eyes bore a mark to her soul, with the way he’s looking at her and can’t seem to look away. The unfamiliar calmness in her heart despite all this – crossing more lines – turns into a tempestuous array of emotions, as he continues to hold her gaze.
“Did you not?”
Loid smiles at her without breaking eye contact. “Yeah. I guess I did.”
She smiles back. “And I guess, we both shouldn’t feel sorry for that too.”
“Hmm.”
“Or maybe I am.”
Is it fear, fueling her honesty to a blaze? What happened with Anya earlier had pushed Yor to rethink about what this family truly means to her. The ache that she now has to acknowledge she possesses, at the thought of losing them. Her daughter. Her husband. Even their dog. All of them.
The warmth from Loid’s body radiates next to hers, and if it that means he had moved closer rather than away, she pretends not to notice. Yor resolves that this exact moment is where she cannot falter.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean.”
She closes her eyes and finds her courage. “I wish I did those things with you under better circumstances.”
Being in your arms. Holding your hand. Sleeping here with you.
For once, Yor is far from flinching and cowering against her true emotions – and these honest thoughts are threatening to spill out of her mouth. But Loid beats her to it.
“Right.”
Then silence.
She deflates at his succinctness. “I don’t even know what I’m talking about, so you know let’s just –”
“Yor?”
“Yes?”
“Come here.”
Loid says the words in the same intensity as earlier, when he reasoned that they would need the extra help. Or when he told her again and again that it will be alright, that Anya is going to be okay. Strong. Sure. Commanding.
And so, she does.
Scoots closer until the expanse of his chest covers all of her face. Her hair tangles in his fingers like they belong there. She breathes his scent; he kisses her forehead. More firsts, and nowhere near lasts.
Yor stretches her arms around him, hands at his back, her own fingers clutching at his shirt. In here, there’s no need to pretend – they have each other, to get through moments like earlier, and she realizes – for better or worse, they will get through what else is there to come.
“This now a better circumstance?”
“You’re so silly sometimes.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
They sleep in each other’s arms. When they wake up, with Anya somehow managing to squeeze herself in between them in the middle of the night, Yor smiles to herself.
To her, this is the best.
end.