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Risana stared at the flowers sitting innocently next to her. Zani had fetched her a glass vase and now they spilled against the rim, droplets of water catching on their petals.
Flowers. He had brought flowers. For her.
She glanced over at the small display table near her bed. Lucian's flowers usually rested there but the last bouquet had wilted and there had been no replacements, yet. But now...
Risana turned back to the pink peonies and then at the drawing sitting next to them. Her fingers itched to trace the dogs' outline but she resisted. There was too much happening, her feelings a hurricane that wiped out all rational thoughts.
Killian had explained why he brought her the flowers but it didn't make sense to her. She felt off-kilter, uncertain what to do next. Her brother had listened when she said she needed rest but she knew that he wouldn't believe her for long. Averett knew her, knew she wouldn't (couldn't, really) stay still for long. Besides, he knew she had training scheduled soon and she couldn't ignore that.
Lucian she thought, her gaze flitting back to the empty space near her bed. He doesn't love me.
She had wondered before what his feelings for her were. She had hoped he cared for her, if even just a little. But to know, for certain now, that he didn't...he didn't love her...
"He respects me," she argued to herself. "Love can be grown from that and he does care! He said so!"
But is that enough? her traitorous self asked. Will you be happy?
"I will be doing my duty," Risana hissed. "And that is enough to be content."
Content. Risana flinched at the scorn riding the word. Will you be content to wither away with someone who can never seem to remember you? Who tries so hard to avoid your company? Will you be content to have an empty marriage where your children are merely acts of duty and not gifts of love?
"Stop it," Risana whispered through numb lips. "It won't be like that."
Will you be content, the voice, her voice, continued, to never know the joy you witnessed growing up? To be denied the happiness every person, regardless of rank deserves? Are you-
"Enough!" Risana shouted, pushing herself out of her seat. Killian's letter tumbled to the ground.
"My lady?" Zani paused in the doorway, her brow furrowed in concern. "Is everything alright?"
Risana clenched her fists and then released a breath, willing the tension out of her body.
"Yes," she told Zani but she didn't look at her. "Everything is fine."