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1
Peggy sat down and leaned against the side of the roof, slightly uneasy. The cold didn’t bother her, even before the serum she was used to colder nights than this, although not always on the rooftops trying not to be noticed. It was the waiting that made her anxious, and not having much to do.
“Perimeter is still clear,” Peggy said. “Please tell me you have something.”
“Getting antsy?” Nat asked, not taking her eyes away from the binoculars. “Try staring into an empty building, and no, nothing to report.”
Peggy shrugged, although Nat wouldn’t see her. “It’s been hours, I’m starting to doubt our intel.”
Nat patted her on the knee. “You’re just saying that because you want to go out there and punch someone.”
“As if you don't want to do that.” Peggy noticed Nat’s hand was still on her knee, and placed her own slightly higher, barely brushing two fingers over hers.
“If I do or don’t want to punch someone isn’t the point, I’m still here to babysit you and make sure you follow the plan,” Nat said with a smirk.
It was just the right mix of charming and infuriating, which seemed to sum her up well. Peggy still wasn’t entirely sure she understood Nat, not completely anyway, and perhaps no one did. She had layers upon layers of masks she showed the world, traumas that she wasn’t at all willing to share, but Peggy understood that. Between the war and everyone she lost by appearing in the future, Peggy had her own pains she would rather keep close to the vest.
Sometimes being happy was more about keeping the pain away as often as possible.
“At least I have good company. Although not even you can make looking at an empty warehouse interesting.”
This was the kind of flirting they often engaged in, initiated by either of them. Peggy always had to remind herself that it meant nothing, just a playful thing between friends. Not that she minded too much, she needed a friend more than she needed another relationship that was doomed to fail.
“Speaking of company, did you text Jacob in legal back? He keeps asking me about you, it’s annoying,” Nat said, tapping her knee a couple more times before pulling back her hand.
And just like that, the moment was over.
“I’m not so desperate as to go for a lawyer,” she said, rolling her eyes. “And I’m not looking for a date.”
Nat was always doing that, trying to convince her to go out with someone, more often than not from SHIELD. She understood the logic of it, even someone who wasn’t a field agent would be at least somewhat aware of her circumstances and work, but that didn’t mean that she’d date anyone who happened to be interested in her just because it made some logistical sense.
“You’re gonna have to get back out there eventually.”
It wasn’t a matter of still living in the past, she could accept that this was her life now. But she was never one for going after someone just because she was single, only if there was a spark, something that made it worth the trouble.
“I will, once I find someone I like,” she said, in earnest, not even in a flirty way. She didn’t mean Nat, but anyone she might like, and she wasn’t in any hurry.
“You know…” Nat’s voice dropped off, and her hand on the binoculars shifted as she adjusted the settings. “They’re coming in, get ready to jump.”
“Finally,” Peggy said, standing up and adjusting her grip on her shield.
2
Nat leaned against the counter, letting the shoes she was holding fall to the floor. She might remember to pick them up, or she might not, it didn’t matter either way, they were only part of the costume, and one of the heels was broken anyway.
She grabbed one of the communitary mugs, hoping it would be clean, and the coffee pot, hoping a fresh pot had been made not too long ago. She still had a report to submit, and was weighing which option would be more dreadful, writing it now, as exhausted as she was, or having to wake up to write it. Maybe the stale coffee could help her decide.
“Rough night?” Peggy asked, coming through the door to the break room.
Nat shrugged. “No more than usual, although I wish it didn’t come with paperwork.”
Peggy took the mug out of her hand. “It has to have been bad, if you’re willing to drink this. Wait a minute, I’m brewing a fresh pot,” Peggy said, tossing the liquid in the sink as she went to wash the filter.
Nat didn’t particularly feel like waiting, but she didn’t want to get started on the report either. “Thanks, I couldn’t be bothered to make one,” she said, tossing her head back and closing her eyes.
“Is everything alright?” Peggy asked.
Nat opened her eyes to see that Peggy was pointing at her neck with the coffee measurer. Instinctively, she touched the bandage on the side of her neck. “I had to let them think they had the advantage, but it’s just a scratch. The field paramedic was being overly cautious.”
She could probably take it off now, it wouldn’t be bleeding anymore, but she didn’t want to have to worry about cleaning it before bed, so it was best to keep it until tomorrow.
“Did you have backup? That seems dangerous,” Peggy said, turning on the coffeemaker.
She had that tone of someone who both knew that a stab wound was part of the job, but also how quickly things could turn south. No one ever said their line of work was safe, but it was still strange, and at least a little uncomfortable, having someone worrying about her. They were always taking risks, worrying about it only made things worse.
“It wasn’t really that kind of mission. I did have some technical support, the surveillance guy kept asking me for your number. Don’t worry, I didn’t give it to him, but if you want it’s Dan, the one who always brings those dolls with big heads in the surveillance van.”
Of course Peggy could do better, but Nat was almost running out of suggestions, and this was as good a way as any to change the subject. Even if she already knew what Peggy was going to say.
“You should probably tell everyone around here to stop trying to get to me through you,” Peggy said, but didn’t press the issue on her injury, so Nat counted that as a win.
For a moment, they stayed in silence, the only noise in the otherwise empty break room that of the coffeemaker. She knew she was being unfair, but it was best not to let anyone get too close. She might say they were friends, and she tried making Peggy feel more at home since arriving there, but she kept everyone at arm's length. Having work friends was one thing, but she would rather not have people she couldn’t afford to lose.
“Want any help with the paperwork?” Peggy asked, filling two coffee mugs and offering one to Nat.
Not exactly a peace offer, because this wasn’t a fight, but maybe a way to keep the subject away from dating. She knew how much that irritated Peggy, maybe that was even the reason why she did it.
She grabbed the mug, looking up at Peggy. Without heels their height difference was even more noticeable. “No, it’s fine, I’ve done this so often that I can finish it in my sleep. Go on, I’m sure you also have work to do, or you wouldn’t be around here now.”
“Alright, goodnight then,” Peggy said, taking her own mug.
Without meaning to, Nat found herself wishing she had said something else.
3
Peggy’s hands dug painfully against her palms as she steadied her breath, trying to keep herself under control. They weren’t in any danger, she tried to remind herself, at least no more than usual.
The armored vehicle was reinforced, and it could easily withstand a couple direct hits as well as several indirect blasts before there was any trouble, and with the camouflage working, they had been lucky so far.
The two of them had moved to the back of the truck, where the isolation was thicker, but they still shut down most devices and had to stay quiet, just in case they could be detected. As the explosions around them made the truck shake, they had sat on the floor rather than risk falling from the seats and making too much noise.
Nat set her tablet on her lap, and signaled to Peggy, three fingers in one hand, making a zero with the other. Thirty minutes, they still had to stay there for thirty minutes, until the extraction arrived.
Thirty more minutes sitting in silence as hellfire rained from above.
This wasn’t the war. The bombs around them weren’t destroying a city full of civilians, but the forest they hid while waiting for extraction after stealing back classified information that was about to be sold off in the black market. A part of Red Skull’s research into portals, but considering what happened the last time, even a fraction of that knowledge seemed dangerous. As soon as the theft was discovered, the bombing started, and they had to park with the camouflage in hopes of not getting hit.
Still, each explosion in the dark made her think of the Blitz, years ago from her perspective, decades for the rest of the world. Either way, long enough ago that it shouldn’t make a difference, but some things were harder to forget.
Across from her, Nat raised an eyebrow and signaled something that Peggy took to mean asking if something was wrong. Of course something was wrong, they were sitting idly by while an international band of criminals were trying to kill them without caring about collateral damage, and they would have to remain there for several minutes waiting for rescue and hoping for the best. She did enough of that for one lifetime already, but she wasn’t sure she could explain that with words, much less having to stay silent, so she shook her head.
They’d be fine, she only had to stand this for a little longer.
Nat must not have believed her, because she crawled across the truck and came to sit next to her, bumping Peggy with her shoulder in a playful way. Maybe she didn’t have to explain for Nat to understand, they had both seen more than their fair share of combat.
Peggy released her fist, trying not to let her tension show. The explosions seemed more distant now, maybe they were through the worst of it. To her surprise, Nat grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze. The quiet support helped ground her in the moment, and she tried not to eagerly count the minutes until they could leave.
After what seemed like hours, the truck shook and tilted. Nat let go of her hand and checked something on her tablet.
"Here they are, four minutes ahead of schedule, you're gonna have to buy Maria dinner to thank her," Nat said, shifting positions so she wouldn't fall from the tilted truck.
Normally Peggy would have rolled her eyes at a comment like this, but for once the familiar tease was welcome. A reminder that it was over, the danger had passed.
"You should at least wait until there are no more bombs before trying to set me up. Or better yet, just don't," Peggy said, holding on to nearby equipment to stay in place.
"One of these days this is actually going to work out, and you'll finally have a date because of me."
"I can find my own dates if and when I want them, thank you very much." Peggy couldn't help but smile, her earlier apprehension forgotten.
4
Nat held on to Peggy as tightly as she could, resting her head on Peggy’s broad shoulders with her eyes closed to keep herself from seeing the movement. The dart that hit her couldn’t deliver its full charge, but she was still feeling dizzy, a dangerous situation to be in when on a bike, even if she wasn’t the one riding it.
“I think we lost them, I’ll try to find a secluded place to ask for help,” Peggy shouted. Without a helmet, the wind on Nat’s ears was so strong she almost couldn’t hear her.
“Better be quick, I need to lay down before I fall off,” she replied, only half joking.
She had told Peggy she was good enough for them to escape, but even then it had been a lie. If she had mentioned how sick she felt, Peggy would have tried to have her treated there, and that would only put both of them in more danger. At least now her biggest risk was falling, and to keep that from happening she only had to stay awake.
Peggy made a sharp turn, and Nat opened her eyes, finding that they were driving into a back alley barely wide enough for the bike.
“Hold on,” Peggy said as she parked.
Nat didn’t listen to her, instead trying to get off the bike. She hated being rescued, and would have rather fought the unexpected security herself, even if that meant having to leave by herself while the sedative was taking effect. It was her own fault for being careless enough to be hit, although at least she still had the coordinates she went to pick up to show for it.
Predictably, she stumbled as her feet hit the ground, and had to lean against the wall.
“I think the effect is starting to wear off,” Nat said, before Peggy could get too worried.
She had been drugged often enough to know when something was dangerous, and this was just designed to incapacitate. Probably so they could still interrogate whoever they caught.
“I requested a medevac, they should be here in a couple of minutes. How are you feeling?” Peggy asked, putting both hands on her shoulders, with just enough strength to hold her up if Nat’s legs decided to give out.
“I’m fine. I don’t need a medevac,” Nat said, rolling her eyes. The rest of the world seemed to roll with them, and she had to adjust her feet to keep from falling. “I just need a minute, then we can go.”
It would most likely be at least fifteen until she could stand, but even that would be better than to return to SHIELD with a medical team because of a sedative dart.
“You don’t look fine,” Peggy said, raising her chin with a hand.
Peggy looked genuinely worried, and Nat never knew what to do with that. Having someone care about her was dangerous, and it couldn’t end well.
“If they send the hot redhead medic, you should ask him out. I heard he has the most complete collection of Captain Carter commemorative stickers this side of the Atlantic,” she said, hoping that this would be enough to either diffuse the situation, or distract Peggy until someone else got there.
“Don’t try to distract me,” Peggy said, not falling for her trap.
Nat would have to give her something. “I’m just dizzy, nothing else, and it’s already starting to pass. There’s nothing to worry about.”
Peggy sighed. “For some reason, whenever you say something like that, it only makes me worry more.”
Before she could say anything else, they heard the radio signal indicating that help had arrived. With some luck, Nat would now be able to postpone this conversation long enough that it wouldn’t be a lie when she said she was fine.
5
Peggy checked the door before answering. She didn’t much feel like dealing with anyone, but she didn’t always have much of a choice.
“I can hear you walking in there, open up,” Nat said, waving at the camera.
It could be something important, it wouldn’t be the first time that Nat came to call her for an urgent mission, despite Peggy telling her multiple times that she understood mobile phones. Which Nat had to know, since she seemed never to grow tired of sending Peggy messages that were about fifty percent consisting of pictures.
She opened the door. “Do we have somewhere to be?” she asked.
Nat rolled her eyes. “Only here,” she said, raising a flashdrive. “I was thinking we should continue your education, so I brought some classics.”
Peggy smiled, a little tired. It was a sweet gesture, although this wasn’t the best day for it. “As much as I appreciate the gesture, maybe we can do this another day.”
“Nice try,” Nat said, walking past her, “but I’m not letting you spend your anniversary of coming to the present all by yourself.”
That was precisely the reason why Peggy didn’t want company, although she doubted Nat would accept that explanation. It wasn’t a day for celebration, but a reminder of everything she lost, despite everything else that she gained.
“It’s not exactly a commemorative date,” she said, following Nat to the couch.
“Maybe it was different back in your day,” Nat said, not looking at her as she set the movie in Peggy’s work laptop, “but here in the future friends serve to commiserate as well as commemorate.”
Peggy smiled at the absurdity of the statement, although she still felt just as conflicted. She wondered if she would ever be able to look at what happened without some longing for the past, even as she came to enjoy her new life.
“I’m not saying you’re wrong, but what does watching a film have to do with anything?”
Nat shrugged. “With a movie you can talk or not talk, and you don’t have to be alone. Action or comedy?”
Peggy wanted to say that not talking about feelings seemed to be Nat’s specialty, but that would be needlessly cruel to someone who was just trying to help her, even if Nat’s constant deflections annoyed her.
“Surprise me.”
Nat had a point about the company, but that also meant what they watched didn’t matter.
She didn’t see what Nat clicked on, out of a far too long list of files. Nat had taken it upon herself to update Peggy on all the entertainment she missed, and a year in they had barely scratched the surface of what Nat considered essential viewing.
“I should probably tell you, when I went to get this the new girl in IT asked me to give you her number. The one with the blue streak,” Nat said, as they sat back to watch the movie.
Peggy was used to this by now. “She’s far too young, I’m not even sure she’s out of uni.”
“Oh, well, I said I’d ask.”
The telltale intro of 007 started. They had watched three or four of these by now, and they were great fun, aside from how ludicrous it would be for a spy to act in this flashy way.
“How many of those are there?”
“Twenty-five to twenty-seven, depending on how you want to count them, but they’re still making them, so who knows by the time we catch up. With the ones that actually are in continuity, that is.”
Peggy had no idea what that meant, but decided it was better not to ask. “Maybe next time there’s a new one we could watch it in the cinema, I haven’t been in… well decades actually.”
“Sure thing, that’s a date.”
+1
Nat put the portable alarm at the door. It wasn’t much, but it would have to do for the night.
Peggy had already taken off her boots and was sitting on the bed. She looked just about as exhausted as Nat felt, which was saying something.
“So, I was thinking, if we survive until morning: cargo boat. One ride in a container and you won’t think the helicarrier is all that bad,” Nat joked, tossing herself on the bed.
She wasn’t overly concerned they might actually die. Sometimes missions went wrong, that was part of it, and they had survived worse before. They already have an extraction planned, thankfully better than a cargo boat, but that was several hours away.
Peggy sighed, and laid down next to her. Their options had been one bed or two rooms, and it was safer to stay close. There was no need to take too many risks.
“I’ve been through worse, but I’m glad that’s not the actual plan. Besides, where would the boat leave from?” Peggy said, covering her eyes with her arm.
Nat took Peggy’s free hand and gave her a little squeeze. “Good point. Think of it this way, by this time tomorrow, we’ll be back at SHIELD having to fill out dozens of reports to explain why we were almost caught.”
“I’m not sure that’s as comforting as you think it is,” Peggy said, turning on her side so she was facing Nat.
This was the type of situation that Nat usually ran away from. Getting close to people was a dangerous thing, it only gave her more to lose, but she might have lost Peggy either way.
“Maybe after the reports you can do something fun, I know of someone that would like to take you out,” she said, just as she had many times before.
Peggy closed her eyes. “Must we do this? I’m going to sleep,” she said, a little exasperated.
“I was thinking you might want to give this one a chance, she just survived this failed mission in Moldavia.”
Peggy opened her eyes. Nat knew this would get her attention.
“You have quite the timing,” Peggy said, a puzzled look on her face.
Nat couldn’t explain it. It wasn’t something that she thought through, but she was also getting tired of pushing Peggy away whenever they got too close, or things got too comfortable between them. And she knew Peggy was clever enough to have figured out that was what she was doing a long time ago.
“Well, I’m running out of alternatives to get you to get out more, you’ve rejected everyone else at SHIELD.” Joking was always easier than acknowledging her own feelings.
“I told you, I was waiting for the right person.”
Nat didn’t have a way to respond to that, so she leaned forward and gave her brief kiss, barely brushing their lips. She was too tired for anything else.
All the reasons to keep Peggy away were still there, but as much as she tried they still had grown closer, and trying to stop that now would be an useless effort.