Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was spring, and flower petals rained down in celebration, but he wasn't there to see it.

Shu raised his hand, a drifting blossom settling into his palm. The wind blew more in a tornado around him, falling to carpet the street like snow. A flash of red plumage above caught his eye, a chaffinch taking wing. The sun gleamed in a cloudless blue sky.

How beautiful, he thought, his hand tightening on the strap of his bag.

How lonely.

It had been nearly a month now since Shu had received the call from Japan. Mika had fallen ill, right before he was about to come to Paris to join Shu. At first, it had just been a cold, something that made him a little more tired than usual, and nobody thought much of it. Mika was always a little weak, after all. But then it devolved into something much more serious, and now, Mika was in the hospital. Their reunion would have to wait.

Shu's shoulders slumped, and he tilted his hand, letting the flower flutter, forgotten, to the ground. If everything had gone according to plan, he would have been taking Mika to a handicrafts festival nearby today. There was an old woman there who sold hand spun yarn of rare quality. If he closed his eyes, Shu could almost see Mika standing there before her table, crowned by radiant sunlight, fidgeting with his hands behind his back as he tried not to touch the carefully bundled skeins. But this old woman liked it when people touched the yarn. Then they could feel how soft it was. Mika was well attuned to the textures of different materials and how they felt against your skin, and would surely appreciate it.

Only a few others were out on the street with him. Of course. Everyone else was enjoying the sights and sounds of the festival and the glorious early springtime weather. Shu arrived at his boarding house, walked slowly up the steps, and fiddled with the keys. He practically fell into his apartment. It was a little stuffy and dark, but he wasn't in the mood to open a window.

He set his bag down, checked the time. Noon. Food. He should eat. The thought of facing others downstairs for lunch was nauseating, though. He stood in front of the one cupboard of food he had, staring at the sparse shelves. The bakery he liked to frequent had been closed today, and he hadn't had the energy to get more groceries yet. Hm. There was a can of chicken broth. He could probably heat up a mug of that and it would keep him alive.

As he set up his small portable stove, Shu's phone rang. His hand shook a little as he grabbed it out of his pocket, terrified at who it might be and what news they brought. It was Arashi, this time.

"Narukami," he said shortly, afraid to keep his voice at anything other than carefully controlled neutrality.

"Hey, Itsuki." Arashi's voice was cheerful, and Shu took that as a good sign. "How is it over there?"

"It's fine. The weather’s good. How about there?"

"Also fine. A little colder than I’d like." Arashi waited a bit, and Shu waited more, before she spoke again. "I just got back from the hospital."

Yes, that was what he really wanted to hear about. "How is Kagehira?" Shu asked, wrapping his free arm around himself for comfort.

"A little bit better. He was awake for a while today, and they got him to walk around, too. Just up and down the hallway a few times. He’s still a little confused about how long it’s been, though.” Her voice was woven through with melancholy. Of course. Mika was one of her closest friends. It must hurt to see him like this.

"That's good, I'm glad,” Shu replied, and chewed on his bottom lip, thinking. What else could he say?

A note of frustration crept in, giving Arashi’s words a sharp and bitter edge that cut to the quick. "Yes, that's all well and good, I guess. But Itsuki. He keeps asking about you, you know? When he’ll get to see you next. He has me, but he needs you."

Shu shivered violently, as if he'd just been tossed out into a snowbank. He didn’t want to visualize Mika looking so desperately for him. "My flight is in two days. I'll be there soon. The university was just dragging their feet."

There was an exasperated sigh. “I know, I know. I just- I’m worried things will get worse, before they get better, you know?”

Shu reached behind him, gripping the edge of the counter so tightly it dug into his skin. "The doctors haven't…said anything like that, have they?" He emphasized his words, hoping Arashi would catch their hidden meaning, too scared to ask directly.

"No," Arashi answered, and Shu slumped back with relief. "But they don't know how long it may take him to recover, either."

Shu looked down at the floor between his feet. "I will accept that. I will wait for Kagehira as long as it takes."

They hung up, Shu's head spinning. He held onto the counter for support, willing the world around him to slow down. His breathing was labored, his throat tight. Calm down. Everything is okay right now.

Finally, the world returned to tranquil stillness. Shu finished making his broth, drank it scalding hot, and threw the mug aside with a noise of disgust.

The moment he'd heard what happened, Shu wanted to fly to Japan immediately. But he would have to be gone for a long time, and his university would need to grant leave. There was an exhibition he would need to cancel his appearance at. And then, to top it off, flights back to Japan were hard to get this time of year. As he sorted out each detail after another, Shu could feel himself growing more withdrawn, feel the weight of what was happening settle onto his shoulders. His thoughts were a constant whisper of what if, robbing him entirely of his will to create, to live, turning him into a stranger even to himself. But finally, finally, he'd managed to get all of those annoying details settled. He would be at Mika's side soon, where he should have been long ago.

The cloud of gloom that hung over his head grew, suffocating. What a pointless failure he was. He stopped at the window, snapped the curtains shut against the hideous sun, and went down the hallway.

Shu had carefully arranged everything with the boarding house so that Mika could stay next to him. And Shu had spent weeks getting the room ready. Tidy and cozy, with a small collection of plushies he had painstakingly won out of different crane games settled on a verdant green bedspread. He'd arranged the furniture so that Mika had plenty of open space to practice some of his dance. He'd collected photos from home to hang up for him. All of that work, and now, as he lingered in the doorway, Shu wondered if Mika would ever see it.

Nonsense, of course he will. He's not…

Shu sat down on the edge of the bed, smoothing a hand over the blanket. As he did so, he looked around at the pictures on the wall. Some were his own; others he’d gotten by reaching out to their acquaintances. Scenery from around Yumenosaki and Ensemble Square, pictures of Mika with his friends and classmates, and- Shu paused. A picture of himself and Mika at a flower viewing festival last year. Mika had begged and begged desperately for Shu to go with him, and finally, Shu had relented. They took their lunches and sat away from the crowd, beneath branches so heavy with fragrant flowers they drooped down. Mika was taking hundreds of photos, but it was the one Shu saw now that he had declared his favorite.

Ridiculous, you can't even see the flowers in it, Shu had told him then.

Eh, yeah, Oshi-san? I think it's still pretty beautiful to me no matter what.

His eyes burned, and Shu flopped back on the bed. He grabbed one of the plushies, some stuffed bear with mismatched button eyes, and hugged it tightly to himself as he curled up into a ball on his side. Even though Mika's body had never warmed this bed, Shu dreamed that he was right there beside him, that they were enjoying an afternoon nap together after Shu had finished his work. Everything was fine, Mika had never gotten sick, and Shu had never had to think for a moment that he might lose him again.

Why am I always…the one left behind?

He pushed his face into the teddy bear, muffling his sobs.

Shu’s flight arrived in Japan early in the morning. Arashi met him at the dorms, giving him an appraising look. "Well, you certainly look like you've been through the wringer."

"Spare me,” Shu said dryly. “How do I get to the hospital from here?"

And so, a short while later, Shu was standing outside the door to Mika's hospital room, trying to wrestle down the fear that threatened to swallow him whole. Why was he so nervous to see Mika? "He was awake when I brought him breakfast, but he might have fallen asleep again," the nurse told him, before leaving. Arashi had waited behind, too, so that they could have privacy. He was alone.

Slowly, as quietly as he could, Shu opened the door and stepped inside. The room was still dark, the curtains drawn, and the soft, regular beep of a heart monitor punctuated the silence. And there was Mika, eyes closed, his hair a scruffy black halo around his head on the white pillow. It was a little longer than usual. He was pale, and somehow skinnier than he'd ever been before. Shu stood at the foot of his bed, hugging the bag he carried to his chest. Could he do it? Could he do this? He had to.

"Kagehira," he said, but there was no reply. "Kagehira," he repeated again, insistently, a little louder. Nothing.

He must be deep asleep.

Well, Shu wasn't about to leave. He dragged a chair over to the edge of the bed and sat down. The even beep he heard was reassuring. Shu took Mika’s hand, cupping it gently between his palms. He was shocked to feel how cold they were. His hands have always been cold, Shu reassured himself.

Even here, even now, Mika was beautiful. Shu reached over, brushing a stray strand of hair out of his face.

"Mika," he whispered. "I'm here."

As he pulled his hand away, Mika stirred, slowly opening his eyes. "Nnah…who…" he blinked several times, then suddenly caught sight of Shu.

"O-Oshi-san, you're here." Despite the exhaustion that pulled at every syllable, Mika smiled, his words carrying a cadence of elation. "I missed ya a whole bunch."

He sounds so weak. "I missed you, too. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here." Shu squeezed his hand, but Mika looked confused.

"Eh? It hasn’t been that long, has it?"

Ah, right. Arashi had mentioned that. His sense of time was unreliable. Which wasn’t surprising, given that every single day was spent in this bed. Shu decided it would be best not to shock him with the truth, and continued on. "How are you feeling?"

Mika settled his head back into the pillow. "'M okay, I guess. Jus' a lil' tired." He closed his eyes. "Sorry ya have to see me like this…."

"That's not-" Shu stopped, stumbling over his words. He felt a painful squeeze in his chest. Did Mika really believe Shu would think less of him somehow? "I'm not worried about that. I just want you to get better."

"Yeah, gettin' better…I reckon with Oshi-san at my side, everythin' is gonna end up okay."

"I am not returning to Paris until you are fully recovered."

Mika breathed out slowly. “That might take me a bit, yanno. I can’t even walk much. So if ya wanna go back, I understand.” He winced, closing his eyes again. "'M sorry….talkin' this much is kinda hard….can ya tell me a story, Oshi-san? About Paris? I’ve missed talkin’ to ya."

Shu nodded, running his thumb over the back of Mika's hand in slow circles. He started to talk gently, telling Mika about the last exhibition he'd been a part of. He'd created two coats, one a classically styled European frock coat from the Victorian era, the sort of thing Shu was an expert on. The other was a thoroughly modern rendition of the same coat, stripped down to the barest of its essence: though Shu normally disliked creating modern clothing, the display had won him quite the acclaim, and he had to admit, doing something different was refreshing.

"Next time, I'll bring you with me, Kagehira. We'll have our own joint show."

"Mm…ya know, Oshi-san…” Mika’s voice was a paper-thin whisper that Shu had to lean in so close to hear, he could feel the weak, shallow breath tickling his ear. “I liked it when ya called me Mika.”

"...Mika," Shu repeated, and a smile flitted across Mika's face.

"Your voice is so pretty when ya say it."

Mika fell asleep again not long after, but Shu lingered at his side, unwilling to leave after so long apart, until the nurse asked him to. He sent Arashi a message, and she soon returned to the hospital, meeting him in the lobby.

"How was it?" she asked. Shu tried to ignore the way the searched his expression.

"It was nice,” he answered shortly.

Arashi held up the paper bag she carried. "I got us sandwiches from the shop across the street. Let's go outside and eat them, okay? You look like you need the energy."

Eating was the last thing Shu wanted to do, but he knew better than to argue against Arashi, one of the most stubborn people he’d ever met, and so he followed her to a bench outside.

The weather was cool and mild, and the street was full of people going about their business. Shu unwrapped the sandwich and looked down at it in his lap.

"Eat," Arashi said sternly. "I could not possibly deal with both of you in the hospital."

"Charming to think that you'd visit me," Shu said, but took a bite nonetheless. It was like eating sawdust. He wondered if these sandwiches were always like that, or if it was just the way he felt.

"Why wouldn't I? You're Mika-chan's special person. So I care about you, too. And someone has to look after the both of you, at least. You're both kinda messy, you know that?"

There was no argument to be had against that. Shu ate in silence, and after giving him a long, worried look, so did Arashi. It wasn't until he'd swallowed down every last tasteless bite that Shu spoke again.

"He asked me to call him Mika."

Arashi smiled. "I figured he might. He started bringing it up to me a few months ago. He's always talking about how he doesn't like his name much to everyone else, but he said whenever he hears you say it, it sounds like music." She pressed her chin into her hands. "Hm, he's real romantic, isn't he? I'm a little jealous of you."

Shu could feel his face turning red. "He did say something like that to me. That it sounded pretty. To be honest, I've been calling him Mika in my head for months, but I thought he didn’t like it." He crumpled up the sandwich wrapper, then started to twist it anxiously in his hands. "I didn't want to say this, but what if he never gets better?"

"No. Don’t say that.” Arashi’s voice was surprisingly sharp. “The doctors have all said he will in time. Besides, you're here now, and you've always given him strength. Believe in him, Itsuki."

Soon, life fell into - well, not a comfortable rhythm, but a rhythm nonetheless. Every morning, Shu headed over to the hospital. Sometimes, he’d go there with Arashi. Other times, he’d meet Mika’s adoptive parents there. But most days, he was alone. It was far too expensive for them to get a hotel nearby for such a long time, or to commute from Kansai every day, and Arashi was busy with her work in Knights, whose fame continued to rise. Occasionally, Shu would bring along another of their friends, but most people seemed to be reluctant to come. Well, who really wants to spend their free time in a hospital?

Mika spent most of his time asleep, and while he did, Shu would sit quietly by his side, working on a sewing project or reading a book. Sometimes, he’d read out loud, Mademoiselle nestled in his lap. When he was awake, they'd talk. Well, Shu did most of the talking. Whatever illness it was that had taken hold of Mika seemed intent on stripping the energy out of him completely, leaving behind an empty husk; even bringing up the energy to speak was extremely taxing.

The best days were when Mika felt strong enough to get out of bed. Then they'd walk together through the hospital, or even more rarely venture outdoors, a nurse trailing behind. Those days were rare, and so they were cherished treasure to Shu.

He never knew what Mika would be like each day when he arrived. Some days Mika almost seemed like his normal self. Other times, he’d barely be able to even open his eyes. Shu hoped and hoped that Mika was getting better, but every time he had a string of good days, they would be followed by days where he barely moved at all. It was exhausting, but when Shu thought that, he kicked himself. Selfish. I’m not the one who has to feel the pain he feels.

But no amount of self-deprecation changed him. Shu lay awake in his bed one evening in the dorms, staring up at the ceiling. The room was dark and empty. Izumi, Mao, and Kuro all had work that day, and wouldn’t be back until late. Well, no matter. Even when they didn't have work, they made themselves scarce. It bothered Shu. Did they think that by being around him, he would pass on his misfortune? He hugged Mademoiselle tight to his chest, sulking.

The door opened slowly.

"Itsuki? You're in here, right?"

Ah, that was Izumi. "Yes."

"Is it okay if I turn the light on?"

"Go ahead." Shu closed his eyes, and heard the switch being flipped. He listened to Izumi’s footsteps cross back and forth across the room, and then, finally, he settled on the end of his bed, next to Shu.

"You okay?" he ventured.

"I'm fine."

"Hm. Well, that's a lie if I've ever heard one," Izumi observed.

Shu didn't answer, keeping his eye closed. He could feel the pitying way Izumi looked at him, and he didn’t want to see it. Instead, he listened to the rustling of Izumi shifting his position on the bed, the soft ding of his phone as he received a message, the regular clicking of him typing out a response.

"Mika- Kagehira- didn't wake up much today. I thought he was doing better, but today was one of the worst." He finally faced Izumi, who was looking back with furrowed brows.

"Recovery's not just a straight line. I mean, remember when you started coming back to school? You still had some really rough days. It was sooooo annoying. Thank god Kagehira-kun was there to take care of you."

Shu didn't like to think of that time. He'd been such a burden to Mika then, and that debt would never be fully repaid. He breathed out slowly.

"Exactly. I need him so much. I…” He tightened his grip on Mademoiselle. “I don't know what I'll do if anything happens to him, Sena."

"Live on, yeah? That’s what he’d want, I think. Well, maybe not. You know him better than I do."

Shu felt his annoyance growing. Did nobody understand how he felt? "It's not that simple. He's not just my friend or unit mate anymore."

"Good God, is that what this is about? Everyone knows you're in love with the guy, Itsuki."

Taken aback, Shu frowned at Izumi before rolling onto his side in sullen silence, and he heard an exasperated sigh behind him.

“Kagehira’s a little dense, you know. How about you tell him how you feel, at least? You’ll get it off your chest, he’ll hear something that makes him happy, and who knows, maybe it’ll help him start feeling better. ‘The healing power of love’ or something like that. You read those kinds of stories, right?”

“They’re just stories, Sena.”

“Well, it’s not like it’ll make the situation worse.”

Shu didn’t answer, and Izumi shook his head. “Can you at least try to do something? It kiiiinda sucks to see you moping around the dorm all day.”

“Not like any of you have been around to see it. Are you avoiding me?”

Izumi pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why do I even bother- we thought you wanted space.”

Oh, so that was it. “…I don’t know what I want.”

“I think you do, actually.”

Mika was awake the next day when Shu arrived in the morning, sitting up in bed and looking out of the window, where a pair of sparrows were flitting back and forth in the tree. Spread over his lap was a colorful blanket Shu recognized that Mika had made a long time ago, stitched together from scraps of old clothes. At the sound of Shu entering, he looked over, and a warm smile crossed his face.

“Good mornin’, Oshi-san!”

His voice sounded stronger than usual, and that fact made Shu return his smile easily. “Good morning, Mika. You look happy today.”

He nodded enthusiastically. “‘M jus’ feelin’ good. Also, Anzu-chan stopped by earlier, an’ she brought me this blanket. Ritsu-kun found it in our dorm room an’ thought I might want it. She brought some candies too, but I can’t have ‘em since I have to eat special food. But they’ll stay good for a long time, she said, so I’ll save ‘em until I can eat ‘em. They’re flavored like a bunch o’ different berries.”

Shu sat down as usual, crossing his legs. It was so nice to hear Mika talking so effusively about nothing the way he used to. "I'm glad. She's very busy, so it must have been difficult to squeeze in time to visit. Make sure you thank her properly when you can.”

"Yeah, she was lookin' real harried, so I kinda felt bad." Mika looked back out the window again, bunching the blanket up in his hands and sounding wistful. "Nnah, I dunno how long this'll last, but I feel full o' energy right now. Ya think the nurse'll let us walk outside? It looks so nice out."

And indeed, they did, hanging back as Mika and Shu made their way along the paths through the hospital's courtyard. Mika walked slowly, clinging tightly to Shu's arm the entire time. Nothing about how he moved seemed broken or incorrect, but instead as if he was fighting against a great tide that threatened to pull him under. Although he had been so energetic when they started, Shu could feel him slowing down, and after a few minutes, he dragged his feet, coming to a stop.

"Ngah…let's sit down on that bench, kay? I think I need a rest."

Shu guided Mika over to sit on a bench beneath a tree, then sat next to him. Mika let out a grateful sigh, then leaned against Shu, head on his shoulder. He spoke softly. "Yanno, I asked the doctor a few days ago if I'd be able ta dance like I used ta once I got better, an' he said I'd have ta practice a whole lot. So I dunno if I'll be able ta perform with you after I get out, Oshi-san. Not for a while, at least."

"That's okay, Mika. I'll wait for you as long as it takes. Valkyrie is nothing without you…I couldn't possibly perform by myself, much less find someone else. I'd rather not have anyone else at my side on stage for as long as I live."

Mika closed his eyes. "Mm. That's real nice ta think about…bein' with ya forever. I used ta think for sure you'd throw me out one day, since I couldn’t do nothin’ right, but you've been so good ta me."

Shu looked down at Mika, at the way the light coming through the leaves dappled him with light and shadow. He seemed so weak, but he took Shu’s hand, lacing his fingers through Shu’s, and squeezed with what Shu knew to be all the strength he could muster.

Even at the cost of his strength, he reaches out for me.

Shu's lips parted slightly. Say it. Just say it.

"Mika, I…"

But his voice faltered, as if something had reached out of the cold darkness and seized his tongue. His stomach churned. Why? Why couldn’t he admit how he felt?

If Mika had heard his broken words, he gave no indication of it. "I'm gettin' pretty tired," he said quietly, but Shu could still feel the firmness of his grip, the desperate hold he had to life, and wished he had half as much sincerity.

I’m sorry, Mika.

Shu was leaving for the day when he bumped into Mika's parents. Before this, he'd rarely interacted with them; now, he saw them every weekend. They were good people, he'd decided; they treated Mika no differently for being adopted, and he wondered if Mika’s kind and loving disposition was because of them. But he could tell by the deepening lines on their faces that Mika's condition was not doing them any favors.

"Hello, Itsuki-kun," his mother said with a tiny smile. "How was your visit?"

"It was good. We went for a walk outside. He's asleep now, but I'm sure he'll wake up again soon. I've never seen him so energetic since I got back."

She clapped her hands together, excited. "Oh, I'm so happy to hear that,” she said, and Shu could hear the sincerity in her voice. “Thanks for taking such good care of him while we’re not here. Mika is lucky to have met someone so good.”

“Of course. I’m lucky to have met him, too.” Shu drew in deep breath, then exhaled. “I suppose I will see you both next weekend.”

“Yes, we’ll be here.” Mika’s mother beamed back at him, but when Shu didn’t make to leave, instead lingering, her smile faltered. “Is something wrong?”

Shu shifted his feet. What was he supposed to say now? That he was hopelessly in love with Mika? Well, he supposed it couldn’t hurt to let them know at least a little bit about how he felt. That Mika was his most important person. There was no need to go into too much detail. He could tell them that he wanted to start dating Mika. Still, even that was so hard, and it took every ounce of his willpower to reach deep into himself, find the words he wanted to say, and-

"I- I want to marry your son," Shu blurted out.

In the ensuing silence, he could have heard a pin drop. His eyes widened with fear, and Mika’s mother stared back at him, dumbfounded. “Um…” she glanced at Mika’s father, her expression strained, and he coughed.

"Ah…this is sorta sudden, ain't it?" he said. "I mean, you haven't even started officially dating."

In for a penny, in for a pound. He couldn’t very well take such a statement back, could he? "I know,” Shu said quietly. “It’s far from traditional. But we have been together for so long already, even living together. There is nobody else I could see myself spending eternity with."

The two of them looked at each other again, seemingly communicating through sight alone. Shu stood between them, his heart jumping up and down in his chest in an irregular, frantic rhythm. He wondered if it was possible to have a heart attack like this. At least he was in a hospital.

At long last, though, Mika’s mother spoke again. "We understand. We know how close the two of you are. Ultimately, it's his decision. But-“ she reached out and took Shu’s hand in her own. “-you have our blessing."

As he left the hospital and was struck by the rude daylight, Shu suddenly realized the gravity of what he'd done, and his heart leapt into his throat.

Why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that?

He burst through the door to his dorm room, and heard Izumi swear.

"What the hell, Itsuki? This isn't just your room, you know!?"

Shu paid him no mind, instead going over to Izumi and grabbing his shoulders. "Sena. Sena, I messed up, really bad, I made a huge mistake," he babbled.

"What? Calm down, I don't understand you. And let go of me, you lunatic." He roughly shrugged Shu's hands off, who instead resorted to twisting them into the fabric of his shirt to try and steady the shaking. He struggled to find the words, shrinking under Izumi’s imperious gaze.

"I- I asked Mika's parents if I could marry him," Shu finally spat out, and Izumi froze.

"You- you what?"

"I asked Mika's parents if I could marry him!" Shu yelled instead, and then winced. Did he just announce it to the entire building?

"Sheesh, I get it. You don’t have to be so loud." Izumi rubbed his temples vigorously. “Ugh.”

"Um, is anyone gonna tell me what's going on?" Another voice piped up. Shu twisted around. Mao was sitting on the room's sofa, draped over the arm, looking between the two of them with worried eyes. He had a lollipop in his mouth, a detail that almost made Shu laugh. What a funny world we’re in, he thought, and then, wait, I shouldn’t think about that right now.

"Oh, you're here too, Isara?" he said instead, and Mao raised an eyebrow.

"Um, yeah, I've been here the whole time. This is my room too, you know?"

“Ah, I suppose it is, isn’t it?” Shu answered lightly, and Mao just shook his head, disappointed.

Izumi looked between the two of them, then groaned. "Ugh, this is really so annoying. Fine, let me get this straight. So you went to see Kagehira today at the hospital."

"Right."

"And you talked for a bit and had a heart to heart, yeah?"

"Sort of."

Izumi looked at him suspiciously. "And then you told Kagehira you love him, right? Like I said you should?"

"...no."

Izumi buried his face in his hands. "Give me a second…I need to process how stupid you are for completely skipping literally everything else."

"And, um, then you asked Kagehira-kun's parents if you could marry him?" Mao supplied, and hearing it laid out like that, Shu realized just how awful it all had been.

"Yes," he answered meekly.

Mao rested his chin in his hand. "Um, I know we're not close, Itsuki-senpai, but why the rush?" he questioned, spinning the lollipop between his fingers.

"I don't know."

Izumi snorted. "Well, I do. It's just like you to act on impulse when it comes to Kagehira, except for when you should talk to him. Then, for some reason, all your sensibility completely flies out the window, and you decide you'd rather die with your feelings instead!" He let out a frustrated sigh, then looked at Shu, hands on his hips. "Well, do you want to marry him? Actually think about it this time, please."

Shu sat down on the foot of his bed, staring at the floor. He thought about Mika, his smile, his laugh, the way his eyes, so striking, Shu’s favorite colors, lit up whenever he saw something cute. He thought about how Mika had always been there, his accompanying shadow that had caught up to his side, a shadow that was the creation of light.

"Yes," he said, finally. "I do."

Mao was the first to speak. "Well, I don't see what the problem is, then. It might be a little weird, but you two have been practically a couple for so long, anyways. It's like everyone else knew you were dating except you two. I mean, I barely even know you and I figured that out, even before we moved into the same dorm."

"Were you always this lippy?" Shu asked, glaring at him, and he shrugged.

"Just telling it like it is,” he answered, popping the lollipop back into his mouth.

Izumi cut in. “Well, if that's what you want, that’s fine. You don’t have to ask him right away, and I’d say to wait anyways. But I suspect you don’t want to." Shu nodded, and Izumi sucked his breath in between his teeth, looking unnerved.

"Right, then, time for the hard question. Itsuki, be honest with yourself. Are you rushing into this because you're scared Kagehira might die?"

"Sena-" Mao started, but Izumi held up a hand to stop him.

"I have to ask, and he needs to confront it," he said.

Shu went pale, gripping the foot of the bed. He suddenly became aware of how dry his mouth was. Was that the truth? Yes, the fear that Mika might succumb to his illness had been there for a long time now, but surely that wasn't why Shu wanted this, was it? After all, Mika had been so strong today. He was probably going to get better soon, right? But how many times had this happened now? Shu slumped forward, thinking. Why had he jumped into this? That was when Mika’s words from earlier returned to him.

That's real nice ta think about…bein' with ya forever.

"Maybe I am," he finally said. "But today…Mika said he likes to think about us being together forever. And I realized I feel the same way. I have for a long time. I just want to make him happy."

Sena regarded him with narrowed eyes. "Well, I guess it's good that he mentioned that. I just don't want you to jump into this because you're scared. Kagehira is not going to die, okay? You said it yourself, all the doctors think he's fine." His tone left no room for argument.

"Well, if you both feel like that, I think it's fine," Mao added. "I mean, you can always sleep on it. If you change your mind, just tell his parents. I’m sure they’ll understand, since your emotions are probably high right now, and all."

"Yes, I should probably do that, at least,” Shu admitted. “Thank you both."

"No problem," Mao said, but Izumi just grumbled.

"Next time you go and do something stupid, don't come running to me for help, alright? I've got my own problems to deal with, you know? I don’t need whatever drama you’ve got going on too."

The next morning, Shu awoke at dawn. He stared up at the ceiling, thinking, wondering if he still felt the same way, still felt the urge to tie his life together with Mika’s.

He realized he did, and fear coiled itself around his heart.

What should he do, then? Should he ask Mika today?

No, that was too boring. Mika deserved a grander affair, something he’s always remember. But what to do, what to do?

So he called the only person he knew who had experience in romance.

"Hakaze, I need some advice."

"Whoa, the great Shu Itsuki, coming to me for advice? What could it possibly be about?"

"I need to come up with a marriage proposal," he replied, and promptly heard a sputtering, choking sound. There was a clatter - perhaps the phone being dropped - and some distant coughing. After a while, Kaoru's voice spoke again.

"Wow, that almost killed me. You're getting married? What, did you meet a nice girl in Paris?"

"It's Mika," Shu said flatly, and there was a pause.

"Oh," Kaoru finally answered. "Yeah, actually, probably shoulda seen that one coming. Isn't he still in the hospital, though?"

"For now. I still want to do this soon, though."

"Hmm…alright.” He heard Kaoru take a deep breath. “Well, first, you'll want a nice ring, obviously. You should design one yourself, though, since you’re both artists. Think of things that are important to you both."

Shu nodded, listening intently. "I already planned to do that."

"Good. Now, if he’s still in the hospital when you do this, make sure you tell the nurses what you want to do. You said you guys walk outside sometimes, right?"

"Whenever he has enough strength."

"Okay. I would ask to go somewhere special and nice looking, different from usual. With not too many people around, I think Kagehira gets nervous when people see him, right?"

"Yes."

"Alright. You definitely don’t want him to feel like he’s being watched for this. Well, then I'd tell him you have something to ask, take the ring out, and do it."

"That's it?" Shu asked, dumbfounded. Kaoru normally struck him as the kind of person to concoct elaborate schemes when it came to whoever he was in love with.

"Well, normally I'd say go get a nice dinner, or walk along the river at night, and surprise him then, but your options are kinda limited. I think it's fine, though. Kagehira’s not fussy like you are. I think he’ll just be happy you’re asking."

"I see. Thank you, Hakaze."

"Don't mention it. You should let me be in the wedding, though."

“…we’ll see.”

The next days passed by in a blur. Shu went to the hospital in the mornings as usual, and then came back to work on the design for the ring. Sometimes, he'd see Mika's parents, who would give him a knowing smile every time. Mika got worse. Then he got better. Then he got worse again. The stack of rejected designs on Shu’s desk grew. Mika was stable. They went for a walk. Shu crumpled up another paper and threw it out. Nothing was good enough for his beautiful Mika. Mika started to have more and more good days. There was talk of him leaving the hospital soon.

Shu was growing frustrated. At this rate, Mika was going to be out of the hospital before he’d decided on something. Well, Shu supposed there was nothing wrong with that. It should represent things that are important to him, Shu thought, and frowned. Important to Mika…Shu knew that Mika considered their time together important, that much was obvious, but what else? How to express that within a ring? Between the two of them, Mika had always been the better one at designing jewelry, and he was always a private person.

Ah, but there was someone who might have seen what Mika didn’t show to Shu.

Shu tapped on Mika and Ritsu’s door one evening. “Come in,” he heard a soft voice call out, and when he pushed the door open, he saw Ritsu laying on his side in bed, reading a book. He closed it and slowly sat up when Shu stepped inside, stifling a yawn. “Itsuki-senpai…weird to see you here. What is it?”

“I wanted to ask you something. I’m working on a, ah, project for Mika,” Shu said evasively. “But I need to know what he talks about with you, and what he finds most important. There’s some things I know he doesn’t share with me, after all, but he might have with you.”

Ritsu scratched the edge of his ear, thinking. “Most important to Mikarin…I mean, that’s you, isn’t it? He talks about you all the time.”

“Other than me,” Shu clarified, and Ritsu drummed his fingers on his leg, thoughtful.

“Hm. Oh, I know.” He slid off of the bed and got on his knees, reaching under Mika’s bed. He pulled out a dark green box covered with stickers, stood up, and handed it to Shu. “Mikarin keeps all his little treasures in here.”

“Is this supposed to be secret?” Shu asked, looking down at it. There sure were a lot of stickers. A lot of them were probably arcade prizes, he thought. But if Mika wanted to hide it from him, Shu didn’t want to betray his trust. Ritsu tilted his head as he considered it.

“I don’t think so. He never tried to keep it a secret from me. And one time he told me that he had something in there he wanted to show you.”

“I see. Thank you, Sakuma.”

Shu returned to his room and set the box on his desk, taking the lid off. Inside was a surprising variety of things - small plushies and toys, most of them in various states of disrepair. Scraps of fabric stitched together in interesting ways. Small souvenirs from friends, some of which Shu recognized as having brought back from Paris. But the majority of the box was taken up with a thick binder.

Flipping it open, Shu realized what it was: a scrapbook. He hadn’t known Mika was making one. And had been for quite a while, it seemed. This must have been what Mika had hoped to show him one day. The pages were densely packed with photos, ribbons, stickers, and so many other little decorations it made Shu’s head spin to look at. There was no organization to the book, no thought given at all to neat, orderly aesthetic, but Shu knew immediately the value of what he had. Everything in this book was what Mika treasured, how he expressed the things most important to him. From blurry photos he’d taken of interesting flowers and abandoned toys, ticket stubs and colorfully patterned candy wrappers - so much of what would have been deemed as “garbage” by others, Mika kept for inspiration. And woven in through all of it were pictures of his life, illustrations of his connection to the rest of the people around him. Some dated back to when he had first joined Valkyrie. Shu was surprised Mika had wanted to keep something like that around. He treasured his past more than Shu had realized, despite the pain. Yes, this would help.

Pulling out a blank piece of paper, Shu started to draw once more.

Of course, Valkyrie had to go on hiatus. With Mika in the hospital, it just wasn’t possible to put on performances, and Shu didn’t feel like doing any other work, either. The will to give interviews, model, or even just help the other units at ES pass out fliers was beyond him. But Ibara wheedled at him, saying that although he understood his feelings, Shu should at least do something to prove they planned on coming back one day, and finally, Shu relented. He let Ibara schedule him for a magazine interview in the early morning, something he could get done quickly before going to see Mika.

It was a strange feeling, to be doing this alone. Normally, it was the other way around; with Shu’s absence in Paris, Mika had been the one fielding all of the jobs and representing Valkyrie, and as a result, he had eclipsed Shu in fame amongst their fans. Now, Shu sat there stiffly in his chair, giving the photographer a half-hearted smile. The interviewer kept asking about Mika. Of course they wanted to know more about him. They were probably disappointed that only Shu arrived for the interview to begin with. Shu’s answers were quick, then grew sharper as they persisted, and finally, the interviewer gave up.

Even though it was one of the shortest interviews Shu had ever given, it still felt like it took an age. Shu dragged himself away slowly, as though he was struggling his way out of quicksand. The door into the lobby closed behind him with a click, and then, his phone rang. Shu fumbled with it. Oh, Arashi again.

"Narukami?"

"Itsuki, you need to come to the hospital right now," she said, her urgent voice thin and strained.

Shu nearly dropped his phone, icy fear gripping him. He struggled to draw breath.

"I'm- I'm coming.”

Arashi met him in the waiting room, looking unnerved.

"What's happening?" Shu managed to ask, and she shook her head.

"Mika-chan was up walking with me when he collapsed suddenly…he stopped breathing. They rushed him to emergency care, but I haven't heard anything since then."

He stopped breathing. Those three words rattled around in Shu’s skull, growing louder and louder, like a pounding drum. He didn't even register Arashi grabbing him and dragging him into a chair. He couldn’t breathe. His chest hurt, like he was being crushed beneath a boulder, dense and unforgiving.

"Itsuki…Itsuki!" He dimly registered Arashi shouting at him, and then she grabbed his face, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Look at me. You need to be strong right now. It's just the sickness putting up one last fight, okay? Mika is stronger than that. He'll make it."

Shu couldn't find it in himself to speak. He nodded, thinking of the small box tucked into his bag. He’d just picked up the ring from the jeweler two days ago. It’s not fair.

"His parents are on the way from Kansai already. Let's wait here for the good news, okay?"

Shu nodded feebly. The good news…please, if there is any justice in this world, let him live.

Shu didn't know when he fell asleep. Perhaps his brain had decided to simply shut down from the stress. He awoke to Arashi shaking him again.

"Itsuki, wake up. Mika-chan's parents are here."

Shu looked up through bleary eyes, the ashen faces of Mika’s mother and father swimming into view.

"Oh," was all he could say. They both nodded at him, and sat down. Mika's father took his wife's hand, twining their fingers together tightly. Misery swirled around them all, thick and suffocating. Each time the door to the emergency room opened, all four of them looked up eagerly, hoping it was for them. Each time, they were disappointed. Mika’s mother closed her eyes and leaned her head against her husband’s shoulders. Shu was reminded of how Mika had done the same. Arashi knotted her fingers together in her lap, twisting and untwisting them together, then started to pick at a stray thread on her pants. In another life, Shu would have scolded her. He just watched instead as she pulled more of it out, until the thread snapped. How much longer would they have to wait for news?

At last, the door opened for them.

"You're Mika Kagehira’s parents, right?" a doctor asked, stopping in front of them. His mother nodded stiffly, and the doctor smiled.

"Good news. He's stable again. He’s very weak, but he should be just fine with some rest."

At those words, Shu felt like all of the air had just been sucked out of his lungs. He let himself fall back in his chair. He's okay. He's okay, he repeated to himself, a litany of soothing prayer.

"I don't want to take all four of you back at once, and he’s asleep, but if you want to see him, you can." Mika's parents both nodded, and they followed the doctor, disappearing behind the swinging doors.

Arashi looked at Mika with a grateful smile, tears in her eyes. "He's okay. I told you so."

Shu still couldn't answer. He was staring at the doors again. As selfish as it was, he wanted to see Mika now. Shu wouldn't believe that he was still in this world until he saw Mika with his own eyes, heard Mika with his own ears.

After what felt like a century, his parents returned, looking relieved but exhausted. "Do you two want to come back?" the doctor asked, addressing Shu and Arashi.

Arashi glanced at Shu. "I'll come visit tomorrow. You two should be alone together, I think."

Mika was propped up slightly in bed, eyes closed. There were a number more machines surrounding him now, each one tracking the various rhythms of his body that worked together, the music of precious life.

Shu sat in a chair next to the bed, looking over Mika. He seemed so small and fragile, like a glass ornament, and Shu wanted to bundle him away, keep him safe forever from the hideous world. He laid his hand over Mika’s on the bedspread, hoping that his warmth would reach, wherever he was. Words were beyond him, and so, Shu sat there in complete silence, straining to hear Mika’s unsteady breathing.

Time moved on, slow and undisturbed, and then, a nurse entered. “I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over,” she said apologetically.

“That’s okay.” Shu got to his feet, looking down at Mika, and brushed his fingertips against his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mika,” he said softly.

The day had slipped away unnoticed, the sky outside growing dark. Arashi was waiting for Shu in the lobby, and Shu suddenly felt guilty. She’d never gotten a chance to go back and see him. “I’m sorry I took up the rest of the time,” he said, and Arashi shook her head.

“I saw him this morning. It’s more important that you were there for him.”

“He didn’t wake up at all. I’m not sure my presence made any difference,” Shu admitted, and Arashi made a noise of disagreement.

“You know, Mika-chan’s a very sensitive person. I’m sure he felt that you were there, even if he was asleep. And you’ve always been his inspiration.” She started to walk, and Shu tagged after. The night was cold, winter giving one final gasp, and he wished he had his sweater. They walked together in silence, beneath the newly born leaves whispering softly together. Shu thought again about the box in his bag. He reached his hand in, running a thumb over the soft velveteen.

“I’m really worried about him,” Shu said quietly, and Arashi glanced over her shoulder at him with a sympathetic smile.

“Of course. We all are.”

“Well, I haven’t told you, but-“ Shu sighed. “I was planning to propose to him.”

Arashi stopped in her tracks, and Shu nearly walked straight into her back. “You what? You were going to propose to my Mika-chan and you didn’t tell me?” she asked, sounding hurt, and Shu felt oddly guilty.

“I wanted to wait until I was ready to do it. I was nervous. But now, I don’t know if I’ll get the chance.”

Arashi laid her hands on Shu’s shoulders, gripping him tightly and giving him a little shake. “You will. Mika will recover. Believe that he will come home.” As always, she was firm when she said this. Shu wondered how many times now she’d had to give him this exact talk.

“I guess you’re probably right,” he admitted, and she smiled, releasing him.

“Of course I am.”

The moment visiting hours began the next morning, Shu was there, walking through the door to Mika’s room. But Mika was still in deep sleep, and Shu hesitated. “Is- is he in a coma?” he asked nervously. The nurse shook his head.

“He was awake last night, and again a few hours ago. He’s just tired. You’re still welcome to sit with him.”

And so, Shu did, taking Mika’s hand in his once again. He looked at Mika, the way a single shaft of sunlight from the curtained window fell across his face. “Good morning, Mika,” he said after a while. Should he keep talking? Maybe it would help bring Mika back, like a candle in the window for the lost.

He remembered this happening before. Over the winter, when they were working on their latest song. Shu remembered sitting there, asking Mika to come home to him. It had helped then, right? Could it help again now?

Hesitantly, he kept talking. “Narukami is going to come by later today. She had a radio show with Knights planned this morning, I think. But she still ambushed me on my way out the door and forced me to eat a croissant. She’s so demanding.” Shu shook his head. “I hope you’re awake to see her. She’s just as worried as I am, you know? It’s unfortunate that I never took the time to talk to her until now, even though she is just as much a part of your life, and she’s looked after you so well while I’ve been away. After this, maybe we should all go do something together.”

Silence settled between them, and Shu didn’t like that, so he drew in a deep breath, continuing. “Also, the amusement park is having some sort of summer festival special this year, I heard. In about two months. I think they are going to have fireworks every weekend, and different performances. I know RYUSEITAI is performing there again. I don’t think you will be able to go back to Paris with me right away, but maybe you can go to that, so we can support Kanata and the others.” Shu squeezed Mika’s hand gently, struggling to breathe, to continue. Why was it so hard?

“I miss you, Mika. I wish you’d wake up.” He closed his eyes, lifting Mika’s hand and pressing his forehead against it.

And then a voice answered him, meek and exhausted. “Oshi-san…’m awake.” Shu jerked up, startled. Mika’s eyes were half-open, lightless, but there was a beatific smile on his face as he gazed at Shu. "Ah, you're so beautiful, ‘m happy I get to see ya first thing."

"Don't talk unless you have to," Shu said quickly. He stared at Mika, feeling a pressure building in his chest. "I- you- you really scared me this time, you know?" he said quietly. He didn’t even know why. It wasn’t like Mika did this on purpose.

But Mika just let out a feeble laugh. "What'd I say….'m not leavin' this world unless it's hand in hand with you, Oshi-san."

Shu’s vision grew blurry. Huh? He blinked, and blinked again, the tears welling up and overflowing, and then let out a sob, burying his face in his palms. "Why?" he burst out.

"What do you mean?" Mika asked, confused.

Shu choked back another sob. "I said don't talk!" He protested again, and then seized Mika’s hand again, clinging to it tightly, a life raft thrown to the drowning. He held it until the tears at last subsided, and a heady fatigue was the only thing that remained.

Mika's tiny voice returned. "Um…I know ya said don't talk…"

"You really have changed, haven't you?" Shu said through a tearful laugh. "You do whatever you want now, regardless of what I say. But I'm still the same, still that hopeless fool, a coward…why do you cling to me so…?"

Mika frowned, the confusion on his face growing. "'Cause I love ya, Shu."

Shu froze in place, barely comprehending what he’d just heard. Not just his name, but…Mika looked as sincere as always, despite the exhaustion etched into his face as he smiled up at Shu.

"Your eyes are so pretty…I like 'em more when you're smilin', though."

The tears were impossible to stop, and he turned away from Mika, rubbing furiously at his eyes, willing them away with all of his might. He wants you to smile, so smile.

Once he'd regained his composure again, Shu turned back around, giving Mika the best smile he could manage. "I- I- I love you too, Mika," he finally burst out. "And- uh, I know this is bad timing, horrible, really, but-" he plunged his hand into his bag, seizing the ring box. If he didn’t say it now, he never would.

"Please- do me the honor- please- marry me!"

Mika inhaled sharply, and Shu heard a sudden irregular spike on the heart monitor. Oh God. Did he-?

"'Shu-" Mika started, then drew in another deep breath. The beeping was returning to normal. “Sorry…Shu. ’Course I will. I could never be with anyone else.”

Shu was just about to start crying yet again when the door opened once more, startling them both. He quickly whipped the ring out of sight, embarrassed. "Is everything okay?" the nursed asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Mika answered. "Just got startled by a noise."

"Hm." The nurse looked over the machines, then nodded. "Okay, then. Just be careful. Don’t strain yourself."

"Yeah, we will,” Mika said, and as the door closed once more, he refocused his attention on Shu. “Yanno, I always dreamed about this happenin’ one day, but I never dreamed about it bein’ in a hospital bed.”

Shu hung his head. “I wanted to do something nicer, but you really frightened me, you know?”

“It’s okay. This feels more sincere anyways.” Mika tried to sit up more, then gave up, settling his head back on the pillow. “Can I have that ring back, though? Kinda need it…”

Shu freed it from the box, and slid it onto Mika’s finger. Mika held his hand up, and looked at it sparkling in the light. "Wow. I can tell ya designed this. A feather, and a rose, that’s for me an’ you, innit? Amber, blue, an’ pink gems…an’ acanthus flowers, like before." He wiggled his fingers happily, then sighed, looking sad. "I'd ask ya to kiss me, but…I think that’d make the doctors real mad."

In response, Shu lifted Mika’s hand, pressing his lips to it gently. "Will this do for now?" he asked, and Mika flushed red with happiness.

"For now."

"It's so hot," Izumi complained, leaning forward like a wilting flower desperate for rain. "How much longer do we have to be out here?"

"Oh, stop complaining, Sena. They'll be here soon."

"You're in the shade, Naru-kun. Of course you're fine."

Arashi, Izumi, Kuro, Mao, Kaoru, Rei, Ritsu, Wataru, Natsume, Kanata - they'd all gathered at the entrance to the dorms, looking expectantly down the road. Some of them held party poppers, the others colorful signs.

Arashi flapped her hand dismissively. "Even the vampires aren't complaining. You'll be okay."

“Speak for yourself, Nacchan.…” Ritsu said quietly from his seat under the tree, leaning against the trunk. He waved his sign listlessly in the air. “Do you think they’ll be able to see it from down here?”

“Ah, probably not. You should try to stand up,” Mao said. “Here, you can lean on me.” He pulled Ritsu to his feet, and Ritsu slumped against him with a contented sigh.

“Thanks, Maa-kun. You’re the best.”

"Shut up!" Kuro said over his shoulder to them. "I see them."

A short while later, one of ES’s cars pulled up to the gates. The passenger door opened, and Shu stepped out, catching sight of everyone. His nodded at them, before leaning back into the car, a hand extended.

Mika stepped out into the light, holding Shu’s hand, and Kuro gave the signal.

"WELCOME HOME!" they shouted together, and there was a chorus of pops, colorful streamers flying through the air. Mika gasped, startled, but as they started to clap, he smiled shyly. "Aw, y'all shouldn't've."

"Well, we wanted to," Arashi said with a sniff. "Since Itsuki didn't even tell us he'd proposed until last week."

"I didn't think it was something everyone needed to know right away," Shu said feebly, but she merely folded her arms and looked away, haughty.

After Shu had proposed, Mika had begun to recover rapidly, and a few weeks later, he was released to his home in Kansai. He rested there for a month, Shu staying with him as well to help care for him. And now, he'd finally been declared healthy enough to return to at least some of his idol activities.

"I told you. The power of love, Itsuki," Izumi said, and Shu frowned at him.

"Be quiet, Sena."

He flinched, looking hurt. "Gah, not you too! Why’s everyone being so mean today…"

"Ah, it seems our resident romantic comedy has finally figured everything out,” Wataru said, with a dramatic sigh. "How amazing!" He glanced up at Shu, who maintained the same expression he’d given Izumi, and smiled. “You’ll let me bring my doves, yes?”

“Absolutely not.”

"So, when's the wedding? Do I get to be in it? I did help you, after all," Kaoru said hopefully.

"We are far from having planned anything, Hakaze. Mika is still recovering. Also, I thought you didn’t like weddings? You had such a problem with your sister’s,” Shu remarked, and Kaoru shrugged.

“Oh, it’s different when it’s your family, though. But you’re friends. I can be more relaxed.”

“If you think I’d let you be more relaxed in our wedding, you are sorely mistaken,” Shu said flatly. “I will accept nothing less than the best.”

“That doesn’t scare me. But I guess you’re right, he has to get better first.”

Mika listened to them, wrapping his arm around Shu’s to keep himself steady. "Ah, but I really miss dancin'...I can do a little bit, but it makes me real tired."

"Don't rush it," Rei said. "You have an entire lifetime of dance ahead of you."

Slowly, they made their ways indoors, chattering all the while. But when Mika slumped onto a sofa in the common room, looking drained, Shu started to usher them all away.

“Come on. Leave him be. He’s had a long day, don’t you see?”

Once they were alone, he sat next to Mika, who leaned against him with a sigh. "That was nice," he said quietly. He twisted his ring around on his finger in restless circles. "I really missed everyone."

"They missed you, too," Shu said. “Everyone here really loves you, you know.” He laid his hand on top of Mika’s head, stroking his hair.

I'm so lucky. To have you love me back.

"Mika. About that kiss I couldn't give you.” Shu cupped Mika's face in his hands, tilting his face gently to look up at him. Mika stared back, eyes alight with wonder and anticipation, and Shu leaned down, pressing his lips softly to Mika's.

He'd often thought Mika's kiss would taste like strawberry, and he was surprised to find out he was right. Of course. They'd had some candy at the train station. The kiss was sweet, it made him want more, but he broke away slowly first.

"Did you like that?" he asked, and Mika smiled.

"I want another," he said, and Shu obliged, pushing his fingers in among the strands of Mika’s hair. He was so warm, so tender. Shu wanted to stay locked in this moment for a crystalline eternity, to forever keep that ardent light in Mika's eyes for him alone.

We can't stay like this always, Shu thought, running a thumb over the curve of Mika’s cheek as he pulled back just a little more, feeling Mika’s trembling breath. And tomorrow is forever uncertain. But…

I can create many more eternities with you.