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At first, it was the time of being diagnosed as quirkless, having the doctor drawl that because he has an extra joint in his toe, he will never become a hero. First, he made sure to iterate that Izuku should give up and that being a hero wouldn’t be possible for the boy. The moments where the doctor ruthlessly crushed Izuku’s dream would haunt him for years after the event.
His dreams were on a constant loop at that moment. The moment of “it’s never going to happen” echoes in his unconscious mind. His mother’s words “I’m sorry” blaze through right after.
Izuku hated those dreams. He woke up crying, thinking that he couldn't become a hero. He dreamt of moments when his mother would toss him aside, making an irreparable distance between them. He dreamt of her being unsupportive of his career choices and deciding that he didn’t deserve to live at home with her, rendering him homeless.
These nightmares persisted and persisted throughout his childhood. The only saving grace was his mother reassuring him that even as she worried for him, she would do her best to support Izuku from the bottom of her heart.
Those nightmares never went away entirely but became infrequent. They didn’t plague him as much as they did when he was younger. Now that he was older, he was assured that he could aim to be a hero and that he still had his mother’s support in the matter.
No matter how awfully Izuku was bullied as a kid, somehow, those moments were never made into haunting nightmares. Yet, the most impressionable was Kacchan telling Izuku to jump off the roof of the building. That moment would be forever engraved in Izuku's mind. From there on out, Kacchan's words became a new recurring dream for Izuku. That may have not been the first time Izuku had been suicide baited and nor would it be the last, but, this was the most hurtful to the boy.
It didn’t help that the dream was often paired with All Might telling Izuku that he couldn’t be a hero. It was unrealistic and dangerous for someone even with a quirk and Izuku would be better off as a police officer or detective or even a doctor.
Those dreams felt the most realistic to Izuku. After those words were uttered to him in various manners, Izuku would find himself looking off the edge of the building, craving death. It could’ve been so simple to step off and have his misery end along with Izuku’s life. It could’ve been so easy for Izuku.
Sometimes, Izuku’s dream self would act on his intentions. He’d take that step. Hell, sometimes he’d leap. He would fling himself off the building as if it were the only thing to ever make him happy.
He’d wake up surprised and shaking. He knew he wasn’t suicidal. He would’ve never taken that step. Realistically, he knows that. It’s All Might’s words that startle him the most. There are times when Izuku wonders if the man offering Izuku his quirk was the dream part. It seemed much more likely for the top hero to believe he could never be a hero.
The nightmare didn’t dissipate ever. Even after Izuku received the quirk, there was still a part of him that thought All Might disapproved of his choice of successor. There was that lingering part of Izuku that always felt he was unworthy of such kindness and power.
His worst nightmare would have to be the aftermath of the USJ event. The unforeseen part of the building certainly hadn’t accounted for the events that transpired within. For every bruise and beating Aizawa received, Izuku had it replay in his mind as a dream eight times a much.
Izuku felt a wind gush within his dream as Aizawa’s elbow was turned into dust and then repeatedly slammed into the ground by the nomu. The nomu was beyond hulking to Izuku. Its brain looked slimy and more out of place than it did when the USJ tragedy happened. It was bulging in places that were beyond unnatural, even for a medically modified human being.
For each thumping step it made as it approached Aizawa, Izuku felt his body shake due to the impact.
As Shigaraki dug his nails into his neck, Izuku could smell the iron within the blood surrounding him.
For a pained grunt, Aizawa restrained as he was pummelled in front of Izuku.
Then there was Tsu. Even though Aizawa was able to prevent Shigaraki from using his quirk, Izuku imagined the times when it didn’t happen. Dreams of when Aizawa wasn't able to use his quirk against Shigaraki occurred often. Dreams of Tsu disintegrating before Izuku's and Mineta's eyes, becoming an ashy dust pile in the water next to them. Izuku doesn’t know if it’s ironic that someone who loved the water had it be her final resting palace after a villain turned her into a premature cremation.
It sickened Izuku to his core no matter how many times it occurred.
Every time it occurred, Izuku woke up with a thick sheen of sweat across his body and in a fetal position. It pained him to think of what could’ve happened that day. It scares him even more that he could’ve lost a classmate who was right next to him within the first month of school.
It makes him shiver to think that even with All Might’s power, he wasn’t fast enough.
He feared he never will be.