Archive of Our Own ^beta

Wels knew it was dumb. He knew it was dumb and a bad idea and that sleep was important, but he just couldn’t do it.

Season 9 was coming to a close, and soon they’d be moving to a new world, a fresh start. Most of the hermits were excited and a little sad to leave their home behind, but overall everyone else seemed to be hyped for Season 10.

Wels wasn’t. The end of the season stressed him out. After what had happened in Season 6, he couldn’t help but fear that he’d be left behind. He knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but still. He never wanted to wake up in an empty server again.

He couldn’t sleep. He needed to, but he couldn’t. He was sitting up on his roof, watching the stars, glad that it was a new moon so he didn’t have to think about the ending of the last season. That one hadn’t ended so well either.

They weren’t leaving for another few days, but he hadn’t slept in over a week. He was exhausted, and every time he felt himself start to drift off, he’d busy himself with packing and finishing up builds and occasionally hanging out with the other hermits.

The sound of rockets shook him from his thoughts, and looking around he saw someone flying towards him.

He watched as they landed on the roof, and when they turned toward him he realized who it was.

“Hey, X,” he said with a sigh.

Xisuma came over and sat down next to him.

“You should be asleep,” Xisuma said, and Wels shivered. No.

“Nah, I just wanted to watch the stars tonight, while there’s no moon,” he said, but X was smarter than that.

“You haven’t slept in 9 days.”

“I’m busy.”

“Wels…” Xisuma trailed off, trying to figure out what to say for the best chance at getting somewhere. “Wels, you need to sleep. Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

“I can’t,” he whispered, like he was admitting a secret. He was, in a way, he supposed. “I can’t sleep.”

“You look so tired that you’re about to fall asleep right now,” Xisuma said softly.

He shook his head.

“C’mon, talk to me.”

“I don’t- it’s just- I-” he couldn’t figure out how to say it. X was right, he was exhausted and his brain was scrambled.

“Take your time,” Xisuma told him, reaching out and grabbing one of his hands.

Wels squeezed his hand tightly, trying to sort his thoughts out.

“I don’t- I can’t sleep. At the end of seasons. I can’t do it. I can’t make myself,” he admitted, looking down. “It’s- I can’t. I can’t do it again.”

If he’d been looking at X, he would’ve seen the moment it dawned on him.

“Oh, Wels, is this about Season 6?” Xisuma asked gently, squeezing his hand.

Wels nodded, a lump in his throat. Everything was so fragile, and he felt like he was going to start crying at any given second.

Suddenly X was pulling him towards him and into a hug. He let him, falling against the other man and letting him wrap his arms around him. He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, and he was sure X could feel them soaking through his shirt where Wel’s had his face pressed into his shoulder.

“I just- I can’t do it, I can’t do it again X. I can’t sleep and wake up and everyone- and you’re all gone, everyone’s left, I can’t, not again, I can’t let it happen again-”

“I’m sorry,” Xisuma said. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were stuck there. I know it wasn’t my fault, you’ve told me before, but I’m still sorry. And I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much it still scared you.”

“I don’t want to be alone again.”

X tightened his arms around him, rocking back and forth ever so slightly.

“I’m so tired but I can’t sleep, X, I can’t.”

“Would you let yourself sleep if I stay with you?” Xisuma asked. “You can’t get left behind or sleep through the world jump if I’m with you to make sure you don’t.”

Wels thought about it for a bit, and after a few moments he whispered, “It’s scary.”

“I know it is, I know. But you’ve been up for over a week, Wels, and we aren’t leaving for a few more days. You have to sleep, or you’re gonna end up passing out.”

“‘m so tired, X,” he said again, slurring his words.

It was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open, harder and harder to stay awake. He was tired and Xisuma was safe, and even though his brain screamed at him not to sleep, he couldn’t help but relax in X’s arms.

“I’m sure you are,” he said kindly. “You can sleep, Wels. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.”

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Xisuma couldn’t believe he hadn’t figured it out sooner. Of course Wels wasn’t sleeping. The last time he fell asleep near the end of a season he had essentially gotten left behind. He carefully stood, lifting the sleeping man in his arms and carefully climbing down the steep stairs that led from the roof to Wels’ room.

He tried to set him on his bed, but quickly realized that it wasn’t going to work like that. Wels was tightly holding onto his wrist, even in his sleep. X had planned to just stay in the room, but this worked too.

He managed to pull the covers back without dropping Wels, and climbed onto the bed, lying down.

Wels immediately curled into his side, still keeping hold of his wrist, and Xisuma forced himself to take a deep breath before he started crying. He couldn’t believe that he’d missed one of his hermits hurting like this. Had Wels done this at the end of Season 7, too? Was he alone? What about Season 8? Had he been panicking about this on top of the thing with the moon?

He brought a hand up to comb through Wels’ hand when he started to get restless. He wanted him to sleep, he needed it. After a few minutes, Wels settled back down again, still deeply asleep.

Xisuma knew that they’d have to have another conversation about this later, maybe bring in a few other hermits if Wels was okay with it, to make sure he and X weren’t the only ones that knew. But for now, he was content to stay right where he was, awake, making sure that Wels was asleep and okay. They could talk in the morning.