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Something won’t shut up today. As much as Lewis keeps talking with Arthur while he loads up the dishwasher, the words will never be more than surface deep. It is just small talk to entertain him. Leaning his arms on the counter, Arthur keeps his eyes locked on the man.
There is a spring in his step. His eyes crinkle the more he thinks to himself. Something has him in a twirl and he cannot stop even as the stars surround his head. And in his dizzy glee, he grins goofily and giggles into his hand.
Arthur cannot share his joy. He knows full well that he isn’t responsible for Lewis’ lovestruck glances.
As the bell chimes on the front door, the pit in his stomach latches onto him. Arthur knows that the one responsible has just entered.
“Hey there sweetie!” Vivi calls over the sound of Mystery yipping. The two of them walk past Arthur whose eyes do not move. The lead in his limbs will not lift. He cannot move from where he stands.
“There’s my blueberry baby,” Lewis says, turning away from the dishes. Arms outstretched, he walks towards her, his stride faster and more spaced out than normal. The ice cold shock running along his spine gets Arthur to turn around, his eyes following as his two friends meet together.
Vivi, with a running start, leaps into Lewis’ arms. The momentum gets Lewis to spin on his feet as he adjusts his arms to seat Vivi’s legs. She rests against him and kisses his cheek. She must feel his heartbeat under her arms. She has to. If Arthur was in his arms, that would be all he could think about: the beat of his heart, the purr of a lion.
Envy tinges Arthur’s cheeks in pink, but shame turns his head away. The mumbles that Vivi and Lewis make while their lips audibly press turns his heart around, twisting it until it begs to stop.
A noise cuts through the affectionate display. When Arthur raises his head, he sees Lewis’ mother standing in the doorway. Maybe it was her who made that noise.
“It’s alright, Mrs. Pepper. I’m just here to pick up your son for a trip to the drive-in!” Vivi shouts, letting her boyfriend set her down.
“Mhmm, we’re going to see The House of Empty Hands. Sounds like it’s gonna be a scary one.”
While the two of them talk and enthuse as Mrs. Pepper walks towards the two of them, all Arthur can hear are the thoughts in his mind that embed themselves in the wrinkles of his brain. You shouldn’t be here. They don’t want you. You are a rat that they are too kind to sprinkle poison on.
“Arthur.” Lewis’ voice, gentle and baritone, cuts through his thoughts. “You know the invitation is still open.” Mystery tugs on his pants leg, pulling him back to Earth. The attempt is admirable, but Arthur cannot say that anyone wants him here.
“Yeah! We can all pile in the front of the van and scream our lungs out!” Vivi’s arms hang around Lewis’ large elbow, tugging in excitement.
Third wheel. Third wheel. Third wheel. Arthur’s brain can’t take the ceaseless drumming of those two words, rebounding in time with heavy drumsticks to skin.
“Y-you two go ahead,” he squeaks. “I’m not a fan of horror and I don’t think I ever will be.”
Letting go, Lewis and Vivi give each other a stare, sharing a moment that Arthur cannot read for the life of him. All of these mixed signals, these shared secrets, this language that shuts him out, he doesn’t know how much longer he can take the isolation.
“Alright then. We’ll see you tomorrow then, Artie,” Vivi says, already turning on her heels. The low tone in her voice gave a bit away. Arthur can read…. disappointment? At what? But all of that conflicts with how quickly she turns away.
With Lewis’ hand in hers, he follows her, but turns to leave Arthur with a smile. Pity, wrapped in the bow of his lips that hide his teeth. Those pearly whites would greet him when he beamed with joy, when he laughed raucously, when he said how much he cared. That is a gift Arthur may never get again.
As the trio say their goodbyes and leave the Pepper Paradiso with Mystery at their feet, Arthur gives into the urge to stay in the doorway as the happy couple trot towards their parked car while the dog follows. They chatter without a care in the world.
“You better be ready for me to scream and jump into your big, strong arms when the scary bits happen,” Vivi flirts, her voice salacious but loud enough to hear. If Lewis was embarrassed, he didn’t show it.
“Honey, you know for a fact that I will probably being the one doing the most screaming. You’ll have to hold me,” he bats back at her. Arthur turns his head, but in the corner of his eyes, he sees how his arm has slung around Vivi’s small shoulders.
If only he were a stronger man. He could fight the urge to stay and latch onto them like a remora on the glistening belly of a shark, only concerned with what they could stuff into their mouths. He cannot feed on love like this. All he will do is get repeatedly shanked in the chest for even hoping.
As the night shows its silvery glow above the orange sunset, Arthur knows that it is time to go. He heads towards the van, his hand wrapped around his keys until they press on his skin. But he cannot fool himself. The cut of the metal will never be Lewis’ fingers. They will never cradle his calloused hands. They will never hold him up like Lewis could lift Vivi so easily. Arthur will never be her.