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Steve tries not to cry.
He’s not a crier, generally speaking. Usually Bucky cries for the both of them, which is enough for Steve. He thinks he stopped crying in the seventh grade, when he realized that crying wasn’t going to make the bruise go away, or make him feel like less of an outsider than he already was. Instead, he just internalized everything, and got angrier and angrier, and then made his school’s LGBTQA Society, and things got a bit better.
But he’s willing to admit that right now, it’s pretty tough not to cry.
Xavier’s school colors are black and white—pretty lame—but he has to admit that the sea of graduates in black graduation robes is pretty striking. He’s sitting with his mom and—not by choice—Dum Dum Dugan. While he loves each person separately, they’re two different worlds Steve had hoped would never meet, given that his mom still thinks that he only drinks white wine at Thanksgiving Dinner, whereas Dum Dum has seen Steve toss his cookies. Twice.
(He’s small, and he’s found out the hard way that it doesn’t take too much to get him nice and tipsy.)
But Dum Dum seems to be on his best behavior, if his best behavior means wolf whistling any Sigma Pi who walks across the stage—and quite a few of them do.
Bucky is first, looking regal in his cap and gown, gold sash and blue chords for his good grades and accomplishments, his Sigma Pi pin, and an extra tassel for his Fulbright Fellowship in Spain the coming year. He shakes hands with Xavier’s President and walks off the stage, looking over to where Steve is sitting as he moves the tassel on his motor board hat from one side to the other. He grins, and Steve tears up. His mom is openly crying, which doesn’t happen. Once Bucky is back in his seat, Steve glances over to Dum Dum, who has tears silently streaming down his rosy cheeks.
Quietly, his mom hands Dum Dum a tissue. A very scared voice in the back of Steve’s head is quietly terrified that this will somehow end up with Dum Dum as his new Da Da. Thankfully, his phone buzzes, shocking him out of that terrible, horrible train of thought.
Rebecca Barnes: Did you see him??
Steve Rogers: Of course I did!
Rebecca Barnes: Wish I were there. Send him my love.
Steve Rogers: Will do!
Becca couldn’t get back from overseas for graduation—she did make it to last Christmas—and is watching via online livestream from her base.
Steve’s mom wraps an arm around his shoulders and presses him close. “This is gonna be you next year,” she whispers, and Steve can’t even bring himself to roll his eyes like he knows he should be. Instead he leans his head into her shoulder and lets her squeeze him close for a quick sec before he pulls away to watch the rest of graduation.
Sharon Carter, Sam’s girlfriend, is soon after Bucky. She’s already got a high profile internship in Washington lined-up, but has promised Sam that she’ll be back to visit during October. Gabe and Jim both graduate. Jim’s heading back to the West Coast—he’s moving back with his parents while he tries to find something in the film industry. Gabe is going on to law school at NYU. A few other people Steve knows graduate: Darcy from the radio station, as well as her friends Jane and Thor.
There’re a lot of crying people around the hall they’re all sitting in. It’s a little hard to breathe.
Thankfully, Xavier is a small school, and the ceremony doesn’t take too long. The grads throw their hats up, and cheer. Something pulls in Steve’s stomach—because it’s over, Bucky has graduated, and he’s…
He swallows, and tries not to think about the future.
It only takes a few minutes until Bucky is running over to them, barreling down on Steve and dragging him into a big hug. Steve laughs, letting himself be swept up by Bucky, who seems a little like a bat in his big, black robe. And then Dum Dum is third wheeling on the hug, smashing Steve between his big belly and Bucky’s robe, and it’s getting a little hard to breathe. But he doesn’t complain, because Bucky is static, grinning like a loon and laughing so hard.
And then Dum Dum is pulling away, and Bucky is inching away, then leaning close to kiss Steve on the lips, wet but quick.
“Boys,” Steve’s mom says, half-admonishing, but not really offended. Bucky laughs, pulling away and going up to her and kissing her cheek.
“Wouldn’t wanna forget about the best lady in the place,” he says. She laughs and gives him a hug, patting his back.
“Congratulations, Bucky.”
“Thanks Sarah.”
Steve moves to Bucky’s side. He can’t help it—Bucky’s pull is magnetic, and soon he’ll be across the globe, and completely out of reach. Bucky pulls a nonchalant arm around Steve’s shoulders, pulling him in close.
Then, of course, Dum Dum gets involved. “Well buddy, you made it.”
“Guess I did.”
“Welcome to the real world.”
“Glad to be a part of it,” Bucky says, beaming down at Steve. And Steve wonders how anything could possibly go wrong between them, not when Bucky is here, and he’s real, and he’s so, so, so happy.
…
Steve’s mom shelled out for two hotel rooms in town, one for her, and one for Steve and Bucky to share. Bucky had to be off-campus pretty much right after graduation, and Steve’s heading home for a few weeks before his internship at NPR starts in Chicago.
Bucky’s plane to Spain leaves in three days.
They lay in bed, full from a great celebratory dinner at a local fondue restaurant, and tired. The TV is on in the background, playing some sitcom that neither of them really care about all that much. Steve is in his boxers, and Bucky is wearing a thin pair of pajama pants. Steve has his back propped up against Bucky’s chest, and Bucky has an arm wrapped around Steve’s side, resting on his stomach. Steve keeps dozing off a little, but tries to keep himself awake; he doesn’t want this to end, and every precious moment with Bucky is wasted if he’s asleep.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Bucky says, like he can read Steve’s thoughts. “You know everything will be fine.”
Steve swallows. “I’m happy for you, Buck. You know I am.” He sighs. “But you’re gonna be far away.”
“Only for a year,” Bucky says. “Then I’ll be home and back here, with you.”
“Not here,” Steve mumbles.
“Yeah well, maybe not in this very hotel room.” Bucky’s chuckling a little. “But we’ll be together somewhere.”
Except, Bucky will probably have a job, and Steve will hopefully have a job.
Except, those jobs may be in different places.
Except, Bucky could become more worldly and decide that he doesn’t want Steve anymore.
Sighing, Steve grabs for the remote. “Wanna watch something on pay-per-view?”
“Sure,” Bucky says. “Whatever you want.”
Steve falls asleep on Bucky’s chest while Lily James’ Cinderella reminds him to “have courage, and be kind.”
…
They spend the next few days in Steve’s New York apartment, but too soon Steve is riding with Bucky to JFK. Steve’s mom helped them spring for a taxi—Bucky’s got a lot of luggage, and Steve is glad for the privacy. They don’t say much, just hold each other’s hands from across the seat.
Steve’s heart is beating so fast.
“Take a cab back,” Bucky says, suddenly.
“Huh?”
“You were plannin’ on takin’ a bus, right?” Steve nods. “You should take a cab.”“I, um, alright.” Steve’s not going to argue with him right now.
“Then we’ll be able to text while I wait for my flight.” He tries to keep his voice bright, but it’s not really working.
“Nervous?” Steve asks.
Bucky nods. He’s only been on a plane twice: the first was when he was a kid, and his foster mom took him and his sister to her father’s funeral in Indiana. The last time was last summer, when he and Steve’s mom visited him in California for a few days during his internship.
“It’ll be fine—just take one of those decongestants that knock you out.”
Bucky smiles, eyes crinkling like always, and then they’re at the airport.
…
“Just…” Bucky says, smoothing down Steve’s shirt near security. “Don’t do anythin’ stupid until I get back.”
Steve tries to smile. “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”
Bucky takes a shuddering breath before pulling Steve into a crushing hug. Eyes filling with tears, Steve buries his head in the crook of Bucky’s neck, and grabs fistfuls of the back of Bucky’s shirt. “I love you,” Steve says into Bucky’s neck.
“Love you, too.”
After another tight squeeze, Bucky pulls away. Still holding onto Steve’s elbows, he pulls in again, this time for a soft, lingering kiss. Steve shuts his eyes and kisses back. Too soon, Bucky pulls away for real, grabs his backpack from where he’d put it down to say goodbye.
“Bye, Steve.” His voice is only just above a whisper.
“See ya, Buck.”
Bucky enters the short security line, and soon he’s out of sight.