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The last thing Jay remembers was her father giving her a command. She also vividly recalled gripping her bow tightly and stepping forwards, her bow shaking in her hand.
She blinked, and then she was here. Standing not so far from a now fallen Gillion, who held his chest and had a look of contorted pain. Jay’s eyes darted to Chip’s who was now running over to Gillion, his face full of terror. Jay’s eyebrows furrowed, her eyes filling with tears, she doesn’t know why though.
And then she understands, and realizes. Gillion had been shot in the chest, and she know understood why Chip had a look of disbelief and horror written on his face.
Jay had shot Gillion.
Jay’s breath fumbled as she tried to keep her calm. Her hands beginning to shake uncontrollably as she looked down from her bow, to Gillion, to her bow again.
Gillion says something, and the ringing in Jay’s ears is so loud that she only catches the last few words.
“Sincerely, I hope it was worth it.” He says. Chip is at his side, his arm getting ready to catch his body if it falls, trying desperately to keep him awake, or alive, Jay is pretty sure he’s trying to do both of those things at this point. And after he gives Jay a pained smile, he collapses into Chip’s arms, Chip letting out a slightly startled grunt. Chip doesn’t let out a word, his hands are shaking, trying desperately to try and stop the tinted blue blood that is gushing from Gillion’s wound, the wound that Jay caused.
Jay blinks again, and then there are tears forming in her eyes. She’s in disbelief. Chip looks up from trying to stop the wound from bleeding and gives her a cold hearted stare that practically shatters her heart into pieces.
She takes a deep breath, and her trembling hand slows down. “You wanna know my secret so badly Chip?”
And she takes a deep inhale through her nose before letting out a shaky breath, obviously trying to hold back tears.
She stands firm, however, her posture straightening once she remembers her father is quite literally behind her, watching her every move.
“I was using you.” She closes her eyes. Not wanting to continue. She wanted to go home. She wanted to continue their adventures. “From the beginning.” She can’t help but choke on those words she doesn’t really mean but they still, had an awful truth to them, one that needed to be said.
Chip doesn’t say a word. He takes in every single sentence however, as he holds Gillion who is slumped against Chip.
Its awfully quiet, and Jay hates it. She hates it, so much.
She feels a wetness under her eyes, and going to touch it, she realizes that her attempt at trying not to cry failed. She hated crying in front of people.
Her eyes dart back up to Chip, who was still staring intently, waiting for her next words. She grips her bow tighter, her knuckles turning white.
“What do you… what do you mean?” Chip says, making Jay slightly surprised. She didn’t expect him to speak up, hell, she hoped he didn’t speak up, it would make the delivery of her confession even harder.
“Using me?” He speaks again, this time Jay recognizes that there is hurt in his voice. She hates it. She hates that underlying feeling of knowing that she caused this, and that it’s all her fault.
Her eyes dart around, all over the floor, trying to avoid looking at Chip because if she did it would make this impossible. “I just…” She finally says, still looking down. “I wanted to get closer. To whoever killed my sister.”
Jay wants Chip to hate him, she wants him to leave and bring Gillion with him, because she doesn’t know if she can forgive herself this time. “I did whatever I could… I convinced the navy to let me go undercover…” She laughs a little, not quite sure what she found so damn funny. “And you… you just happened to be there.”
She began to have flashbacks of the night Chip and her met, the night her life changed.
Another teardrop falls down from her eyes as her bottom lip trembles. “I was just using you.” She practically sobs out, she hates feeling so vulnerable. She hates this, this feeling of betraying her friends trust. It was selfish, she was selfish. She was doing quite well though, with not sobbing till her head hurts like she banged it against a wall several times.
“So..” Chip speaks up again, his voice quieter than usual. “All this…” He trailed off and Jay lifted her head to meet his gaze, “It meant nothing to me.” She said, trying to make the words sound as sincere and clear as possible. She’s pretty sure she failed at that though, because Chip’s classic ‘I know you’re fucking lying” grin slowly creeps up on his face, and Jay can’t help but feel a little bit of relief.
“I don’t believe that.”
Jay has never been happier to hear those words.