Chapter Text
Dreams come and go, that’s what they tend to do. Albus Potter supposes he’s always had dreams, the types that are fuzzy when you wake up, but gone when you start to begin your day. Lately, after the events of what happened in his fourth year, his dreams have twisted into something unpleasant. Those that leave you sweating in your sleep, tossing and turning, crying out for someone— crying out for Scorpius.
He knows his dad had nightmares at his age, but when his dad was fifteen, he had the weight of the wizarding world upon his shoulders. His dreams were almost premonitions. Albus didn’t have that, he was certain the dreams didn’t mean anything, they were merely flashes of memory he longed to forget. Screams ring in his ears as his best friend is hit with the cruciatus curse over and over, his grey eyes almost pleading for death as they bore into Albus’ green ones.
Albus jolts awake, his stomach in knots, nausea rising with bile at the back of his throat. He was used to this now, waking up alone in his bedroom, drenched in sweat and feeling sick. He could never remember the dreams he had as a child, but these particular nightmares like to stick around, a permanent reminder of Albus’ naive-ness the previous school year.
He sighs, falling back against his pillows, eyes looking up on his ceiling where the Sun light is filtering through his curtains. He had had the option of blackout curtains, but he was ten the last time they decorated his room and he hadn’t wanted them. He’s sort of glad, because if he had a nightmare and woke up in a pitch black room, he might’ve spiralled a little bit.
The nightmares weren’t as frequent at Hogwarts. Albus guesses that this is due to the fact that Scorpius is in the bed next to his. He doesn’t feel as panicky when he wakes up at school compared to at home. Scorpius was right next to him and that alone managed to calm him down. From the way Scorpius has started to whimper and cry in his sleep, Albus could guess that the blonde is going through something similar to him. It’s painful for Albus to listen to and he usually gets up and sits on Scorpius’ bed, hugging him to let him know that everything’s okay. That he’s okay.
It’s his stomach rumbling due to the smell of freshly cooked eggs and bacon wafting into his room that makes him finally decide to get out of bed. He throws his duvet off of him, stands up with a click of his back and then heads off downstairs. He’s got bed head, he usually did due to his hair being an untameable mass of curls like his fathers and his brothers hair.
“Morning, Al.” His father greets from where he stands at the oven, cooking the family some breakfast, dressed in his striped pyjama bottoms and his black dressing gown. His father was the one who cooked more often than not. His mother knew how, Harry just preferred to do it himself. Albus put it down to being forced to cook for the Dursley’s as a child.
His mother and sister are both sat at the table. Ginny’s drinking some coffee whilst doing a crossword in the Daily Prophet, dressed in her baby blue pyjamas with her baby pink dressing gown wrapped around her; matching slippers on her feet. Lily’s sat typing away on her phone, a glass of orange juice sitting abandoned on the table. She’s dressed in some lilac pyjamas that match and she’s smiling, most likely texting on the youngest cousins group chat.
James, Albus presumes, is still asleep upstairs. No matter how much sleep Albus has gotten the night previous, he always made it downstairs for breakfast, where as his older brother did not. The brunette yawns and stretches once more before he sits down at the table. He’d decided on a plain grey tshirt and his boxers as his choice of pyjamas.
“You look awful, Albus, are you feeling okay?” Is the question that his mother greets him with. He blinks slowly in response, a little stunned.” Are you still having nightmares, sweetheart?”
“It’s nothing.” Albus responds quietly as his dad stops what he’s doing slightly to turn and look at him.
Their relationship was slightly better, but it wasn’t what it should be. They still clashed every now and then, but Albus knew his father cared about him. He just wished everybody would stop fussing over him for five minutes, he felt like he hadn’t had a moment to himself to think since the October of last year. Almost 12 months previous. If it isn’t his parents, it’s his cousins and siblings at school, Rose being the worst out of all of them.
This school year, Albus was facing a lot of change. It was his fifth year, the year of his O.W.Ls; which he could care less about. On top of that, he knew Scorpius was trying out for the quidditch team this year. It was all the blonde had spoke about leading up to the last day of fourth year…well, quidditch and Rose were the only things he’d spoken about. Sure, Albus was excited for him, but he didn’t exactly like quidditch all that much. With the possibility of Scorpius being on the team, it meant they were see eachother less. Plus, there was talk of Scorpius being a prefect, which meant even less time together due to prefect duties.
Not only all of this, but his own father was going to be at the school. Harry had decided on a career change during the summer, explaining to his wife and children that he was bored at the ministry, and would much rather go into teaching. There was a spot open for the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor due to the fact old Professor Clarity had finally retired. Harry had gotten the job as soon as he’d applied.
This could mean either one of two things. The first one was that the bullying Albus faced would increase when other students saw just how different Albus and Harry were. Or, the bullying could decrease slightly when they see that Harry isn’t bothered by the fact that Albus is different.
Albus was starting to truly discover how different he really was. He spent a lot of his time over the summer alone, and being isolated with his own thoughts was proving to be terrifying. He’d discovered that he wasn’t really attracted to girls…he wasn’t exactly attracted to anyone romantically and it was confusing. When his father was his age, he’d had multiple girlfriends and girls were falling at his feet. It had been the same for James. But, Albus hadn’t even had his first kiss. He was certain he wasn’t attracted to girls…it was his attraction to boys that confused him.
The young Potter was pretty sure he was gay, but he wasn’t one hundred percent on that. He hadn’t been romantically attracted to anyone except Scorpius, and these feelings scared him out of his wits. It added to his sleep struggles. It added to his fears and insecurities. His dad had just started to build a better relationship with him and this information could cause all of that hard work to come tumbling down. Sure, he wanted to be in a romantic relationship, he just hadn’t felt anything before Scorpius. He didn’t want to be attracted to Scorpius, that was his best friend, and falling for your best friend could be risky. He’d discovered these feelings just before they left for home for the summer and he’d been so horrified he’d cried himself senseless.
“You’re very pale.” His dad states, snapping him out of his thoughts. The son just shrugs in response and finally sits down at the table, across from his mother, who briefly glances at him with worry but adverts her gaze when her eldest surprisingly walks in in his boxers.” Harry, there’s an intruder in the house.”
“Very funny.” James snorts as he slumps down in the chair beside his younger brother, displaying bed head worse than Albus’.
“What’s caused you to rise at this hour? It’s eight?” Harry quizzes and James rolls his eyes, grabbing Lily’s abandoned orange juice and replying with,” it’s my last first day back to school, I’m going to make a big deal about it.” before he drinks the juice.
“That was mine!” Lily whines at the same time Ginny states “oh my first born is all grown up!” with a sad tone in her voice.
“Don’t get sappy.” James chuckles and then he glances beside him at his brother, whose head is propped up against his arm resting on the table, his eyes half closed,” oi, misery guts, what’s up with you?”
“Fuck off, James.” Albus snaps in response, earning a “language, Albus Severus!” from his father.
“Someone’s touchy this morning. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” The older brother teases the younger one, going to ruffle his brothers messy hair. Albus swats his hand away rougher than intended and James mutters out an,” asshole!” as he rubs his hand.
“Leave your brother alone, Jamie.” Harry instructs as he begins to place the plates onto the table. Father and son make eye contact, almost having a conversation, and James nods—knowing that whatever Albus was stropping about had to do with what he’d done last year. Those events were completely off teasing limits, James was under strict instructions on not to belittle his brother over it. Not that he wanted to anyway. He hated his younger siblings being upset.
“Is no one going to acknowledge that James just drank my drink?!” Lily reminds them as Harry finally manages to sit down. He sighs and grabs the empty glass infront of James, standing up and pouring orange juice into it.
“Could I have some coffee please, dad?” Albus mumbles out. Harry glances at him and gives nod before he passes his daughter her drink.
“Thank you!” Lily smiles as Harry pours his younger son a mug of coffee. Once it’s ready, he passes it to him and sits back down as he asks,” are you sure you’re alright, Albus?”
“I’ve got a headache but I’m fine.” Albus responds before he lazily shovels food into his mouth. The other four stare at him, even Lily, who Albus knew was worried about him; and that broke his heart. He was the big brother. He was supposed to worry about her.
Albus manages to continue his breakfast without any further questioning. He knew his family meant well, but he had a short temper that he’d inherited from the Weasley side of his family, and he really didn’t want to argue with anyone. Once he’s finished his breakfast, he trudges off upstairs to get ready to go back to school.
He starts off with a shower, and they usually last longer, but he didn’t want to be running late for the train (he didn’t want to be away from Scorpius much longer. They hadn’t seen one another all summer and had barely written. And Albus was starting to feel an ache in his heart that was getting harder to ignore). After his shower, he stands infront of the mirror, his reflection staring back at him; all freckled cheeks and green eyes, a perfect blend of his parents.
He looked noticeably older, and he felt it too, and that’s causes him to let out a heavy sigh. He was only fifteen, he shouldn’t be feeling so stressed, and yet here he was. He grabs his clothes (a navy blue jumper and some plain jeans) and begins to get changed, hurrying when James starts frantically banging on the door for him to hurry up.
“Merlins Beard, have you ever heard of patience?!” Albus snaps as he exits the bathroom. James just rolls his eyes and slams the door behind himself. The lock clicks and Albus clambers up the next flight of stairs to get to his room.
He’d say his room was very Weasley, which translated to tartan bedsheets and clutter all over the place. He had a double bed with a soft mattress, green tartan bedsheets covering them. His desk, chest of drawers and bed side table were full of random clutter. There were sketches he’d done months ago, empty cups, photos, all of them strewn on most of the surfaces. He had some dirty washing on the floor but it wasn’t much. It was his room and he felt comforted in it.
The teen makes his way over to his trunk, picking it up to check that he had everything he needed. Once he was satisfied, he grabs his ferrets cage and hauls them both down the stairs and places them by the front door.
“How’re you feeling?” Comes a voice when he enters the living room. He jumps. It’s his dad, who’s sat on the couch, waiting for his children so they could all hurry off. He wasn’t living at Hogwarts. He was going to floo every day, the same as Neville.
“Dad, please stop asking me that.” Albus begs as he sits on the opposite couch to his father.” I’m-
“Don’t say you’re okay. I know you’re not.” Harry cuts off and Albus sighs.” You can talk to me, Al. I won’t dismiss how you feel.”
“It’s okay, dad, really. It’s nothing. It’s just some stuff I have to deal with on my own.” Albus responds and Harry studies him slightly before nodding gently. Relief floods in Albus’ stomach, glad that that conversation was over. His dad would not understand that he was petrified of being in love.
It’s 10:00 by the time James and Lily are finally ready to leave the house. James and Albus assist Harry in packing the boot of the car whilst Ginny makes sure that every plug in the house was switched off (with a flick of her wand as they lived in Grimmauld Place and it was absolutely huge), Lily stood beside her, rambling about Quidditch. They all tended to engage in conversation about Quidditch, except Albus, who was the only Potter who couldn’t play it and who didn’t really like it all that much.
His father had been seeker for Gryffindor house, and his mother had been a chaser for the same team and later went onto play for the Holyhead Harpies. Nowadays, Ginny edited the sports pages in the Daily Prophet, not having played Quidditch professionally since Lily had turned three. James was a beater for Gryffindor, and Lily had followed in her mothers footsteps as a chaser for the same team as her brother, alongside Rose. Hugo even played as chaser for Hufflepuff. Albus often felt left out, he was terrible on a broom, and now Scorpius was also talking about trying out for the Slytherin team as they had a few spots opening this year. Albus bottled his loneliness regarding this up, letting it brush over instead of effect him directly. He could deal with those later.
Albus is sat staring out of the window the car ride, sat beside his father. Lily was sat in the middle and James was on the right behind their mother, who was driving. The entire conversation the entire journey is about quidditch and Albus decides to tune out entirely.
_______
Family meals were Scorpius Malfoys least favourite part of his day. His grandmother and grandfather lived in the manor with himself and his father, and whilst Scorpius adored his grandmother, he absolutely despised his grandfather. Lucius Malfoy had no trouble reminding Scorpius about how much of a disappointment he was and how he was a sore on the Malfoy name. He never stopped, even when his own wife and son asked him to. Scorpius knew he wasn’t exactly the model Malfoy, but he was proud of that fact. He was kind and he was polite and he was good. That was all that mattered.
He sits silently at the breakfast table the morning of the first day back to Hogwarts, staring at the floor, fingers tracing the scars on his wrists. They’d been caused by being bound whilst the cruciatus curse was used on him thrice; it was rare for the curse to leave a mark, and yet here Scorpius was with a circular scar going around each of his wrists, a few on his stomach, a long one running down his shoulder and a tiny one at the base of his back. He was insecure about them. He didn’t like them. He couldn’t hide the ones on his wrists and kids had started to tease him for them last year, not bothering to care about how he got them. Sure, the bullying had decreased slightly after his and Albus’ escapade the year before; but it hadn’t gone away. Not fully.
“Scorpius!” His father says, in a way that shows he’s been trying to get his sons attention. Scorpius’ head snaps up and he looks at his dad, who asks,” you’ve barely eaten anything, are you alright?”
“Oh, I’m not all that hungry, I guess.” Scorpius shrugs, and he wasn’t. He had periods of times where his appetite disappeared. It had been at its worst in the November and December of last year, when he’d felt too nauseous to eat much. His dad had figured it had to do with the trauma he’d experienced, and the two had worked on it together, and soon Scorpius was somewhat back to his usual eating habits by early February.
“Don’t be weak, Scorpius Hyperion.” Lucius states and both Draco and Scorpius glare at him, Narcissa letting out an exhausted sigh at her husbands words.” You’re just like that mother of yours.”
“Father.” Draco says with a low warning tone. Scorpius scoffs at his grandfathers words, shaking his head as he says,” she was an amazing mother to me.”
“She raised you sloppily, Scorpius. Both her and your father did.”
“Father!”
“I’m never going to be good enough for you so I don’t really care about what you think of me, grandfather.” Scorpius simply responds, picking up his fork and stabbing at a sausage on his plate. Sometimes he wished his grandfather would just roll over and die. He was surprised it hadn’t happened already with how frail Lucius was starting to get in old age.
“This is exactly what I mean, Draco. That boy has no respect.” Lucius comments, nodding his head toward Scorpius, who slams his fork down and says,” no respect is not letting me say goodbye to my dying mother!”
One thing Scorpius had learnt over the last few months was that due to his trauma and all that had happened in his life, he was becoming a very angry person. He put it down to puberty and his hormones flying all over the place. He was almost sixteen, he was sure it was normal to be feeling like this but that didn’t mean that it didn’t scare him. He didn’t like being angry, he didn’t like being mean and rude and nasty. That wasn’t who he was. But he couldn’t help it.
The same way he couldn’t have helped his growth spurt so that he was now standing at 6’1 instead of the 5’10 from just before they left school for the summer holidays. Or the way his voice had deepened, or that he has acne on his cheeks, or how his hair was wavier than it had been, or how he now wore glasses due to his eye sight getting bad around the December of the previous year. It was all puberty and puberty was scaring him. He didn’t like change, and a doctor at St Mungo’s had diagnosed him with autism. It had been suggested to him by his muggle studies teacher mid way through fourth year, and it made a lot of sense. He was glad the wizarding world was finally catching up with the muggle one, but that didn’t stop his grandfather from dismissing his diagnosis completely; saying it was awful muggle stuff.
His father didn’t understand it completely but he was trying with Scorpius. He was more patient and when he looked at the bigger picture, the way Scorpius would act as a toddler was suddenly starting to make sense. The sleepless nights because he was frightened of being alone, the crying on the morning of his birthday due to the fact he was getting older and changing, how he got easily overwhelmed, how he fixated on certain things, how he struggled to make friends at Hogwarts, how he struggled with certain sounds and foods; and the meltdowns he’d have during thunder storms because of the noise.
Scorpius knew he was different. He was always aware that he was different. His grandfather had never hidden how he thought of him. His grandmother and father both love him and he knows that, but neither of them understand him. They don’t understand the ways he copes with his trauma, they don’t understand his autism, and they mostly certainly wouldn’t understand his attraction to men. This had been a new discovery back in third year. He’d figured out he liked both men and women due to Albus casually talking about some family event he didn’t want to go to, and that was when the young Malfoy had started developing a little crush on his best friend. A crush that he ignored and buried deep down along with his attraction for men.
“Scorpius, we’ve spoken about this. We are not getting into this conversation again. You know that that was mine and your mothers decision, not your grandparents!” Draco warns, adjusting his posture in his seat so he’s sat slightly straighter.
“They agreed with you.”
“They respected our wishes, yes, and that is enough of the conversation.” Draco sighs, trying to put an end to the conversation before it got heated. But Scorpius wasn’t giving up so easily. He stabs at the sausage on his plate again as he says,” I could’ve handled it.”
“No you couldn’t have, alright? You were thirteen.” Draco snaps and he doesn’t mean to snap at his son but this was the fourth time this holiday that they’d spoken about it since he and Scorpius had had a long conversation about the loss of Astoria.
“And all I’m saying is that I could’ve handled it-
“That’s enough!” Draco groans, eyes shut as he rubs his temple. Scorpius looks at him before falling silent. Then, the young Malfoy slides his chair out from under the table and stands up.
“Where are you going, Scorpius?” His grandmother asks softly as her grandson begins to walk away from the breakfast table without even asking to be dismissed.
“I’m going to check that I have everything packed.” Scorpius replies, walking off up the four flights of stairs on the left wing of the Manor to get to his bedroom.
His room was the second largest in the whole manor, the largest one belonging to his father. It was spacious, the walls painted emerald and the floor being a dark oak that complimented one another. His bed was a king sized with lighter green sheets and a grey throw blanket over it. He had a desk, bookshelf, two wardrobes, a chest of drawers and a bed side table. His room was neat and tidy, everything in its right place, things lined up and organised the way that they should be. Even his clothes were colour coded in his wardrobes. Scorpius clung to routine. He needed it to function.
He checks his trunk has everything in it and then he grabs his cat carrier, his pure white cat snoozing away inside. He was called Pippin and Scorpius had gotten him just before he started his first year at Hogwarts. His mother had chosen a cat as his pet and he’d be grateful to her for that. He adored his cat.
At around 10:50, the blonde trudges back downstairs, dressed in a green turtle neck that’s tucked into a pair of black trousers. He places his trunk and cat carrier down as he hugs his grandmother goodbye, Narcissa kissing his forehead and telling him to have a good year. He shakes his grandfathers hand and then grabs ahold of his stuff before he holds his fathers arm, the two apparating to platform nine and three quarters.
“I can see them!” He hears Ron Granger-Weasley say as they begin to walk down the platform, Draco helping his son with his luggage. Smoke cascades around them and parts a little as the Granger- Weasley’s and the Potters come into view.
The first person Scorpius spots is Albus, sitting on his trunk, eyes focussed on the floor, ferret cage sat beside his foot as his ferret Griff sleeps inside of it. He’s changed over the summer. He looks older, his eyes shining bright green in the reflection of the sun, complimenting his tan skin and the freckles that cascade over his nose. His hair is still it’s usual state of ‘attempted to tame’ curls and he’s attractive. He’s so very attractive that Scorpius feels his stomach tighten in what he could only describe as affection. He’ll say it’s hunger, however, as he’d only managed an egg and half a sausage for breakfast.
“Hello.” Draco greets and Albus’s head snaps up, the two teenagers making eye contact and Scorpius can feel himself blush. To his surprise, Albus is blushing too. The younger teen looks exhausted, and Scorpius can’t blame him. Neither of them had been the best with their sleep lately.
“Would you like help with your trunk, Scorpius?” Harry asks as Draco places it down.” I’m about to help Lily, Albus and James with there’s-
“I can do it myself, dad.” James cuts across and Scorpius can suddenly see how similar James and Albus look. They’re mini copies of Harry with hints of Weasley in their faces. They had the exact same face, freckles and all, but James’ hair was a dark auburn that could be mistaken for brunette, and his eyes were brown like Ginny’s. He also wore circular glasses like his father, whereas Albus didn’t. Other than that, they were almost twins.
“And I’m okay to do Scorpius’s.” Draco states, picking the trunk back up. Albus gets off of his and his dad picks it up along with Lily’s, and then Harry joins Ron and Draco with putting the luggage onto the train; coming back for the pets.
Rose is stood with her brother and Lily, the three talking animatedly about quidditch. Scorpius smiles at how enthusiastic Rose was talking, and he knew he had to ask her out again. They’d sort of become friends toward the end of the previous school year, but they weren’t close. She was a fun person, everything Scorpius was expecting her to be. Fun, headstrong and daring.
“I missed you.” Albus whispers as he makes his way over to the blonde, looking at his sister and cousins talking. Scorpius glances to Albus and smiles. The smaller teen smiles too and looks up at the taller one, green eyes meeting grey.” Merlin, you’re tall.”
Scorpius snorts then and Albus also finds himself laughing, a loud, genuine laugh that, from the look on Ginny’s face, hadn’t been heard in a little while. The two giggle as the train’s whistle blows, causing Ron, Draco and Harry to come rushing back over. Parents hug children and Scorpius finds himself leaning into his fathers touch, feeling somewhat sad. He was going to miss his dad oddly enough. He hadn’t felt like this before, and he was glad they’d gotten closer during the summer.
“I’ll write to you.” Draco mumbles into his sons hair. Scorpius feels tears rush to his eyes, so he squeezes them shut as he buries his face into his dads neck.
“Have a good first day, you four.” He can hear Ginny saying to her children and husband. Scorpius finds his grip around his fathers waist tightening.
“Hey, what’s all this?” Draco asks with a slight chuckle, moving his sons head so Scorpius was now looking at him, a single tear running down his cheek.” Oh, Scorpius-
“I’m sorry for arguing with you this morning.” Scorpius manages to say, but it comes out choked up. Draco smiles a little and just places a gentle kiss to his sons forehead before he says,” it’s alright. You don’t need to get upset. Now, get on that train and have a good fifth year. Make me proud!”
Scorpius sniffs and nods as the two move out of the hug. Draco wipes a few of his son tears away and then the fifteen year old hops onto the train with his friends, Albus giving him a reassuring nod as Hugo closes the door.
“Don’t go train absconding this year!” Ron jokingly calls out as the train begins to pull away from the station. The group laugh, Albus rolling his eyes. Draco waves gently to Scorpius, who waves back with a smile.
As the others begin to fade, Harry makes his way to the teacher compartment, whilst Rose goes to find Alice Longbottom, James going to find his cousins Louis and Fred Weasley along with Frank Longbottom. Lily and Hugo rush off to find their third year friends, leaving Albus and Scorpius alone. The two smile at one another and then shuffle off to their usual compartment.
“How was your summer?” Albus asks as he checks that their trunks are in the overhead compartment like he’d asked his father. They are, and so he sits down.
“Boring really. We can leave the Manor now but we haven’t except for Diagon Alley for school supplies.” Scorpius responds as he sits down on the bench opposite Albus’.” How was your summer?”
“Alright. The family holiday was okay.”
“I’m thinking of asking Rose out again.” Scorpius blurts out, Albus’ face falling slightly. The brunette coughs and then states,” why? It went dreadfully last time. She doesn’t like you Scorpius.”
“I feel like it’s going to happen this time.” Scorpius responds.
“Nice to see that you’re still a complete fantasist.” Albus chuckles out and Scorpius frowns.” She’s not interested, please don’t embarrass yourself.”
“What’s got your knickers in a twist?” Scorpius asks. Albus never acted like this over his crush on Rose. He was usually supportive.
“Nothing! I just don’t want you getting hurt.”
Silence falls over them after that. It’s got a slight tension to it, but if Albus was going to be like that then Scorpius didn’t want to talk to him. He sighs and leans back in his seat, watch as Albus lies down across the bench he’s sat on. The young Potter eventually falls asleep and Scorpius keeps an eye on him. He was a little pissed off with him, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to make sure Albus had a normal nap.