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It had been about half an hour after the latest of their mandated therapy sessions, and from the time he came back and sat down on the couch up to the present moment, Spinner had been looking blankly at the wall as if it was sucking the life-force out of him. All Tomura could really do was stick around in the room and wait until Spinner was ready to talk about it. He hated watching his boyfriend stew in self-loathing, but he’d be there in a heartbeat to jump in when he was given the all-clear.
“They went no contact.” Spinner finally mumbled, his gravelly voice betraying that this news was enough to drive him to tears when he originally heard it. “My family they… they don’t wanna hear from me anymore.”
That was Tomura’s cue to sit down on the same couch, close but not crowding, letting Spinner piece his thoughts together and encouraging him to put them into words.
“I’m not sure why I’m acting like this, I’ve been rejected plenty of times before. Hell, my entire life in that back-water town was nothing but jeers and stones and the constant rejection of what I- who I was.”
At this point Spinner had begun to grab at his legs and press them close to his chest, curling up into a smaller but denser lump of despair. His voice was shaky as he continued, “But at the very least I had a place to hide back then, relatives to commiserate with- a whole bunch of us all under the same roof. Maybe that’s why it was easy for them to let me go. I mean with how big our family was, who’s gonna care about one lost cause?”
“You know, one time I saved enough money to make it to the beach, one of those smaller polluted ones that don’t get much attention. And sometimes…” Spinner’s breath hitched as he curled up harder. Even so, Tomura could see the tear stains already starting to pool on Spinner’s knees where his face was buried as he uttered a phrase that broke his heart, “…sometimes, I wonder why I didn’t just walk into the ocean and let my lungs fill up like I had planned.”
Within the space of a second, Tomura had jumped across the couch and slammed himself into Spinner’s side.
“Screw them,” he hissed, holding his depressed ball of a boyfriend as close as he could with all the strength he had, “If they think they can just cut you loose like you’re dead weight than screw them.”
“I know, but it still hurts though! It’s like one minute I was part of a miserable yet genuine family and the next minute I’m basically garbage to them, except even garbage is useful if you- I dunno, compost it or something!”
Tomura sighed while gently wiping the tears from Spinner’s face, Spinner in turn leaning into the touch as he let it all out of his system -and wow the trust his boyfriend had in him blew Tomura’s mind every damn time. Soon enough it was time for the hard part. Spinner had let his walls down in front of him, had trusted Tomura to ground him as he weathered through the waves of grief. Now it was Tomura’s turn to be vulnerable too.
“This is gonna sound mind-numbingly stupid, but you know the phrase ‘one man’s trash is another man’s treasure’ or whatever?”
Spinner sniffled and nodded in response.
“Well,” Tomura continued, squeezing Spinner a little tighter as he did so, “I’d like you to keep that phrase in the back of your head, because even when you feel like you’re absolute garbage, I’ll always treasure you. Okay?”
This was fine. Tomura could live with a few minutes of semi-flushed embarrassment if it meant summoning the wobbly smile Spinner had on his face. It was still tinged with sadness, but it now had a hopefulness that wasn’t there before shining brightly in his eyes.