Work Text:
Hajime woke with a gasp as his eyes abruptly opened. He blinked at the dark ceiling of his cottage, mind blank and heart racing. He knew he was waking up from a nightmare, but his mind was empty, thoughts screaming wordlessly, so it must have been one of those rare lucky occasions where he didn’t remember what he had been dreaming about.
But just because he didn’t remember didn’t make the fear go away.
Though, he hadn’t bolted upright nor screamed, and he wasn’t sweating or anything. Maybe it wasn’t that bad, then…?
Scratch that; his shoulders suddenly started shaking after only a few moments of being awake, sending an intense shiver down his body. The scars around his wrists and ankles began to ache when the shiver reached them. Okay, so it was bad. Probably a traumatic memory or something too. Well, whatever. Not like he didn’t already have plenty of experience with that kind of dream.
Hajime had to consciously remind himself a few times that the pain around his wrists and ankles wasn’t real before he stopped feeling like he was being tied down again. He knew rationally that he was physically entirely fine, but his body didn’t seem to believe it. He rolled over, trying to ignore his heart hammering against his ribcage, how his breath tore ragged at his throat.
With a start, he realized that Fuyuhiko was just a few inches away, sleeping on his back next to him, face soft and relaxed with sleep.
Hajime breathed a short sigh of relief; in his post-nightmare haze he’d forgotten that Fuyuhiko had stayed the night in his cottage. He already felt a little better just from having someone else there.
But his heart was still beating out of his chest. It was too loud between his ears, even though there was hardly any sound in the cottage aside from his own panicked breathing. The pounding was starting to give him a headache.
He needed some way to calm down. His instincts screamed that he wasn’t safe, even though he knew he was, because Fuyuhiko was right there and nothing had happened. There was something about having another person there that made everything that came with sleep easier to bear. That’s why Fuyuhiko had stayed over in the first place. Speaking of…
Hajime looked back over at Fuyuhiko again and, after a moment, made a decision.
He shuffled over to Fuyuhiko, trying not to feel bad about seeking comfort like this. It wasn’t like he hadn’t before. It wasn’t like he hadn’t woken up to Fuyuhiko hugging him in a death grip on multiple occasions, though of course he vehemently denied it each time. Plus, Fuyuhiko had told him repeatedly and loudly to not feel bad about asking him for help, and to not hesitate to wake him if he ever needed anything.
And, well, right now, Hajime felt like he just really needed a hug.
Swallowing down his misplaced nervousness and guilt, Hajime scooted over the last bit to lightly rest his head on Fuyuhiko’s chest, nestling just under his chin, his pajama shirt soft and warm against his cheek. He took a few moments to listen to Fuyuhiko’s heartbeat, and felt his own finally start to calm down to match it. Something from inside the part of his brain shrouded in dark and static reminded him there was a word for that: co-regulation.
His scars throbbed again. He put a stop to that train of thought before it could thrust more phantom information unwanted into his head.
Instead, he gently wrapped his arms around Fuyuhiko, pulling himself closer, ensconcing himself in that source of calming warmth. He breathed out slowly, letting his eyes close, and for the first time since he woke up, he felt some little semblance of safety.
The movement seemed to wake Fuyuhiko a little. “…Hajime?” he heard Fuyuhiko groggily ask from just above his head, his voice slurred and raspy with sleep. “You okay?”
“Mhm,” Hajime nodded. He felt his own heartbeat calm down further. “I’m good.” And he was. He would be.
Fuyuhiko seemed to consider it for a second—or maybe his hesitation was from still being half-asleep. “Hm. Okay,” he murmured eventually. Hajime felt Fuyuhiko shift under him, then a hand came up to lazily run through his hair a few times. It was soothing. “Let me know if you’re not?”
Hajime nodded again, his heart warmed by the sweetness of that request in Fuyuhiko’s sleep-soft voice. They had come so far from those early days in the Program. “I will.”
In response, Fuyuhiko’s hand moved to rest on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze before he relaxed. Soon enough, his breaths lengthened as he fell back asleep.
Hajime let a soft smile onto his face, focusing on the slight rise and fall of Fuyuhiko’s chest, feeling his breaths gently ruffle through his hair. He turned his attention again to the regular, comforting thrum of his heartbeat, the warm weight of his arm looped around him. It was proof that they were alive, that they were safe. It was proof that things would be okay.
With these reassurances in mind and warmth in his heart, Hajime felt himself start to drift off to sleep as well.