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Peter's hands are far too big, Marrow thinks. Too big and heavy and hard to be touching Kitty. Her Kitty, soft in all the right places. She wants to hate him, because it's so easy for him to just be with her, and yet he's not. She doesn't understand how anyone could give that up. She watches them from across the room, in the shadows. Watches Peter and Kitty talking, laughing, touching... Peter pulled a bone from Marrow's back that she couldn't reach, once, without pity or disgust. He drew a sketch of her, for her. He promised not to tell anyone about the pictures in her room. She can't hate him, not even for being able to touch Kitty.
Marrow spends most her nights skulking around the mansion, passing by Kitty's door more times than she can count. Gently brushing her hand over the wood, wanting to press her face up close and smell Kitty from the other side but too afraid of leaving a mark, a sign of being there. She growls softly and quickly walks away.
Back down to the basement that's the closest thing to her tunnels in the whole mansion. Dark and damp and sometimes when the shadows are just right, she imagines the flickers of dark are really rats scurrying out the corner of her eye. It makes it feel like home.
When she closes her eyes, Kitty is still there. Smiling, laughing. She doesn't understand this feeling, this need to reach out and touch Kitty all the time... Stupid, pretty, untouchable Pussycat.
Sometimes, she even sneaks into Kitty's room at night-- when there's no one around to notice. Not the Cajun, who spends even more nights creeping around than she does. Not the Old Man or the damn Windrider, who'd both probably rip her head off if they knew she was this close to their precious Kitten.
She scowls slightly, after sitting on Kitty's desk across from her bed for close to an hour with barely a twitch from the sleeping girl. She wouldn't last a day in the Morlock tunnels, Marrow thinks to herself yet again, and tries to believe that it's disgust that she feels churning in her stomach; that the girl isn't worth her time, weak and unguarded as she seems. Sighing softly, she slides off the desk and silently makes her way out of the room, looking back just once and telling herself that the ache in her chest is just another bone coming through.
***
Marrow watches her again the next day, in the Danger Room, and Scott's already yelled at them both several times for not paying attention.
Kitty feels mildly irritable, not having slept well, irrationally feeling like someone was watching her all night. Marrow smiles when Kitty snaps at Storm, and is hit in the head twice while staring at Kitty's ass.
Split up into teams, Marrow is paired off with Kitty, who phases her, and she hates it. She's not used to feeling so... Helpless. Not in control. Vulnerable, in a way she can't quite figure out. She can't breathe when Kitty phases her. It tingles in all the wrong ways.
Kitty lets go and smiles at her, as if she's so proud of Sarah for being a team-player. That smile makes Marrow feel as if she's being phased again, tingling in all the wrong ways.
***
Marrow tries all kinds of stupid things to get Kitty's attention. She really thought the dead rat in Kitty's bed would get more out of her...
Although, when Kitty, standing there in boxers and an old t-shirt, sticks her hand through Marrow's head and threatens to phase her brain out for that... Sarah has to admit, that tingles in a very good way.
A few seconds later, Kitty drags her out of the pretty bedroom and down to the kitchen to tell the other X-Men about the latest threat to humanity, currently in the form of a terrorist in the subway. Sarah could care less about it, but since Kitty seems to care so much... Well, at least it's an excuse to get out of the mansion for a while.
***
She wanders through tunnels with Kitty and all she can think of is how out of place Kitty looks, so clean and beautiful in the dark, dirty underground. She hates how uncomfortable being around Kitty makes her, even down here. Especially down here. In her own tunnels.
They have to phase through the lines to get to the others in time. Marrow thinks she might actually be getting used to it. When it means she gets to hold Kitty's hand, it can't be all bad, she tells herself.
***
On the train, going home, Kitty sleeps with her head resting in Sarah's lap. She softly strokes Kitty's hair and worries a bit about how hard she hit her, although Logan had assured her that Kitty would be fine. The team tells her what a great job she did, how she'll make an X-Man yet, sounding like they're one second away from calling her a hero. It makes Sarah want to throw up.
She hates the fact that Kitty was hurt. Hates that she's responsible for it even more. Kitty shouldn't be out here, risking her life for worthless humans. She's surprised at her own thoughts, suddenly so protective and concerned.
Sarah wants to keep her safe. She wants to give her the world. Wants to give her whatever she needs to keep that joy and brightness in her eyes. She's angry with herself for thinking like this, and angrier still at being unable to give Kitty all the things she deserves. Fucking white picket fences.
She continues to stroke Kitty's hair, not trusting herself to touch the perfect skin of Kitty's face.
She tries to tell herself that this is enough.