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"I'm scared of being alone"
Robert replayed the words he had said to Aaron over and over in his head. How he was so honest even if he was intoxicated. But here he is, alone. Alone like he never wanted to be, it's his fault he knows this but he never meant for it all to come crashing down like this. He never meant to hurt anyone, he never meant to hurt Aaron. So here he is, sitting in the corner of the pub drinking maybe his 5th or 6th whiskey? He doesn't know, he doesn't remember. That's why he doing this, to forget so he doesn't have to remember what he lost, who he lost. All that ever really mattered now he thinks about it was Aaron. Beautiful and broken Aaron, who didn't deserve all the shit he was forever giving him. Its too late now though, Aaron had finally had enough after the affair was exposed. Robert thought about how Aaron should've given up on him long before that, like any normal person would but that just showed how much Aaron loved him. Robert can't think about it, he just can't but when his mind is fuzzy with another drink gone Aaron is his only thought.
So when Aaron walks into the pub, Robert eyes are on him straight away trying to take in the sight to imprint it on his mind. Probably not the best idea when he clocks on the the bloke following Aaron to the bar ordering a drink for them both. That's when the jealously kicks in and Robert has the sudden urge to throttle who ever this guy is. Even more so when they are sitting on the bar stools and the man's hand lands on Aaron's thigh. Aaron doesn't notice, he is too busy laughing at the joke he just made. Both whispering in each others ears, giggling like children and Robert just sits there and watches wondering why thats not him next to Aaron.
Robert feels tortured, watching someone else getting to touch Aaron, to make him laugh and love him because that's all Robert wants to do and more.At least he's happy, like he should be Robert thinks and now he doesn't want to ruin Aaron's happiness by going up there and causing a scene so he just sits back. Robert signals to Diane to get him a pint which she places down in front of him before giving him a sympathetic look which Robert hates. He tries to hide by shuffling further into the corner, nursing his pint looking on at Aaron laughing and having a good time while Robert lets a few tears roll down his cheeks. Finally Roberts had enough of doing this to himself, he gets up slowly trying not to topple over. He props himself up onto the bar next to Aaron.
"I'll uh-pay for those drinks now, step mother" Robert slurred opening his wallet pulling out the money owed. Diane stood on the other side of the bar unimpressed.
"Ta love, don't you think you should be getting home now?" Diane asked while shoving the money into the cash register.
"I t-t-think thats-" Robert was about to close his wallet when he saw it, a small photo of him and Aaron he'd forgotten about, taken when they had been shopping and Robert needed a new passport photo. Robert had dragged Aaron in the booth with him and they had taking a few silly photos. Aaron was happy there too, sitting on Roberts knee being kissed on the cheek by him. Robert looked up at Diane with tears in his eyes that didn't go unnoticed by Aaron.
"I don't want to go home" Robert whispered, then placed his head in his arms on the bar and quietly sobbed to himself not really caring who saw while being this drunk. Diane made her way round the bar to Robert.
"Oh love, what's wrong?" Diane asked while rubbing his back trying to comfort him. Aaron watched on, concerned at the state Robert was in. Robert lifted his head and turned to look at Diane.
"I want it back, you know?"
"Want what back?"
"This!" Robert hastily pulled the photo out his wallet and put it in Diane's hand. Robert walked out of the pub and headed straight for the shop.
Picking out a bottle of whiskey and paying for it, he ended up at the cricket pavilion. Staring out at the fields Robert took a few swigs every so often of the whiskey which burned in his mouth sending him further into his dark mind where thoughts of Aaron made there way back. Robert was thinking of Aaron touching someone else, kissing someone else, having sex with someone else. Letting someone who wasn't Robert be so intimate with him and it made Robert shudder. It made his insides feel like they were in knots, the drink helped loosen these knots but it didn't make it stop. Nothing ever made it stop for him. Apart for Aaron of course, he always made it all stop. Aaron made him feel on top of the world and when he ever looked into Aaron's eyes he swore he could see stars. Aaron was a drug to Robert and since he wasn't getting Aaron anymore it was like he was having withdrawal symptoms. Sleepless nights, being drunk most of the time, angry outbursts where just a few. Robert felt the tiredness take over him like a wave so he collapsed against the wall and slid down it. With his knees against his chest he leaned his head back and let the drink induced coma take over him. And he was, a drunken mess with a broken heart who feels, alone.