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After more than a couple of hours of roaming around the streets aimlessly Raphael finally found himself outside the door to Magnus' apartment and considering just walking away again. He even turned on his heel at one point, as if to walk away, but then he shook his head and turned back knowing he needed to talk to someone about Izzy. After taking in a long, deep breath in the hope it would calm him and help settle his emotions, he finally raised his hand and knocked on the door, needing to wait no more than a moment or two before it opened. Forcing himself not to turn tail and run, he stepped inside.
“Raphael, is something ...” Magnus began, trailing off when he saw the look on his friend’s face. “Oh my dear friend, what has happened?”
Raphael wiped away a stray tear that slid down his face, feeling unable to find his voice in that moment and when Magnus nodded, quickly closing the gap between them, he fell easily into his tight embrace.
“Let's go and sit somewhere more comfortable,” Magnus suggested. Releasing his friend from his embrace but still keeping a comforting arm around his waist, he led him towards the terrace, diverting only briefly to slide the door to his bedroom closed, but not before Raphael had a glimpse of the sight of Alec sleeping in the rumpled bedding.
“I'm sorry, I can come back another time,” Raphael said, trying to pull away from the arm wrapped around his waist. “I should have known, after what happened that … of course he would be here.”
“There is no need for apologies Raphael,” Magnus told him gently, opening the doors to the balcony and indicating that his friend should go outside ahead of him. “Alexander is fast asleep. It was a long day for us all, please sit.”
“If you had been in there … you could have died Magnus,” Raphael stated quietly.
“But I wasn't and I didn't,” Magnus told him lightly. “And you are not here to talk to me about my mortality. You are here because you need someone to listen and I will always be here for you, you know that.”
Raphael finally sat down on one of the chairs, sinking into the soft cushions while Magnus took the opposite one, and without a word the warlock conjured up two drinks straight into his hands. A crystal wine glass filled almost to the brim with deep red blood for the vampire and a glass of scotch for himself.
Leaning forwards he offered the wine glass to Raphael, who took it and sipped at the liquid before thanking the other man.
“I got the feeling that we might both be in need a drink,” Magnus stated, taking a small sip of his own. “Tell me what's wrong Raphael. I know I am still a little shaken from the night’s events.”
“Isabelle,” Raphael told him simply, then gulped down half the remaining liquid in his glass in one go.
Magnus nodded and took another sip of his drink, waiting patiently for the other man to continue.
“What I told Alec, when he came to the hotel thinking he needed to rescue his sister from me, that I had feelings for her,” he continued. “It was completely true. It was me talking, it wasn't the Shadowhunter blood talking as you thought.”
“I wouldn't be so sure Raphael,” Magnus replied. “I know how addictive it can be for vampires, much more than mundane blood and I can imagine it must be much like an addiction to drugs in the mundane world.”
“No, I know what it's like to care for someone, it's not the first time. I have even loved before,” Raphael retorted. “Even if it hasn't happened for a very long time … and I think she was … developing feelings for me too that I believe had nothing to do with the vampire venom.”
“She told you this?” Magnus asked, ignoring the vampire’s tone of voice.
“Not in so many words, but the way she was with me. Isabelle, she asked me to kiss her,” he replied. “And I refused, told her that I wasn't like that.”
“And you told her why? Did she understand what that meant?” Magnus asked.
“She thought being a vampire had made me the way I was,” Raphael explained. “I told her that I had always been that way.”
“Did you explain that you are asexual?” Magnus asked him.
“Not in so many words, but Isabelle is worldly, I assume she would work it out,” Raphael sighed. “She offered me a bite when I left to go to the Institute, but I declined. It was hard, but I did it. I told her that I had a meeting, needed a clear head, she didn't know where I was heading.”
“To help stop Valentine,” Magnus said, nodding. “Raphael, are you in love with her?”
“I think so, maybe … no … yes ...” The vampire finally admitted. “And I have nothing to offer her. She wanted to still be with me, she told me later that she didn't care about sex, that it didn't matter to her. But we can't be around each other because we will both give into our other urges.”
“It's for the best, you know that, you have both had a taste of what happens when a Shadowhunter allows a vampire to taste their blood,” Magnus replied. “You will never be able to resist each other forever.”
“It's not my fault she became addicted to Yin Fen. I was helping her,” Raphael huffed.
“No, it wasn't. Alec filled me in on how Aldertree caused her addiction,” Magnus replied. “But it doesn't help her addiction, nor hers to you.”
“I know the consequences of us being together, yes,” Raphael nodded. “I have told myself this over and over, but it doesn't make it any easier.”
“Love never does,” Magnus said sadly. “And when it breaks your heart, well you grieve like any other loss.”
Raphael didn't reply. He didn't need to because the tears sliding down his face, now unhindered, were all Magnus needed to see to understand the other man's heartbreak. Getting to his feet, Magnus closed the short distance between them and then knelt on the floor in front his friend.
“Let it out, don't keep it inside where it can eat away at you, heart and soul,” Magnus told him gently, pulling Raphael towards him and feeling the other man's body shake as he sobbed out his emotions.
Hearing the door open, he glanced around and saw Alec wearing one of his own silk robes and looking worriedly in through a gap in the door.
“Anything I can do?” Alec asked quietly.
Magnus shook his head slightly to indicate his answer and Alec gave him a nod and closed the door again, leaving Magnus to comfort his friend. When Raphael's sobs finally subsided he lifted his head to look into the warlock’s eyes.
“I should really get home, it will be dawn shortly,” Raphael said, attempting to pull back from Magnus' embrace.
“Stay here, you can sleep in the spare room,” Magnus told him, pressing a fatherly kiss to the top of the vampire’s head as he got back up off the floor and returned to his own seat. “I insist, and I am not taking no for an answer.”
“But, Alec, I'm not exactly his favourite person,” Raphael argued back.
“I will talk to him in the morning. He's not heartless, he just loves his sister fiercely,” Magnus replied. “You would have done exactly the same thing for Rosa, if you thought she was being used, in danger.”
Raphael glared at him for a moment or two before replying.
“You're right, I know you are,” the vampire conceded. “He has to know that I would have never hurt her, though.”
“He probably came to that conclusion himself when he had calmed down,” Magnus told him. “But I will make sure that he understands that.”
“Thank you,” Raphael said with a sad smile. “Any chance of another glass of that excellent red before I take you up on your offer of a bed for the night?”
“Of course, I could do with another drink myself,” Magnus replied, using his magic to refill their respective glasses.
Magnus downed his drink in a few gulps, placed the empty glass on the small patio table and waited for his friend to finish his, wishing there was something more he could do but knowing it was impossible. Once Raphael had drunk the last few drops, Magnus took the empty glass from him and put it down beside his.
“Right, time to get you settled in the spare room and I could do with a couple more hours sleep before I am ready for the day,” Magnus insisted, moving from his chair to open the patio door.
Raphael followed suit, and once they reached the spare room Magnus told Raphael to make himself comfortable and left the vampire to rest for as long as he needed. Returning to his own bedroom, he smiled at the sight of his boyfriend laying fast asleep once more. Removing his robe swiftly, he carefully slid into bed and wrapped an arm around Alec’s waist, closing his eyes and letting himself drift back to sleep.
****
Magnus awoke to find himself alone in the bed and a quick glance at the clock told him it was almost eleven in the morning. He stretched his arms up over his head and then stretched his whole body before getting out of bed and slipping his robe back on. It didn't lake him long to find Alec, sitting in one of the armchairs in the living room and gazing out of the window while sipping a cup of coffee.
“Good morning Alexander,” Magnus said brightly, causing his boyfriend to turn his head and smile at him.
“Good morning, I thought I would let you sleep,” Alec replied. “I'm guessing it was a while before you managed to get back to bed?”
“Not long before dawn. Is there more coffee?” Magnus asked, pressing a kiss to the top of the other man's head.
“In the pot. It was fresh only a few minutes ago,” Alec answered, tilting his face up invitingly for Magnus to press another kiss to his lips.
Alec turned back to look out of the window while Magnus went to fetch himself a cup of coffee. The clouds that had been threatening rain finally burst and it lashed hard against the window, followed swiftly by a bright flash of lightening and thunder booming loudly a moment or two later as Magnus returned and sat down in the other armchair.
Magnus took a long sip of his coffee and swallowed before speaking again.
“Raphael is in the spare room, I insisted that he stay,” he told Alec.
Alec nodded, looking thoughtful, as if working out what he wanted to say before speaking.
“He's okay?” Alec asked him.
“He needed someone to talk too, after everything that's happened recently,” Magnus replied.
“The loss of his people, that's understandable,” Alec nodded, then frowned and continued, seeing a look in his boyfriends eyes. “But that's not the reason, is it?”
“No, he came because he needed to express his feelings for Isabelle,” Magnus told him honestly. “That he truly did care for her and that was why he sent her away, told her that they wouldn't be able to resist the pull to each other no matter how hard they might try.”
“They really had developed feelings for each other, it wasn't just the call of Shadowhunter blood and Vampire venom between them?” Alec asked, needing to know the truth. “She felt the same way for him?”
“She did, she wanted more, romantically but Raphael doesn't have the … well, that is not my story to tell,” Magnus said. “But it fuelled his decision in part to tell her they shouldn't see each other again.”
“What Magnus is not telling you is that I don't feel anything physical for those I care for,” Raphael said, causing them to turn and see him standing a few feet away, wearing one of the robes Magnus kept in the spare room. “I am asexual. I may develop feeling for someone, love even … but the physical side, even kissing, isn't something I will ever crave.”
“Oh!” Alec said simply, then. “Oh, so you and my sister, you never slept together?”
“I've never had sex, with anyone,” Raphael clarified. “But it's going to be hard not seeing her, it's been a very long time since I have felt this way for anyone, let alone someone that isn't like myself. A vampire.”
“You can understand why I was so angry though, finding the two of you like that?” Alec asked. “I thought you were using her, and well, she's my sister ...”
“Yes,” Raphael answered, cutting the Shadowhunter off. “If it was the other way around, and I thought someone was taking advantage of my sister Rosa then I would probably have reacted in much the same way.”
Alec nodded understandingly.
“So, we're all okay?” Magnus asked, looking back and forth between the two men he loved.
“I think so,” Raphael answered, looking at Alec.
“Yeah. We are,” Alec agreed.
“Good. Raphael, you are meant to be sleeping,” Magnus stated. “I suggest you go back to the spare room and do so.”
“I was woken by the storm,” Raphael told them. “But you are right, thank you, both of you.”
Once Raphael had gone back into the spare room and closed the door, Magnus rose from his seat and perched on the arm of the chair his boyfriend occupied.
“Thank you Alexander, for understanding,” Magnus told him. “Raphael means a lot to me, he is like a son I can never have and I don't like to see him hurting.”
“It can't be easy, being asexual and developing feeling for another person.” Alec said. "I guess it doesn't get any easier, even when, in theory you have all of eternity to live.”
“Exactly,” Magnus said simply.
“Do you think I should talk to Izzy?” Alec asked.
“I think she will come to you if she needs to talk,” Magnus replied. “But to be honest, she is probably more likely to confide in another woman, Clary maybe.”
“You are probably right, I will be there for her if she seeks me out though,” Alec told him with a smile.
“Good. So, how about brunch, I am starving?” The warlock asked, pressing a chaste kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.
“Me too,” Alec grinned. “Should we get dressed?”
“Well, looking at the weather out there, I think brunch here inside today,” Magnus grinned back. “How does croissants, jam and coffee in bed sound?”
“Absolutely perfect,” Alec agreed.
****
“Izzy, I've been looking for you, have you ...” Clary broke off when Izzy looked up at her from her bed with red rimmed eyes.
Clary closed the door to Izzy's bedroom and hurried to her side, sitting down on the bed where the Shadowhunter was curled in a ball.
“What is it, what's wrong?” Clary asked, while placing her hand gently on the other woman's arms comfortingly.
“Raphael.” Izzy told her, fresh tears falling down her cheeks. “I thought we had something special but he sent me away.”
“You were in relationship?” Clary asked, wondering why her friend had never confided in her about them being a couple, she certainly wouldn't have been one to judge.
“Not exactly … the yin fen that Aldertree got me hooked on, he didn't have anymore,” She explained quietly. “I found it it was made from vampire venom and went looking … for ...”
“A fix?” Clary finished for her.
“Yeah, I found myself cornered by a group of vampires and he turned up just in time,” she told her. “When he found out why, what was happening, he agreed to help me, a one time thing.”
“It helped and you went back for more I am guessing?” Clary asked her.
Izzy nodded. “I asked him to meet me before Max's rune party,” she confided. “I was having withdrawal symptoms and didn't want my mother to see me like that. But he refused and … I'm not proud if this, I cut myself and basically forced him to feed on me.”
“Oh Izzy, and I am guessing he got something out of this too?” Clary asked her.
“Shadowhunter blood is more potent than mundane blood,” Izzy explained, “and the same the other way, venom straight from the source is too and I guess we were becoming addicted to each other.”
“Oh Izzy.” Clary said simply.
“Yes, but it wasn't that simple, I began to care about him and he me,” Izzy continued. “I thought it really was going to turn into more, but I asked him to kiss me and he turned me down.”
“That bastard!” Clary exclaimed.
“No, it wasn't like that. He told me he had no interest in sex, or kissing anyone either I guess,” Izzy sighed. “He said he had always been like that, even as a human.”
“So, he told you he was Ace?” Clary asked her.
“No, at the time I didn't think about it but it dawned on me once I returned here.” She replied. “I told him I didn't care about sex, that I wanted to be with him but he said it was too dangerous for us both.”
“Are you sure it wasn't just the yin fen talking, or your blood talking to him that made you both feel this way?” Clary frowned. “I can imagine addiction to either could make you feel like that.”
“I know what it's like to have genuine feelings for someone Clary,” she told her,. “and I believe he was being truthful too … or he wouldn't have pushed me away.”
Clary reached over to her night stand and grabbed some tissues from the box upon it and handed them to her friend. Izzy pulled herself up into a sitting position, gave her a weak smile as she accepted them and wiped her eyes, making her already ruined make up worse, and then blew her nose loudly, causing Clary to chuckle softly.
“It's not funny,” Izzy pouted at the other Shadowhunter.
“It is a little.” Clary told her with a smile, trying to lighten the mood a little more.
Izzy leaned over and nudged their shoulders against each other, bumping them in a friendly way.
“You know he's right though? It wouldn't be good for either of you.” Clary asked her.
“I do, the more I think about it, the more I realise he was right.” She shrugged.
“It will hurt, we have all been there,” Clary replied. “But time heals and who knows who may be just around the corner waiting for you to meet them.”
“True,” Izzy agreed. “But I think I might take a break from men for a while, they can be nothing but trouble.”
“You said it.” Clary agreed.
“At least you have Simon,” Izzy sighed. “He seems like a good guy.”
“Very much so.” She smiled at her. “Although it is a little strange in itself, dating your best friend.”
“True,” Izzy said, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “So, why were you looking for me?”
“Alec has gone home with Magnus, Jace is … he's devastated over what happened with the sword as you can expect, but he has shut himself away and won't let me help him so I thought maybe you would like to train or something?” Clary replied.
“We could, but you know what I really need?” Izzy asked her, and Clary shook her head in reply.
“A girls night in. I've never actually had one,” Izzy shrugged, “but I hear they involve so-called chick flicks, popcorn, ice cream and alcohol and I think I could do with something like that about now.”
“As Magnus would say, that sounds like a plan.” Clary agreed.
The End.
