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When Alice finally gets the letter that tells her she’s been accepted into Emerson, despite all the nerves and the worry that she might not be good enough in the long run, the overwhelming emotion is of course excitement. A shiny degree in Political Science from a college like Emerson is everything that she has been dreaming about since she figured out what she wanted to do in life, and she’s pumped to receive what feels like a golden ticket to her future. Over the course of a few months, they slowly send her all of the admissions information required as well as the information about her accommodation and her new roommate for freshman year. Having two older brothers who had both gone through going off to college before her means that she’s well versed in the horrifying possibilities that a stranger in her space could mean but someone called ‘Nancy Wheeler’ sounds both pretty harmless and like someone who would be, at the very least, easy to live with if not be friends with. So, going in, Alice isn’t expecting a ‘friends forever’ pact and camp-style braided bracelets, but she also isn’t expecting the girl that Nancy Wheeler ends up being.
//
Alice stumbles into her new dorm room, the corridor still stinking of fresh paint and somehow weed already, which is slightly concerning, and blanches when she catches sight of another girl already in there, which must be her new roommate. Nancy Wheeler is petite and somewhat delicate looking, despite the self-assured set of her shoulders, with a bashful smile that she can tell is meant to set the people around her at ease. Her suitcases and bags, which are fewer in number than Alice’s own, are still piled against the back wall. “I wasn’t sure if you had a preference for a side of the room, so decided to wait to set up,” Nancy explains with a smile and a shrug, and the simple and easy show of consideration fills Alice with a certainty that the year will pass in at least civil harmony as she tells her new roommate that she’s fine with either side, but that it was kind of her to wait.
“Of course.” Nancy waves her hand dismissively before turning away and beginning to set up her stuff on the side nearest the bathroom, apparently wordlessly settling for the worse side of the room. Alice grins to herself and begins to unpack her own things, already regretting the sheer volume of clothes she had brought as she looks at the woefully small closet before her now.
“I don’t know what I thought Emerson’s rooms would be like, but I did anticipate more storage,” she jokes with a self-deprecating shrug and can’t help her grin when Nancy laughs along, commiserating with her as she piles up her own clothes in an attempt to start with a solid organisation system. Nancy does strike her as someone who would be neat and tidy, if her carefully ironed and put together outfit is an impression to be trusted.
“It’s still pretty warm and will probably only get cold in a few months, so you could probably get away with keeping your winter clothes in your suitcase and shove it under your bed,” Nancy suggests, and Alice grins.
“You’re literally a lifesaver,” she playfully says, and a strange shadow passes over Nancy’s features just briefly, an odd kind of stiffness in her shoulders and a furrow of her brow, but it is gone as soon as Alice thinks she notices it, so it's easy to convince herself that she imagined it.
Nancy’s laugh is easy and airy and, with the image of tension and stress magically gone, Alice is sure that it was nothing. “People usually say I’m good in a crisis, so.”
“I can believe it,” Alice grins, and the two settle into an easy rhythm of unpacking and sorting and getting to know each other until Alice is sure that Nancy Wheeler is just about the perfect first person to meet in college.
//
With Nancy being on the Journalism course and Alice on the Political Science, their paths cross in a couple of classes as well as gen eds, so it's easy for them to establish a good rapport as well as a healthy roommate relationship whilst still gaining a solid basis of acquaintances and friends from their lectures. Paige and Dean fit in well with the two of them, and it doesn’t take long for the four of them to bond quickly. Alice, after growing up in a small town where girls weren’t praised for being clever or intelligent, can’t help but feel a little astonished at how amazing it is to be surrounded by people who don’t look down on her for caring about her grades — not that she had expected there to be many slackers at Emerson. Still, Nancy is on another level together: sometimes, the other girl gets a look in her eyes that makes even the three of them a little scared of her. Alice is pretty sure that she’s the kind of girl who doesn’t let anything or anyone get in her way, and that’s only compounded when she sees the fury burning in Nancy’s eyes after a particularly misogynistic lecturer from a guest professor. All four of them are uncomfortable throughout, but Alice is a little surprised when she storms out of the lecture hall almost immediately, and she doesn’t see anything more from her until she returns to their dorm room later and finds her hunched over her writing desk. She appears so single minded in her task that Alice is a little hesitant to interrupt her, instead choosing to keep quiet and question her later. A week later, when the head of department for the class makes a sheepish announcement at the end of the lecture that apologises for the remarks made by the guest professor and clarifies that he won’t be asked back.
Nancy’s smile is far too proud and smug to not have had a hand in this. “What did you do, Nancy?” Alice whispers, leaning close enough that Paige and Dean can’t hear. The smile just grows a little wider, the edges sharp and the gleam in her eye something wicked as she leans back in her set.
“Just a strongly worded letter and some clear arguments.” Her response is cryptic and doesn’t actually clarify anything that she had done, but it’s clear that Nancy isn’t going to say anything further as she turns back to face the front.
“You’re terrifying, Wheeler,” Alice whispers back, and Nancy’s snort is loud enough that several people around them turn their heads to look at them curiously. The other girl just grins triumphantly, not denying the proclamation in the slightest.
//
Alice isn’t exactly sure when she notices the small safe underneath Nancy’s bedside table, but once she does, it’s impossible to stop wondering what could be in it. The metal box is shoved halfway under the bed, barely visible but still easily accessible, and Alice blames what her uncles would label ‘perverted liberal college thinking’ for her instant conclusion that it’s something like porn magazines. Somehow, the image of dainty Nancy Wheeler with that kind of thing doesn’t sit right, though, and the other self-assured and confident side to her roommate that Alice has seen doesn’t seem like the type to care if anyone knows that she’s reading those magazines.
Eventually, Alice just settles for asking the other girl. She had obviously known that it would be something that Nancy would want to be hidden, and was perfectly happy to take no for an answer, but something about the strange look that settles on Nancy’s face makes her infinitely more curious. “You don't have to say if you don’t want to,” Alice tries to assure her, but Nancy shrugs in a slightly wary manner, setting her pen down carefully.
“No, it’s okay. Also, it's your space too so I probably should have asked if it was okay for me to have here in the first place.” And then Nancy is standing up from her desk and striding across the room to unlock the safe, and whatever Alice was thinking, it wasn’t for the other girl to bring out a fucking handgun, clearly comfortable enough with it in her hand as she shows it to her. “If you want me to move it or something, I’ll see what I can do,” Nancy offers, ever so casual, as she puts it back into the safe, carefully locking the box again before kicking it under the bed a little further.
Nancy turns to look at Alice, still crouched by her bed, and her expression must be a sight because the other girl cracks a wide grin. “I grew up in a small town in Indiana, Alice. You know that town with the freak earthquakes last year?” At her small nod, Nancy shrugs and continues, “yeah, that was us. But I’m trained with it, and with other firearms, and I have a licence and a registration for it.”
“It’s fine,” Alice eventually manages to say, shaking off her shock, because Nancy’s explanation makes sense and, honestly, lots of people in her own town had guns so it’s really not that odd. “Next time you bring a firearm into the dorm, can you let me know, though?” She jokes, but she has to swallow hard when Nancy nods seriously and looks around the room thoughtfully.
“I don’t think that there’s enough space for another safe so I couldn’t bring my shotgun, but I’ll let you know.”
Alice tries not to let her jaw drop too low, and, remembering the guest lecturer incident from before as well as the fact that Nancy is now clearly terrifying with both her mind and a gun, she decides to turn back to her homework and to keep her fucking mouth shut in the future.
//
For all that Nancy is usually one of the most composed people that she knows, Alice isn’t really surprised when it turns out that she can be a bit of a messy drunk. It tracks considering that she’s from a small town more prone to tragedy than most and, according to veiled half-confessions, Nancy’s social circle has suffered more than its fair share of consequences for that fact. However, even bringing that into consideration as well as the fact that they were all college freshmen newly out of their parents’ supervision, Nancy is unique in the way that she both handles and reacts to her alcohol.
Alice isn’t quite sure how to react to it.
It isn’t even that Nancy is problematic when she’s drunk, or anything like that. It’s more that she’s so much lighter when she’s drinking that it makes Alice worry that one day, in all her perceptiveness and cleverness, Nancy will come to realise this fact too and reliance will develop. Boston is beginning to turn bitter in its chilliness when she and Alice are staggering their way home, limbs intertwined as they stumble across the pavements. There’s a looseness in the way that Nancy holds herself as she grins wildly at Alice, a sharp edge to her smile that almost makes a spike of worry run through her if only she wasn’t so numb to anything right now.
The moment is cut through with a surge of panic and fear when the two of them spot a crowd of equally drunk guys, who begin to wolf-whistle and catcall at them. Nancy visibly stiffens, tucking Alice against her side as she pulls her along quicker. “Let’s get out of here, come on.” Alice doesn’t protest, steps echoing against the pavement even louder as their pace increases as the boys seem to be about to cross the road to approach them.
“C’mon ladies, what are you two doing out here this late?” One of them slurs as he calls across, and fear strikes through Alice when Nancy stops dead, squaring her body so that she’s between them and her, and fixes the guys with a look.
“Leave us alone. We don’t want any trouble, alright?” It’s phrased placatingly, but there’s an edge to Nancy’s voice that makes Alice believe, slightly terrifyingly, that the other girl is hard headed enough to actually see standing up to these guys through.
“We’re not giving you trouble, we’re just talking!” The main one says, coming closer and he’s practically next to them now, but Nancy barely blinks, simply pushing Alice a little further behind her.
There’s steel in her voice and her eyes as she stares up at the guy, unflinching in the face of everything that they had always been taught to be terrified of. Every instinct in Alice’s body is telling her to fucking run, to grab Nancy’s hand and tear off and hope that the boys are just slow enough that they can lose them. She doesn’t even have time to do anything, though, before Nancy is reaching for the side of the hem of her sweater. Confusion floods through Alice for just a second until Nancy pulls it up just enough for both her and the guy before them to glimpse the black handle of the gun tucked into the waistband of her skirt. The guy freezes in his spot, mouth hanging a little in shock
“I didn’t say you were the one giving us trouble.” Nancy’s voice is low enough that, even in the quiet of the night, it doesn’t carry enough for anyone to hear but the two of them alongside her. “Look, your buddies may be back there, but I can guarantee that I am fast enough to get me and my friend here out of this situation and to make sure that none of you guys are left standing.”
Basically any remaining drunkenness leaves Alice, the world around her crystal clear as she stares at the face off happening in front of her. The guy looks taken aback, clearly taking Nancy, in all her steadfast calm, serious enough to not dismiss this automatically. The handle of the gun is still visible, Nancy’s finger twitching towards it with every passing second, and the moment that her fingertip touches it, the guy clearly realises what his priorities should be as he steps away, hands high in the air in surrender despite the sneer on his face.
“Whatever. It isn’t worth it for you two anyway.” He jogs back across the street, shaking his head at his buddies, and Nancy snorts in derision, pulling Alice along with her as they start back down the street, leaving the crowd of guys behind them. Nancy checked over her shoulders a couple of times, visibly relaxing once they disappeared from view.
The shock finally wears off just enough that Alice manages to speak once more. “What the fuck was that, Nancy?!”
Nancy blinks for a second, taken aback. “Uh, making sure that we didn’t get attacked, raped or killed?”
Alice’s jaw snaps shut as she tries to resist the urge to roll her eyes. “Obviously, but why the fuck do you have your gun on a regular night out?”
Nancy looks at her as if she’s the crazy one, and, really, maybe Alice has fallen through a hole in the universe and found herself in an alternate reality, because the other girl can’t seem to find the insane nature of her actions. “It doesn’t take much for a regular night to get dangerous, as just happened,” she says, and Alice can’t deny that. Then, a shadow passes over Nancy’s face, and for a moment, the other girl looks haunted in a way that Alice simply can’t comprehend. “My best friend died on a night that was just a regular night until it wasn’t.”
Alice feels every word die on her tongue as she looks at the girl before her, a beaten down but burning determination clear in the set of her shoulders and her face. Because, really, what can she say to that? Nancy’s right, in almost every sense of the word, and how can Alice berate her for something that perhaps just saved their lives. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. Thank you for saving my ass there.”
Nancy scoffs playfully, everything suddenly back to normal between them like a curtain had been lifted and dropped once more in quick succession. “Like I’d leave you high and dry. We’re alright, let’s just get back home.”
Alice nods, and the two of them make their way back to their dorm room in companionable, if slightly tense, silence, with Alice unable to stop herself from wondering just what had led to Nancy having two sides to her, one normal studious side and one paranoid and damaged enough to carry a gun with her on a night out.
//
Emerson has a tradition of giving its students a long weekend in October, and, despite only knowing Nancy for two months, Alice feels like she has a pretty good grasp on her roommate’s personality and temperament, so it’s a bit of a shock when the subject of the break brings out the biggest smile she’s ever seen from the other girl.
“I’m so excited for it,” Nancy practically gushes, smiling so wide that it might honestly be hurting her cheeks. “One of my best friends is coming.”
And Alice smiles at that because it finally clicks into place. The mysterious ‘friend’ that Nancy spent all of her time writing letters to and calling and missing. The rest of them are all convinced that Nancy either isn’t aware how obvious she is about her secret boyfriend or isn’t even aware that she’s dating him and they’re those best friends who are disgustingly in love and disgustingly oblivious about it. Honestly, Alice can’t wait to meet whoever captures enough of Nancy’s attention, the girl who dismisses any guy’s attention almost automatically. Frankly, seeing her reject basically anyone who even tries has been a source of great amusement for their entire friendship group, so the idea of learning just who could hold down Nancy is a great prospect.
So, when Nancy pushes open the door to their dorm with a taller shaggy haired girl behind her, Alice isn’t quite sure how to react, stumbling for a second before remembering that Nancy had said ‘one of’ her best friends, so really she is the idiot for being so sure it was going to be the secret boyfriend coming to visit. She’s sure that the astonishment is plain and awkward on her face, but the two girls before her don’t even notice her sitting at her desk.
“Holy shit, Wheeler, look at this,” the girl half whistles, shoving Nancy playfully and grinning down at her when Nancy shakes her head in faux exasperation. “No more Tom Cruise?”
“Robin, I swear to God I will make you pay if you don’t stop bringing up that fucking poster.”
“You brought one of your guns to Emerson, didn’t you?” The girl, apparently called Robin, squints her eyes appraisingly, half-smiling when Nancy nods her head gleefully.
“The handgun,” Nancy confirms, and Robin just laughs, shaking her head and muttering under her breath that she should have guessed. She swings her backpack off from her shoulder onto Nancy’s bed with a heavy thump, running her hands through her hair as she stretches her back out, apparently thankful to be rid of the weight.
Nancy rolls her eyes at the display, scoffing playfully. “Come on, Buckley, you’re the one who packed the damn bag, you’re only here for the weekend.”
Robin pouts, batting her eyelashes in an overly dramatic display that already has Nancy giggling as she protests, “Nancy Wheeler, you’re the one who is supposed to be hosting me, and you didn’t even offer to carry my bag! Karen raised you better than that.”
“Okay, that’s fair, my mom would be very disappointed in me, but I think she probably would have bigger concerns considering.”
The two girls stifle their laughter at that, Robin flushing bright red whilst rolling her eyes at whatever joke Nancy was supposed to have made. “You’re sick, Wheeler.” Normally, a comment like that would earn at least a half glare from Nancy, but all she sends Robin is a cheeky grin before she catches sight of Alice, flushing across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose as she realises that they have an audience.
“Sorry! Alice, this is one of my best friends from home, Robin. Robin, this is Alice.”
The taller girl sends her a crooked grin, hands wringing and shifting together as she nods at her in greeting from across the room. “Nice to meet you, Alice. Congrats on putting up with Wheeler so far.”
Alice snorts dismissively but still good naturedly. “She’s a pretty good roommate, all things considered.”
Nancy huffs, sending Alice a thankful smile as she shoves Robin roughly, the taller girl just laughing easily, barely shifting. “See? Thank you, Alice. Maybe I should drop my Hawkins friends, huh?”
Robin hums, pretending to consider the question before screwing up her nose and shaking her head scornfully. “You’d miss us too much.”
“You’re right, Steve and Eddie are too good to drop.”
Robin pouts wordlessly, and Alice watches carefully as Nancy’s playful grin softens into something that she’s never seen before, hand slipping casually into the other girl’s jacket pocket as she tugs her into her side for a half-hug, frames tucking neatly together for just a second before they break apart, a fierce blush creeping across Robin’s skin. Something about the dynamic doesn't click quite into place the way it should, and, even as they are bidding her goodbye and shutting the door behind them, she can’t quite piece together a clear picture of what had just happened, left in the wake of what has to be the strangest interaction she has ever witnessed.
Despite the weirdly intimate dynamic between the two girls, Nancy insists on introducing Robin to her friends properly, something that seems to make Robin almost as uncomfortable as the rest of them. They’re lounging on one of the lawns on campus, enjoying the last of the dying autumn sun, grass tickling their skin as Robin and Nancy settle down with them. Paige fixes Alice with a questioning look, eyebrows rises and taut, and all she can really give back is a shrug, because even she has no idea what’s going on with the two of them. The afternoon had been spent trying to describe Nancy’s strange friend, with limbs too long and unwieldy to be really graceful, but too bright and well-meaning to be off-puttingly awkward. Honestly, Alice is kind of lost as to how to describe the way that the two of them fit together, and judging from the odd expressions on her friends’ faces, they are now plagued with the same difficulty. Dean plows bravely on, asking Robin questions about how Nancy and her met and how long they’d be friends, and every answer seems more shrouded in doublespeak than the next, Nancy sending Robin half-hearted and ineffectual ‘shut the fuck up’ glares.
“I worked at an ice cream shop in our now-destroyed mall with her ex-boyfriend and became best friends with him, one of her little brother’s best friends and another one of his best friend’s little sister.” Nancy just lets her head fall into her hands, Robin smiling calmly at the lot of them whilst they blink at her in disbelief and confusion, with Pagie mouthing through the words trying to make sense of the web of connections.
“That’s actually somehow both an accurate and not horrifying way of telling that story.” Nancy mutters to herself, casting her eyes to heaven as Robin laughs at her exasperation, gaze fixed on Nancy in a way that makes the cogs in the back of Alice’s mind start to tick slightly. There’s something she’s missing, she’s sure of it. “Though you didn’t need to mention that you and Steve became besties with a couple of middle schoolers.”
“They’re in high school now,” Robin dismisses easily, grinning at her sunnily, “even Erica.”
Alice laughs half disbelievingly. “How is there a worse way to tell that story? She made that sound absolutely insane.”
Robin laughs, throwing her head back as her eyes scrunch up with mirth. “Oh, it was. And then we got drugged accidentally and watched Back to the Future ridiculously high before throwing up violently in a mall bathroom.”
Nancy hums consideringly. “You never told me that part.”
Robin seems to think carefully for a second before snapping her fingers. “Same part as when you guys all arrived and El threw that thing at those guys,” she explains vaguely but Nancy’s confusion clears after only a second of decoding, laughing to herself softly.
“That whole thing makes so much more sense now, by the way. You seemed way too chill, but you being high makes more sense.” Nancy shoves Robin playfully, a blush dancing across the taller girl’s features as she ducks her head down.
Dean clears his throat, apparently reminding the two friends that they were still in fact there with them. “Yeah, that makes zero sense, actually. What the fuck are you guys talking about?”
Nancy grins a little wickedly, waving her hand dismissively. “Basically, we became friends because she got close with my ex-boyfriend.”
“Wait, so you’re dating Nancy’s ex and you’re still friends?”
Robin snorts, eyebrows raised in something that isn’t surprise but still comes off as incredulous. “Woah, woah, me and Steve are not dating. Platonic with a capital ‘p’, if you will.” At the last sentence, she sends a smirk over to Nancy, who simply groans and rolls her eyes.
“Christ.”
“Nancy, you dated someone called Steve?” Paige laughs, and, honestly, yes, the idea is a little entertaining, but it only gets juicier when Robin leans forward, eyes flashing mischievously.
“Oh, yeah, they were a real Prom King and Queen couple at our high school,” Robin explains eagerly, practically pushing Nancy away as the other girl tries to stop her from speaking. Nancy is laughing, maybe if she wasn’t they would stop, but still fruitlessly trying to cover Robin’s mouth, eventually settling for pinching her side roughly. “People used to literally call him King Steve, it was the worst thing ever.”
“Nancy.”
“I know! I know, okay, Jesus. He was sweet!” The words barely escape the prison of her own hands that Nancy has buried her face in, her blush still peeking over the edge of her collar. Robin laughs, a hand settling easily on Nancy’s leg in a gesture that is likely comforting, but comes off as familiar in a strange way. Despite them all laughing along with the teasing directed at their friend, Alice doesn’t miss the flash of something in Nancy’s eyes as she grins at her taller friend, playfully offended but in no way actually troubled by her friend’s actions. If anything, it looks like familiar exasperation, like this is a routine that Nancy is used to and is no less enamoured with the process than she was when it began. Alice notes the gleam in her eyes down along with the way that her fingers absently intertwine with Robin’s somewhere in the back of her mind.
“He’s better now but still half in love with Nancy, which I find personally both entertaining and excruciating in equal measure,” Robin jokes, grinning at Nancy’s worsening blush.
“Shut the fuck up, he is not.”
“He told you he wanted six kids with you.”
“We’ve moved past it!”
“How fast do you move past wanting a tribe of children with someone, Nance?”
She sends the taller girl a half-glare, wacking at her arm. “Robin, stop taking advantage of him not being able to defend himself, you know he’s moved on.”
“Alright, fine, fine,” Robin grumbles, holding her hands up in surrender. She looks barely chastised, though, still basking in the late autumn sun, head lolling to the side as she sends Nancy a lazy smile that is easily returned. Everything about the two of them seems so well-worn and familiar, like they are so comfortable in each other’s presence that it is a relief to even be around the other. Despite all the friendships and close relationships that she has had, Alice can’t say that she’s ever seen anything quite like it, but she still notices it all, despite the fact that the two seem so lost in the intricacies of their own dynamic that they barely register the existence of the rest of them, Paige still giggling in disbelief and Dean’s jaw hanging open freely.
“Nancy, what the fuck?” Alice eventually chuckles, sending her friend a questioning look.
The girl groans, hand wiping across her face as she shrugs helplessly. “Shut it, I fucking know.”
“Wait, how much has Nance not told you, because I have so much more dirt for you guys.” Robin grins, ignoring the protests from the girl next to her even as it escalates into playful violence.
“Robin, I swear to Jesus, I will have you meet God if you don’t shut the fuck up.” Nancy glares at her, no heat behind it, and Robin laughs a little.
“Christ, Nancy.”
Alice grins now, finally finding the perfect moment to interject with the thing she had been dying to let loose for weeks. “Hey, did you guys know that Nancy has a handgun in our room?”
“What the fuck?” Paige splutters, Dean dissolving into disbelieving laughter next to her, practically rolling in the grass. Nancy sends her a half-hearted glare, pouting and muttering about being betrayed on all sides.
“Oh, I once watched her saw the end off of a shotgun after threatening our friend’s bully with it,” Robin says brightly, and, truly, what the fuck are they supposed to do with that? Dean’s laughter grows, the boy failing to keep himself together, whilst Paige whistles, impressed and awestruck at the same time. Alice has to admit, it is slightly at odds with the put-together good girl vibe that Nancy Wheeler usually gives off, but there’s something about the look in her eyes and the set of her shoulders that makes Alice hesitant to doubt anything about her. “To be fair to Nance, though, he totally deserved it, he was a piece of fucking shit.”
“Who are you?” Dean gasps out, clutching at his stomach as he tries to drag himself back into a seated position.
Nancy doesn’t look at them, instead pinching at her nose in frustration as she grinds out, “Robin, once again, I don’t need a gun to end your life, so shut the fuck up. Besides, that’s still not as bad as when you threw that Molotov.”
Alice isn’t sure if she is supposed to be surprised anymore.
“I disagree, that was fine!” Robin protests, throwing her hands up as she turns to fully face the other girl. The rest of them are left sat watching them go back and forth like the world’s most insane tennis match. “You keeping two guns in a shoebox in your childhood bedroom is insane. Danger Nancy is a whole different bag. Plus, I know you could kill me with your bare hands, I just don’t think you would choose to.”
“Pray tell, why?”
“Because no one else tolerates your love for Madonna like I do.” Robin smirks triumphantly when Nancy deflates, running a hand through her hair as she considers the statement before conceding with a wry smile and a knowing nudge.
“Okay, that’s fair. I guess I’ll keep you around for that.”
“Wow, I’m honoured.” Robin scoffs, but there’s no edge to her voice, just something that borders on adoration.
Nancy’s eyes light up and she wacks Robin in a moment of realisation, ignoring the other girl’s wince and sheepish rubbing of her new sore spot. “Hey, remember when Steve put those nails through that bat? He’s just as bad as I am”
“Firstly, no, he isn’t. Secondly, fun fact, he still has that!”
“Shit, really?” Nancy laughs, but doesn’t seem surprised, which, truly, Alice has no idea what to do with. Her and Paige make confused eye contact, and she is honestly beginning to realise that she shouldn’t be surprised about anything when it comes to Nancy Wheeler.
“Yeah, he threatens to bring it to work and use it against me every time I make him do the rewinds.”
“That tracks. Also, tell him if he ever actually tries to do that, I’ll sic Max on him.”
“Terrifying. But also, not yourself? Even for me?”
Nancy snorts. “Honestly, even blind, that kid scares the shit out of me. She’s way more terrifying than I am.”
“Actually, I think she’s scarier blind. Sometimes, it’s creepy how much she knows is happening without a sound. But you’re also underestimating how intimidating you are. I’ve watched you handle a shotgun and you’re no joke.” Nancy preens at Robin’s words, looking, all for the world, like she had just accepted the highest of compliments, and, honestly, maybe for her that is the case.
And it isn’t that Alice doesn’t like Robin or that the taller girl hasn’t made a good impression — in fact, even with her slightly long winded and rambling manner, the other girl had made most of them laugh along with her — but her presence is jarring. The mere existence of someone so contrary to the kind of person she would have thought would be close with Nancy, who calls her ‘Nance’ like its second nature, who seems to earn the kind of smiles Alice has never seen directed at anyone else without even trying simply throws them all off-balance.
“Has anyone ever told you guys that you have a really weird friendship?” Dean says, running a hand along his jaw as he stares at the two of them. They both turn to face them once more, Nancy blinking as if she had forgotten that they were there, which Alice genuinely believes may have happened. Robin just laughs, sending Nancy one last knowing look as she shrugs, ignoring the way that Nancy rolls her eyes.
“Honestly, yes.”
//
Alice tries not to eavesdrop — honestly, she does — but something about the pitch of Nancy’s voice, low and shrouded in something that Alice has never heard before makes it difficult for her to tune the conversation out.
“Come on, Rob,” Nancy says, and her voice is softer than Alice ever thought possible from the girl who kept a handgun in their room and once punched a frat bro in the nose and then spit in his beer, “we promised no secrets. That’s the only way this works.” Maybe one would expect a slightly harder edge to her voice in the middle of what seems to be an emotional conversation, but Nancy’s words are all soft, her tone laced with care and concern and it's enough to make Alice freeze in her bed.
Robin laughs at that, but there’s very little humour in it. “You’re killing me, Wheeler.”
“That’s by design, dumbass.” The words seem harsh or derisive but there’s nothing but a light amount of humour and teasing in them, and it's overflowing with enough obvious affection to make Alice’s chest ache.
There’s a sigh, Alice isn’t sure who from, but it's deep and tired and tinged with something just bordering on melancholic. “Everyone still in Hawkins is great, of course they are, but having you for just a little while before you left and then not having you makes it harder, is all. I had such a short time of things actually being great, better than great, fucking unbelievable, and now its just a little harder to go back to before is all. Which is shitty for me to say, because all I want is for you to be happy and this is where you belong, being the badass investigative journalist in training that you were always supposed to be. I don’t want to be the selfish asshole tying you to somewhere you’re so happy to be free of.”
Silence hangs for a second. Alice tries not to breathe too loudly. The confession feels like something that would elicit an apology from Nancy, a profession of fault for making her friend feel like that, but nothing like that comes.
“So, basically, I’m just too great and now you can’t live without me?” Nancy’s voice is teasing whilst still having that edge of sympathy and the care bleeding into the words is so obvious and genuine that Alice feels a spike of sharp guilt at hearing something that she clearly wasn’t meant to. Nancy isn’t a bitch or massively closed off by any means, but this is something unprecedented, something that feels like it belongs to the two of them and not to Alice in any way. The steady conviction in Nancy’s voice, that they’ll make their way through the conversation, makes Alice’s chest ache a little in the half gloom of their room.
Robin laughs again, a little clearer and happier and lighter. “Basically, but I feel like you already knew that.” Nancy laughs for a second too, the both of them basking in the apparent bedrock of certainty they’re resting upon.
“Emerson is great, but anywhere without you sucks,” Nancy admits softly, like it’s obvious, and Alice just about catches the sharp intake of breath from Robin. “I’m sorry that I didn’t make that clearer, Rob. I know circumstance means that we are in separate places, but just because here isn’t Hawkins doesn't make it perfect. You being here makes it perfect.”
“You’re killing me, Nance.” Robin says again, so much softer this time, the adoration palpable in her voice and Alice is beginning to feel like the missing jigsaw piece that makes up the picture of these two is just out of reach, staring her in the face and mocking her obliviousness.
“By design, Rob,” Nancy repeats, and then there’s a soft sound and oh.
Alice really is an idiot.
In the morning, Robin’s face is still haunted by the shadows of whatever kept her up in the night, eyelids hanging as she weakly protests having to get up, but Nancy’s firmness is still laced with such unbelievable softness that smiles are never far from either girl’s face. Alice looks carefully away, feeling like she is trespassing even with the vague knowledge she thinks she has, but there’s honestly little point to her efforts when neither of them can see anyone else when the other is around. She isn’t upset that Nancy didn’t say anything — it may be a more liberal city than other places, but her old town sounded insane and being open about that kind of thing in any situation would probably be justifiably terrifying. More than anything, actually, Alice is upset that she’s lost the bet they all had going about Nancy having a secret boyfriend. That was $20 less in her bank account at the end of the day.
Nancy and Robin spend most of the rest of the break exploring the city together, and now that Alice is aware of the fact that they’re together, it makes their dynamic a lot more clear. There’s a softness to Nancy’s expression that Alice had never seen before, an obvious care and love that Alice is a little disappointed for ever missing. She doesn’t say a word though, biting her tongue and burying her face in her mug of coffee and turning away.
//
The next time that Robin comes to visit is about a week into February, and Alice doesn’t doubt that the timing is purposeful. Nancy still doesn’t know what she had overheard that night last time the other girl had been here, so she’s kind of stuck for ways to manage giving them the privacy she knows they’d want. They’re in the library together when Alice finally finds the guts to bring it up, hoping that their little table tucked into the edge of the room between the ends of the stacks will serve as private enough.
“Uh, do you want me to find somewhere to stay for the week?” Alice eventually asks, putting her pen down as she leans back in her chair, watching Nancy start, pushing the hair back away from her face as she looks up from her books.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I know Robin is visiting, so I figured you would want some space,” Alice explains, trailing off and praying that the other girl would catch her meaning. She watches in real time as the confusion fades from Nancy’s eyes, replaced by realisation, and suddenly the other girl is ducking her head to hide her laughter.
“Were we that obvious?” Nancy’s tone is sheepish, but not that surprised and Alice is a little taken aback by how calm she is about it.
“For what it’s worth, I think I’m the only one who knows.”
“You didn’t say anything?”
“Didn’t know if you would want me to.” Alice shrugs, and she isn’t quite sure how to read the guarded expression on Nancy’s face, but she feels a little better when the other girl cracks a grateful smile.
“Thank you, Alice.”
“Of course,” she says, cheeks burning as she looks down. She half expects it to be the end of the conversation, but Nancy fixes her with an evaluative look from the other end of the table.
“How did you figure it out?”
“Uh-” Alice swallows hard as she suddenly remembers that Nancy does keep a gun in their room and is trained to use it. “I guess you could say that I’m not that heavy of a sleeper? I didn’t hear anything much though, just you guys talking and then-” Alice flushes, watching as Nancy connects the dots and blushes herself despite smiling at the thought of Robin. “I put my headphones on after that.”
Nancy laughs a little. “It’s okay, Alice,” she assures her quietly, obviously aware that they’re in the library. “You’ve known since last time, though?”
“Yeah.”
“And. You’re okay with it?” There’s a guarded edge to Nancy’s voice as she speaks, something exhausted there as well that attests to just how tired the other girl is of hiding.
Something in Alice’s chest tightens as she starts a little before softening. “Yeah, of course, Nancy. Honestly, I’m more bothered that you’ve got relationship stuff happening and I don’t have any of the details.”
“Well, I guess you deserve them.”
Alice grins a little, leans forward to get the juicy gossip as she would with any of her friend’s love lives. “So, what, are you guys properly together or just getting there or what?”
“We’ve been dating since last summer, so I’d say we are properly together.” Nancy laughs, a small blush rising to her cheeks.
“How did it happen? Like, I know you had boyfriends, so is Robin the first girl or?”
Something crosses Nancy’s face again, a slightly familiar shadow overtaking her expression once more. “Well, you know how my town was where those freak earthquakes and everything happened? Everyone just came together or fell apart, and a bunch of us who came together figured out that our perceptions of each other were kind of off for the whole of high school and that it was pointless to keep pretending like any of that shit mattered when there was so much other stuff happening. I mean, like, Robin was already best friends with my ex at that point, but I thought they were dating and it was awkward still, but stuff that spring break really put everything in perspective, and Robin and I got closer and it all just kind of fell together. A couple of our friends died or got really injured so, considering everything, the idea of not being with her just because she’s a girl was still there but just felt a little, I don’t know, trivial.”
The conversation is a stark reminder that Nancy isn’t just from a quiet backwater town like a lot of other people. She doesn’t talk much about everything that went down in Hawkins, that apparently was going on for over three years and wasn’t just limited to the earthquakes, but it makes a lot about Nancy make sense. Alice is hit for a second with a strange pang of admiration for her friend, who genuinely doesn’t seem to give a shit about being anything less than herself.
“You guys are really cute together. Weird, but cute,” she tells her, smiling, and it’s shitty but it’s the closest Alice can come to expressing this strange moment of wonder and awe at her friend’s strength. Nancy smiles either way, a glint in her eye like maybe she knows what she’s getting at, but she shrugs it away with a laugh.
“Difficult for Robin to be anything but weird, but thank you.”
“Isn’t it odd that your ex is still best friends with her? Especially after the whole ‘he’s not over you’ thing?”
“I mean, Robin was half joking when she said he hadn’t moved past it, because he definitely has. He’s with someone else now. But me and Steve will always be close in whatever way, and we are definitely better off as friends so it kind of is whatever? The guy is really close with my brother and his friends, plus he’s a pretty nice guy. Difficult to not want to be friends with him, after everything. Besides, he and Robin are a package deal, so I can’t escape him, even if I wanted to .”
Alice laughs, because what else can she do in the face of what sounds like the most complicated web of interpersonal relationships in the world? “Isn’t your brother like three or four years younger than you? And your ex is older than you? Why are they so close?”
“I never said Steve’s friendships made sense. I don’t know, he’s just really good at looking out for them. I think they felt better about going to someone like him than someone like me, who they thought would rat them out or something, even though I wouldn’t have. Either way, he massively came through for a lot of people lately, so whatever happens, he’s cool in my book. Besides, he and Robin are genuinely soulmates in a way I can never surpass, so I don’t honestly have a choice.” Nancy laughs in a way that makes it clear she’s joking, but Alice can read her enough to know that her words are also completely genuine. She wonders for a moment what it would be like to be so okay with the person she was dating to be that close with someone else, especially someone she had history with. She thinks, just for the briefest second, that there must be the smallest piece of resentment or bitterness in Nancy, but the other girl is the picture of casual, shrugging easily, the shape and contour of her smile genuine and free and Alice can find no hint of anything.
Maybe Nancy is just a better person than she is, or maybe Steve is really that good of a guy, or maybe all three of them are just too complicated to really figure out from her outside perspective.
Alice smiles, nodding carefully to herself as she turns back to her paper, watching out of the corner of her eye as Nancy settles back into her own chair and focuses on her work again. Silence hangs, far lighter than it was before, and Alice feels a tension flood out of her that she hadn’t even realised she was holding now that she wasn’t holding back what she knew. In the guise of thinking about her essay, she regards the girl across from her carefully for just another second and smiles a little to herself. The revelation about Nancy and Robin is interesting and sheds light on her person, but no more than the fact that she is one of the best sudoku solvers she’s ever seen, that she’s more impatient than one would think and that she’s willing to stand up just about any guy that thinks that they’re smarter or better than her by virtue of her gender. . Nancy truly is a conundrum, something that Alice isn’t sure she’ll ever fully solve, or even if Nancy herself has slotted it all together yet. The girl can appear to switch at the flip of a coin and it isn’t difficult to tell that there’s still more to her than she’s revealed so far. Maybe knowing everything isn’t really the point, isn’t really the mark of friendship or closeness. Maybe one day Alice will have all the pieces, but she’s happy to wait, to sit back and let the other girl decide how and when that all comes together.
She turns back down to her essay and smiles a little wider, shaking her head free of her thoughts as she gets back to work.