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Cereal For Dinner
Summary: Dan suffers from a chronic illness and has an episode one evening. Phil makes sure Dan is okay and takes care of him, as always.
(Phan oneshot)
A/N: woah long time since the last illness oneshot (or story at all) lmao i’m so sorry D: to know what illness please click the link in the summary or here
Contains: Hurt/comfort, Phil being awesome.
Warnings:
Phan status: Together.
Words: 3197
POV: Third
Cereal For Dinner
“I’m getting something to drink. You want some?” Phil asked as he got up from the sofa.
“Yeah, but I’ll follow you, so don’t worry about it,” Dan answered as he put the xbox controllers away. After playing Mario Cart for a good three hours, he could use some moving around.
“What do you want for dinner?” Phil called over his shoulder, rifling through the fridge. They really needed to go grocery shopping soon, but it was rainy and cold outside―more the kind of weather for staying inside and watching movies all day whilst cuddled under a mountain of blankets than for making a Tesco run.
“There’s nothing really, so how about getting a takeaway?” Phil went on, looking around the kitchen and writing down on a piece of paper what they needed. Dan’s meds were running a bit low too, so it was definitely time to leave the house.
“Question is…” Phil started counting the pills still remaining in the box (which he’d decorated with stickers a little while ago to make it all seem less serious), “…what kind of takeaway? I mean, pizza sounds good, but we had it not that long ago.”
Adding cereal to the list, twice, Phil set the paper on the counter in a place they wouldn’t lose it and started pouring himself a glass of water.
“Dan?” Phil called.
When there still wasn’t any response to their dinner plans, he stepped back into the lounge, holding the glass in one hand. “Pizza again, or you have a better ide… You okay?”
Phil forgot everything he’d just been talking about at the sight of Dan sitting stiffly on the edge of the sofa. His head was turned towards the door, just staring out in front of himself without really focusing on anything.
Dan only let out a deep groan―which Phil guessed was meant to be a word―while blinking repeatedly.
“Shit…” Phil swore under his breath, quickly leaving the glass on the table before bending down on one knee in front of Dan to get a closer look.
Dan’s mouth was opening and closing in a slow but steady rhythm, like he was chewing. His right arm and leg had started twitching slightly, meaning that a grand mal seizure would most likely happen. Not always, but the signs were definitely there.
“Hey. It’s gonna be okay.” Phil gave a reassuring smile and gently placed his hand on Dan’s shoulder, squeezing lightly in an attempt to get his attention. It worked for a second or two before Dan’s gaze once again became distant.
“Can’t get up…” Dan slurred in response, sounding a mix between drunk and tired. “Legs won’t… they w-won’t work.” He pointed at them with an unsteady hand whilst shaking his head from side to side. It wasn’t because they actually didn’t work―it was more the feeling that he was gradually losing control of his muscles.
“How about we go to your room, Dan? There’s more space.” Phil knew he had to take control whenever this happened, but even so, it wouldn’t be fair for Dan if he didn’t at least ask him what he wanted first.
“Legs won… Not sure I ca…” But the rest of the sentence was more an incomprehensible mumble. Still, Phil understood completely what Dan was trying to tell him.
“I’ll help you. Come on.” Phil rose from the floor and held out his hand for Dan to grab, giving him the choice first. They usually had about five to ten minutes from when the aura started to when the actual seizure would kick in. Sometimes that wasn’t enough time to get away from the crowds or small spaces they happened to be in, but it was still important to keep calm even though they were in a hurry. It wouldn’t do Dan any good stressing out about the inevitable.
Dan didn’t move, so Phil placed his hands under his arms and gently helped him to stand. Dan pulled a face at the sudden movement and started swallowing repeatedly.
“You feel nauseous?” Phil asked nervously. Dan let his head fall against Phil’s chest and nodded slowly.
Leading Dan by the shoulders down the hall towards the safer bedroom wasn’t always easy. Normally the two inches between them didn’t matter much, but they certainly did when Phil had to support most of Dan’s weight. If Dan had been a foot shorter, things would have been easier.
“I’m s-scared…” Dan murmured, and let out a choked sob.
“I know, it’s okay,” Phil tried. But nothing he could say would actually help much because most of the time Dan was too out of it to fully understand. Not to mention his emotions would be all over the place. But it was always worth a try, and whispering the comforting words also helped Phil relax a bit.
“You’re going to be okay, Dan. I promise.” Phil gave the arm that wasn’t twitching a light squeeze before helping Dan sit down on the floor. “Deep breaths, come on,” he instructed as he pushed Dan’s office chair out of the way so he wouldn’t get hurt. It was best to have as much space as possible.
“I don’t want to have… a-a seizure, Ph-Phil…” Dan complained. With his eyes closed and his head slightly tilted back, Dan already looked absolutely exhausted. Phil knew how much a possible seizure would drain him, so dinner was out of the picture now.
“I’ll be right here, okay?” Phil assured, guiding Dan to lay back and turn on his side in a safe position. “Not going anywhere, you know that. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” No matter what Phil did, he couldn’t prevent this from happening, but the most important thing was to make Dan as calm and comfortable as possible.
“H-hate… this…” Dan stuttered while the twitching in his arm got a bit worse.
“I hate this too,” Phil said, moving one of the pillows underneath Dan’s head. He almost hated the epilepsy as much as Dan did. Of course he could never truly understand how it felt, and he wasn’t trying to, but watching the seizures and aftermath and seeing what it did to Dan was heartbreaking sometimes. It wouldn’t help anything to show that to him though, and he was sure that if he felt bad about it, Dan must feel a hundred times worse, so he really shouldn’t complain.
“But it’s gonna be okay,” Phil tried again. “Just relax. It’s gonna be over soon, okay.” At this point he didn’t really know if he was talking mostly to Dan or to himself because it wasn’t really a question anymore whether or not Dan would have a seizure.
“I can’t handle this r-right now…” Dan groaned into the pillow. His hand searched for something to grab, but the only thing available nearby was Phil’s wrist.
“Hey, you’ll be okay,” Phil whispered. “You’ve done this before, remember?”
“D-Don’t wan…” But Dan didn’t get to form the rest of his sentence before his breath got caught in his throat, his eyes rolled back in his head, and his whole body went completely rigid. Phil sat back on his heels and immediately started counting seconds.
The grand mal seizures didn’t happen often―with the medication, they were mostly under control―but that didn’t make it easier each time they did. It took a lot of willpower for Phil not to reach over and touch Dan, or just do something, while he was going through one. But he knew he wasn’t allowed to touch him until it stopped, and if anything was important, it was Dan’s safety.
There had been a good warning on this one, compared to a few of the other times where Dan had just collapsed without so much as an odd blink or a slurred sentence. Those were some of the worst times Phil could remember. He hated the fact that it could happen at any time and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it, besides being there and supporting Dan when he needed him. But this seizure had started slowly, so they were able to prepare for it.
Like clockwork, Dan’s body started convulsing after about thirty seconds. It began with his right leg and soon the rest of his body followed suit. Phil’s stomach tightened. This was the scariest part―watching Dan lay unconscious, with no control over his body or how it was moving. The cramping normally lasted only a couple of minutes, sometimes a little longer, but Dan had been totally fine all day (not even having any absence seizures, which were the kind he mostly suffered from), so Phil didn’t think this one would last for long.
He was right.
After what felt like ninety-eight hours instead of seconds, Dan stopped seizing and let out a few deep, struggling breaths, sounding like he’d just been pulled up from water. Phil had to reassure himself of what the doctor had told him: that the sound was just due to the carbon dioxide accumulation and secretion in the upper airways. Everything was okay―Dan just needed a few minutes to come to.
He watched as the colour in Dan’s lips started to return now after having held his breath for so long.
The doctors had once explained that Dan’s brain was like a computer that needed to restart. Everything needed to get back in order, so the time right after a seizure was the most important. Phil’s job was so make sure Dan woke up on his own, giving his body the time it needed without being disturbed or stressed.
“That wasn’t so bad. You’re okay, Dan, don’t worry…” Phil whispered, mostly to himself, before adjusting Dan’s body a bit so he was again lying in a safe position on his right side. Once that was taken care of, he got up and turned off the overhead lights so only the little lamp on the bedside table was on, leaving the room dimly lit and cosy.
Phil quickly returned to Dan’s side. Leaning against the bed, he carefully watched the rise and fall of Dan’s chest, which moved in a slow, steady rhythm. Nervously, Phil twisted his hands and pinched at the skin. He just wanted to know if Dan was okay.
Finally, Phil let out a sigh of relief, only now realising that he’d been holding his breath for way too long.
After ten slow minutes, Dan’s eyes started moving from side to side under his eyelids and he let out a low moan, followed by a few deep breaths.
“Hey,” Phil whispered, trying not to be too loud or sound too nervous. “You okay?” He moved his hand and allowed himself to brush Dan’s fringe away from his forehead, causing Dan to stir a bit more.
“Can you open your eyes for me?” Phil continued, but all he got in return was some slurred words and a barely visible head movement.
“Dan,” he said, a bit more firmly. “Can you open your eyes?” He stroked his hand gently across Dan’s shoulder and down his left arm, not wanting to force him to wake up, but just to let Dan know that he was there. “You okay?”
“Hmm… What happened?” Dan murmured. He managed to open his eyes for about four seconds before they closed back together. “What happen…”
“You had a seizure,” Phil explained, continuing to rub his hand up and down Dan’s arm.
“Wha…?” Dan asked uncertainly, and wrinkled his forehead slightly. “No…”
“You had a seizure, Dan.” Phil knew that recovery from a grand mal always left Dan confused and disorientated, so this wasn’t too alarming.
“I don’t wanna have a seizure,” Dan complained, rolling over so he was lying on his back, facing the ceiling.
“You had one already, Dan,” Phil tried again. “It’s over.”
“Why are we h-here?”
Phil moved his head to meet Dan’s gaze. “We walked to your room so you wouldn’t get hurt during the seizure, remember?”
“Was it bad?” Dan asked. He moved his arm over his eyes to block out the light.
“Under two minutes,” Phil replied. “Here, let me help you sit up.”
Dan just wanted to stay on the floor for now. He was tired and his head was hurting badly. The muscles in his neck and down his spine felt tight, as if he’d been lying on bricks all day, while the rest of his body just felt sore and completely out of energy.
“It doesn’t matter how bad the seizure was, just how you’re feeling now,” Phil said as he took Dan’s hand to help him sit up.
“Yeah…” Dan opened his eyes slowly. The room around him was blurry and didn’t seem to get back in focus no matter how much he blinked. It was like living in a haze. He felt nauseous and anxious and wished that the world would stop punishing him for something he didn’t do. It had been such a nice day, but of course, it had to end with a full-blown seizure.
“You didn’t get hurt anywhere? Or bid your tongue?” Phil was kneeling front of him. “Are you going to be sick?” he asked. Dan hadn’t realised he was sitting up until he felt Phil’s hand tracing small circles on his back. It felt so nice and calming that Dan wished he could just melt into the touch and go back to sleep right there.
“No. Don’t think so,” Dan answered, but stayed completely still just to be sure nothing happened, still trying to blink the dizziness away.
“Or else you let me know, okay?” Phil said. Dan answered with a slow nod before letting his gaze fall to the floor. It wasn’t as blurry as the rest of the room.
They stayed on the floor for a minute. Dan sat with eyes closed, his head hanging heavily from his shoulders while taking deep, slow breaths. Phil was supporting him by keeping a hand on his shoulder, but he knew that if they didn’t move soon, Dan would fall asleep and be close to impossible to wake up again.
“Let’s get you to bed before you crash completely,” Phil announced, standing up. “Come on.”
Dan grabbed Phil’s hands and let him pull him to standing.
“Your bed or my bed?” Phil asked, and once again moved Dan’s fringe out of the way.
“Yours.” It wasn’t that late―they hadn’t even had dinner yet. Dan didn’t like being alone right after a seizure; it felt safer if he knew Phil was right there. Plus, Phil’s room had a TV, so at least he’d be somewhat entertained in there compared to Dan’s room.
“You need anything?”
Dan ran a hand over his face and rubbed his eyes before stretching out the rest of his body. This was going to hurt tomorrow and he wasn’t looking forward to it.
“Some water would be nice.” Dan sighed, “And something for the headache…”
“Okay, no problem. You just get ready for bed.”
Phil left the bedroom, allowing Dan to change and get ready in peace. He was used to Dan’s seizures, but they always left him a little shaky and he usually needed a minute or so to breathe too, so he took his time in the kitchen, adding some more things to the growing list of items they needed from the store.
Dan was already sitting up against the headboard with a pillow behind his back when Phil walked into the bedroom, holding a tray with Dan’s drink and a bowl of cereal that was now playing the role of Phil’s dinner.
“Want to fall asleep to anything special?” Phil smiled as he studied Dan, spread out on the top of the bed.
“‘Friends’ would be cool. Maybe I can stay around for one episode.” Dan sighed deeply and pulled the duvet all the way to his chin. Phil quickly nodded and turned on the TV.
“I made you some Ribena, and I figured you weren’t hungry.” Phil placed the tray on the nightstand before handing Dan the glass and a few pills.
“That’s not my cereal you’re eating, is it?” Dan smirked and quickly swallowed the pills together with half of his drink.
“No, I ate the last of yours yesterday. This is the leftovers from a secret stockpile I keep for long winters.”
“So what you’re saying is that you’re a squirrel?” Dan grinned.
“Basically, yeah.” Phil smiled widely and crawled under the covers next to Dan, who immediately placed his head on Phil’s shoulder and practically melted into his side.
“Maybe tomorrow I’ll make pancakes for breakfast,” Phil said. He started spooning cereal into his mouth. “And bacon. I’d need to go shopping first though.”
“That’s nice, but you don’t have to,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s chest, sounding almost half asleep already.
“You didn’t get any dinner today, so I’ll make it up to you tomorrow.” Usually Dan would sleep a few hours right after a seizure. Phil guessed Dan probably wake up again before he went to bed himself. And maybe he’d have some cereal for dinner too.
“I’m sorry I ruined it.” Dan sighed.
“We talked about this, Dan. No need to be sorry,” Phil said seriously. Dan couldn’t help the seizures, and no one should be sorry for something they can’t help. In a way, it was sad that Phil had to remind Dan that every time, but he also knew that sometimes Dan saw himself and his illness as a burden. But that was untrue, of course, and Dan needed to understand that.
Neither one said anything after that for a while, but instead concentrated on the TV that was playing at low volume in the background. Dan let out a few tired laughs every so often when something funny happened. Phil mostly paid attention to the warm body leaning against his side, and the now soggy cereal he was trying to finish. Not that he was even that hungry anymore; he had something else to care about.
“Do you think we could go to town tomorrow? Maybe look at video games or something… Or go for coffee? I’d like that,” Dan whispered quietly, not wanting to ruin the comfortable silence.
“Of course,” Phil said in the same low voice as he gently put the empty bowl back on the tray. “Anything specific you need?”
“Not really,” Dan breathed out and moved a bit so his head was resting on Phil’s chest. Phil let himself slide further into the bed so Dan could stretch out better, knowing sleep would soon overpower him. “Besides spending a day with you outside of this house.”
“Sounds nice,” Phil agreed, and gently started running his fingers up and down Dan’s tense back. “Maybe we could go to the cinema too, if there’s anything interesting showing.”
“Yeah… That’d be great. Good idea.”
Phil moved his gaze from the TV to Dan. His eyes were closed, but Phil knew he wasn’t completely asleep, so he kept talking about everything and nothing for some time. Dan would ‘hmm’ in agreement every once in a while, but if he was truly paying attention, Phil didn’t know.
Not that it really mattered anyway.
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