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"Are you sure you're not coming?"
Kazuha's question resonates through the silent place, the water around his body was not enough to relax him about the vigilant Yaksha sitting at the cave entrance. That was a sacred place that only the adepti could enter with their guests; because of this, the water has regenerative properties, healing any kind of injury.
"I don't need it. I'm keeping watch in case something manages to get through the barrier" Xiao explains without even looking back. He knew he would get caught in Kazuha's gaze if he stared at him for too long. There is a certain exhaustion in his voice that does not go unnoticed by the samurai.
"You need to rest too" Kazuha punctuates, propping his elbows on the ground, not removing his gaze from the yaksha. "I remember well hearing you say that this place is safe, so there is no need for such vigilance"
Xiao sighs at the other's argument. Why was he always such a terrible liar around Kazuha? Indeed, that place was extremely safe and the invasion of any corrupted being never happened, but he needed some excuse to avoid direct contact with Kaedehara.
Well, apparently that's not an option, especially when he hears the sound of water churning, followed by footsteps that were getting closer and closer.
"What do you..." Xiao tries to question, still not daring to look back, but the words slip away when he feels others' arms around him. His skin became hotter and hotter each time the contact increased, the other's bare chest fitting into his back. The samurai's chin being placed on his shoulder certainly set him on fire. "Kazuha?" He calls his name shyly.
"We've been together for a while and you never take a bath with me" Kazuha whispers, there is a certain melancholy in his voice. "You know you can be honest if my company is unwanted" He assures with a sad smile taking his lips. Soon, he starts to break away from the embrace but is stopped by the yaksha, who holds his hands with unexpected strength.
"...your company is great" Xiao punctuates in a low tone, feeling the other's laughter against the back of his neck. The naked body pressed against him does not allow him to reason as well as he could. "I am the problem. Don't worry too much" His lips tingle with the immense desire to kiss the samurai as a way of reassuring him that it was alright, but he felt so wrong for making him feel that way that he just settled for caressing his stiff hands.
Kazuha was not satisfied with such a vague and evasive response as that. He wanted to understand Xiao, to make him feel safe by his side in any situation, but he also wanted to respect him and spare him from intrusive questions. All he did was let out a sigh as he became more and more immersed in his thoughts; no longer weaving questions to the yaksha, but to himself. He was trying to decipher those words: I am the problem.
"I suggest you get back in the water soon if you don't want to get cold" Xiao realized that the gray-haired boy did not leave him, even after he let go of his hands, realizing at the time that Kaedehara was lost in his thoughts. He knew very well this custom of his beloved. Noticing that there is still no response from the other, he finds himself with no other choice but to lead him to the water by himself.
Kazuha awakens from his internal questioning only when he sees that he is in the adeptus' arms; it is impossible not to notice the yaksha's reddened face as he leads him to the warm waters he was in earlier.
As he is carefully deposited there, he can't contain his impulse as he grasps Xiao's hand.
The yaksha stares at him with some distress, but waits.
"I ended up getting lost in my thoughts and didn't answer you properly, I'm sorry" Kaedehara explains, gently stroking the other's hand. "I can't imagine how you are the problem. I know it's not about your karma, since if that were the case, you would have already made it clear" That was exactly the excuse Xiao was planning to use now. How could Kazuha read him so well? "I know you don't wish to talk about it and I don't intend to pressure you, but I want you to know that nothing about you is capable of bothering me or pushing me away. It will never be" he smiles, finally letting go of the yaksha's hand.
"Not even my body?" A pained expression, followed by deep regret, is formed on Yaksha's face.
Apparently, that question was not meant to be uttered.
Kazuha raises his eyebrows as he has a slight understanding of the problem: was Xiao ashamed of his body?
"Your body would never bother me" He affirms with confidence.
A confidence that makes Xiao want more than ever to completely confirm the samurai's acceptance. He wondered if the other was really understanding.
"Even if it is not normal?" He didn't think he would feel his chest tighten this hard outside of a battle; anxiety was eating away at him. "Even… if it is different from yours?"
The intensity of Xiao's gaze denotes everything he feels: fear, anxiety, pain and countless other sensations.
Comprehension hits Kaedehara almost immediately, but before he could verbalize anything, Xiao decides to keep going.
"I have read a few books because I wanted to understand how to...relate to humans, to you" He admits, sitting down on the cave floor. "But none of them had a man like me in it. They all had the same characteristics...I just didn't want to disappoint you with a body that doesn't meet your expectations" he finishes, feeling exhausted for having said so much, but relieved to have finally gotten it all off his chest.
He feared the rejection, the probable disgust mixed with uncertainty that would be stamped on Kazuha's face, but he would accept whatever the reality was. He was used to loneliness; perhaps this brief - exaggerated, since they had been together for months - romance with the samurai would finally meet its end.
Even though he had put all his efforts and care into this relationship, he was willing to risk it like this. Even though it hurt a lot.
Kazuha had said so many things to make him feel safe with his presence, trusting his words were a hope he was trying to keep extinguished.
"Xiao..." He hears Kaedehara's voice again, but now he can't look into his eyes. He didn't imagine he would feel so much...fear. It was strange.
He heard the sound of the water churning again, Kaedehara's presence in front of him was impossible to ignore.
"Look at me" Xiao takes a moment, indecisive and fearful, but he decides to face that situation at once. The yellowish eyes meet the warm colors in Kazuha's orbs; there was a certain brightness in his gaze. "There is nothing wrong with your body. And I'll say it again: nothing about you bothers me" He says with such devotion, not waiting long to wrap the yaksha in an embrace. "I can't believe you read so many books just because of me"
"You use words in such poetic ways just to grace me, but I am never able to do the same for you" Xiao confesses softly, hugging him back.
"And you don't have to, words are not the only way to express affection, Xiao" Kazuha places his hands on the other's cheek, leaving a kiss over his lips. "And most of those books are not very realistic, there are many humans just like you"
"...Really?" Xiao looks curious, which makes the samurai laugh.
"Yes!" he states with some enthusiasm "I didn't think that was what kept you from trusting me... I apologize for being so insistent"
"You weren't" he assures, the happiness of having someone as patient as Kazuha in his life invaded his chest. "I...will get in the water with you"
Kazuha is usually always quiet with his reactions, but the gleam emanating in his gaze is unmistakable. They both stand up and Xiao begins to undress; the blood soiled clothes - from so many monsters he had defeated in the day - being separated in a corner while the samurai's gaze did not leave the yaksha's body.
When he removes the last piece, his arms are crossed over his chest, as if protecting himself. He certainly never used to show any trace of insecurity, but the mere presence of Kazuha made him anxious and comfortable at the same time. His body has a few scratches from recent fights, but most of his injuries regenerate too quickly for there to be any scars. His gaze drifts in the direction of Kazuha's member, not being able to avoid the insecurity taking over him for not having something like it.
"You are so beautiful" He is aroused by this line, looking into the other's eyes. Kaedehara's gaze is of pure adoration. A genuine smile formed across his face as he guided the yaksha into the hot springs. "Unbelievable you have hidden such a divine body for so long"
Xiao just feels the blush on his face at the praise, allowing himself to be guided into the water, sitting down next to the other and letting the warm water do its job of relaxing him.
He feels Kazuha's hands in his hair, knew how much the samurai loved to touch it and just let him enjoy himself while silently finding comfort in his chest.
It was still strange to be naked next to Kaedehara, but the way he was weaving compliments and distributing kisses all over his body was able to reassure him.
All the insecurity that had consumed him before was gone. It was curious how Kazuha could have such a strong effect on him.