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“Bad news Krav, I think you gotta find a new costume partner,” Taako says as he scans the shelves in the pantry, scribbling a list in his scraggly notebook. He’d protested the gift from Lucretia last Candlenights because “only nerds write down things in journals,” apparently. But much to his chagrin, the notebook has rarely left his person in the past year. Makes a great holding place for grocery lists, devious plans, and the occasional doodle of a Halloween costume.
“Is this payback for last year, love? Because I was so looking forward to leaning into the Addams family this year,” Kravitz grabs a granola bar and pouts at Taako.
Taako smiles and taps Kravitz on the nose with his pen. “It’s not, scout’s honor. I just got the most brilliant idea the other night and I can’t pass it up.”
“And you don’t want to end up matching Lup again?”
“And I don’t want to end up matching Lup again,” Taako affirms. “One accidental match shame on her. Two accidental matches shame on me and I refuse to feel shame for literally anything.”
“You’re so wise,” Kravitz says sagely.
“I really am. Need anything at the store?”
“Could I talk you into picking up some actual treats? I love a granola bar but I did come in here looking for something jammed with sugar.” Kravitz does his best to avoid getting crumbs on his shirt, knowing damn well that that is simply going to result in him getting enough crumbs on the floor to help kick off the events of Ratatouille. He pretends to not notice Taako watching each crumb drop onto the ground with a laser-like focus. He can sweep later and Taako can come behind him tutting that he missed some crumbs.
“Hmm, you’re twisting my arm here, babe,” Taako muses, pulling his mouth into a teasing smirk. “Besides, I think I’m plenty sweet, don’t you?”
“That’s a given, of course. But my love, you’re like a fine bon-bon plucked from a box of assorted filled chocolates; a magnificent and delicious treat but sometimes not quite the quick snack you’re looking for. You gotta savor a bon-bon.” Kravitz finishes his granola bar and grabs Taako’s hand, pulling him closer until he can snake his arms around Taako’s midsection.
“I’m expensive like a bon-bon, too.”
“That you are, dear,” Kravitz affirms as he rests his chin on Taako’s shoulder. “That you are.”
---
“Explain to me how you plan on having a fair costume contest at a small party you’re hosting?” Lup asks as she wrestles with a bag of fake spiderwebs. She’s been tasked with making the living room drip with the creep factor but at the moment, it’s barely damp.
“We’re hosting and obviously it’s going to be a secret ballot,” Taako says from his place on the ladder. A frankly obscene amount of spider rings fills his pockets and he gets to work attaching them to the light fixture with fishing line.
“Ah the classic secret ballot that’s set to be stuffed with Taako’s name.” Barry sets another box of Halloween decorations down on the ground and cracks open the lid, ready to unbox any number porcelain ghosts, flocked velvet black cats, and random real bones from gods-know-what creatures; every flavor of Halloween décor is represented in the house, at least. Kravitz joins him in setting all the items in the box out so they all have a feel for what they’re working with.
“Barold, I’m hurt that you’d even suggest this kind of unscrupulous and dishonest behavior.”
“Bud, I have seen movies before. Like, you only need to have seen one movie to know how that would end up, I’m pretty sure.”
“I’m upstanding! I have morals. I have principles. Principles, Barold,” Taako rests his hand on his forehead melodramatically. Truly he deserves a Fantasy Emmy for such a performance. If he’s lucky, he could Fantasy EGOT by Candlenights.
He looks back at three sets of eyes staring, unblinking at him. “You all don’t think I have scruples? I’m obscenely scruped.”
“Have I mentioned how much I love you today?” Kravitz says in place of answering Taako’s question trap.
“Now I’m absolutely going to stuff the ballot. I made up a really nice gift basket for the winner and I made it too good because I want it all,” Taako admits, tossing a plastic spider in Barry’s direction.
“I was also going to stuff the ballot,” Lup acknowledges.
“I’d expect nothing less from the two of you.” Barry works at untangling a terribly balled up string of lights.
---
“Am I privy to knowing your costume?” Kravitz asks one day as Taako pours over his notebook, scribbling furiously. He’d already seen Taako shoving a large bag from Fantasy Michael’s into the hall closet before being ordered to not open the closet “even if the house was on fire” a few days prior.
“Absolutely not, it’s so brilliant and since it’s every man for himself this year, I won’t be thwarted by you, babe.”
“And here I was hoping you’d want to fraternize with the enemy.”
Taako grins like a kid who’s discovered which houses give out the full-sized candy bars on Halloween night. “I always want to fraternize with you. They’re gonna have to invent a new word for what I like to do with the enemy.”
“Gods, you big romantic you.”
---
Lup looks in the mirror and grins, mussing her wig up a little. She can feel the pin curls under the wig cap shifting but she hopes they’ll hold throughout most of the party; the wig is vital to her whole look, natch. She pulls the robe on before very carefully placing the jacket on top and making sure the robe sleeves spill out of the jacket sleeves perfectly.
“Well, aren’t you a blast from the past?” Barry chuckles as he moves to stand behind Lup. He folds the cuffs of his coat to expose the interior stripes. In one of his pockets, a stashed spatula; a wand is housed in another pocket.
Lup turns around and widens her eyes. “I think you and I are geniuses.”
“He’s gonna have an aneurysm.”
“Oh most definitely,” she acknowledges solemnly. “But at least we don’t have to wear big ol’ hats.”
“Yeah, the only way I was going along with this was if I could swing being hatless,” Barry says firmly, even though he briefly considered donning a chef’s hat. Ultimately he decided it wasn’t worth running the risk of being compared to the dude from Ratatouille.
Lup does a little dance when she hears the doorbell ring; now the party can really begin.
---
“What the fuck is this?” Taako demands as he emerges from the kitchen with some ghoulish-looking treats. He counts no fewer than five hats that look a little more than familiar.
“Halloween party,” Magnus supplies, adjusting his mongoose mask as he scoops himself some spooky purple punch.
“Yeah, no, I know there’s a Halloween party going on, I just wanna know why the fuck you’re all wearing my fucking clothes!”
“I dunno what you’re talkin’ about, I’m Leeman Kessler!” Merle exclaims.
“Justin, actually,” Magnus corrects.
“Yeah, what he said.” Merle nods and plucks a mummy dog off the table.
“And I’m obviously Tuff Greg,” Angus says as he scrounges around the bowl of candy set out on the table; sure enough, he’s dressed in a nondescript set of coveralls.
“I see, I see, I stab myself an inordinate number of times making shiny tendrils and sewing them to this hat so I could be a very cool, very avant-garde portrayal of Fisher, meanwhile Dav gets to just walk around in a rash guard and sunglasses and Luce gets to wear an admittedly very cute skirt and we’re calling these costumes? Where’s the dedication? Where’s the time-commitment?”
“It’s about the accuracy, I think,” Lucretia offers as she plucks a piece of lint of her skirt.
“And the whimsy,” Davenport adds.
“That’s true, you can’t forget about the whimsy,” Barry says solemnly. Lup looks to the hallway behind Taako and nods.
“Far be it from me to suppress whimsy,” Taako says drily. “At least Krav would never do me so dirty.”
“Hey thug, what’s your name? I’m about to tentacle your dick!” An affected voice from behind Taako yells, eliciting hoots from the rest of the party.
Taako whirls around and gets an eyeful of Kravitz in a cinnamon-colored null suit; he’s also managed to shove a hat inside the helmet and looks entirely too pleased about it.
“I want a divorce.”
“I don’t think we need to put this to a vote, yeah?” Lup says and receives whoops in response.
“How did you even get that?”
Kravitz shrugs. “I know a guy.”
“Nerdface owes you a favor.”
“Yeah, that too. Turns out not killing him worked out pretty well for me.”
Taako clicks his tongue quietly. “You’re lucky there’s a child here otherwise I would so put you on blast, my love.” He smiles saccharinely at Kravitz who manages to blush redder than the null suit. “You’re all terrible and don’t appreciate my genius, that’s fine.”
“I’d argue we appreciate you too much since we’re all dressed like you,” Lup counters.
Taako rolls his eyes fondly. “You all wish you could have one iota of my style. Also I’m suing each and every single one of you for copyright infringement. And I’m taking the gift basket for myself.”