Chapter Text
It was already more than halfway through Pegasus moon and the weather was way too freezing Claude's liking, he’s always hated the cold. Sitting on the dock of the monastery pond definitely past midnight with only a lantern to bring light in the blinding dark, Claude let his restless thoughts wire through his mind. Along with his thoughts firing off a mile per minute, Claude had taken off his boots and socks, setting them beside himself, for once embracing the chill of the night. Or early morning, he supposed. The cold temperature of the time sunk into his skin, viciously biting at him and making him feel alive instead of the usual shivering annoyance. He considered himself lucky that it was a warmer day than the rest that had passed during the peak of winter, fortunate the pond wasn’t frozen over.
Claude let his feet gently tap the freezing water of the monastery pond, a quiet but methodical splash splash splash resounding out loud, quite contradictory to his chaotic mind.
Claude felt that everything was finally cresting into something huge, something catastrophic. He could sense it in the way that the Blue Lions class was slowly falling apart, weariness seeping from them every day that passes. He could recognise the hardness in Edelgard’s eyes, a willingness to do anything to reach a goal Claude would never be able to uncover. He knew from the cracks of instability that had taken over Dimitri in the past few months that things were reaching a turning point, and Claude wasn’t sure he was ready.
He hated feeling unprepared and kept in the dark, seeing the Blue Lions class looking like they had been through hell and back every time they went on a mission. Claude hated the underlying anxiousness he felt whenever he saw the look in both Dimitri and Edelgard's eyes whenever he saw them stiffly interact with one another. Something in his unconsciousness always whispered that within the tension something was wrong, it wasn’t safe .
They were all approaching a year of studying at the monastery, and Claude only felt trepidation at the thought for a multitude of reasons. It was almost like a king wave was swiftly approaching, hanging over their unsuspecting heads and ready to uncaringly dunk them all into an unforeseen future. Maybe Claude was just cynical despite being forever hopeful, he had never lived in a place that hadn’t had a disaster strike almost every year.
In Almyra, he was used to facing assassination plots to remove him from the contest of becoming king, the bullying of his older half-brothers, the lack of helping hands outstretched towards him. He may supposedly be his fathers favourite, and he knew that his parents loved him, but it sure stung to not be shown it almost his entire life. He understood why more than anybody, but it never fully appeased the burn. He was left alone to crawl out of this pit others had dug as a grave for him, sheer refusal to lie down and die powering his escape even through unbeatable odds. If no one came to help him, fine. He can, and he will reach his goals on his own if need be.
He hadn’t been living in Fodlan for too long, only a few years, but even then hardships were not missable. Sneers and distrustful glares were of the normal, and his grandfather offered little support beyond training to become a worthy first class noble. He was likely still reeling over the loss of his son and heir, of his daughter fleeing decades prior and a mysterious boy claiming to be his grandson in her place. Or maybe he just didn't care for Claude in any capacity, he had no clue since he hardly talked with his grandfather. While nothing changed in the gains of having allies here, Claude was more than used to it at this point. Constantly having to watch his back no matter where he went was exhausting, but it was normality for Claude, and sometimes a tiny part of him feared he would never be able to cease the feeling of unwanted eyes burning his skin.
Claude was familiar with uncertainty, against feeling like an ant under peoples judgemental gaze. His life had always been seen as a losing battle, but he refused to ever let it end that way. Flying under the radar as someone destined to fail with every step he takes was something he would gladly accept, it worked in his favour to be underestimated, and he always loved to prove people wrong.
Since studying at the monastery, he had to admit things were both better and worse. He was cautious and vastly distrustful about the monastery despite knowing it was the next move forward, the attempted assassination of him and the other two soon to be ruling leaders certainly not aiding in those feelings. However, he had to admit that while those unwanted eyes still stung, it hurt less here. Even if he started making connections originally to further himself and his goals in the future, he had to admit he had made something similar to friends here. Something he had yearned for ever since he could understand what the word meant, what it entailed.
He never knew how having people who trusted him and relied on him felt like, and while it was a foreign feeling for a while, it was certainly a heart-warming one. While relying on someone seems to be an almost impossible habit to break, with every day passing Claude feels one step closer to it, of opening his heart little by little to gauge the reactions of those he values. He always knew having friendships logically was something he was missing, but he never knew how much he was missing when it came to friendships. Claude had a reputation for being mischievous and a flippant schemer, but it was nice to be appreciated by peers, and to return the same appreciation on a smaller note.
He wants to trust Hilda when she helpfully distracts Lorenz from another jarring tirade and list of complaints at Claude since he was deemed to be an 'unfit leader' for the Leicester Alliance. He wants to believe in all his Golden Deer, like when Lysithea attempted to give him cake in denied appreciation after he helped her with some classwork. In the way that he approaches Marianne in the stalls holding the monastery horses and wyverns to talk about their connection to animals, of how animals were easier companions in comparison to humans.
To how Raphael isn’t shy of crushing him in his arms in a hug after every successful mission they completed as a class, of how Ignatz shyly shows Claude a breathtaking drawing of an idea he had as a ‘Golden Deer made’ class banner specialised for their year. How Lorenz will begrudgingly make Claude tea when he sees him struggling with the weight of his class leader responsibilities, how Leonie gladly helps Claude repair his broken bows while they chat easily in the training grounds.
Claude had never had a friend before moving to Fodlan, and he could never deny that it was worth it just to meet people like his Golden Deer. Even if Lorenz switched between distrust and slightly approachable, even if Hilda was lazier than any person he had ever met before, they still treated him amicably. He had made core memories here, and while he wasn’t so enthused about being forced into a school that dabbled in matters that seemed to be clouded in carefully hidden circumstances, he was grateful for those who he had met.
It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though, and now there was more blood on his hands he would never be able to rid himself of because of this place. Sure, most of the missions he had been on were merely monotonous, especially considering Teach and the Blue Lions seemed to get the worst of it. Still, though, he could never forget when Teach finally buckled under his relentless suggestions and concealed pleading in the form of jests and teasing to let him join the Blue Lions for one mission.
Remire village was a nightmare he’d never wish upon anyone.
Despite being talented with a bow and his mind deftly providing plans that rolled with the punches, he hadn’t had too much field experience when it came to full scale battles. Claude could remember the sweat, blood and ash that covered his hands, stained his pants, smeared in his hair. The desperate pleas and screams of innocent villagers for their aid against those they knew, those who had suddenly turned on them and become mindless puppets of violence. Their own librarian, or better known as Solon, stared down at them from a vantage point, sickening grin displaying his twisted mind. Claude remembered talking to him, Claude remembered receiving information from him, about the immaculate one.
Claude wasn’t sure what to think about that entire situation anymore.
The fact that innocent blood was upon his hands made his stomach twist, even if it was the only way to protect countless other innocent villagers. He remembered coming back to the monastery, cleaning himself of the soot, blood and sweat staining him. No matter how many times he scrubbed his hands, scrubbing the dried blood and ash from under his fingertips and nails, he always felt like they weren’t one hundred percent clean.
He remembered the barely contained horrified looks on everyone's faces as they battled and battled, the delirious look in Dimitri’s eyes, the unrestrained fury seeping out of him with every brutal swipe of his lance.
Claude had never seen Dimitri like that before, was unsure what had come over him. He always knew that with the other two leaders, there was more than meets the eye. With Edelgard, she seemed prepared to do anything despite the consequences if it meant reaching her goal, and she wasn't shy in voicing her opinion. The jests in The Battle of The Eagle and Lion were barely contained threats disguised as banter, and Claude more than anyone was not daft enough to not realise that. With Dimitri, his perfect princely persona never added up with Felix’s perception of the ‘boar’, with the determination belying his rigorous training in the training grounds. Claude had found it easy to converse with Dimitri unlike Edelgard, naturally drifting towards the prince in hopes that they could get along, that they could in the future further each other's ambitions.
Beyond that though, Claude liked to believe they were friends… Maybe tilting on a realm a bit different than that. The prince, someone easy and fun to tease and flirt with. He remembered catching him in the library on late nights, how they at first silently reviewed their literature separately. All until Claude broke the ice and started a conversation when he had lost focus, and from then they often conversed whenever they saw each other in the library. That escalated with Claude’s pestering to join the Blue Lions on a single mission, Claude half convinced Dimitri had said something to the professor. Whether that helped or not, who knew with Teach.
Their friendship continued throughout the year, even a healthy rivalry in The Battle of The Eagle and Lions, Claude finding the sting of losing soothed just a tad by knowing it was Dimitri that had won. By seeing the triumphant smile on his face, sharing the joy with his class, his excitement at the feast at the dining hall.
Then, there was the ball. It was fun but certainly not Claude's cup of tea, he loved feasts but he wasn’t so keen on stuffy noble celebrations, or being the centre of attention. It seemed Dimitri shared his hesitation towards such festivities, hence how they met each other outside of where the main celebration took place. Claude had taken his leave to simply wander around the monastery grounds, finding that in his mindless wandering he had meandered towards the Goddess Tower. Claude knew of the whispered rumours, but he honestly had no desire to go up there except to possibly see the view of the night sky.
What he didn’t expect was Dimitri to enter his vision by exiting the goddess tower looking pensive, wheat like hair and sapphire eyes turned soft by the moonlight. Obviously never one to turn up an opportunity to tease Dimitri, he slyly questioned if he went up there to fulfil the rumours about the Goddess Tower.
Dimitri confessed that he doubted the Goddess had any influence over the building, insinuating he doubted the Goddess’ benevolent existence at all.
Colour Claude surprised, and intrigued.
Slightly off kilter from that response, but curious nonetheless, Claude invited Dimitri to join him on his walk around the monastery before returning to the festivities. Their walk was peaceful, the hint of music and joyful voices echoing down the vast and empty walls of the monastery grounds. Between them they shared nonconsequential banter, something easy they often fell into with one another. Claude pushed and teased with his mischievous nature, and Dimitri either flustered or returned the teasing back, albeit sometimes awkwardly.
It was once they came back closer to the festivities that Claude felt hesitation. He didn’t really want to go back, he’d only be dancing with faces he would hardly remember. He understood with his position in the Alliance that he was expected to uphold traditions such as attending these sort of events and play nice behind his facsimile of a smile, but Claude had always been a bit of a rule breaker. However, he supposed a dance didn’t sound horrible at the time, he always found dancing quite fun. Well, maybe not formal ball dancing, but dancing in general still had its appeal.
Pondering this, Claude held out his hand and asked Dimitri if he’d like to dance with him, the moonlight illuminating the grass of the courtyard they were standing upon, the resonant music loud enough to grace their ears to allow them a melody to sway to.
Just the two of them, away from prying and judgemental eyes, away from the whispers on their character and their importance, away from the crushing pressure of being a leader, or prince, amongst peers.
Dimitri, despite his eyes widening and his cheeks flushing a slight pink like the soft petals of the assorted flowers littering the inside of the monastery gardens, accepted Claude’s request.
It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t like any revelations happened while dancing with the crown prince of Faerghus under the benign gaze of the stars. However, Claude’s eyes couldn’t seem to move away from Dimitri’s own, noticing how the regular blues had become a more subtle grey to reflect the present moonlight, their hands joined together with Claude’s own hand enveloped by Dimitri’s larger one, the unforgiving coolness of a metal gauntlet a familiar presence. Claude, in this little pocket of time with the two of them attempting something at a successful dance, felt his restless heart settle. Just a private moment, where they could do something a little silly together, and Claude couldn’t help but smile.
It was small, but it was a more genuine gesture of his happiness than he had displayed in a long time.
Claude still cherished the thought of that night, even if it was inconsequential and unimportant, even if it were just two princes, one hidden and one in plain sight, having a moment of playful joy together.
Still, Claude had always been more perceptive than others, always had to be to survive, and that led to him realising there was always more than meets the eye when it came to Dimitri. This was only confirmed when his perfect facade seemed to crack more and more as months went by as seen by the mistiness in his eye, a foggy cloud over his mind. More often than not, Dimitri seemed slightly off kilter, a little ill as others from the Blue Lions class had claimed.
It didn’t deter Claude from interacting with Dimitri, especially since he usually seemed to be stable whenever they spent time with one another, but Claude couldn’t deny he was conflicted. On one hand, he treated Dimitri with unconscious care regarding certain situations, especially those surrounding Edelgard for some particular reason, but he was endlessly curious to get to know the whole Dimitri. Just because Dimitri had a few skeletons in his closet, and in all honesty who didn’t in a place like this, didn’t mean Claude was going to draw away from him like everyone else had been, isolating the prince.
Claude was never under the impression Dimitri was perfect, unlike others here.
Whether for their safety, for their Highnesses safety, or just a natural response of being unsure how to proceed, Claude wondered when he saw the Blue Lions interact more stiffly with their eventual king. Claude had observed the Blue Lions, observant eyes trailing after the group of supposed childhood friends. It was something new to Claude, to see someone in a position similar to him, a prince, have people in his corner, friends who had lasted since childhood. Claude at first was slightly envious, but one hushed conversation over a barely lit candle and dusty books strewn between him and Dimitri revealed that it wasn’t as ideal as it seemed.
Dimitri had quietly admitted to being tired of holding up pretences in front of people he trusted more than anyone, of hating being referred to by his title and not his name by people he considered his closest adversaries. How isolated he felt from his peers and friends by the pressure of the crown hanging over his head like an unwanted curse, crushing him bit by bit until he could no longer hold himself up anymore and succumbed to the weight of his responsibilities.
Dimitri paused once he noticed Claude's break in character, eyes widened and reflecting the flickering candlelight within the green, mouth slightly parted in surprise at the heavy admittance from someone who never complained. Claude couldn’t help it, he wasn’t expecting Dimitri to confess something like this, and it pulled at Claude’s heartstrings because while the circumstances surrounding them were different, he understood to a certain level how Dimitri felt. Regaining himself, Dimitri apologised, clearly regretting ever opening up and moving to bid Claude goodnight and make a hasty getaway.
Claude had always been quick, swift and dexterous in mental and physical power, so he didn’t allow Dimitri to run. Instead, he grabbed his hand from over the table and held them within his own, the non malleable material of metal lightly scraping against the calluses on his hands, but Claude ignored it. Instead, Claude confessed that he understood the feeling of being isolated, that it hurt so much more than was describable, although not wording it quite that dramatically. He wasn’t entirely sure what spurred such honesty from him, although it's not like he revealed anything detrimental or even anything ground breaking about his identity, but still.
Claude was hardly ever honest about feelings like those and the drowning pressure he lived through, had never had much of a chance too, had always been told to hold his head high and fight through the pain lest people think he was weak. But to have someone like Dimitri to confess and understand how he felt, someone regarded as strong, a perfect leader… It was bittersweet, cathartic in a way but underlyingly melancholic.
The two of them stared at each other, a wave of understanding and an unspoken empathetic connection linking them. Claude was still Claude, however, and easily changed the topic of conversation that was teetering on a meaningfulness Claude hadn’t encountered before, and it was always better to deflect and ponder over his feelings later. Before the topic was completely dismissed in favour of something more light-hearted, something more in character, Claude made a promise that he would remain Dimitri’s friend, wouldn't isolate him like the rest just because he was eventually going to become king.
Maybe it's because he was a fellow leader, but Claude could see that Dimitri had believed him.
Always one to wear his heart on his sleeve, and always one to be unabashedly honest, that Dimitri. Quite the opposite to Claude, and yet Claude was all the more appreciative because of it. Dimitri was a nice change from anyone Claude had ever met, a break from the smoke and mirrors of people after his head simply because of his existence.
Sighing into the night at such a grim turn of thoughts and his brain's unwillingness to stop thinking even despite the harsh frigidness of the very early morning, Claude grabbed a pebble hiding within the grooves of the wood of the dock and tossed it into the monastery pond. He watched it make impact with a tiny splash, watching the still water ripple around the disturbance, the night sky twisted and warped via the break in the water's reflection. Eyes never leaving the water, Claude let his hand skim across the wooden boards for another displaced pebble, twisting it between his fingers.
Right as the rock hit the water, Claude heard something shift behind him. Freezing like a deer under a hunter's trained eye, Claude let his palm that was casually searching for another rock on the dock shift to his boot, a dagger hidden within the heel. The voice assuring him that it could just be someone safe from the monastery was drowned out by hisses of panic, that the monastery wasn’t safe, not if their own librarian who had been there for years was a monster. Feeling that anxiety rise with the near soundless shift of a boot against the stone of the monastery floor before the dock, Claude felt his mind run a mile a minute, acid turning inside his stomach like venom.
The monastery isn’t safe, he was stuck on the dock which limited his escape route, but that's okay, he can jump in the pond and swim if the person tries to attack him. Maybe he can drag the person into the water, he’s fast, he could get away.
If he wasn’t sitting on the dock, feeling the wood shift underneath him, he’d barely be able to hear the person approaching him. They were scarily silent, certainly skilled if they were an assassin, Claude uncertain he would have even noticed their presence if he wasn’t used to it.
As his hand started to clench around his boot to withdraw his dagger, that's when he heard the sound drifting in the faint light and noise around the monastery, only his lantern and the sound of crickets greeting anyone awake.
“Claude?”
Inhaling, Claude let his hand loosen along with the anxiety gripping his throat, cutting off his breath. Placing his hand back on the dock behind him, Claude twisted to the side to see Dimitri standing right behind him, causing Claude’s nails to lightly drag against the wood of the dock in surprise. He was so much closer than I realised, just how quietly can Dimitri move in his uniform? Claude wondered silently, unsettled by being caught off guard. Maybe my senses have dulled, I need to work on that.
Blue eyes shining despite his back to the moon, Dimitri stared down at Claude with an indescribable expression, the darkness under his eyes increasing in depth every second that ticked by, much like Claude’s. Claude felt like he was being looked through, but not like Dimitri could see his inner self, but as if he plainly wasn’t there. Wanting to dispel this awkward and tense energy, Claude mustered up his usual smile to greet his friend.
“Hey, your Princeliness,” Claude’s head tilted to the side, braid falling from behind his ear and hanging by the side of his face, gold illuminated by the dying light of the lantern. “Didn’t expect to see you here on such a lovely night. Couldn’t sleep?”
Dimitri blinked, severing whatever thoughts were going on behind that brain of his and instead looking out at the monastery pond, as if it held the answers to whatever his mind required. Claude wished to reach out for him for just a moment, to take him away from wherever his thoughts held him. Claude spent a significant portion of his time stuck in his head, he doesn’t want that for Dimitri, especially on a night like this.
“Yes, I suppose,” Dimitri finally answered, eyes not drifting from the pond's close imitation of the celestial sky, “Were you unable to rest either, Claude?”
“Something like that. Thought I’d enjoy the morning before I have to ‘help’ Hilda with cleaning the library tomorrow. Or today, I guess, heh.” Claude turned back to sitting on the dock properly, feet once again tapping at the surface level of the water in a careless pattern. He side eyed the prince, fingers tapping against the grain of wood in a rhythm, expelling the strained air.
Silence overtook the space again, but it was far from relaxing like Claude was attempting before. Now, the freezing pond that was once bringing a nice biting cold had been brought to his attention as painfully numbing, his distaste for the cold flaring back up stronger than ever. Withdrawing his legs from hanging over the edge of the dock, Claude reached for his socks he’d carelessly tossed inside his boots.
Claude didn’t wish for Dimitri to leave, but he seemed more ill than usual tonight. Maybe it was because their mission was fast approaching, just a few days away. Maybe it was because whatever had been plaguing him seemed to be reaching a precipice, and he’s not sure anyone was ready for the breaking point, especially Dimitri himself.
“Hey,” Dimitri looked over, watching Claude’s hand pat the space next to him on the wooden boards of the dock, “why don’t you join me down here? I promise I won't bite.” Sensing Dimitri’s hesitation, Claude smiled, although it felt far from real, slipping his socks and boots back onto his feet to hopefully warm himself up from the numbness, even just a tad. As he crossed his legs to sit comfortably on the edge of the dock, Claude couldn’t stop his mouth from speaking as his fingers curled upon another stone hidden within the grooves of the dock.
“Don’t you want to keep me company?”
Across the water, Dimitri’s disfigured mirroring reached closer to Claude’s and settled beside him, and when Claude dropped the stone in the water between them, their colours blended and mixed together. The ripples distorted them further, blurred and becoming unknown, but the gentle disturbance mingled their figures. The blue and yellow of their capes dancing within the ripples, never turning green, but always grazing past one another.
Claude was mesmerised, especially with the stars making streaky halos around their heads, crowns of ethereal midnight softened by the early morning silky waves. Slowly a lull came to the pond, their reflections still but never quite perfect as seen by streaking light in their eyes, the wavy outlines of their bodies. He wondered if that’s what his perceptible mask looked like, his fake smiles just a smidge unnatural and blurred around the edges, the way his eyes seemed bright but never with mirth.
The misshapen form displayed out in the pond next to his made Claude’s stomach twist uncomfortably. It felt like a somewhat realistic portrayal to how Dimitri was faring the past week more specifically, how his mask was slipping and fogging up his perfect persona but becoming more unstable. How everything was just that bit unfocused, just a little more lifeless. Claude searched for another stone to chuck at the Dimitri in the pond, wishing for it to dissipate and wash away. He didn’t want his princely act, but he didn’t want that murkiness that haunted over Dimitri’s shoulders like beckoning hands, taking pieces of him away until he’s hollow.
Claude’s hand bumped into the unforgiving material of a metal gauntlet instead of a pebble, causing for him to cease his active searching. He felt the way that the point of contact between his pinkie finger and the metal shifted from the flinching cold of the night to be more pleasant. He wondered if Dimitri’s hands were cold just like his gauntlets he hid them with, or if underneath they were warm enough to thaw out Claude’s own freezing ones.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hm?”
“I do wish to keep you company, but I’m afraid I have not been adequate company as of late.”
Claude snorts, wiggling his pinkie against the side of Dimitri’s gauntlet where his pinkie is. “Why do you think that, your Princeliness? You’re always great company.” Claude leaned on his hand, bumping their shoulders together playfully, Dimitri barely budging, Claude feeling the warmth of Dimitri’s arm for a miniscule second, yearning for something besides the frigid morning air.
“I was surprised to find you at the pond,” Dimitri spoke quietly, ignoring Claude’s previous question. Claude didn’t mind the easy diversion to his probing question, was more interested in what Dimitri had just said.
“Oh, were you looking for me?” Claude’s smile became more of a teasing smirk, leaning on his arm to the side and observing the way Dimitri’s eyes trailed his reflection, avoiding his very real eyes staring right at him and instead appreciating reflected greens.
“Yes,” Dimitri admitted, ever honest unlike himself, “but I didn’t expect you here. It took me a while to find you.”
“Wow, I’m honoured you went searching for me.” Claude was, it was a nice feeling. Knowing Dimitri braved the cold just to find Claude and talk to him, although he supposed the cold felt like nothing to Dimitri. Claude had learnt that people from Faerghus were built differently when it came to snow and frost. Still, though, Claude couldn’t help but wonder why Dimitri had gone searching for him if he couldn’t sleep.
“Why are you surprised I’m here? I know I’m not Teach, but is it that unusual to think of me fishing?” Claude jokingly imitated throwing out a line with a painstakingly neutral face, reeling in his fake catch and giving a thumbs up. Claude had seen Teach fishing at all times of the day, face always unchanging whenever getting a catch, and always handing it away to the kitchen hands with a thumbs up. Either that, or aloofly carrying the squirming fish into the kitchen themselves.
It was definitely strange, but he supposed that word encompassed everything that surrounded Teach anyway.
Dimitri smiled, a little crack in the demeanour from before. “Yes, the professor certainly does have a talent for fishing.” Dimitri’s gaze turned down to their hands, pinkies pressed against each other, the metal of the gauntlet shining brightly in the moonlight. “I thought you’d be in the library because of the temperature. Aren’t you cold, Claude?”
Claude hummed in agreement, silently pleased that Dimitri would remember a little unimportant factoid about him. Dimitri certainly wasn’t wrong, he was freezing and it was less than agreeable when he originally accepted it, and he did hate the cold with a passion. Plus, usually he’d be roaming the library trying to uncover every little secret that was trying to hide within the cracks of the bookshelves. He supposed it was quite odd for him to be at the monastery pond, especially considering the time of day and the weather of the winter season.
Pulling his hand away from Dimitri’s, Claude reached forward and skimmed the back of his hand against the water. “Well, you’re not wrong,” Claude admitted, Dimitri watching the motion as Claude reached up. Gently wiping the back of his wet palm against Dimitri’s cheek, Claude grinned. “It is pretty cold, isn’t it?”
“Claude,” Dimitri tried to capture his hand before it retreated, but Claude was faster and returned it back to its place on the dock, feigning ignorance from the baffled look Dimitri sent him. Claude had seen the way Dimitri hadn’t even flinched against the frozen wetness of his damp hand, slightly jealous of his freeze resistance. Instead, in place of a flinch was a satisfying rosiness, whether from the drastic temperature change or the fluster from Claude’s teasing who knew. Claude liked to believe it was a little mixture of both.
“The cold was nice at first, but now I’m kind of freezing.”
“I see.” Dimitri placed his gloved fingertips upon his cheek where Claude had touched before reaching for his blue cape, unfastening it and holding the royal blue fabric within his hands. “I’d hate for you to get sick, Claude. Please, use my cape to keep warm.” Dimitri held out his cape to Claude in offering, and Claude laughed as his chest tingled and his cheeks warmed in comparison to the chilly air. Taking Dimitri’s cape, Claude loosely wrapped it around his shoulders, appreciating the extra fabric to keep him warm.
“Thanks, your Princeliness. Can always count on you, can’t I?”
Dimitri smiled, small but earnest in nature. Claude felt Dimitri’s hand return to the dock right beside his, his cool gauntleted pinkie lightly laying over his. Ignoring the steely cold, Claude curled his pinkie, intertwining their linked fingers silently. They both remained silent, eyes drifting up towards the stars blinking up in the inky sky.
“Do you ever wish to get away from the monastery?”
Claude hummed in response to Dimitri’s question. It seems the contemplative air of the night wasn’t exclusive to Claude. It was likely one of the reasons why Dimitri couldn’t sleep, one of the reasons why he searched for Claude in the first place. It was a bit surprising, Dimitri had skirted around any intense or deep topics since his mask had started slipping, but it certainly wasn’t unappreciated.
“Sometimes,” Claude answered honestly, their little bubble spurring forth some harmless truths. “It’d be nice to be somewhere warmer.” He felt Dimitri’s pinkie shift within their hold, sending tingles up his arm. Shifting the cape further up, he hid half his face under Dimitri’s cape, the fluster of his cheeks warming up the fabric. Claude curled his finger further, wishing the gauntlet was replaced by Dimitri’s hand. Although Claude supposed he shouldn’t be picky, it’s nice to just be suspended together in time for a little while, having little confessions about their worries to one another.
“I’m glad I came here, though. I got to meet some pretty interesting people, like all our classmates. Not just them, but you too, your Princeliness. You’re definitely fun to tease, and you’re always nice to chat with even if you can be a little too uptight.” Claude joked with a smile, once again bumping his shoulders with Dimitri amicably, blue eyes lit up a moonlit grey watching him return to his place with fond exasperation. “What about you?”
Dimitri paused, smile shifting into something contemplative. Claude returned his eyes to the stars while he waited, allowing Dimitri his time to think over the question. He was clearly working over his answer in his mind, so Claude took solace in the sky. It had always been something he could rely on, no matter where in the world he was.
Comforting, tangible and consistent.
Claude had never taken much interest in his crest before coming to Fodlan, mostly because no one in Almyra talked about them. In Fodlan, however, it was a convenient way to get himself into a position of power, to further his goals of finally creating a place where everyone can be accepted. Still, he couldn’t help but acknowledge the aesthetic appearance of the half crescent moon shining above him whenever it activated in battle, even if the power of his crest made him nauseous.
Claude wondered idly if he and Dimitri were drawn to one another, since their crests imitated the night sky.
The moon and the stars.
“The monastery has been an invaluable experience towards my goals. I’m also glad to have met you, Claude, but I am a bit hesitant to call the monastery a happy experience. The missions have never been easy, and innocent blood now lies upon my hands because of the missions we have been forced on. Being a leader is difficult, especially now that everyone is looking at me to fulfil my role as prince, yet look at me like I'm some sort of animal that needs supervision. Even if I do deserve it…”
Dimitri paused in his bitter musings, staring at their reflection in the water for a little before continuing. “Ah, but I do not wish to sound ungrateful. This opportunity really is something I should appreciate more, even if my time at the monastery has given me mixed feelings.”
“Dimitri,” Claude called, unlinking their pinkies so he could properly join their hands together. He squeezed, feeling how the metal of Dimitri’s metal gauntlet didn’t budge an inch, digging harshly into his hand. Once again, Claude silently wished for it to be his hand and not his gauntlet, but he didn’t dare voice the request. Their little bubble didn’t feel so secure anymore, a small alarm in the back of Claude's brain reminding them that anyone could be listening right now despite the time. He’s unsure how compassionate Rhea would be if she heard them bad mouthing the monastery and everything surrounding it. He’s always been one to push boundaries, but he wasn’t willing to drag Dimitri into his schemes, especially if there were consequences.
He’s unsure of how many other disguised figures had wheedled themselves within the monastery. Claude severely doubted it was just their librarian, and the thought of them listening in made Claude's skin crawl.
“My apologies, Claude.”
“There’s nothing to apologise for, Dimitri,” Claude responds honestly. Sighing, Claude let his eyes scan their environment, once again ensuring that there weren’t figures listening in unwanted, that no one was lurking to disrupt this moment between them. Once satisfied with his sweep of the grounds of the monastery around the dock, Claude returned his eyes to Dimitri’s.
“The monastery hasn’t been kind to you or your class. Those missions…” Claude felt his distaste seep through a little too much by the way his nose twitched and mouth pulled down. His fingers itched, the feeling of unclean blood and ash stuck underneath his fingernails resurfacing despite it having been months since Remire. The shift of Dimitri’s hand twitching slightly within his made his thoughts rewire back onto track. “I’m sure they’ve been less than ideal, especially from what I saw. There’s nothing wrong with being upset with what’s happened, or expressing how you feel about it. I know it's not much, but you know you’ve always got me in your corner.”
Claude let his eyes drift away, finding himself uncharacteristically bashful. He was glad it was dark, only the soft light of the nearly burnt out candle to illuminate the way his cheeks became a tinge rosy underneath the cloak of Dimitri’s cape turned blanket. Claude added, in a whisper barely gracing the open air, “I know the positives are limited, but I’m glad I’m considered one of them.”
It was again something that wasn’t going to ruin any of his plans, but it felt like such a heavy admission. Opening up has never been easy, it still isn’t, and Claude sometimes fears it never will be. Moments like these, though, with heartfelt admissions shared between two people tilting on the edge of something namelessly more than friends, he let just a piece of his heart go with someone he’s growing to truly trust.
Being considered a positive amongst the negatives, of something even worth considering as someone memorable makes his heart beat out of its usual sync. Claude’s never been special, always a nuisance, always a hurdle in someone's way. The bane of many peoples existences. Claude had his reservations about the monastery much like Dimitri, but making people he could consider friends was invaluable.
Being considered as valuable to others was a crucial experience to make his dreams come to fruition, but it still made him happy to know that he was appreciated.
Being valuable to Dimitri made his pulse beat a smidge faster, his heart warm in contentment, his stomach swirl in an encompassing feeling. He needed to analyse it, understand what made his stomach feel as if there was a school of unruly fish splashing about, why his heart yearned to be in Dimitri's proximity specifically because he simply wanted to. How he wanted Dimitri’s attention. It was foreign, overwhelming and a little scary, but it was so pleasant.
Claude wished it wouldn’t end.
He knew better though.
“Claude… I’m sure you had your reasons for coming to the monastery, as do I, but still. In the end I’m glad I came to the monastery, because I was fortunate enough to meet someone captivating like you.”
Claude felt his eyes widen in unbridled shock, unable to tear his eyes away from the blueish grey staring back, lips up tilted and affectionate. Feeling his ears heat up, his usual silver tongue betrayed him, words getting jumbled and lodged in his throat as he managed to choke out a startled, “what?”
“You’ve always been enchanting since our first battle together against those bandits. You can so easily break down the bridges between classmates and houses unlike me. You’re adaptable when fighting and it’s fascinating to watch how you can hit anything with perfect precision in the training grounds. I’ve never met anyone quite like you, Claude, and I’m forever thankful that at least I’ve met you through this experience.”
Claude let out a breathless laugh, head tilted to the side and eyes crinkling as he brought up his hand to the royal blue fabric by his cheeks which were alit by the warmth of Dimitri’s words. Dimitri always had a way of striking Claude right in his chest, words always earnest, always heartfelt and honest. So unlike himself, and yet he couldn’t deny how he could hear his heart thumping in his ears, or how jittery his insides felt. Dimitri may be uptight and often awkward, but he was never a liar, so that meant the impact of his words only hit harder.
“Where’d you come up with all of that? I think Sylvain’s flirtation skills are finally rubbing off on you.”
More quietly to himself, he murmured, “Goddess forbid you’re like this on a daily basis, you’d have more people swooning for you left and right, your highness .”
“I was simply being honest,” Dimitri concluded without a trace of being affected which Claude couldn’t fathom, since he’d be eternally burning of embarrassment had he said such a thing to Dimitri in return like that. Dimitri’s soft smile tilted a nudge more jokingly as he continued with, “although, if all my words are being misconstrued as substanceless flirtations, maybe it is a cause for concern and that Sylvain’s behaviour has influenced me more than I’d like.”
Claude couldn’t hold back small laughter, almost wanting to roll his eyes despite the smile he couldn’t seem to repress. He was almost surprised that Dimitri had spoken so openly about Sylvain’s clear deceptiveness when it came towards his flirting, although he likely already knew that Claude was perceptive enough to have already picked up on that.
“Never change, your Princeliness. The world wouldn’t nearly be as interesting if you were to become a Sylvain clone.”
“You find me interesting?”
“Of course, who wouldn’t? No one else would say those words so boldly, your Princeliness. Either your obliviousness outlives yourself, or you’ve got more courage than you know what to do with. Your honesty knows no bounds, it seems.”
Of course Claude found Dimitri interesting, although he would describe his interest slightly differently. More accurately, it was like the crown prince of Faerghus was like a puzzle, the pieces constructing the perfect story book prince, except a few of the remaining pieces wouldn’t fit no matter the circumstances. It was those holes in the image of royal perfection that Claude found interesting and gave a more realistic and three dimensional being that Claude wanted to get to know.
“Say, wouldn’t it be interesting to see each other in the future? You know, to really see if you’ve changed or not. I’ve got to see if you’ve remained your gold old princely self, you know?”
Dimitri paused, let out a soft laugh that lacked humour, more astounded. “Ah, it’s funny you would say something like that.”
“Oh? And why’s that?”
“Well, I made a similar promise to the Professor and the rest of the Blue Lions class. That we would all return to the monastery in five years time for a class reunion.”
Claude felt his braid hanging by his cheek as he tilted his head, the teasing air dispelled between them for something different, more inquisitive. “Oh, already making promises, I see?”
“Yes,” Dimitri smiled, “I think it’d be something nice to look forward to, especially with how things will likely change in the next five years. I likely will not get a lot of time to see any of my friends or the Professor once I’ve graduated.”
Claude hummed in understanding, a bittersweet understanding. Claude would know better than anyone that everything would never remain long term. “Yeah, I guess that’s true. All the more reason to make promises like that though, right?”
“Yes, exactly.”
Both Claude and Dimitri let their thoughts settle in their shared pause.
“We should make the same promise, Claude. We may not get many opportunities to see each other.”
Claude huffed out a soundless laugh. It was a fact that Dimitri had spoken, but knowing that having friends wasn’t going to last forever was becoming more of a bitter realisation the longer Claude spent time in Fodlan.
“What, for just us two to meet here in five years time?”
“Yes. Five years from now, we should meet each other back here. It will be another thing to look forward to.”
Claude watched with interest as Dimitri moved, heart beating more noticeably in his chest after Dimitri’s phrasing of their promise. Dimitri shifted his hand from Claude’s, Claude silently mourning the loss of the warmth he had accumulated against the hard metal of Dimitri’s gauntlet through their hand holding. Instead, Dimitri held out his hand, pinkie extended out with what Claude learnt to be a signal for making a promise.
It was silly, the entire situation. Claude couldn’t help but smile, lips smoothly stretched and up tilted, eyes crinkled and vibrant greens gleaming with the residual fading moonlight graced upon them.
“Yeah, okay. I promise to meet you here in five years, your Princeliness.”
Linking their fingers together in a metaphorically bonded agreement, the two house leaders tied themselves to a meeting in the future. They stared at each other for a moment, and Claude wondered if Dimitri’s eyes would still reflect the light of the room so easily in his blues. If his smile would still be small but charming, reassuring in a way Claude couldn’t quite place. If he would still have his honesty, or if five years would change him.
A part of him couldn’t wait to find out.
Another was hesitant, fearful to see the changes that would inevitably occur.
Their moment was broken by the noise akin to the scuff of boots, Claude retracting from Dimitri in the blink of an eye and instead staring into the dark to locate the figure that made the noise. He felt that fight or flight response flare up again, but on a much more muted note due to the other sitting besides him. Claude could easily defend himself, having done so before on many occasions, but he was convinced he and Dimitri could definitely defeat whatever monster that could ambush them within the monastery walls.
Another figure approached the two house leaders on the dock, early in the morning and apparently ready to fish.
“Professor?”
“Oh, hey Teach. Isn’t it a bit early to start fishing?”
Byleth’s deadpan face came more into view, glancing down at the two house leaders at the end of the dock. Despite their lips straight and facial expression neutral, they seemed surprised to see both Claude and Dimitri at the docks in such freezing weather, at such an early time in the morning.
“I like to fish early in the morning. It’s quiet.” Byleth looked up at the sky, Claude unintentionally following their gaze and noticing the slight brightening of the sky. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but it was clear that it wasn’t too far off doing so. The stars that were twinkling so brightly like jewels were slowly fading away, although still hanging on to presence.
Guess that’s one way to evade sleep, Claude thought humourlessly, finding himself unsurprised by the situation.
“It’s past curfew,” Byleth supplied when no one said anything to continue their conversation, statement factual but acting more as a question. What are you two doing here so early in the morning? Was effectively what they were trying to ask.
Ever the one to evade questioning, Claude stood to his feet and mimicked dusting his pants, holding out his hand for Dimitri to take afterwards. “Yeah, sorry, Teach. Time flies when you’re having fun, as they say. We should get back to the dorms before class starts. Don’t want to sleep in and be late, right? Don’t want you to blame me for your class leader coming to your lecture late.”
Grasping Claude’s hand, Dimitri pulled himself and gave a cordial bow to their professor. “Apologies, Professor. As Claude mentioned, we hadn’t realised how much time had passed. I’ll make sure to get to class on time.”
Byleth stared at them both in silence, Claude looking to the side to avoid eye contact. Sometimes it felt as if Professor Byleth could see through them, look directly at their souls and assess them. Claude always found it peculiar, disturbed because Teach shouldn’t know him on any level deeper than shallow water, but fascinated because the reasons behind why Byleth’s eyes feel like they’re searching his soul is unknown.
With a nod, Byleth accepted their reasoning. Wishing Byleth a good… morning, both house leaders made their way off the dock from the monastery pond, a quiet, “get some rest,” following after them as final parting words from their professor.
They quietly walked back to the dorms, Claude yawning and stretching his arms up high as if reaching for the fading stars before placing them behind his head in nonchalance. Belatedly, Claude realised he had forgotten his lantern back at the dock, but didn’t spend much time on the thought. Teach could use it to see while fishing, although I bet Teach could probably fish perfectly with their eyes closed.
Shaking his head, Claude turned his head towards Dimitri, observing him for a silent second, unsure of what to say. Fortunately, he didn’t have to.
“Thank you for talking to me, Claude. It was nice to spend my morning talking to you.”
“You’re the one who went and found me and kept my company. Really, I should thank you for making my night, or well, morning, more interesting.”
“Ah,” both of them stopped right by Claude’s door, Dimitri bashfully saying, “I’m sorry if I disturbed you from a moment alone.”
Claude let his hand rest upon the doorknob leading into his room. Half of him didn’t want to enter, instead continuing this amicably quiet shared morning with Dimitri. The other half of him just wanted to crash onto his bed and finally warm up because he was half convinced he was half frozen from how long they’d been outside in the frosty morning air. A short cosy nap sounded heavenly, all tucked under his blankets like a caterpillar, letting his restless brain take a break for a little bit even if he is entirely capable of functioning with little sleep. He’d know, it’s not like he often sleeps for extended amounts of time.
“Don’t be,” Claude replied with a snort, “I just said you made my morning more interesting. Trust me, your company was welcome. When have I been known to lie?”
Dimitri stared at him, Claude noting how his unintentionally impression of Teach was almost spot on by how deadpan his face had gotten. Claude couldn’t help but snicker, covering his mouth to keep the volume down. Excuse you , he wanted to say, I may be known to be a trickster, but I am no liar.
Instead, the words were forgotten in the wake of Dimitri’s returning chuckles, quiet but lively.
Softly, they both shared a happy moment outside Claude’s dorm room. Before either of them could say another word though, a thump noise resounded from the room beside Claude’s, ominous and slightly threatening considering it came from Felix’s room.
Both house leaders gave each other a respective look.
“We should go to bed before someone catches us out in the hall.”
“I think that would be wise.”
Claude finally opened his door, about to step through and into his room before stopping. Turning back to Dimitri, he gave him a mischievous wink and a quick wave. Right before he closed his door to finally get comfortable and rest, even if it were only for a short period of time, Claude whispered, “Sweet dreams, your Princeliness.”
He luckily got to see the way Dimitri’s eyes face changed to be one of surprise, a very light pink traceable by the hallway candles before the door was completely shut.
With a yawn leading into a sigh, Claude made sure to take off his shoes before flopping onto his bed without much care, unfortunately feeling a book or two he carelessly left on his blankets stab into his ribs. Uncaringly pushing them into the floor for the time being, Claude lazily curled his blankets around himself as he finally closed his eyes to rest.
As he let his mind drift, always occupied and therefore hard to find the peace to rest, Claude couldn't help but reflect on his and Dimitri’s promise.
Yeah , Claude concluded fondly, definitely something to look forward to.